Unfamiliar (24 page)

Letting go of Deuce wasn’t a big loss, especially since he was such an asshole, but losing Zach was the hardest. Zach was a great guy and had become a good friend over the years. But if he’d found someone who was right for him then I was happy for him. Plus, British accents were hot.

Even though it was tough replacing the original members, I was relieved that they fit in so well and were excited to be part of the band. The guy, Brent, from the management company was definitely going to be there to see us perform live so we couldn’t mess this up. Nothing was going to stand in my way of making this band a success.

As we started going through the set list and the songs we’d be playing at the show, I was amazed at how much better we already sounded. We’d been practicing hard for the last week—we’d had practice nearly every day for several hours—and our time and effort was really showing. There was a great dynamic going on with us.

We started playing the new song I’d written to impress the management company, and I couldn’t help but think about the very thing that I was trying my hardest not to think about. I guess it was a stupid idea to write a song about the girl who’d broken your heart when you were really just trying to get over the whole thing.

Smart move, Chase. Smart move.

Every time we played this song, all I thought about was Hailey Peters. I thought about the look of disapproval she gave me whenever I said something she didn’t particularly like. I thought about the way she would smile at me when I did something unexpected. And I especially thought about the way she felt in my arms.

I was actually pretty happy with the way the song was coming toge
ther. It was one of heartbreak—big surprise there—and considering my relationship history, I was starting to become something of an expert on the subject.

When the song ended, I unslung my guitar and propped it against the wall. There were a couple of lines that I wanted to change around, so I pulled my notepad out of my pocket and began jotting down some new lyrics.

I didn’t notice Jonathan beside me until he spoke. He shifted around nervously for a few seconds before he spoke. “How are you doing?”

I took a deep breath. I wasn’t sure exactly what Jonathan was referring to—it could be either Heather or Hailey—but I didn’t really want to go into my feelings with him. I wasn’t sure if I was even feeling anything. Was that normal?

I guess I was just blocking my feelings out. My year had been pretty bad as far as years went, and Hailey was just another item added to my list that had gone wrong. It was too much for me to process that my girlfriend of three years had cheated on me with Deuce, or should I say, Donald Worthington the fourth? And to top it off, somehow Heather had ended up blaming me for it.

And, for the final blow, I’d gone ahead and gotten wasted and then completely screwed up my chances with the only girl who’d ever truly given a damn about me. At least I’d had the guts to tell her how I really felt though, which was more than I could say for her. She’d gotten rid of me as soon as her boyfriend had shown up, and that had hurt me more than I wanted to think about.

So it wasn’t really that surprising that I wanted to feel nothing. Feeling nothing was a hell of a lot easier than feeling everything.

“I’m fine. Just focused on making sure we get our set right for tomorrow.”

“I didn’t mean that, Chase. I’m talking about Hailey. I’m talking about Deuce and Heather.” I’d never seen Jonathan so serious before and I’d known him since he’d been in diapers.

I sighed. “I know what you’re talking about. I just don’t feel like talking about it. There’s nothing left to say. Everyone’s made their choices—all I can do is pick myself up and put all my energy into something that means a lot to me.”

“Hailey means a lot to you,” Jonathan pointed out.

Yeah, like I didn’t already know that. But that ship had sailed. Hailey had rejected me yet again, even though I’d actually had the guts to tell her how I really felt. Sure, it’d taken me until I was drunk to do it, but at least I’d put myself out there.

At least I’d wanted to give us a chance. I didn’t know what Hailey wanted. I didn’t know if she wanted me, but that ring on her finger was the answer to all my questions. She was engaged to that douchebag boyfriend of hers and there was nothing I could do about it. I knew when I’d lost a battle.

“I know she means a lot to me, but she’s engaged to be
married
to someone else. Not me. She didn’t choose m-me.”

Shit. Was my voice cracking?

I cleared my throat and continued. “At some point I have to do my own thing and let her live her own life. There is nothing else I can say to her.”

“I talked to Tessa and she doesn’t think Hailey is really in love with that guy.”

I was so frustrated, I wanted to smash something. “That’s great, but it doesn’t matter what Tessa thinks. It’s Hailey’s decision, and she wants nothing to do with me.”

Disappointment filled Jonathan’s face. “Maybe she’ll come around.”

“Maybe she will, maybe she won’t, but I can’t let it distract me now. Not when we’re so close to getting somewhere with our music.”

“I hear what you’re saying. I just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay.”

“I’m breathing.”

Because that was the truth. I was still breathing; I was still functioning. There was a gaping hole inside of me that
was slowly eating away at me, but I couldn’t focus on it for too long because it would consume me.

There was only one thing that I wanted to focus on—doing well tomorrow night and opening up a whole new future with this band.
Something had to distract me from thinking about Hailey.

Sure, Hailey would be in the back of my mind for a while, but one day I’d have to let go of her familiarity and move on.
One day I had to make her a faint memory.

Hailey

Thanks to my dad getting his act together and returning most of the money he took from me last summer, I didn’t have to worry about finding a second job any more. My work-study position at the daycare would be enough to get me by, which was a huge relief. Now I could really focus on school without that added stress.

I had gone to my advisor and changed my major to ‘undeclared’. It was one of the scariest things I’d ever done— not having a plan. Instead, I was going to just concentrate on taking the general education core classes and try to figure out what I really wanted to do in life. Right now I was leaning toward Music Education. The possibilities were endless and I kind of liked that.

I had asked someone in each of my classes if I could make copies of the notes I’d missed while I’d been gone so that's how I intended to spend my weekend—catching up on everything so I didn't fall too far behind.

But that's not what I really wanted to do. What I really wanted to do was call Chase and tell him that he was right all along. I didn't know what I’d wanted before because I had been too preoccupied with 'my plan' to see what was plainly in front of my face, but I knew now—or at least I knew the kind of person I wanted to be.

I wanted to be the kind of person who wasn't afraid to experience new things, the kind of person who wasn't afraid of falling down and scraping her knees now and then. The kind of person who got up on stage and poured her heart out in front of complete strangers. Chase was able to do that. He was comfortable enough with himself to be that vulnerable—I wanted to be that comfortable in my own skin too.

He’d said that he hoped I found the one I wanted to be with, and I told him the truth, I had found him. But it wasn’t the person who’d placed the ring tenderly on my finger—it was the one who’d walked away. The one who was avoiding me now.

I had tried calling him when I got back to Oakdale but he didn’t answer or return any of my calls or text messages. I didn’t want to seem pathetic so I took the hint and left him alone. But it was killing me being unable to explain everything to him.

“You’re missing it!” Tessa exclaimed. She was watching a Teen Wolf marathon and stuffing her face with her snack of choice—double-stuffed Oreos and Mountain Dew—while I copied my notes. Other than the occasional outburst of laughter or a frightened gasp, she was being relatively silent, which was shocking. I didn’t think it was possible for her to be quiet for as long as she had been, but throw some shirtless guys in front of her and miracles happened.

I humored her and glanced up from my notes to see what I was missing for the tenth time this episode. It was just as I expected: another half-naked werewolf. I had to admit, he was pretty hot and from the little bits and pieces I watched, the show seemed interesting enough, but I had no idea what was going on right now.

“I think I’m going to have to watch this show from the beginning,” I told her. “I’m kinda confused.”

My phone started ringing and I felt my heart leap—maybe he was finally returning my calls. But it wasn't Chase, it was Braxton.

I held my phone, uncertain whether I should answer it or not. Finally, I knew that I needed to—I owed him that much.

“Hello?” I answered the phone nervously. I wasn't really sure what to expect.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Braxton.”

“I—uh.” He cleared his throat nervously. “How are you?”

“I've been better. You?”

“I'm doing okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat again. “I've just been thinking about everything and I don't know, I guess I realized that's not how I wanted things to end between us, you know?”

“I know. I'm so sorry.”

“It's just...I thought we were forever, Hailey, you know?”

“I know.”

“The thing is, I knew. I knew you were pulling away from me. I knew I was losing you and I guess I just thought that if I proposed it would bring you back to me. That you would realize you belonged with me. I meant what I said before, I really did plan my entire life around you. I guess after everything I've been through lately, I've finally realized forever doesn't exist. I don't know what to do now."

“You'll figure it out. We both will.”

“I really do love you, you know. I had this whole future planned out for the two of us.”

“I know. Me too.”

“So you fell in love with the Piano Man, after all,” he said in disbelief. How ironic that he had been the one to call it all those months ago. I cracked a smile.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

He paused thoughtfully. “It sucks. It really does but a part of me feels— I don’t know— somehow, I feel okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He laughed. “I mean, I love you, of course, but it's like the pressure is off. You’re right, we’ve held on the familiarity of each other for too long— almost like an old habit that’s hard to break. You’d been trying to break it off for a while, I knew you were, and I guess it scared me. Like, I didn’t know how to handle all the changes. But that’s life, isn’t it?”

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know that. I never meant to hurt you either. And I know that I should be sad now, and a part of me is, but mostly, I just feel free. Like somehow a weight has been lifted from my shoulders that I didn’t even know I was carrying. Does that make any sense at all?”

“Definitely.” I knew exactly how that felt.

“You’re my best friend, Hailey. You’ll always be my best friend. But I think you’re right, it’s time for us both to go live our own lives. A tree needs space to grow, right?”

“Did you just compare us to trees?”

“Hey,” he said jokingly. “You know I was never the poetic one.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For forgiving me. I know that I don't deserve it, but thank you anyway.”

“Of course. See you around?”

“Yeah, see you around.”

I hung up the phone, feeling more at peace than I had in a while.

“I'm guessing that went well?” Tessa asked, her mouth full of cookies.

“Yeah.” I could hardly believe it. “Everything is good.”

Well, almost everything.

“So are you coming to watch the band tonight?”

“Probably not.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t think Chase wants to see me,” I answered.

“I think he could probably use all the support from his friends that he can get.”

“We’re not really friends.”

“The guy is pretty broken right now.”

That caught my attention. “Because of Deuce and Heather?”

“That's a small part of it.” She nodded, a look of sympathy on her face. “Jonathan was there when it happened. He said Chase told her he was
relieved he never proposed and-”

“Wait— what? Chase was going to propose to her?” He hadn't told me that part. It surprised me how much the thought of him being with someone else bothered me. If he felt even slightly the same way when he saw the ring on my finger—it was no wonder he didn’t want to talk to me. If he would’ve just let me explain that I was going to tell Braxton everything—I just couldn't bear to tell him so soon after his mom’s funeral. I didn't want to make him hurt any more. But while I was trying to protect Braxton’s feelings, I ended up hurting Chase’s. I couldn’t win either way and now it was probably too late.