Undressed by the Earl (22 page)

Amelia didn’t know how to answer that. She had been married for over two weeks, and although her husband had shared her bed once, it was like being wedded to a stranger. He had claimed they would remain friends, but it didn’t seem he wanted to be with her at all.

She had purchased a dozen romantic novels, hoping to find a solution. Yet in all of the stories, the women pined for their lovers and did nothing. Or they died from heartbreak. Neither sounded like a particularly good way to win a husband’s affections, in Amelia’s opinion.

During their journey north, she intended to spend a great deal of time with Lord Castledon—no, David. It was the perfect opportunity to remind her husband that he wasn’t married to a pasteboard wife.

“He’s been kind to me. But he’s still grieving for his first wife,” she admitted.

Victoria sobered. “There may be too many memories right now. In time, he may grow to love you.”

“Perhaps.” Amelia reached toward several sketches of new undergarments that Victoria had drawn. Though she commented on each of them, her mind was already thinking about her new household and the child she was supposed to mother. She knew nothing whatsoever about being a parent, but her sister had many years of experience.

“Toria,” she interrupted. “How am I supposed to be a stepmother to an eleven-year-old girl?” The very idea intimidated her. She was only nine years older than Christine, and the idea of instructing the girl on how to make her debut seemed utterly foreign. Margaret would have known how to manage it.

Her sister thought about it a moment, pushing the drawings aside. “Does she remember her mother?”

“I don’t know. I believe she was five years old when the woman died.”

“Her father will be very important to her,” Victoria said. “If it were me, I’d be careful not to take Lord Castledon away from her. She would resent you for it. Perhaps try to take an outing together or do something that involves the three of you.”

Amelia nodded, while she tried to imagine ways to bring them together. She’d spent so little time among children, but her nephew and niece spoke their thoughts with complete honesty and almost no regard for anyone’s feelings. She raised her cup of tea to her lips, remembering them.

“What about you?” her sister asked softly. “Could you be expecting a child of your own?”

The tea flew out of Amelia’s mouth, and she began coughing. “I don’t think so, no.” Though she knew it was an honest question, her face flamed with color. Her menses had come and gone already, and there was no chance of it at the moment. “Not yet, anyway.”

Victoria went utterly still. “Amelia…has he consummated the marriage?”

“Yes.” Amelia closed her eyes, feeling mortified. “But only once.” This was not at all a conversation she wanted to have.

“That’s ridiculous,” Victoria shot back. “What is
wrong
with him? You’re a perfectly lovely young woman.”

“I suppose he’s still in love with his first wife. He didn’t truly want to marry me.” The confession was a bitter fact she found difficult to swallow.

“But he
did
marry you,” Victoria pointed out. “He must care.”

Her sister’s words struck a sore note. Though Amelia wanted to believe that David might one day treat her as a wife instead of a companion, she wasn’t going to harbor illusions. Right now, she was his wife in name, but little more than that.

“The most I can hope for is friendship,” she admitted. “And aside from our one night together, he’s been avoiding me during the day.”

The smile that spread over Toria’s face surprised her, for her sister appeared quite pleased. “Good. That means he
does
want you. He’s afraid he wants you too much.”

“Or perhaps I wasn’t very good, and he has no desire to be with me again.” The words were laden with self-pity, but they were the truth. “What should I do now?” She wanted to believe Toria’s words, but the fact remained that the earl had isolated himself.

“When you reach his estate, you should try to spend time with him. Don’t let him shut you out.”

It was a reasonable suggestion, but Amelia wasn’t certain if it would resolve the problem. Lord Castledon seemed intent on separating himself.

“Or find a problem for him to solve,” Victoria continued. “Men do like to fix things. Break it yourself if you must.”

Amelia had no idea what sort of problem to invent, but her sister hadn’t finished yet. “Oh, and one last thing,” she interjected. “Visit his bed in the morning, before he’s awake.”

Amelia’s cheeks burned at the idea, but she managed to nod. “Bring him breakfast, you mean?”

Her sister began to laugh. Leaning closer, she whispered in Amelia’s ear. At her sister’s suggestion, she blurted out, “No, I couldn’t!”

“If you want to win his heart, there’s no man alive who would turn down a naked woman in his bed, first thing in the morning.” Victoria sent her a secretive smile. “You might even convince him to give up his plans for the day while he’s with you.”

Amelia bit her lip, unsure if she was
that
bold. Though she did like her husband a great deal, she wasn’t certain if she was quite ready to seduce him.

“Trust me on this,” her sister answered. “He won’t turn you down.”

“I hope you’re right.”

The journey towards Castledon was akin to touring the depths of Hell. Never in his life did David remember weather this blistering hot. The closed coach made it even more unbearable. He’d removed his coat, but they had two more hours before they reached the inn for the night.

Amelia had not voiced a single complaint, but he was well aware of her misery. Her hair was damp around her temples, and there was a light sheen of perspiration on her skin and neck. Her high-waisted gown emphasized the curve of her bosom, and he was acutely aware of the tension between them. He’d been avoiding her for weeks, and she knew it. To her credit, she hadn’t said anything, for they both knew why.

At last, she broke the silence. “Tell me about your daughter.”

He relaxed a little and said, “Christine isn’t like other little girls. She’d sooner climb trees than play with dolls.”

“Did you tell her I was coming with you?” Amelia’s tone was even, but he didn’t miss her apprehension.

“Ah, no. Not yet.” He looked out the window, choosing his words carefully. “She knew I was searching for a wife, but I thought it would be best if she saw you for herself.”

Amelia took her shoes off and tucked her feet on the opposite seat beneath her skirts. She leaned back and tugged at her collar, as if to waft air beneath her gown. “So I’m to be a surprise.”

She made it sound as if that wasn’t a good thing. David couldn’t see why not. Christine had been pestering him for years to find a new wife. “I believe the pair of you will get on quite well.”

“You might find both of us climbing trees,” she warned with a sly smile. There was a flash of mischief on her face, but instead of enjoying her teasing, he glimpsed a trace of a naughty girl.

A surge of heat took him, and David moved his coat toward his lap. Time and distance, he reminded himself. Once he’d brought Amelia to Christine, he could separate himself from them, and eventually, these feelings would go away. It had been nearly impossible to concentrate during the last few weeks. He had awakened, time and again, dreaming of Amelia. So many times, he’d wanted to go into her room and give in to desires of the flesh. But their marriage was fragile enough. If he dared to touch her more, it might break down the careful walls he’d erected around his life.

He tried not to be fascinated by the bead of perspiration that slid down Amelia’s neck beneath that gown. Or to imagine the rest of her bare body, slick with heat.

“I hope you’ll make yourself at home when you reach Castledon,” he offered.

“Are you going to put me in the servants’ quarters again? Or must I disobey you?” Her voice taunted him like a bad girl asking him to spank her bare bottom.

Christ, what the hell was the matter with him? He’d never harbored thoughts like that before.

“No, of course not,” he assured her. “You may choose a bedroom and decorate it as you please.” Preferably one far away from his.

She untied her bonnet and set it aside. Then she eyed him. “Do you have a spare handkerchief I could use?”

He handed her the linen square without question, but when he saw her dab at her face and throat—even the sheen of skin above her bodice—his mind conjured up too many inappropriate ideas.

He wanted her in a carnal way, right now. Though he understood that this was the result of too many years of celibacy, he didn’t want to be this close to Amelia. She tempted him beyond reason, and right now, he wanted to unfasten every last button and expose her golden skin.

“It’s beastly hot,” she said. “I’ll be glad when we reach the inn. I’d like to ask for a cool bath to wash away the travel dust.”

Was she doing this on purpose? He gave a nod, as if it meant nothing, but her wish only fueled his body’s urges. He imagined her naked body beneath the bath, the cool water puckering her nipples.

“How much longer?” she asked.

“An hour or two, at the most.”

She sighed and leaned back against the seat, the pose making her breasts strain against the fabric of her gown.

Katherine had never behaved like this in all her life. His first wife had been genteel, proper, and ever the lady. She would have sat with her back ramrod straight, her feet tucked demurely beneath her gown, without a strand of hair out of place.

Amelia looked ready to remove more layers of clothing. And damned if he didn’t want her to.

“I don’t like the way you’ve been avoiding me during the daytime,” she said at last. “I want that to change when we reach Castledon.” Her honesty caught him off guard, and David didn’t know what to say. Thankfully, she continued. “Whatever there is between us has nothing to do with your first marriage.”

He wanted to believe it was that easy, that he could simply separate the two women into different boxes. But he didn’t like what happened to him whenever he was around Amelia. He lost sight of who he was. The dark pleasure of touching her, and her response, was stronger than it had been with Katherine. The physical release he’d gotten from Amelia was a hunger he couldn’t satisfy.

Her very presence was infiltrating his life, making his first marriage appear hollow. It wasn’t. He’d loved his wife, and she’d loved him. He was convinced that nothing would ever be better than his life with Katherine, but Amelia was slowly destroying that opinion.

He didn’t want to have feelings for her. He wanted to lock away his responses and hold on to the shadow life he’d lived. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel the burdening guilt of betrayal. He knew that Katherine would give her blessings upon this match, no matter that it was with a younger woman. But he was troubled by the way Amelia made him feel.

“I was busy with my responsibilities in the House of Lords,” he said, dodging the real reason.

Amelia stared at him, and in her green eyes, he saw a woman who knew precisely what he’d been doing. “You’re being dishonest with yourself. You wanted me that night. And I suspect you still do. Why, then, are you holding yourself back from being with me again?”

“I wed you to protect your reputation and your family’s name,” he corrected. “And because I didn’t want your life ruined because of Lisford. Nothing more.”

She continued to study him. “I am grateful to you for it. But I don’t want a marriage where I see my husband once a month, and he confines me to a bedroom far away from his. It feels as if you despise me.”

It wasn’t that, but at the same time, he didn’t want a real marriage with Amelia. “I don’t despise you. But you knew, when you married me, that it wouldn’t be anything more.”

“It’s not as if I expect you to fall in love with me.” But he heard the slight catch in her voice, as if she were holding back her own feelings. She lifted a lock of hair from her neck and stared out the window. “But I wouldn’t mind it if you came to my bed again.”

Another unholy image surged through his brain, of what it was like to thrust inside her, feeling her flesh yield beneath his. He gritted his teeth against the rising arousal. “Later, perhaps.”

“I’ll not be a wallflower in this marriage,” she said quietly. “I won’t let you set me aside like a forgotten coat.” Her face had gone pale, and she ventured softly, “Or is it that you don’t want to be with me in that way? Was it that bad?”

He hesitated, for this was a dangerous conversation. Touching Amelia had been deeply arousing, haunting him at every moment.
He
was the one who should have lasted longer, making it better for her. “You did nothing wrong.” He beckoned for her to come and sit beside him. When she did, he stroked a lock of her hair back. “I’m having trouble with the idea that I’ve remarried. It’s been a long time.”

“You don’t feel that you deserve to be happy again, do you?” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but he nodded. Her arms came around his waist, and she rested her cheek against his heart.

It seemed wrong that Katherine had died, while he was left to go on living. Watching her waste away, taking one step closer to death each day, was the worst nightmare he’d ever endured. He kept wondering if he’d found a different doctor or if he’d found some other way to help her, then perhaps he could have saved her from dying.