Unfinished Symphony (10 page)

And then I paused to watch a little girl with long golden pigtails being lifted out of a car by a woman who had to be her mother. She clung to her with loving desperation and gazed over her mother's shoulders at me. Happy, secure, she flashed me a sweet smile and then waved as if we knew each other. I waved back and for a moment I felt as if I were waving at myself, years and years ago, when I was about her age and my stepdaddy was alive. Of course, I didn't know then he was my stepdaddy. I thought he was my real daddy. He loved me just as much as any real daddy could.
The woman carried her little girl into the big, beautiful house where she would be secure and safe and where even the thought of something unpleasant was left at the doorstep. I stood there, smiling and thinking about her. I don't know how long I was standing there, but suddenly I realized there was an automobile stopped nearby and someone looking at me.
It was Mr. Livingston.
He waved.
"You all right?" he asked.
"Yes," I said. "Thank you. I was just taking a little walk."
"In Beverly Hills, that's considered strange," he remarked. "Don't go too far," he said, raised his window and drove on. I watched him turn into the driveway and then I headed back myself. Maybe it was strange to be alone here and think.
I would do what Spike had suggested. I would confront Mommy again, hopefully when she was alone, and if I had the same result, I would get myself back on the plane as quickly as I could and I would fly away, leaving Mommy and my past behind me.

6
Devil's Bargain
.
Alec greeted me at the door when I returned

from my short walk and in a very stiff and formal voice informed me that Mr. and Mrs. Livingston wanted to see me immediately in the parlor.

"Melody, dear, where have you been?" Dorothy asked the moment I appeared. She was seated on the settee and Philip was sitting across from her in the thick cushioned arm chair, his posture regal. They looked like they had been having a very serious conversation. "Philip just told me he saw you wandering aimlessly about Beverly Hills. Why didn't you come right in and report to me about your second visit to that Egyptian whatever?"

"I just wanted to be alone for a while," I said. I certainly wasn't going to say anything about Spike and the little drama in his apartment. "I wasn't wandering about aimlessly. I knew where I was going. Doesn't anyone just take a walk here? Why did they build sidewalks?"

"You poor dear. Come in here this instant and give us the details about your visit," she insisted and patted the seat beside her.

Philip sat staring at me, his fingers pressed together in cathedral fashion, his beady dark eyes looking quite disapproving. I walked in slowly and sat. Then I took a deep breath and began.

"I met her," I said in a voice that even sounded like the voice of doom to me, "and she pretended not to know me."

Philip nodded and glanced sternly at Dorothy. "It was what I anticipated," he said, "even from the little I knew about this bizarre situation. Dorothy--"
"Now hush, Philip. We will solve the matter ourselves," she said, but he didn't look relieved.
"This is not one of your social games, Dorothy. I told you what I thought when I first heard about this. We sympathize with your situation, Melody," he said, directing himself to me, "but we're certainly not equipped to solve the problem as Dorothy implies. This sounds to me more like a police matter. Someone is surely defrauding someone here," he continued. "Perhaps an insurance company. I simply can't have myself attached to the issue in any way. I have a major responsibility to my clients, who are all highprofile, and I can't afford to have any negative publicity. You seem like an intelligent enough young woman to appreciate that."
"Yes sir. I'm sorry. I'll leave tomorrow."
"You don't have to leave so quickly," Dorothy said, but not with the same firmness she said most everything else to me.
"I don't want you to feel we're throwing you out. You're a friend of my sister-in-law and Dorothy made her sister some promises," he added, eyeing her disapprovingly. "You can stay for a while as long as you don't bring any of this mess to our doorstep, but from what it sounds like to me, my best advice to you is to return to where you call home and the people who care for you," Philip said.
"Yes sir," I replied in a small voice that started to crack.
"You can report what you know to the proper authorities and let them take the necessary action," he continued. "I'll assist you in doing that, if you wish."
"That's not why I came here. I don't care about any of that. I wanted to find out what really had happened to my mother. I wanted to see if she needed me."
There were tears in my eyes as I spoke, but they defied gravity and remained firmly under my lids.
"I see. Well, Dorothy knows that if you require some money for your return trip . . ."
"I have everything I need. Thank you," I said.
"Okay. I'm sorry for your trouble. You're a very nice young lady and I'm sure you'll regain your composure and go on to do something worthwhile with your life."
"Oh, she's going to do a lot more than that," Dorothy said. "She's an exceptional young lady."
"Yes, well, I'll just go up and get ready for dinner." He shot another, even sterner look at Dorothy. "Don't put yourself in a position where you're giving advice you shouldn't be giving, Dorothy."
"I think I know what I can and can't tell someone, Philip."
"I certainly hope so," he said with his eyes full of warning. He glanced at me and then rose and left the room.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't want to make any trouble for you. Maybe I should leave right away. I can stay in a motel until I make travel arrangements."
"Of course you won't do something like that. Don't you listen to him. He's just being . . . just being Philip Livingston," she said, as if that explained or justified it. "Now I want to hear all the details. Go on. Tell me everything from start to finish," she begged, leaning toward me, her eyes wide. For a moment I had the feeling she was treating me and my problem as if it were all another episode of her favorite soap opera. Nevertheless, I related the events as they occurred, leaving out my scene with Spike. When I was finished, she sighed deeply.
"Maybe Philip is right, dear. Maybe you should get on with your own life. Not that I want to chase you away, but . . ."
"My mother is part of my life," I said.
Dorothy smiled and shook her head at me as if I had said something ridiculous.
"Family can be such a burden. Look at what I have with Holly."
"Holly is a very happy person and she has a lot of friends and knows a lot of wonderful people," I shot back. "I can't think of anyone who's been nicer to me."
"Oh she has a heart of gold, especially when it comes to helping other people, but will she ever help herself? Not Holly. She was always like that, always off on a cloud. I tried to get her to be more substantial and do more with her life, but there's just so much you can do and then, then you've got to do what Philip said, go on with your own life. Philip does give the best advice. He always has. Sometimes, I feel he's more like a father to me than a husband." She smiled. "Are you all right, dear? Is there anything else you want to tell me?"
"I'm tired," I said. Dorothy was so wrapped up in herself, she would never hear anything she didn't want to hear anyway, "thought. "I'll just go up and rest for a while."
"Of course. Take a whirlpool bubble bath and suddenly the world will look much better to you. Believe me, it will. If I'm depressed, I just go to the spa and get a facial and take a mud bath and a massage. What good is money if you don't use it to make yourself happy and drive away the gloomies?" she added with a thin little laugh. What she said reminded me of our shopping spree and all she had spent on me. I was sure now that Philip would be very upset once he found out, despite what she had told me.
"I'd like you to bring that evening dress back to the store, Dorothy. I won't be needing it now and--"
"You certainly will. Won't you go to some nice affair back East? And just think how envious all the other young women will be when they see you in a designer dress."
I stared at her, too tired to argue.
She rang a bell and a few seconds later, Christina appeared in the doorway.
"Christina, will you please draw a bubble bath for Melody?"
"I can do that myself," I said.
"Please, just do it, Christina," Dorothy emphasized firmly.
"Yes, Mrs. Livingston," Christina said and left to do it immediately.
"Really, dear. You have to let the servants do their work otherwise . . ." She laughed. "Otherwise we won't need servants and they would be without jobs, and Christina is someone who can't afford to be without a job. She has a flock of children to feed. Enjoy your bath. Alec will call you to dinner."
She rose and stood there for a moment gazing at me.
"I wish you were able to stay for a while longer. I have so much to teach you," she said and then shook her head with a twist of pity on her lips and left.
You have so much to teach me? I thought and gazed around at this palace in which two people shared wealth beyond my imagination, but seemed to be like strangers to each other. I don't want to learn about getting the best table in a restaurant or how to keep a wrinkle off my face. No, I wanted to learn something much deeper. I wanted to learn where I truly belonged. If I stayed here ten years more, I didn't think I could get Dorothy Livingston to understand that.
My legs felt like they had turned to stone beneath me when I rose and started for the stairs. It was another bright day outside, but inside my heart the sky was overcast with long, thick clouds of despair. As I approached my room, I heard Christina singing by the whirlpool tub.
"I've put in some scented bubble bath for you," she said when she heard me enter.
"Thank you."
She looked at me closely.
"Did you have a bad day?" she asked.
I started to shake my head, but my lips trembled and my chin quivered. I had to bite down to keep from releasing a sob.
"You poor girl," she said, coming to me. I couldn't help myself. I started to cry. She wrapped her arms around me quickly and held me to her, stroking my hair. "There, there, now, nothing is as bad as all that."
"Yes it is," I wailed. "My own mother refused to recognize me today. She ran off and left me with relatives back East and then I think she pretended to die so she would be rid of me forever," I blurted.
Christina looked shocked for a moment and then she nodded slowly, her lips firm.
"Any woman who denies her own child must be in trouble," she declared. "It's not natural and it has to be painful for her."
"Do you think so?" I asked, wiping my eyes.
"Oh yes. When you become a mother, you'll understand," she said with a smile. "Your child is part of you, always your baby. It hurts to see them grow up because you know they're growing away from you, but that's a different and healthy kind of letting go.
"I'm sure your mother will contact you," she said and squeezed my hand softly.
"She doesn't know where I'm staying."
"Then she expects you'll be back," Christina assured me.
"I don't know," I said, thinking about it. I wanted to share her optimism, to make everything terrible look small and insignificant, to believe that after a storm there was always a rainbow, but I had been disappointed so many times already.
"Have more faith, dear," she said. "Relax, eat a good dinner, get a good night's rest and tomorrow, tomorrow will look a lot more promising."
Her smile was like the sunshine after the rain. I couldn't help but smile back.
"Thank you," I said. "Your children are lucky to have such a good mother?'
"Oh, I tell them that all the time," she joked. She had me laughing again and for an instant I felt like my old self, full of sunshine and laughter.
I enjoyed my whirlpool bath, soaked and relaxed and practiced meditating. I thought about Billy Maxwell overcoming his personal disaster and I grew stronger. I was even hungry and looking forward to dinner.
Right after I got dressed, there was a knock on my door and Christina poked her head in.
"Everything all right?"
"Yes, thank you, Christina."
"You have a call," she said. "Just leave the bathroom as it is. I'll come back before I leave and take care of it all," she added, closing the door so I would have privacy. I imagined it was Holly calling again. Maybe Dorothy had called her and told her what Philip had said. Holly would want me to fly back to New York and stay with her for a while. I had to admit it looked like the best idea.
"Hello."
"Melody," Cary said. What a surprise it was to hear from him.
"Cary!"
"I called Holly and got her sister's number. Are you all right? How was the trip?"
I spoke quickly, in minutes summarizing everything that had happened, beginning with the near disaster at the airport. He listened silently until I was finished. I realized it was already late in the evening back East.
"Sounds like you've had a terrible time from the day you left New York," he said.
"But how are you?" I asked.
"Things are not too good here, Melody. I'm actually calling you from the hospital."
"The hospital! What happened to you?"
"It's not me. Dad's back in the cardiac care unit. He had another heart attack. I think he brought it on himself this time, complaining about being restricted, insisting on doing more than he should."
"Oh Cary, I'm so sorry. How's Aunt Sara?"
"You know Ma. She just keeps herself working so she won't think about it."
"And May?"
"Not so good. She misses you a lot," he said. "Which is about half as much as I do. But I
understand why you have to be away," he added quickly.
"I do miss you very much, too, Cary."
"What are you going to do now?"
"I'm not sure yet. I'll call you as soon as I know," I promised. "If you can, tell Uncle Jacob I hope he feels better."
"I will."
"And take care of yourself, Cary. You can't do everything for everyone," I said, knowing him.
He laughed.
"Look who's talking. Guess who I saw this morning at the hospital?" he said. "Grandma Olivia. She couldn't help herself. She had to ask me if I had heard from you. I told her I was calling you tonight and she made me promise to give her the latest news."
"She's just hoping her investment pays off and I stay away forever," I said dryly.
"But you're going to fool her," he said and then laughed nervously.
"Right now I think the only person I've been fooling is myself," I moaned.
"I saw Kenneth in town this afternoon. I didn't speak to him. I saw him just as he was driving away. He looked . . . more straggly, if that's possible. I guess he's not taking very good care of himself."
"That's too bad. I was afraid something like that might happen."
"We're all just falling apart without you around here," Cary said.
"Oh, Cary."
"I don't know if I said it enough to be sure you believed me, Melody, but I love you. I really do."
"I believe you, Cary, and I do miss you."
"Take care of yourself and don't fall in love with any movie stars," he kidded.
"You don't have to worry about that," I said, laughing.
His good-bye was like a ribbon in the wind, lingering for a moment and then drifting away with the end of the phone call. I held the receiver for a few minutes after the line had gone dead, as if by doing so I could hold on to Cary's voice and my warm memories of him longer.
When I went downstairs for dinner, I found the air even thicker than usual, if that was possible. Philip uttered barely a word, eating and staring ahead as if he were alone in the room. Dorothy tried to make small talk, telling me about a new makeup she had discovered and a skin cream that made her feel as soft as a baby.
The food was a treat, a Mexican dish called a fajita. Dorothy told me Mexican food was very popular in Los Angeles.
"Because there are so many of them here and most of them are good cooks," she explained.
After dinner she wanted me to watch television with her; it seemed Philip rarely did anything with her at night. He usually had work to do in his office, or if he wasn't working, he was reading. Dorothy had said he hated television unless he was watching the financial reports, which she thought were abominably boring. I wondered what had brought these two people together at an altar to pledge undying love and devotion until death did them part. It seemed the only romance in Dorothy's life was the romance she watched with religious devotion on her soap operas.
I thought about the things Christina had said and I thought about Cary and May and Kenneth, and all the people who needed me back in Provincetown. Wasting any more time seemed sinful. I would do no more of it, I pledged.
"I'm going back to The Egyptian Gardens one more time," I declared after dinner. That brought animation into Philip's face. "And I'm not going to leave until I get some truthful answers."
"Tonight?" Dorothy asked.
"Yes, right away," I said.
"Really, Melody, do you think that's wise, especially at this time of night?" Dorothy asked. She looked to Philip for support.
"I wouldn't suggest you do that," he said. "It's not very intelligent in light of what you have already experienced."
"Sometimes, we have to do what our hearts command more than what our minds demand," I replied.
"Inevitably that leads to disaster," he retorted.
I said nothing more, but they both understood I was going.
"I'd rather not have our limousine involved," Philip said as he rose from the table.