Unfaithful Ties (46 page)

“Don’t baby me
” She snapped.

“What’s
yo’ problem?” Malik said irritably.

“
You are my problem. I’m sick of you putting everything and everyone before me”

“Here we go again”

“You’re right here we go again. This is the first time that I’ve spoken to you all night at the rate you going you ain’ gon’ never get none of this.”

“
Daannnngggg!!!” Kenny laughed.

“Oh hush Kenny, before you find yourself in the same boat. I don’t think that there is anything funny about any of this” Lena threatened.

“I’m sorry baby!”

“Whatever you’re not sorry you just want to get some tonight. That’s all you think about. As a matter of fact I bet that’s all you and your boys think about” She hissed.

“Me and my girls are about to head out” Stacy told Malik.

“I thought we were going to get a room?”

“It’s a shame that, that’s the only thing that you’re thinking about right now. Did you not just see what happened?”

“I’m just saying. Their problems
ain’ got nothing to do with us” Malik pleaded.

“Look, Brandi is my girl okay! And right now she needs me” Stacy told him.

“So you’re not going to get a room with me either, baby?”  Jason asked Vanessa.

She nodded her head. “No”

“You’re not either?” Kenny asked Lena.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not in the mood anymore”

“I’m going to kill Trae” Kenny yelled agitatedly. “Where is he anyway? Because he’s about to get left”

“He’s outside with Brandi, lying, claiming that he didn’t sleep with that girl” Lena presumed. “And knowing her she’s going to fall for his lies again”

“Look we’re out” Stacy said.

The young ladies walked away talking amongst each other and rolling their necks.

“Well leave it up to Trae!” Malik announced to the others.

“It never fails” Kenny concurred. “And I bet he’s the one that’s going to end up getting some tonight”

“I knew it was too good to be true. I knew it” Malik said aloud.

“Man chill out, you’ve waited four years to bang her anyway, a little longer won’t hurt? Jason giggled.

“Fuck you Jason”

“Well we all know who won’t be doing that tonight” He continued to joke.

Kenny laughed “Man ya’ll chill out.” He smirked. “Malik she’s going to give it up one day.”

“Fuck you too Kenny” Malik grinned. “But guess what?”

“What?”

“I guess that means I’ll just have to call
yo’ mama tonight”

“
Aight you got me with that one homie” Kenny smirked. “Forget them girls, let’s go get something to eat”

Trae
came running up behind them. “Let’s head to the Marriott”

“For what? Our girls
ain’ coming” Malik snapped.

“Yes they are, Brandi’s cool now”

“How’d you manage to pull that off?” Jason asked.

“I told you I have Brandi wrapped around my finger”
Trae smiled.

“You better stop treating her like that because after while she’s going to get tired of it”

If Trae could, he’d reverse his life back to that very moment, listen to his friends advice, and treat Brandi the way she deserved to be treated. But he couldn’t.

Trae
set the letter that he’d written right beside him.

He asked the Lord to forgive him for what he was about to do, shoved the gun into his tem
ple and with closed eyelids he squeezed the trigger

BANG

****

Brandi heard a gunshot as soon as she slipped out of her high-heels. The gunshot sounded rather close. She raced back to the door with one shoe on and one shoe off, paranoid and hoping that the gunshot wasn’t as close as it sounded. A frightening scream escaped from her throat as soon as she opened the door.
Trae was slouched over on his side, his head lying in a puddle of his own blood, and his brain scattered.             

Somebody help me
” She screamed. “Ple-a-sss-eee, somebody help. What have you done Trae? What have you done? H-e-l-pppp! Why did you this?”

With his blood on her hands she grabbed the letter.

Brandi I know that this letter is a little too late and I hope you don’t crumble it up before you read it. You didn’t deserve the hell that I put you through. You are a loving and caring woman with a beautiful heart and I can’t say sorry enough. You always said that
When you think that you’re bigger than God, God will put something on you to let you know that he’s in control. It turns out you were right. All of the bad things that I did to you, that I did to our children are catching up with me. I wasn’t the man that I should have been to you. I wasn’t the father that I should have been to them. I didn’t set a good example for them.  I didn’t show them how a real man, not a coward like me should carry himself. Now they hate my guts. I can’t say that I blame them. I deserve it. My punishment for hurting you all is just getting started. I have a miserable life ahead of me. Going back and forth to dialysis is not fun. My life is chaotic. I’m not telling you these things so that you can feel sorry for me. I just want you to know that I’ve learned what goes around comes back around ten times worse. I’m living proof of it. I don’t want to waste anymore of your time; I just want you to know that even though you may not believe me.  I love you Brandi Hardnett! Sorry that it’s taken me this long to realize
it. Love
Trae.

Shortly after the paramedics arrived
Trae was carried away in a body bag, cause of death suicide. The first person that Brandi dialed was Jason.

chapter 40

Jason...NYC, New York

Just as Jason pulled into his driveway and stepped out of his Cadillac Escalade with a few grocery bags in tow the rain began pouring through the grayish clouds. “Shit, just my damn luck, how inconvenient is this?
”
He mumbled sarcastically because the garage door had come off the track that morning and he knew he was going to get soaked by walking around to the front of the house.

Grasping the bags tightly, he jogged up the few steps that led to the front door and when his mobile rung he answered it like he’d been running in a marathon.

Breathing heavily while opening the front door he said,  “This is Jason”

“I don’t know how to tell you this” He heard Brandi say choking back tears. “
Trae is dead! He’s gone” She wept.

Immediately the weather seemed to match perfectly with the way that he viewed the world.
Gloomy, dark, and unclear. His entire body stiffened. Effortlessly the grocery bags fell to the floor. The mobile slid through his sweaty fingers, hitting the hard tiled floor. His knees gave out and he wobbled down to the floor, right there in the foyer. Growing up Jason and Trae were like brothers and the thought of not seeing him ever again despite the recent havoc burned him. Greif flooded his heart. It felt like the world was shrinking. From that moment forward life as he knew it was never going to be the same again. Lying there on his back he allowed his thoughts to drift back to his childhood and eventually warm tears slid through his darkened eyes.

Hours later Jason was still in the same spot and the only thing that he could remember about that day was crying for countless hours and trying to figure out what to do next. Trying to stop crying...trying not to think about
Trae, which was hard because his friend’s death was the only thing  swindling around in his head. Jason was feeling grief-stricken, befuddled, indignant and confused. He was questioning, why did it seem as though he was God’s target?

“I just don’t get some of your decisions. I’m losing faith in you. Why should I keep having faith in you when I know that you’re just going to let me down? " He whimpered.

“The only thing that you’ve done is failed me. First my marriage, and now this? What have I done to deserve this? Why do you insist on making my life a living hell?” He yelled.

He paused as if he was waiting for an answer back. There was a dangerous glare in his eyes as he gazed at the ceiling.
             

“Why?” He shouted again.

“If you fucking exist tell me, wh-y-yyyy?” He sobbed.

“Answer me!” He dictated. He could feel his rage increasing. “All my life I’ve honored you…obeyed you…did everything unto you. And this is the thanks I get? Do you fucking exist?” He hollered. “Seems like you are not going to be satisfied until you’ve driven me insane”

“Since I was a child, the one thing that my mother has always preached about is loyalty and faith...being faithful and loyal to family, to friends, and to you”

“Put God first. He is your source. With God as your number one source you’ll never fail, because I promise that he won’t let you down.”

His dark chocolate face was now damped with tears.  He staggered up from the floor, walked down the narrow hall and into the kitchen, then stood directly in front of the refrigerator. He was wearing a polo cobalt blue collared shirt, khaki cargo shorts, and a pair of Nike’s. His vast hands were inside his pockets as he glared at the words in front of him. It was a bible scripture that’d been written on a piece of paper. His mother had given it to him before she died. He’d attached it to the refrigerator with a magnet when he and Vanessa moved in. Angrily, he snatched it from underneath the magnet and read it aloud.

“Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually.” His teary eyes narrowed. “Where is your damn presence now?” He screamed and ripped the paper into confetti.

The torn pieces of paper sprinkled to the floor like leaves during autumn. He felt his knees giving out again. Back to the tile he stumbled.

Once he’d consumed enough strength to stand again, he pulled himself up and leaned against the refrigerator. He couldn’t pull himself together. But he needed to.
Because he needed to talk to Brandi.

The last words that he remembered yelling at
Trae chimed in his head like a pair of jingle bells. (
You selfish son of a bitch if you dropped dead tomorrow it wouldn’t bother me at all. I hope you rot in hell)
Jason lowered his head, and slid down the refrigerator until he felt his buttocks hit the floor, never stealing his eyes away from the tile. “Trae I’m so sorry” He whispered over and over and over again. At that moment he would’ve given anything in exchange for the chance to take back those words.  He was heartsick.

He hadn’t even heard the Brinks Alarm system sounding off until two police officers rang his doorbell. He informed the officers that everything was fine and when they left he walked back into the kitchen and finally he called Brandi back. When he heard the sadness in Brandi’s voice for some reason his words wouldn’t come out. “
Helloooo...”She was singing into the phone.

He pulled himself together. “Are you okay?”

“It happened so fast” She cried…..“Trae came over to talk. He was trying to talk about getting back together. And I told him to go home. I was trying to brush him off.” She said sadly. “Sixty seconds was all it took for him to do it. It happened just that fast” She sniffed. “I heard a loud bang and I ran back to the door. Because I knew that he’d brought a gun with him but I didn’t think… I didn’t think that he’d…I didn’t think that he’d....” She sobbed. “Jason he pulled the trigger and shot himself in the head.”

Jason sobbed.

“I should have just talked to him. I should have just listened to him.” Brandi whimpered.

“Brandi
don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault.”

“I haven’t told the boys yet. I don’t know how. I don’t even know if it will affect them at all.
Trae definitely hasn’t earned the father of the year award”

“I understand. I’m not trying to make excuses for the way that
Trae treated you guys but Trae had to deal with a lot of demons. At the age of five years old he’d seen a lifestyle that most adults haven’t seen. His father shot and killed his mother and grandparents right in front of him and then burned the house down and let him watch it. When Trae and I was younger he’d tell me all the time about how his father you’st to treat his mother. How he used to beat her. About how his dad use to call him names and run scorching hot water in the tub and make him get in it just for the hell of it. He had a hell of a childhood. A lot of times when you didn’t receive love as a child you’re not going to give it or show it when you’re an adult. It’s not because you don’t want to but because you simply don’t know how.”

“I have never known any of this.”

“Trae never liked to burden anyone with issues from his past. Where are the boys right now?”             

“They’re with Raymond. My fiancé”

“I know that this is kind of sudden but I know that Trae doesn’t have any family left back home so who’s going to handle the funeral arrangements?”

“I don’t know
Trae and I weren’t together anymore.”

“Yeah Malik told me about that. What about his life insurance policy?”

“Life insurance does not cover deaths ruled by suicide”

“Yeah that’s right” Jason sighed. “I’ll be more than happy to pay for the funeral arrangements I’m sure that he wants to be buried in the same cemetery as his grandparents. They were the only family he’s ever really had besides us.”

“I can’t believe this has happened. I just keep asking myself when does it stop? Every time that I think that things are getting better. Somehow another tragedy happens. Now I have to figure out how I’m going to tell my kids.”

“You guys are going to be okay. I’ll be here for you in any way that I can” Jason promised.

“I know that you will. I have to get going I’m sure that the boys are wondering where I am by now”

“Okay, I’ll touch bases with you sometime tomorrow”

****

Early on Sunday morning Jason could feel it in his bones that the demons were on the way to attack him in his sleep. He fault hard to open his eyes but he couldn’t.

He was lost and alone and scared because he didn’t know how to fix things. All his life he’d had strong faith in God. His mother had always said if you do right by The Lord he’ll do right by you, and even when you’re not doing right by him he’s going to do right by you. He couldn’t remember a time that he hadn’t done right so he didn’t understand why God was punishing him.

His faith had vanished. After all he believed that God had failed him. The demons saw this as being the best time to torture him.

As he tossed and turned in his cold empty bed he struggled to fight the demons off but they kept coming, fast, quicker than the speed of lighting. Quickly they’d latched onto his back and he felt like an army of men had grabbed him. They were holding him tight, keeping him from being able to move, or speak. He heard them laughing at him as they shoved him deeper into his mattress.

In his mind he was screaming- biting- kicking- punching, trying to break free but in reality his body was unable to do anything.

He was strong but the demons were stronger.

They tormented him for at least fifteen minutes

When it stopped he was tired and he felt like he’d been boxing.

He lay awake in bed longing for peace.

What do you do when you feel like your heart has been ripped out, your soul has been burned and your spirit as died leaving you stuck in this body, in this life that you hate? Jason felt like he was damaged beyond repair.

He warred with what he’d always been taught and what he thought his subconscious believed....

....and then he heard his mother’s sweet voice whisper to him

“Son I didn’t raise you to become a man that doubt’s God’s will.”

“You told me that as long as I do right by God he’ll do right by me. You were wrong. There can’t be a God. God wouldn’t do this to a person that has always done right by him.” He said softly.

“
You think that you have lost faith in God but actually you didn’t have any faith in him to begin with. Your faith is in your Job, your success, your friends, your wife and your lifestyle.”

“I did have faith in God. I have always had faith in God.”

“No son. True faith comes when life seems to be moving against you. Baby some people live for years thinking that they have strong faith but the truth is, they haven’t faced a real test yet. This is your test. Don’t let the devil cause you to fail it. Now is the time to trust in God.”

“How am I supposed to trust someone that has already let me down?”

“It’s time for you to shift your faith from those objects to God”

“How do I do that?”

“I have to go now son, I have faith in you and I know that you’ll figure it out. Just trust in God.”

Her voices faded away.

“Mama, please don’t go.  I need you right now mama. Please come back”

She was gone.

****

Jason sprang up from the bed, threw on a pair of denim shorts, a t-shirt, sneakers and sped to the nearest church.

Walking up the church steps he could hear the rejoicing sound of the congregation singing
I belong to you
by
William McDowell
.

His heart pounded hard as he inched closer to the church doors.

He barged in without waiting to be seated by the ushers and fell to his knees, crying and asking for forgiveness. “Lord help me. Take this madness out of my heart” He screamed.

The congregation applauded him. A few members of the church shouted “Hallelujah” others hollered “Thank you Lord.” And some of the elderly were speaking in tongues.

As the choir continued to sing Jason remained on his knees praying and crying.

“Can the church say I belong to you
” The preacher said over the microphone. “Give it all to God, son” He preached to Jason. “If there is anyone else out there in the congregation tonight that wants to give it all to God go ahead. He’s waiting for you. He can handle it and he wants you to give it to him.”

Jason pulled from his knees and headed towards the pulpit.

“You don’t have to travel this journey alone.” The preacher said meeting Jason half way.

They met one another right in front of the podium. The preacher pulled Jason into his arms and embraced him, speaking in tongues the entire time. 

“God is using whatever you are going through in life as a tool to bring you closer to him. He’s glad that you came here this morning because he’s been waiting for you to bring it all to him. Give him all your baggage, all your troubles, all your heartbreak, give it to him.” The preacher said.

Jason got Baptized that Sunday morning and the baggage that he’d carried around for months didn’t seem as heavy anymore.

****

June twenty sixth. It was a day that Jason, Malik and Kenneth would never forget. It was the day that they watched the color guards perform a military burial in honor of their brother. Stacy and Lena had flown down to support Brandi and the kids. Which was exactly what she’d needed. Vanessa wasn’t there and Jason didn’t expect her to come. She and
Trae had never been fond of one another.