Unfaded Glory (26 page)

“It is so good to meet you, Hawkins.”

If not for Damara's warm presence at his back, he might have sobbed like a child. “I'm glad to meet you, too, Belinda. He talked about you all the time. You look just like your picture.”

“I know which one you mean. He took it. That was senior skip day back in high school. We went to the lake.” She looked wistful but then pursed her lips, as if she was trying to hold something back. “And this must be your lovely princess.”

Damara smiled and held out her hand, but Belinda hugged her, too. “Thank you so much for bringing him. I know if he was anything like Austin, he probably didn't want to come.”

“It's not that I didn't want to come—”

“But you thought you shouldn't. Now you're here anyway, and I'm glad. I don't know who that guy was who called in, but you needed to know. I don't blame you, and neither would Austin.” She was fierce, again so much like Damara.

He wanted to say so much, but he wanted to keep silent at the same time. He didn't want to give her more darkness than what she already had, but something in him demanded he speak. Demanded he do his duty and tell her how her husband died—that even though it was a horrible death, Austin was honorable and strong until the end.

“Are you a real princess? Momma says I shouldn't bother you or ask too many questions,” the little girl with blond pigtails and a tiny voice said to Damara.

“Well, you must always listen to your mother. But if it's okay with her, maybe you could show me around and we can ask each other questions. How does that sound?”

Leave it to Damara to know exactly what he needed and how to get him there.

Belinda nodded.
Thank you,
she mouthed to Damara.

The princess walked away with two excited, chattering little girls.

He didn't know where to start. He wished he had Austin's voice in his head now telling him what to say to the woman he'd left behind. The woman that Byron himself had taken him from. He didn't know if he should tell her that he was a good man, because Belinda already knew that. She wouldn't have married him, had his children or grieved for him when he was gone if he hadn't been.

“I dream about him,” he confessed.

“Me, too.” Belinda nodded. “At first, when the grief was so heavy I thought it was going to crush me, I'd bawl myself to sleep and he'd always tell me, ‘There's more to life than this, hoss.'”

A wrecking ball crashed through him. He must've paled, because Belinda gave a fey smile. “He said that all the time. I take it he's said it to you, too.”

“He says it in my dreams.” Byron didn't add that it was with his face blown off or carrion eaters picking at his bones.

“Because I wasn't living. And I get the feeling that neither are you.” Belinda looked down at her boots. “Shit. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I really don't know anything about you.”

“You can tell me anything you want to tell me, Belinda.” He wanted to look down at his feet, at the wide-open landscape behind her, anywhere but in her eyes. There was where his pain lay, his failure. But he forced himself to meet her gaze head-on. “I'd hoped that when I came here, you'd throw things at me. Hit me. Scream at me. Hate me.”

“It's not your fault. You did what you thought was best. I knew who and what Austin was when I married him. I knew he could die. He knew it, too. He chose to follow you. He was a ranger.”

The itchy feeling he'd had before was nothing like this new sensation. Everything was exposed, raw. It was like walking around without skin.

“I invited you because there's something I think you need to see. It's a memorial to Austin. It's something that he wanted. He had a letter on file that he wanted sent to me if for some reason he didn't come home.” Her voice was quiet and almost choked with tears but not quite. Determination laced her words.

Byron was rooted to the spot. If he took a step forward, he knew it would change everything. He realized that he was more comfortable with being born bad than he was with seeing a way to his redemption. His misery was an armor, and if he moved forward, he might have to shed it. Pick it out of his skin like so much broken glass. Yet, he'd already shed part of it when he'd told Damara he'd stay with her. He'd find a way. He was living his life, loving his life, even though there was some part of him that still thought it was a crime that a man like him could walk away and Austin was left with nothing. His family was left with nothing.

Morbidly, he imagined what it would be like for Damara if the situation were reversed. He'd want whoever had come to speak with her to do anything she asked—even if she asked for the moon.

“You came all this way, and I know Austin would want you to see it.”

“I—”

“Come.” She took his hand and led him toward the side of the house.

There beneath a tree was a headstone that marked a grave without a body. Yet somehow he knew that Austin Foxworth was more present here than he'd been in his own bones.

“He wanted this here so the girls could come talk to him whenever they needed him. So I wouldn't feel so alone. Even if his body isn't there, I know he is. I know he hears me.” Belinda put her hand on his shoulder. “I'll be in the house. Just come on in when you're ready.”

Byron sank down on his knees, gripping the headstone with such force his knuckles had gone white.

He choked on his emotion, his body taut and his muscles bulging as if he were going to explode. Byron had nowhere to put his sorrow, his regret—his rage.

His vision blurred and he said it again. “I'm sorry. So fucking sorry.”

Recognizing that I volunteered as a Ranger, fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession, I will always endeavor to uphold the prestige, honor and high esprit de corps of the Rangers.
He heard Foxworth's voice reciting the creed in his head, and he focused on the granite stone.

The creed was etched in the stone. This was what he'd wanted. This was his legacy. And this was what he had to say to those who loved him after his death.

Fully knowing the hazards of my profession.

He felt as though Foxworth was there with him. Maybe it was because he'd met the man's wife, because he'd seen his children. He'd been invited into their sacred sanctuary and invited to mourn at their table. In the place where the man had laughed, loved and lived. Whether it was some passing fancy of a burdened soul or a grief-clouded mind, he found comfort in it, and, while he didn't feel peace, he could see it.

Much like hope.

He recited the stanza again and it was as if they were speaking it together, as they had in his nightmare, but this time he wasn't ashamed of his words. This time, he could speak them all.

“Never shall I fail my comrades. I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight, and I will shoulder more than my share of the task whatever it may be, one hundred percent and then some.

“Gallantly will I show the world that I am a specially selected and well-trained soldier. My courtesy to superior officers, neatness of dress and care of equipment shall set the example for others to follow.

“Energetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained and will fight with all my might. Surrender is not a Ranger word. I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will I ever embarrass my country.

“Readily will I display the intestinal fortitude required to fight on to the Ranger objective and complete the mission though I be the lone survivor.”

A heavy weight was lifted from his chest and he could breathe again. His surroundings became supernaturally bright, the sun in the sky, the rolling expanse of Texas plains, the scents of the place. He'd not even realized it was a working ranch until that moment.

“Rangers lead the way,” he whispered.

Byron thought he'd have so much more to say, but he didn't. He'd said it all. It was all there in the creed. There in the hug he'd shared with Belinda. There in his secret hopes. And there in the world around him.

He patted the back of the stone like he would've the man's back, had he been there. This moment hadn't been an eraser, it didn't change everything, but it changed enough.

Byron reined in his emotions and walked around to the back door, where Belinda was talking with Damara and the girls had changed into their Disney princess costumes and were currently playing with Damara's hair as she chatted.

It was such a simple scene, something that a lot of people would take for granted. Two women talking, children playing. Drinking iced tea. It wasn't anything special. It happened a million times a day in a billion households around the world.

Yet it was special to him.

He couldn't articulate why, and he wanted to. So he was content to watch them for a moment.

“Hey, you ready to come in? A glass of sweet tea?” Belinda offered.

Damara started to turn to him, but one of the girls stopped her. “I'm not done with your braid. Hair first. Boys later.”

Damara laughed and said, “As you wish.”

“Oooh, Momma. She said it. She said it!”

Belinda looked embarrassed.

“What did I say?” Damara asked.

“
The Princess Bride.
It's a movie. In it, the farm boy tells the girl he loves her by saying ‘as you wish.' It's the best thing ever,” the older girl said.

“Last month it was
Pretty in Pink
and now it's
The Princess Bride,
” Belinda explained.

“I see. I think we'll have to watch that when we get home,” Damara said.

“You have to,” the youngest girl said. “Because you're a princess and you're a bride. Byron is your Wesley.”

“He is? Is Wesley a prince?”

“No, silly. He's a farm boy pirate.”

“I'm glad you came, even if it was just for an hour. You're welcome back anytime,” Belinda said. “Even if it's just to talk to Austin.”

“Thank you, Belinda. You take care of those girls.”

“I try.” She smiled.

Marie stopped fussing with Damara's hair and walked over to him. “You're the man who knew my daddy?”

“Yes.” He didn't know if he could take any more of this today. His battered heart was already full again and ready to break. He'd kept it sealed off for so long.

“Did you like him?”

“I liked your daddy very much. I called him my brother.” He didn't know if she could understand what he meant.

“That's what Momma said. I was just checking. If you're daddy's brother, then you're my family, too.” She hugged him.

And he thought he was going to die. That her little arms would smash him into a million pieces.

“You need anything, Belinda, anything at all, you call us,” he said when Austin's daughter released him.

“Thank you.” She looked at the girls. “I have to talk in private for a minute. Our friends have to leave. So you run on upstairs.”

The girls did as they were told without fussing, although they did turn around and wave.

“I want you to know that the same applies to you. If you need anything, you come straight here.”

As if he'd ever do anything to put Belinda in danger. Not a chance.

“I see that look on your face, Ranger. It was the same one that Austin got when he was just going to humor me. I mean it. He would've wanted you to be safe. I miss him every day, but I know he died for something bigger. He was trying to help people. And if Uganda hadn't happened, you might not have been in a position to help the princess. You've brought democracy to a whole country. Austin would've been so proud of you. Hell, I'm sure he is watching over you and I'm sure he is proud.”

“You're welcome to come visit us anytime. Your girls are beautiful,” Damara said. “I had a good time with them.”

“I'm sorry they invited themselves to Castallegna.” She looked slightly embarrassed.

“We'd be so happy to have them as long as you'd like to stay.” Damara sighed, looking up the stairs after the girls.

“I think you're amazing. I'm glad there are women like you in the world that my girls can look up to.”

Damara blushed. “I don't know about that. I just do what I can.”

“That's all any of us can do,” Belinda said. “Are you sure you can't stay longer?”

“No. The paparazzi seem too interested in where we're going. I wouldn't want to bring that down on you. I'm sure by now, they've figured out we'll be here sooner or later.”

“We know how to deal with trespassers in Texas.” Belinda grinned. “Austin didn't marry a fool.”

“I can certainly see that.” Byron nodded.

Damara hugged her and kissed both of her cheeks. “Thank you.”

“Take care of yourself, Belinda.”

“I will.”

When they were in the car again, Damara asked him, “Are you sure you didn't want to stay longer?”

“I couldn't.”

She seemed to understand.

Byron knew he wouldn't hear Austin's voice ever again, and that was how it should be. He'd put him to rest in his head along with most of his other demons. He still had a few doubts, a few shadows, but what man didn't? He'd already started moving forward, he'd promised Damara a good life, and he was determined to give it to her.

“This doesn't look like the way back to the airport,” she said.

“No, it sure doesn't, does it?”

“What did you do?”

“It was on a ship that I first reached out for what I wanted, and it was on a tiny boat that we talked about hopes and dreams and stars. And all the other things I thought were bullshit. So it's on a ship that we're going home to Castallegna. That's our honeymoon.”