Undertow (9 page)

“Whatever you want. I’m not picky.”

I hung up the phone elated, and I immediately started going through my mental Rolodex of single guys. Lexy and I had talked in Mexico about how alone I always was, and she’d said she would try to get their team on a more family-friendly schedule. If Lexy had worked it so that she and Billy were home more, I was going to have to return the favor by setting her up on some dates.

Let’s see, there was Rain and Chuck…

March 5, 19--

Twins.

The doctor said I’m having twins.

I felt my heart drop to my feet, and I thought I might throw up.

Billy was going to be furious.

It had only taken a few weeks after the trip for me to notice something was different. I’d taken a home pregnancy test, and it lit up in less than a minute. At first I was sorry. Billy has been so sweet and attentive these last several weeks. He really listened when I said I was sad, and now I was going to have to tell him I was pregnant. He’d know it wasn’t an accident—especially after our fight before the trip. I’d all but threatened him, and I knew he knew what I was thinking.

I kept waiting for the right moment to tell him, but after another month, I noticed I was gaining weight faster than I had with Will. I thought it was just because it was my second pregnancy. I’d heard you started showing faster with number two, but I had to be sure. So I left Will with a sitter and made my doctor’s appointment. A quick physical exam, and I was sent back for an immediate ultrasound. Sure enough, two heartbeats. I needed help fast, so I grabbed the phone.

“Meg?” Lexy’s voice was instantly concerned. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, Lexy!” Suddenly I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “Help!”

“What is it?” she said. “What happened? Is Will okay?”

“I just left the doctor’s office. He said I’m having twins.”

“What?” For a moment she was confused, then instantly happy. “But that’s wonderful! Right? And wow. Twins.”

“Shh!” I hissed loudly, quickly unlocking my car and climbing inside. “Are you at work?”

“Where else? Your husband is a ruthless taskmaster. And now he says no overtime. I barely get a break.”

“He doesn’t know yet,” I said in a low voice.

“What? I thought you two had decided together—”

“No,” I snapped. “I did what you said and dropped the pills down the sink.”

“Wait,” her voice was nervous, and I could tell she was already changing the story on me. “Meg, no. Not that.”

“You told me to!”

“I also told you to volunteer or get a part-time job. This is not good.”

“Oh my god, Lexy!” Panic hit me hard, and I was almost in tears. “You can’t turn on me now! Billy’s never going to forgive me, and now it’s twins!”

“Calm down,” she said softly. I could hear her walking fast. “First, he will forgive you. He’ll be shocked, and he might be a little annoyed, but he will forgive you. Keep positive. Bill loves babies. Remember how happy he was when you were expecting Will?”

“But he thought that was an accident.” My voice was still a high-pitched whisper. “He’s going to know I did this on purpose.”

“How would he know? You’re being paranoid. Just act very surprised, maybe throw in a little shock, and say you have no idea how it happened. Blame Mexico and all the antibiotics you were taking.”

“It’s not going to work,” I said, trying to focus on the road. “He knows I wasn’t taking antibiotics. And we had a fight. I practically threatened him.”

“What?” I heard her frown.

“After you visited that day. I kept stewing about what you’d said, and we ended up having the biggest fight later on. I said I wanted a baby, and he said he’d be disappointed if I turned up pregnant… Oh, Lexy!”

“You never told me—”

“I know!” I cried, walking fast into the cottage. “He’s going to know I did it on purpose.”

“Now stop. Just stop, stop, stop. We’re talking about a baby here.”

“Babies!” I cried, throwing my purse on the counter and dropping into a chair.

“Well, still. It’s not like you got caught with another man. This is a good thing!”

“I need you to be here when I tell him.”

“No.” I could tell she was shaking her head. “I can’t do that. This is not my business.”

“It most certainly is! This was all your idea.”

“Meg! Stop saying that!” she cried. “I didn’t mean for you to actually do it!”

“Then why did you say it?”

“I don’t know! You were sad! I wanted to make you happy! I would’ve dressed up like Big Bird if that would’ve made you smile.”

“Please come over,” I pleaded, holding my face in my hand. “Just come over to see Will, and I’ll tell him when you’re in the other room. I just need you to be here in case he loses it.”

“Bill would never hurt you, especially not if you’re pregnant.”

“I know, but I’m scared. I need moral support, and you’re so brave.”

She exhaled loudly into the phone. “Okay. What time?”

It was a huge relief Lexy was coming. I decided to stop off at La Belle Monde and have a massage on the way to pick up Will. Since I’d talked to that doctor, I’d been completely clenched.

In the beginning, I’d felt a twinge of guilt for deceiving Billy with the pills and all, but I was convinced once he saw his new little son or daughter, all would be forgiven. Now that he’d been working so hard to be home and spending time with us, I wasn’t so sure. And I’d never expected to hit the jackpot.

Twins.

April 23, 19--

Time is supposed to be some great healer, but I think it’s all a lie.

I hate time.

Time is my enemy.

It’s a great, shapeless blob that expands and contracts depending on who’s controlling it.

I have to figure out what to do with it every day. When I’m not looking, it’s this sneaky presence that creeps in and says I’m getting older, and all my dreams are passing me by. Or it’s this empty space. This big empty space filled with nothing.

No one ever has any of it to give me, but I’ve always had more than my share to spend. And if I had all the time I’ve spent alone in my life, maybe I could use it to go back and start over and do everything differently.

Billy is so mad at me. He’s almost completely stopped coming home. I haven’t seen him in two weeks.

I can tell he’s been here to get clothes, and I can see he’s showered. But he never sleeps here. It’s like we’re separated, but somebody forgot to send me the notice. Do you even get a notice when you’re separated or is it something that just happens? I tried calling him once, but he would only answer my questions with Yes or No, and after listening to the hum of silence, I said goodbye.

How could what I’ve done be so bad? I can’t believe he’s so unhappy about having twins. I should be the one freaking out, but instead it’s him. He says it’s not about the babies, that he loves his children. He says it’s because I lied. I deceived him.

I don’t really get that, because when you’re married and you sleep together, you could always get pregnant. You’re supposed to be okay with that when you sign on the dotted line.

And here it comes again. Time. It just keeps passing. I started sleeping with little Will in his big boy bed until I got too big and uncomfortable. I’m growing like a giant whale, and these days it’s nonstop doctor’s appointments. I never had to go so much with Will. My back is killing me, and last week I was spotting. The doctor says I’ve got to go on bed rest, but I’m fighting that as long as I can.

Tonight for supper, Will and I dined on delicious leftovers. I’ve been cooking for three, but there’s only ever two to eat it. I can’t believe Billy won’t even come home long enough to see his son. Will doesn’t even ask about Daddy anymore. He’s so used to him being gone all the time.

I was so angry and sad after I’d tucked him in his little bed, I decided to take a long, hot bath. That’s where I was when I heard the door. My heart jumped.

“Billy!” I called as loudly as I could without disturbing Will. After a few minutes, he walked back into the bedroom and sat on the bed. “Billy, is that you?”

“It’s me,” he said.

A wave of happiness hit me so hard, I almost wept. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re here. Give me a second.”

I pulled myself out of the tub and quickly dried off, wrapping up in his robe. It was the only one that barely fit me now.

“You’re really growing,” he said.

I nodded. “I know. It’s kind of scary, but the doctor says I’m right on track.”

His eyes traveled up my body but stopped before they reached my face. “Do you feel bad?”

“I did, but I’m feeling a lot better now.”

I went over to sit beside him. He put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my forehead. My body trembled with need, and I was fighting tears. But the last thing I wanted was to start crying like a baby in front of him.

“Are you staying?” I asked quietly, afraid of his answer.

He nodded, and I reached my arms around his waist. I pressed my face on his shoulder to stop the tears. We stayed that way for a few minutes, and then he stood and started taking off his coat.

“Mama said we could move some of our stuff in the big house and live there after… after my delivery,” I said, watching him.

“I’d thought about that. I’ll get some of the guys to come over, and you can tell them where you want everything put.”

“I was thinking we don’t have to move everything. Just clothes and a few pieces of furniture. The beds. Will’s stuff.”

He nodded, continuing to change.

“Oh, Billy, are you ever going to forgive me?”

He stopped. “I just need some time.”

Then he went into the bathroom to shower, and I crawled up on the pillows. At least he was home. I could work with Time on this one.

Dec. 15, 19--

It’s been two months and three days since the babies were born, and I’m just getting my feet under me again. For the record, having twins is exhausting!

I’d never been so glad little Will was in school until I brought my two golden angels home and started caring for them. Before, I’d missed my little man. He was my constant companion. Now, I never stop moving.

Looking at their adorable faces, I wished we were at a point where I could hire a nanny. Things were coming together, and we were starting to have more money in the bank, but we were still tied to a budget. I guessed I’d have to wait. I couldn’t put that pressure on Billy at this stage in the game. Not now that he’d finally gotten over being so angry at me about the whole thing. I never expected that to last so long. I thought I’d lost him, and I’d been on my best behavior ever since.

John is a good little baby. We call him Jack, and he sleeps right on schedule and does exactly what he’s supposed to do. Lucy is constantly in motion. She cries when I put her down, she wakes her brother if I lay her too close to him, and then he screams. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a day at the spa. Mama came back from Sedona for the first several weeks, but after she left, it was just me and the babies. If only I had an extra pair of hands to help me all the time!

Billy was still working as much as ever, but at least he was coming home now. We still hadn’t slept together since the night I told him about the twins, not that I’d really felt much like that. I was just glad he wasn’t sleeping at his office anymore. That was the hardest two weeks of my life.

I’d been willing to take a chance on him being mad when I’d hatched my little plan, but I’d never meant for it to be like that. I wondered if the twins part made it worse. I wondered if I’d only been expecting one if he’d still have been so angry.

It didn’t matter. Things were getting back to normal, slowly but surely.

May 15, 19--

I know. I’m the worst Journal writer now, and I used to be so faithful!

I’m doing my best, but with all these babies, it’s hard to find time to write. Let me see, where are we now?

Spring.

It’s spring, and I’ve decided to try and get out with the twins more while Will is still in school. Three children is really two too many for one person, so I’m attempting to get back in circulation before summer comes. I have no idea what I’ll do then. Hire some teenager, I guess. Billy will just have to understand.

There’s nothing I love more than driving over to Newhope to stroll the blocks between Church and Section Streets and visit the French Quarter on De La Mare Avenue. The streets all have wide sidewalks that are adorned with native spring flowers, stargazer lilies, impatiens, and fresh-faced daisies. Newhope actually plans for flowers in their city budget, and the planners know how to decorate a town. They have flowers peeping out from behind every window, hanging from the streetlights and even around the trash cans.

It’s the happiest time of the year to be here, other than when they light up all the trees at Christmas, and with the babies asleep in the stroller, I can wander through the small shops and immerse myself in high fashion. Girls come from Atlanta and Charleston to open stores here catering to the tourists who vacation at the Grand Hotel in Clear Pointe, and they always have the most appealing selections.