Unforgivable (9 page)

She took his hand, feeling that familiar crushing sense of responsibility and guilt. “It is enough, but the doctor said there wasn’t any reason you couldn’t come back from the injury. I just thought... never mind. It’s not important,” she said, feeling a sting in her eyes and not sure why. She stepped back. “Maybe if I changed my hair. Or my looks. Maybe you just got bored with the way I look, or with me.”

“You look fine.” 

She wasn’t sure if Ben had ever looked at her in a sexual way. He had always loved her, but had he ever wanted her?

Silas’s eyes flashed into her mind, the sultry way he’d assessed her that first night. Not lustily, but...interested. 

She took Ben’s hand. “Let’s give each other foot rubs.”

“Do I have a daddy, Mama? All the kids at school have one, even if he doesn’t live with them.”

 “You have a daddy, course you do.” She laughed, but her face didn’t match the sound. “He’s not around anymore. Someday I’ll tell you about him, sweetness. When you’re old enough to understand.”

“What do I need to understand, Mama?”

Katie’s mama squeezed her tighter as they sat by the creek and watched twigs float on by. “It’s not simple to explain to a six-year-old.”

“Will you tell me when I’m seven?”

She laughed again, but still her face looked so sad. Then that fierce look came over her, and she pinched Katie’s cheeks affectionately. “Do we need a man around?” Katie shook her head. “No, we don’t. Cause it’s the two of us, together forever. That’s all that matters, right?”

“Right.” Katie settled back in front of her mama. “Just us, forever.”

During a quiet moment the next afternoon, Ben listened to Katie and Bertrice outside with the two dogs they were boarding. The girls were giggling, though he wasn’t close enough this time to hear what they were talking about. It bothered him to realize that Katie never giggled with him, never even laughed much. Was it Bertrice who was putting these sexual ideas in Katie’s head? 

He sometimes wondered if she realized how hard he worked to keep her happy. She was his life, and all he asked in return is that he be her life. 

He couldn’t say that he’d fallen in love with her the first time he’d ever seen her. That would be immoral, after all, since she had been nine, but her dusty, tear-streaked face looking at him like he was her hero had snared his heart. He’d wanted to make her world a better place. He’d done his best to make it happen. He tried to be the perfect husband. Sometimes it helped to remind her how much he’d done for her. Lately, it didn’t seem to be enough. It scared him to think she’d leave him. He loved her more than anything.

The Great Dane dodged between them in their game of chase, sending Katie butt-down on the spongy grass. She was laughing so hard, she could barely get back to her feet. The strands of hair around her face were damp. She was pretty, prettier than he wanted her to realize. If she doubted her beauty, if she thought that maybe it was her plainness that kept him from sustaining an erection, then maybe she wouldn’t go looking for an outlet elsewhere. That thought was worth the hurt look on her face when she tried to take the blame for his condition. In truth, sex just wasn’t that important in his relationship with Katie.

He stepped out onto the porch, but the girls were having too much fun to even notice him. At least the cat that prowled the porch said hello, rubbing against his leg. He scratched behind her ears, mindful of the site of surgery. The fenced-in yard was small, but plenty of room for a rambunctious Dalmatian mix and Great Dane. 

“I’m going to get an ice tea,” he said. “You girls want one?”

Katie pushed her hair out of her face as she noticed him at last. “I’ll walk with you. I’ve got to pick up some milk.”

He liked the idea of her walking with him, and he held her hand as they crossed the street and headed up the cracked sidewalk.

“Meet you right here,” he said as he headed into the diner. 

She read the pink flier in the diner’s window now begging for volunteers. Then she went next door to the grocery mart. 

He liked that everyone greeted him when he walked in. It meant a lot to be accepted. Well, everyone greeted him except for the dark-haired stranger in the booth by the door. He looked familiar, but he wasn’t one of Flatlands’ residents. He figured he knew just about everyone. This is what the town council wanted, more strangers, more business.

Then there was the stranger who’d been born in Flatlands, Gary Savino. After disappointing his father by becoming a cop in Atlanta, he’d returned six months ago. Not to reconcile with his father, Sam, but to become a county cop. Word was, he was just as arrogant as ever, and Ben could believe that with the way Gary was slumped in a booth by himself. His dark hair was cut short, and his brown eyes watched everyone with silent recrimination. Judging, it seemed, who measured up and who didn’t. As though that uniform gave him the right. Ben had caught him watching Katie on occasion, but in a different way.

“You ever find out what your wife was doing?” Dinah asked as she got Ben’s sweetened tea ready. 

“Get me two more for the girls,” he said, nodding to the pitcher. “Driving around, she said. Sorry I missed the meeting. Katie wanted me to stick around after the scare and all.”

Dinah set the Styrofoam cup on the counter. “I sure hope that woman appreciates you. There are plenty of women around here who’d be glad to take her place.” 

Harold, who was sitting one stool away, said, “Dinah, if you’re gonna flirt with anybody, do it with me. I’m not even married! I asked you to marry me, what, a hundred times and each time you said no.” He crossed his bulky arms in front of him, doing his best to look insulted and hurt, which was an amusing prospect with a beast of a man like Harold. Especially with the tic that throbbed intermittently on his right eyelid.

She lowered her dark lashes. “I wasn’t flirting, and I ain’t in the market for no husband. I got everything I need right here.” She lifted her eyebrow. “And in my drawer at home.”

Ben cleared his throat, then eyed the display of handmade chocolate lollipops. “I’ll get one of these for Katie, too.”

Harold said, “Dinah, when you gonna stop trying to culturize us with this snooty music! Last week it was that island stuff, this week, instruments.”

“It’s contemporary jazz, and if you had a speck of culture, you’d have known that. All you all are is a bunch of farmhands wanting nothing but country music.” Dinah picked up the remote and changed the satellite from the music station to the qualifying rounds of a NASCAR race. She bagged up the teas and lollipop and handed them to Ben. “I’ll put it on the tab,” she said, the tab being a non-existent bill. He’d helped her horse at no charge and she never forgot it. That’s the kind of gratitude that touched him.

Sam Savino strolled in wearing his usual tweed suit. Ben could respect a man who prided himself on his professionalism. Ben, however, wouldn’t count himself among Sam’s friends; the man was as arrogant as a bear. He had impossibly high standards. They nodded to each other with barely a smile.

Sam stiffened when he saw his son in the far booth, then did what he usually did, which was ignore him. He slid onto one of the stools and said to Dinah, “How fresh is the iced tea?”

She glanced at the clock. “Two hours. I know, I know, I’ll brew up a fresh pot.”

Something made a chirping noise. Several men glanced at their belts to check beepers. Then Gary slid out of the booth, his shoulders stiffer than usual, and rushed out of the diner.

Katie was standing outside the diner staring so intently at the stranger she didn’t even see Gary’s eyes on her as he walked past. The stranger was talking to Geraldine Thorpe, who was working at the diner after school to help pay for college. She seemed more interested in the man in the booth than whether anyone needed a refill of sweet tea.

Ben stepped outside, and Katie blinked and laughed nervously. “Didn’t even see you come out. Got the milk.”

He took her hand and headed out. This time, the stranger was watching Katie.

“Who are they?” Silas asked his waitress, who was a cute brunette and a bit of a flirt.

“Oh, that’s Dr. Ferguson. He’s just the nicest person you’ll ever know. He’s the town vet.”

“And who’s that with him?”

Geraldine’s warm tone of voice cooled. “That’s his wife, Katie.”

He stretched out beneath the table. “Sounds like you don’t like her much.”

She lifted her shoulder. “Don’t really know her that well. She’s nice enough at the animal hospital and all, but she never comes into town much, never participates in much. She’s not really that friendly, you know? Bertrice says she’s pretty nice. She works over there after school.”

Silas wanted to ask more, but that would surpass casual interest. No one but Katie had seemed to recognize him. That was fine. The longer it was before they knew who he was, the more opportunity he’d have to nose around and ask questions.

“Is there any word on that missing girl?” he asked.

“No. It’s scary. I hope she just ran away or something. I don’t want to think there’s someone out there kidnapping teenagers. We’ve always felt so safe around here. Nothing happens more than a guy beating up on his wife or getting drunk, that kind of thing. Once the Sherwin boys lit some firecrackers and threw them in our horse pen. The horses went crazy, I tell you. My pa was fit to be tied. Those boys spent a couple of days in jail over that.”

The problem with the darkness that Silas lived in, with what he did for a living, was that whenever he talked with girls like Geraldine, he pictured their photo in the newspaper with the caption “missing”. He summed up their features, their attributes, all the sweetness and ambition and talent wasted because some creep decided they should be dead.

He tossed his money on the table, including a large tip, and headed out into the sultry day. Katie and Ben were just two squiggles in the heated distance. An old junk barn across the street was closed up for lunch, and beyond that, the town turned rural. 

He didn’t like what he’d learned so far about Katie. She was isolated, both physically and socially. Even the hospital was set off by itself. Only the souls of the dead were near enough to hear her scream, if she had reason to. The safest thing he could do was stay away from her. It was a bad combination, her long-standing dissatisfaction, their attraction. He had no intention of interfering with her marriage, which was why he’d stayed away for so long. Until it became necessary to come and get closer to her. 

But not too close. 

CHAPTER  6

“What do you think?” Katie lifted her arms and twirled around. The yellow hip-huggers were a little too small, but seeing her hips encased in them, the thin slice of flesh between them and the flower print top, made her feel sexy. Like one of those cover models on
Cosmo
.

Ben glanced up from the paper. She could already see his answer in his eyes. “Where’d you get that from?”

“Bertrice dropped off some of her old clothes while you were picking up the bags of soil for me.” Bertrice had pulled in with the old Chevy she’d just bought. Geraldine and another teen were in the car, ready for a Saturday of driving around. “Just for something different.” She smoothed her hands over her hips.

“You look like some hippie leftover.”

“This is what’s in style right now, or was recently anyway.” The jeans flared slightly at the bottom and flowed over her bare feet. “Come on, it’s at least different than what I usually wear.”

“Katie, what’s going on with you lately? Aren’t you happy? Is that what this is about?” He gestured toward her outfit.

She sat on the footstool in front of Ben. He looked regal in the throne-like chair.  “No, of course not. I’m just bored with—”

“Me,” he stated flatly.

“No, of course not. I’m bored with myself. You must be bored with me, too.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He set the paper down and rubbed her knee. “I like you just the way you are. I don’t like these changes. They make me think you’re dissatisfied with your life, a life I’ve worked very hard to provide.”

“That’s not true.” The words stuck in her throat. 

“This isn’t about having a baby, is it?”

She shook her head and pushed out, “I’m fine with that.” They’d had the discussion a few times. Early in their marriage, Ben wanted to wait so he could enjoy having her all to himself. Then the…problem started. He said it would be too expensive to go to a fertility clinic. Oh, but she did want a baby. Maybe not now, but someday. “Can I wear this tonight at least? Then I’ll give it back to Bertrice.”

He glanced down at the outfit, then returned to his paper. “If you must.”

He sounded a lot like a father. She cut a glance to the dollhouse.

“
Merry Christmas, darling.
”
Ben uncovered the spectacularly intricate Victorian dollhouse.

She sank to the floor in front of it, reliving girlhood longings for something this beautiful. Every room was finished with the smallest of details.
“
It
’
s…amazing.
”
She reached in to touch the flocked wallpaper and knocked over a tiny glass lamp.

“
For Pete
’
s sake, be careful
!
Don
’
t touch, just look.
”

She hadn
’
t touched it since.

She went back to the kitchen to finish getting supper ready, feeling disappointment eat away at her. It didn’t matter anyway; who else ever saw her except Ben? 

She watched two of her squirrels chase each other up and down the trees near the feeders. They spiraled round and round, and through the open window she could hear their nails scrape against the trunks. One was No-tail, her name for him. The other was Missy-Lou. They didn’t realize it, but they were her pets. She was so depressed after Boots’s death, Ben said no more pets for her. She got too attached. Obviously that was true, since even just recently she’d cried over his death.