Unforeseeable (26 page)

“When I met Thelma, I didn't want to do it no more. Somethin' about the woman made me want to be good. But when she died . . . Well, there was nothin' to stop me anymore.” He swiped his eyes with the back of his hand. I was shocked to see tears in his eyes. “She was an angel. Too good for this world. Can't figure out why God took her from me. He knew what was gonna happen. What I was
gonna do.”

“It's not up to you to decide who lives or who dies.”

“Maybe not, but I'm doin' it anyway.” He shook his head. “I don't want you to think I enjoy killin'. I don't. After I do it, I feel real bad. Bein' honest about it, I just can't help myself. It's somethin' I gotta do. Like breathin'.”

I was trying to keep him talking, but it was still more than an hour before Noah was due home. There was no way I could keep him going that long.

“What about Mary Carson? She was my friend. You had no right—”

My comment about Mary seemed to infuriate him. Bud stood up and started for the couch, his face a mask of anger, his hands reaching for me. “About Mary Carson. She—”

Before he had a chance to finish his sentence, I heard a loud bang and Bud crumpled to the floor in front of the
fireplace. I screamed and tried to get off the couch, but I just fell back again.

“Callie, are you okay?” Roger Carson came around the side of the couch, a gun in his hand.

“Oh, Roger!” was all I could manage to get out before darkness overwhelmed me.

I regained consciousness
to find Roger sitting beside me on the couch, wiping my face with a damp rag.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

For some reason, I couldn't catch my breath. I struggled to inhale, but every time I tried, it hurt.

“Just calm down, Callie,” Roger said. “You're having a panic attack. You've got to slow down your breathing and relax. Bud can't hurt you now. I called the sheriff from my car, and he's on the way.”

I grabbed Roger's hand, not caring about protocol or decorum. “Thank you,” I said breathlessly. “Thank you so much.”

“Shh. You've got to settle down.”

I nodded and let go of his hand. As I focused on my breathing, it began to slow down. Roger kept wiping my face, and I realized I was covered with sweat. After a few minutes, I felt better.

“I-I'd like to sit up,” I said.

Roger helped me readjust myself on the couch. At least now I was upright and didn't feel quite so vulnerable. He handed me a glass of water, which I drank gratefully.

“I'm really tired of passing out,” I said, my voice shaking. “It's getting very inconvenient.”

Roger smiled. “If it helps, I almost fainted myself when I saw Bud through the window.”

“Why did you come back?”

He shook his head. “I was on my way back to the office when it hit me. The red cedar trees. We kept that quiet. Only the murderer would have known about it.”

“But why did you shoot him?” I asked after I handed him back the glass.

“He was going to kill you,” he replied, frowning. “I didn't think reasoning with him was going to work.”

“But he didn't have a gun.”

“Bud didn't shoot those women, Callie. He strangled them, and he was getting ready to do the same to you.”

I nodded, but it still bothered me. If Roger had warned him, maybe Bud would have stopped. Even though he was an evil man, leaving him alive would have given him a chance to change. To repent and get right with God. At first, I was just grateful to be alive, but now I felt the weight of Bud's death on my heart. And suddenly I remembered John.

“Oh, Roger!” I cried. “Bud did something to John Lapp. I don't know if he's still alive.”

Roger frowned. “I saw the buggy tied up on the side of the house, but I assumed it was Noah's.”

I shook my head. “Lizzie and Noah don't drive a buggy anymore. And their horses are in the barn.”

“Do you have any idea where John might be?”

“No, but Bud said if he wasn't dead already, he would be soon. Oh, Roger. Please find him.”

He stood up. “You keep still. I'll look and be right back.”

I nodded. As he walked away, I prayed for John. Prayed that he would be all right. As I spoke to God, I couldn't get the look of surprise on Bud's face out of my mind. And I couldn't look at his crumpled body lying by the fireplace. Somehow I knew it would haunt me the rest of my life.

After a few minutes, I heard the back door to the kitchen open. And then the door to the bedroom where I'd slept. Had he found John? Was he alive? It seemed like forever before Roger came back into the room. He looked worried.

“I brought him in, but he's in bad shape. I put him in the back bedroom. I've got to get on the radio and call for an ambulance. He's—”

Before Roger had a chance to say anything else, the front door flew open. Sheriff Timmons stood there with his gun drawn.

“It's okay, Brodie,” Roger said. “Bud's dead. He tried to kill Callie, and I had to shoot him.”

I expected the sheriff to put his gun away, but he didn't. In fact, he didn't move. Just kept his gun trained on Roger.

“Sheriff,” I said, “everything's okay. You can put your gun away.”

Two people came in the door behind Sheriff Timmons. Noah and Levi. Their expressions frightened me.

“Take your gun out of its holster, Roger,” the sheriff said grimly. “Hold it by the barrel with your index finger and thumb, put it on the floor, and kick it toward me.”

“But, Sheriff—”

“Now, Roger.”

The sheriff's authoritative tone made me jump. “I don't understand,” I said. “What's—”

“The coroner's report came back. Mary wasn't killed by
strangulation. It was a blow to the head. She was strangled after she was already dead. Her death was made to look similar to the other killings. You did it, Roger. You killed her.”

Roger's face went slack, and he started to say something, but the sheriff interrupted him.

“There's no use denying it. I talked to your neighbor about an hour ago. She was outside with her dog the night Mary died. She heard the fight, and she saw you leave early the next morning. After you put something large in the trunk of your car. I'm sure a good forensics investigation will turn up the evidence we need.”

I swung around to gaze at Roger, shocked by what the sheriff had said. “Roger, what is he talking about? I don't understand.” Suddenly, I remembered Roger's torn pocket. “Your pocket. Mary didn't fix it because she was already dead. She never would have let you out of the house like that.”

“I . . . I didn't—”

“Yes, you did,” Timmons said. “It's over, Roger. Just give me your gun.”

Roger slowly slid his gun out of its holster, but instead of obeying the sheriff's instructions, he raised the barrel until it was pointed straight at me.

“What . . . what are you doing?” My voice was barely a squeak. Could this really be happening? I'd thought I was finally safe.

Although Roger's gun was pointed at me, his gaze was trained on the sheriff. “It was an accident. Mary didn't want me to work for you. Mennonite tradition reared its ugly head again. She said it wasn't right. Carrying a gun meant I might have to shoot someone, which was a sin. I tried to reason with her, but I lost my temper. I didn't mean to do it.” Tears
began streaming down his face. “She just kept going on and on about how she wanted me to quit. She was fine when I went through training, but after I became a deputy, she went crazy. Started spouting all these Scriptures about nonviolence. I've wanted to be in law enforcement all my life, and I couldn't let her stop me. She . . . she grabbed me. Tore my pocket.” He stopped to wipe his face.

“So then what happened, Roger?” Levi's voice was soft and soothing. I looked back at him and saw him staring at me.

“I hit her. I didn't mean to, and I don't know why I did it. My . . . my dad used to hit me when I was a kid, and I hated it. It made me angry. It wasn't until I met Mary that I got my anger under control.” His voice broke.

“Everyone loses their temper sometimes,” Levi said, taking a step closer toward us. “No one's perfect.”

“But . . . she fell,” Roger said, as if he hadn't even heard Levi. “She fell,” he repeated in a whisper.

“It was an accident, then?” Sheriff Timmons seemed to be trying to match Levi's gentle approach, but his revolver stayed trained on Roger. It was obvious they were trying to calm him before something terrible happened. I realized I was caught between two guns. A sob of fear caught in my throat.

“She hit her head on the edge of the coffee table when she fell.” He shuddered. “I heard the crack. I tried to save her. I really did, but I couldn't.”

“I understand,” the sheriff said. “It's not murder, Roger. Turn yourself in now, and I'll help you. We'll go through this together.”

Roger slowly shook his head from side to side. “They'll say I should have called an ambulance. That it might have
saved her. But that wasn't true. I would have called if there was a chance—”

“But she was already dead,” I said, trying to help the sheriff get Roger to put down his gun. “An ambulance wouldn't have helped her.”

He appeared to be thinking about this, turning my words over in his mind. Suddenly his expression hardened, and he waved the gun back and forth. I heard Levi's voice from behind me.

“No.”

I turned slowly and saw that the sheriff had lifted his gun higher and was looking down the barrel. Was he about to shoot Roger?

“Wait, Sheriff.” Levi took another step closer. “We'll work this out, Roger. You haven't purposely killed anyone yet, and I don't believe you're going to. I've known you a long time. Ever since we were kids. You're not a murderer, and you're not going to shoot us. I'm sure of that.”

Roger lowered his gun and sobbed. “You're right, Levi. I can't shoot you, but I can end this now.” In an instant, he turned the gun around and put it under his chin.

“No!” I cried. “Roger, stop!”

He looked at me over the barrel of his gun. “I'm sorry, Callie. I really am. I wouldn't have hurt you. I hope you believe that.”

Forgetting the pain in my chest and my side, I pulled myself up and looked him in the face. “Murder is murder, Roger. If you kill yourself, it's still murder.”

“I . . . I can't go on. Don't ask me to.”

“I am asking you to. God loves you, Roger. He'll help you through this. We all will. You can still have a life.” I saw his
finger move on the trigger. “What would Mary want you to do?” I said quickly. “Wouldn't she want you to live? Wouldn't she want you to face what's happened?”

He lowered the gun just a little. As I looked into his eyes, I was shocked by the anguish I saw there. I was also surprised that the sheriff hadn't made a move. Maybe he wasn't convinced that Roger meant it when he said he wouldn't shoot me. For whatever reason, I was thankful for a chance to talk to him. To try to change his mind.

“God tells us not to kill, Roger. If you do this, you're saying that God can't turn this situation around. That He can't bring good out of it. But He can. Remember King David? He had a man killed, and it wasn't an accident. Yet God forgave David and blessed him. He called David a man after His own heart. If God can love David and bless Him, why can't He do the same for you?”

The gun barrel was lowered a few more inches.

“But I'll go to prison.”

“Yes, you will,” the sheriff said from behind me. “But not for as long as you would have for willful first-degree murder.”

“But what if they don't believe me?” I could tell by the tone of his voice that we were getting through to him.

“People around here will testify to the kind of man you are,” I said. I looked deeply into his eyes and held out my hand, trying to ignore the stabbing pain that racked my body. “Please, Roger. Don't do this to yourself and don't do it to us. Do you know how much it would hurt us to watch you die? It's something I would never forget. Never get over. You have the chance to make a good decision after several bad ones. Do the right thing now.”

Slowly Roger placed the gun into my hand. I gripped it
tightly, pulled it away, and carefully placed it onto the couch behind me. Instantly, Levi scooped me up into his arms while Sheriff Timmons retrieved the gun and moved it away from us. Then he took hold of Roger, pulled his arms back, and placed handcuffs on him.

“Callie,” Levi said, tears in his eyes, “if anything had happened to you, I don't know what I would have done.” He kept me sheltered in his arms until the sheriff led Roger out of the house. Three or four black cars with sirens blaring pulled up into the yard all at the same time. Men ran into the house, looked at Bud's body, and then ran to the back of the house to check on John. In the midst of all the commotion, Levi and I just clung to each other and cried.

“How are you feeling this evening?”

After staying with Lizzie and Noah for almost three weeks, I finally moved back to my own apartment. My mother came to stay with me until I was ready to be on my own. After another two weeks with Mother, I was getting around pretty well.

“Much better now that I've stopped taking those pain pills. Aspirin seems to be doing the trick, and I'm not so jumpy.”

“I'm glad.”

We were working on our relationship, but there was still a measure of forced politeness between us. We'd talked several times, and things were improving. Realistically, we had to face the fact that we were strangers. There was no way to go back and reestablish a bond that was long gone. All we could do was try to build a new one.

Mother and I ate dinner, but instead of taking our dishes downstairs the way she usually did, she sat at the table, looking nervous, and drumming her fingers on the tabletop.

“Is something wrong, Mother?” I asked finally.

She blinked rapidly, took a deep breath, and started to say something when heavy steps on the stairs stopped her. I looked over and saw Levi come into the living room.

“Have you told her?” he asked my mother.

She shook her head.

“Told me what?”

Levi came over and sat down in a chair across from us. The past few weeks had been rough. After talking through many issues, Levi and I had reached a conclusion about our lives together. Finally, we'd come to a very painful decision. One we hadn't told our friends yet. Or my mother. A choice we weren't sure they would understand.

“Your mother has something to tell you,” Levi said solemnly. “I've been waiting quite a while for her to share this. She's been afraid, but she's ready tonight, aren't you Esther?”

Mother didn't look as confident as Levi sounded.

“Wait a minute. Does this have anything to do with what was said during counseling that had to do with the murders?” To be honest, with everything that had happened, I'd forgotten all about Levi's odd assertion.

“That's exactly what I'm talking about. You know, the reason you and Lizzie initially focused on poor John Lapp as a serial killer.” Levi shook his head. “Poor John. He only came by to complain about a couple of the hymns we selected the Sunday before. They were too progressive for him.”

I smiled. “That sounds like John. You know, Lizzie almost had Sheriff Timmons convinced he might be the killer. Then John went to visit his cousin who lives near Topeka for a few days. That really made him look guilty.” I shook my head. “Well, it made sense at the time.” I frowned at my mother. “So what is it you want to tell me?” I was surprised to see a look of fear on her face. “What in the world is it, Mother?”

She put her hands over her face for a moment and took a deep breath. Then she lowered her hands and stared at me
with tears in her eyes. “Callie, when I got here, I found out about your engagement. I knew you'd never come back to Missouri with me unless I could find a way to break up you and Levi. I hadn't yet learned what a good man Levi is.”

“Break us up? I don't understand.”

“I . . . I found Levi's book in a pew at the church. You know, the one about the Anabaptist martyrs. For some reason I took it. At first I planned to return it to him, but then . . . I don't know. I guess I kept it out of spite. On Monday morning I was on my way into town when I spotted something odd in the trees by the road. I got out to see what it was and realized it was a body. I was horrified and got back in my buggy, planning to ride into town and get help. But before I drove away, something came over me, and I grabbed that book from under my seat and put it in that poor girl's hands. I guess I thought if Levi was suspected of having something to do with her death, it would ruin your chances of being together. You'd gladly leave town with me when I told you who I was.” She sobbed and shook her head. “I can't explain what I was thinking. It was so wrong.

“Once I got to town, I was so ashamed of what I'd done, I wanted to go back and fix it. But Mercy Eberly found the body before I could make things right. The only thing I could think to do was to talk to Levi. So I went to him and confessed.” She dabbed at her wet eyes with her fingertips. “He was so kind. So understanding. I realized what a wonderful man he is, and how lucky you are to have him in your life. I was terrified that if you knew what I'd done, we'd never be reconciled. I begged Levi to wait until things settled down, until I could find the courage to tell you the truth.”

“So you let him come under suspicion?” I couldn't keep the
anger out of my voice. “I thought you said you were a Christian. What kind of Christian would do something like that?”

“Wait a minute, Callie,” Levi said. “She could have stayed silent, but she didn't. And by then, I knew that the authorities didn't actually suspect me. I told your mother it was okay to wait. As long as it didn't put anyone else in danger.”

“But what about the investigation?” I asked. “The KBI needs to know the truth.” I glared at my mother. “You need to go to the authorities and tell them what you've done.”

“Esther and I already met with the sheriff,” Levi said. “The KBI believes Bud got the book at some point when he was in town and put it with the body for an unknown reason. Maybe to divert suspicion from himself. Brodie suggested we just leave things alone. Now that the KBI knows Bud was the man they were looking for, they're not concerned about the book anyway. As far as they're concerned, their serial-killer case is closed.”

I frowned at him. “I don't know . . .”

Levi looked over at my mother, whose head was down. She wouldn't look at me. “Brodie told your mother that if the question ever came up, he'd be forced to tell the truth. She accepted that. He also asked her to stay in the area until everything was finally settled with Roger. Just in case.”

Roger had been charged with negligent homicide in Mary's death. Authorities were also looking into Bud's shooting, not convinced he was killed to protect me. Instead, they believed Roger shot Bud to keep him from telling anyone he wasn't responsible for Mary's death. I had no idea what the truth was, and to be honest, I didn't want to know.

Roger was in jail, awaiting trial and possible further charges. Levi had been to visit him several times. Even Mary's parents went to see him, letting him know they'd forgiven him. It was
the Mennonite way to return good for evil. However, it would take me some time to face him—if I ever did.

“If I need to admit to what I did in court, I will,” Mother said tearfully. “I'm so sorry. I've been wrong. About everything. I don't know how many times I can ask you to forgive me.”

Having endured my father's manipulation and verbal abuse by creating a fantasy world, I could understand a lot of the reasons my mother had acted out of her fear. Even though I was still angry about her actions, I reached for her hand.

“It's okay,” I said. “We'll find a way to work through this.”

“Th-thank you, Callie,” she said. “I'm trying hard to be the mother you should have had for all these years.”

“Mother, I've already forgiven you. But no more lies. No more hiding the truth from me. We need to be honest with each other if we're ever going to let go of what's behind and cherish what we have now.”

She nodded, and for the first time since we'd sat down, she smiled. “I know it may take us some time, but I believe we can become friends. Maybe more.”

“You're my mother, and you always will be. But we'll work on the friendship part too.”

We could hear someone coming up the stairs. Noah stuck his head in the room and nodded at his brother. “The regular customers are gone, and everyone you invited is here.”

Levi nodded at him. “Okay. We're on the way down.”

Mother looked confused. “I'm sorry. I didn't know you were planning something.”

“You're part of it, Mother,” I said. “Why don't you come with us, and we'll explain.”

Although she looked puzzled, she got up and followed us down the stairs. As we entered the dining room, we found
friends and family seated around the tables. Lizzie had served everyone coffee and tea.

As I looked around the room, I realized how much Kingdom had been altered by recent events. It seemed as if every life had been touched in some way by the evil committed by two men.

I caught Lizzie's eye and smiled at her. Lizzie and Noah had come to me after the incident at their house, expressing remorse for leaving me alone with Bud. They'd felt guilty for not realizing he was dangerous and asked for my forgiveness. But Bud had fooled all of us. And so had Roger. There was nothing to forgive, and I told them so. In truth, they'd saved my life in more ways than one. I was so grateful for them.

Ruby Wittenbauer sat at their table, she and Charity giggling together. Lizzie and Noah had taken Ruby in to live with them after the church told Elmer and Dorcas they had to give her up or they'd lose any future assistance. They couldn't get Ruby out of the house fast enough. It comforted me to know that Ruby would have a wonderful life and Charity would have a sister.

All the people we'd asked to attend were there, except John Lapp. He was still recovering from his injuries. The day Bud died, John had simply stopped by to check on me after hearing I'd been in the hospital. A nice gesture that went horribly wrong. I hoped his being beaten and left for dead wouldn't curb his desire to be neighborly in the future. We never told him he'd been suspected of being a serial killer, and we had no intention of doing so. There are some things that are better left unsaid.

John's near-death experience did produce one good result. He took his copy of the Mennonite martyrs book to the school
and donated it. Seems he originally denied he had it because he didn't want to turn loose of it. His actions had made us suspect him of something much worse than stinginess.

I looked over at Levi. In the past week, his whole demeanor had changed. The carefree young man I'd fallen in love with was back. “I've been so frustrated,” he'd told me after Bud was arrested. “I'm sorry I wasn't more open with you from the beginning. I wasn't completely certain what I wanted to do. Now I know I just want to minister to people, but without being surrounded by rules and people telling me every move to make.”

His confession freed me to tell him some things that I found difficult to say. An honest look into my heart had brought me to some painful conclusions. Tonight, those conclusions were coming to a head.

I led Mother over to a table and sat her down next to Hope, Ebbie, and Samuel. Hope's look of encouragement fortified me, and I prayed she'd still feel positive after Levi and I made our announcement.

Looking around the room, I saw other people who meant a great deal to me. Dottie Hostettler smiled at me. Levi's parents were the only people who knew what we were getting ready to say. Ruth Fisher and her daughter sat with Matthew and Anna Engel. Anna's sweet smile made me feel braver. Aaron and the elders were together at another table. Lizzie sat down next to Noah, Leah, and Brodie Timmons. Levi and I knew that what we had to tell our friends and family would be difficult for them to receive. I took a seat at an empty table, since Levi would be the one addressing them first. He walked to the center of the room.

“Thank you all for coming here tonight,” he said.

I could hear the nervousness in his voice and prayed silently that God would give him courage.

“The past few weeks have been very difficult for all of us. Seeing Kingdom under a shadow of evil made us feel vulnerable. Dealing with death was hard, but enduring the death of someone we cared for was particularly difficult. I pray you all will surround Mary's parents with love and see to their needs.” He cleared his throat and stared down at the floor. “I'm also going to ask you to keep Roger Carson in your prayers. Roger is a fellow believer who made a terrible mistake.” He looked up and met my mother's eyes. “Sometimes Christians make mistakes. Bad ones. But we have an Intercessor in heaven who defends us when the devil comes before the throne to accuse us of sin. That Intercessor loves Roger and has already forgiven him. I pray you will do the same. And if any of you want to know how to send him a letter or if you'd like to visit him, please see me or Callie after we're done here. We'll give you the information.”

I noticed several people nodding at Levi's pronouncement. I was particularly surprised to see Matthew's head bobbing up and down.

Levi cleared his throat again and looked my way. I gave him an encouraging smile, wishing I could make what was coming easier for him. But there was no way I could.

“Callie and I have invited you all here tonight because you are important in our lives. What I'm getting ready to tell you will be repeated in church this Sunday, but we felt we should tell you first, rather than letting you find out with everyone else.” He paused for a moment, struggling with his emotions. “After searching our hearts and praying fervently, Callie and I have decided . . .” He paused and took a deep breath. I could
feel my heart beat so hard I wondered if others could hear it. “Callie and I have decided to leave Kingdom.”

Several gasps erupted around the room.

Lizzie's was one of them. “Leave Kingdom?” she said. “I . . . I don't understand.”

Levi shook his head. “Please understand that we love you all. It has nothing to do with you. Any of you. But for personal reasons, we feel we must make this decision. I've accepted the position of assistant pastor at a small church in Newton, Kansas. I'll be living in an apartment at the church, and Callie will be living with the pastor and his wife until we're married. The church has a small house we'll move into after the wedding.”