Undertow: Building Sanctuary, Book Two (12 page)

It was the sort of comfort she’d dispensed a thousand times, and she’d never needed it herself more than she did at that moment.

Between the thrill of knowing Simone was safe and the agony of wondering if he’d lost her completely, Victor had forgotten one very important detail.

He no longer had a place to sleep.

Nightfall found him cradling a mug of coffee he’d brewed over the hearth in the common building, a blanket thrown over his shoulders in a pointless attempt to protect against the chill. It couldn’t protect against the icy misery of loneliness.

He was a fool.

Seamus put it more bluntly. “You’re a blooming asshole, Vic.”

The alpha didn’t ask if he could sit. Why would he? A bench scraped across the rough floor, and Victor glared over at the man who’d gotten him into this mess to begin with. “Maybe I’m not cut out for life on an island.”

“It can be confining,” Seamus agreed, holding out a shiny silver insulated bottle. “Rose sent you some hot soup. Thought you might need it.”

Popping the lid filled the room with the scent of rich broth and herbs. It would no doubt be delicious—the girl could cook so well the men would already be circling if she weren’t so clearly wary—but Victor would have traded it in a heartbeat to be back in that cabin, laughing over Simone’s slightly burned bunny stew.

Christ, he
was
an asshole. “I don’t trust myself with her.”

“Why?”

“I would have ripped the wizard’s arms off for touching her.”

Seamus snorted. “He wants her for his own. The urge is understandable.”

To men who’d been wolves for decades, perhaps. “Not to Simone.”

“Mmm.” His friend nodded slowly. “So she thinks you doubt her.”

Victor frowned. That possibility hadn’t even occurred to him. That she was scared of him was easy to believe. That she felt wary of the violence inside, the violence that led him to lash out. What woman wouldn’t be, especially when she’d been so poorly treated?

Seamus leaned forward. “Quit gaping at me and tell me what she did when you tried to pummel James.”

He struggled to remember. “Tried to get me to stop, I guess.”

“And do you think she did that for
his
benefit, or for yours?”

No, he wasn’t an asshole
or
a fool. He was an idiot. A self-absorbed one. “Fine, I get it.”

Seamus waved away his words. “Do you? You look at the wizard and you see a rival. Of course you do. But maybe Simone doesn’t understand that, because maybe he can’t compete with you at all.”

“I said
I get it
.” It came out as more of a snarl than he’d usually level at his alpha, but having his nose shoved into the truth like an errant puppy was less comfortable than taking a midwinter swim in the Penobscot Bay. “Leave off, Seamus. Or have you decided to give up being alpha in favor of matchmaking, after all?”

Seamus ground his teeth audibly as he rose. “The attitude has to go, Vic. You want me to mind my own fucking business, I will. But the woman in question is Joan’s best friend, and if you break her heart because you’re too proud to fix your problems, I’ll beat your ass.”

Less than two weeks on that island, and he’d already grown accustomed to being the alpha of a pack of two. Seamus wouldn’t hesitate to kick him back into line if necessary, even if a challenge would damage the feeling of safety they’d fought so hard to cultivate.

So Victor lowered his eyes. Not for long, just enough to acknowledge that his fight wasn’t with his alpha. “I understand.”

“Uh-uh, this isn’t your alpha talking. This is
me
, your friend, telling you that you can hate me for interfering if you want, but don’t fuck this up.”

Victor squared his shoulders and looked up. “I’ll try.”

“Then I’ll leave you alone.” He gestured to the bottle. “If you want more, Rose stashed it in the big kitchen. Last I heard, she was tending to Simone.”

Food wouldn’t hurt. It would settle his stomach and give him time to think. To steel his nerves for what he had to do next. “Where’s James?”

“At home. He’s well-equipped to handle his own recovery.”

James was the one of the few on the island who had his own home, but since more than half of it was given over to the infirmary and his medical supplies, no one begrudged him the privacy. At least it would make the coming confrontation easier.

Only Simone could make it worth it.

James answered his door on the fifth knock, with a good-sized glass of Scotch in one hand. “To what do I owe this honor?”

“Can I come in?”

The blond man stepped back with a sweeping gesture. “Be my guest, Mr. Bowen.”

Not the most promising start, but Victor stepped inside and turned to face James. “I shouldn’t have lost control. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not sorry,” James countered politely. “You’re full of shit.”

Victor shrugged. “I
am
sorry I lost control. For her sake, if nothing else. I’m sure as hell not here for my ego.”

“Then why are you here?” He dropped his drink on the table with a thump. “So I can absolve you of your guilt?”

“Because Simone told me where you’re going in the spring.”

For the first time, some of the man’s tension faded, but he retrieved his drink, as if he hadn’t meant to put it down at all. “If you’re worried I might still press her to accompany me, relax. I withdraw my invitation.”

A selfish part of him rejoiced. No danger from a greater purpose, no choices for Simone. She’d be trapped on the island, his only rival a continent away. She’d be his.

But not really. “That’s not what I want,” Victor said, and if it was a lie, at least the wizard would never know. “I want to know if you’d only bring her if she was your lover.”

“I told Simone her participation was in no way contingent upon her being in my bed,” James said, “and I meant it.”

No turning back. “And if she’s in my bed? Would you let me come with you?”

The man almost choked on his liquor. “
You
want to go to Europe to fight for peace?”

“No. But she does, and I’ll fight for her. For any damn thing she wants.”

Judging by the wizard’s expression, the words had been unexpected. “Honestly, I’m not sure what to say.” He finished his drink, then shrugged. “If you both want to help out, you’re both welcome. There are so few people willing to even take a chance at peace that my uncle can probably find tasks for anyone willing to try. It might not be glamorous work, though.”

It made James a better man than him, and Victor might admit it out loud. Someday. For now… “We’ll have the winter to discuss it.”

He snorted out a laugh. “Perhaps by spring I won’t even mind so much. We’ll see, yes?”

“We’ll see.” Their truce felt fragile enough that Victor backed toward the door, past ready to be gone. “Thanks for finding us.”

“You’re welcome.” James sighed roughly. “Don’t hurt her. She deserves to be happy.”

“I know.” The only question was if he was ready to deserve being happy with her.

Chapter Nine

Simone frowned and watched Rose gather the last of her things. “You really don’t have to go.”

Rose smiled and folded her extra blanket with a little too much attention to how all of the corners matched up. “Nonsense. You deserve one night of peace before you have to deal with all of us again.”

“But surely you shouldn’t have to
leave
for the night.”

“It’s just one night.” She was still fiddling with the blanket, smoothing down the creases. The other two girls who shared their tiny one-room house had already left, both expressing a sudden interest in squeezing in with friends for the evening.

Simone’s desperation grew. If they left her alone, she’d have nothing to distract her from thoughts of—

She groaned. “Seamus put you up to this, didn’t he?” Victor was probably already on his way over.

Rose looked up and wrinkled her nose. “He’s the alpha. We obey. And Joan—” Her lips curved up in a tiny smile. “Well. Joan said she’d be along in an hour or so anyway, to make sure you weren’t alone tonight unless you wanted to be.
She
doesn’t obey.”

“No, she doesn’t.” Joan would never have given in to Victor the way she had, allowed him to hide so that things deteriorated to such a sad state. “Was Seamus so sure Victor would come tonight?”

“Sure enough to give up his wife’s company for the evening if Victor doesn’t.” The girl pulled on her warm knit cap and picked up her bundle of blankets and clothing. “If you need anything, if you need me—I’ll just be a few steps down the path. I’ll come back, I promise, no matter what the alpha says or thinks.”

Simone’s hands had started to shake, and she tucked them into her pockets. “Either way, I’ll be fine. Tomorrow, after breakfast, though. Our next lesson exchange.”

“Fairy tales,” Rose agreed, striding toward the door. She paused with her hand on the cool metal knob. “I hope you get yours.”

She already had, for a while. “I will, if I have anything to say about it.”

A heavy knock rattled the door hard enough to drive a startled yelp out of Rose. Color filled her cheeks as she slapped her free hand over her mouth. “Maybe Joan ran out of patience.”

But Simone already knew who stood on the other side. “Have a good night, Rose. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Rose pulled open the door and dropped her gaze, inching aside to let Victor pass. He stepped across the threshold, then bent low enough to catch Rose’s eyes. “Thank you for the soup.”

She nodded with a small, shy smile. “Have a good night, Mr. Bowen. Simone.”

She practically ran away, and Simone steeled herself against the way her body reacted to Victor’s presence. It was the same as always, a hunger that went straight to her bones, only so much sharper now that—

Now that he’s been yours.

Simone squared her shoulders. “Come in, Victor.”

Victor closed the door quietly behind him and turned to lean against it. “Simone.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Well enough. Rose sent me soup.”

“Good.” He was nervous,
she
was nervous, and the whole thing was just ridiculous. “This is insane. Why are we tiptoeing around one another like strangers?”

His lips tugged up in that half smile she’d come to know so well. “Because it seems like we just woke up.”

“Maybe we did.”
Now or never, Simone.
She took a step forward. “I have some things to say, things I’ve held inside far too long.”

The smile faded. “I’m listening.”

She took a deep breath. “I told you once that, if you needed time, I would wait for you. Well, it’s still true. I love you, and that’s not going to change, so I’ll wait. One of these days, you won’t have any choice but to believe me.”

After a moment, Victor nodded. “I may need time. Not to love you. Not even to believe in you. I need time to learn how to be what you need.”

“What do you think I need?”

He didn’t answer. Not quite. “I talked to James before I came here.”

There were only a handful of things the two of them would have ever discussed, even under the best of circumstances. “About the trip overseas this spring.”

Another nod. “I asked if I could go.”

He couldn’t have. Victor was the last person who should have wanted to end the war between werewolves and wizards. He should have wanted to
fight
. “You’d go…for me?”

He might claim not to have an affinity for words, but he made the ones he used count. “I’d do anything for you.”

It stole her breath, because it wasn’t a grand declaration, just a simple statement of fact. Her eyes welled with tears as she tried to answer, but the only sound that emerged was a strangled sob.

“Oh, Christ.” In two seconds he was at her side, both arms sliding around her. “This is why I don’t talk. All I ever do is say the wrong thing.”

“Don’t be daft.” She barely had time to breathe the words before her mouth landed on his in a quick, desperate kiss. “If you say what’s in your heart, it’ll always be right.”

Victor lifted a hand to her hair, smoothing it back before sinking his fingers into the bulk of it. “Then why in hell are you crying, woman?”

“Because you have no idea how wonderful you are.”

He smiled, a real smile that lit up his eyes. “Don’t waste tears over that. You’ve got all the time in the world to teach me.”

It would take a long time to heal the scars that plagued him, no matter what, but it would never happen if he couldn’t open up to her. “Will you be honest with me, Victor? Will you help me understand you?”

“I’ll be honest. Starting now.” Strong hands coaxed her head back. “I love you. And I want to protect you from everything. Even things you don’t need protecting from. Even from myself. You have to understand that I mean well, and kick me into line when meaning well isn’t enough.”

“I can do that.” She didn’t have to worry about driving him away with her demands. “And we don’t have to go to Europe with James. All I need is to be useful, to
do
something. All other things being equal, I’d just as soon do that here.”

If he was relieved, he didn’t show it. Instead he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “No need to decide right off. We have a whole winter ahead of us, and in the spring… Well, before we go anywhere else, I was hoping you might take a different sort of trip with me.”

Only one thing could be that important to him. “Your family?”

“Mmm. It might be time. I’ve turned over a new leaf.”

“Decided to settle down into that quiet life.”

He leaned over until his lips brushed hers, soft and warm. “Found a reason. And a woman I want to bring home to my mother.”

The temptation to fall into the kiss almost overwhelmed her. “There’s one more thing, Victor. It’s important.”

“Tell me.”

“You scared yourself the other night, when I had that dream.” Even with all the promises, it was surprisingly hard to form the words. “Tell me you won’t always have to hold back with me.”

He didn’t answer at once. Instead he studied her face, giving the request serious consideration. When he finally answered, his words held the strength of truth. “We both need to learn our boundaries, and that won’t happen overnight. But it won’t last forever, either.”