Universal Alien (25 page)

“Fine, fine, not really complaining. So, that's three cars. Malcolm, did you drive here?”

“Actually, no. I took public transportation because I was fairly sure my car was tampered with this morning.”

“Great! Not that your car was messed up but that means you can drive the assassins' car. It'll give us more space for the weapons, which we are absolutely taking with us, and anything else you guys have hidden about that we may need.”

The men sighed and nodded. “We'll pack the cars,” Reader said. “But we could take Peter's car.”

“We can, but I want to ensure we hang onto Raul's car, too.”

“What do you expect to find in it?” Chuckie asked.

“An entrance.”

A
S MARTINI SPOKE,
a bunch of birds that looked like peacocks and peahens on steroids appeared out of nowhere. Couldn't help it, I screamed a little. The birds gave me hurt looks. “Swear to God, no one told me you were running a real zoo here.”

Now all the animals looked hurt. Jamie crawled into my lap and hugged me. “It's okay, Mommy. I told the pets you hit your head and might not remember them. They'll forgive you.”

Stared at Martini. “Bizarro World just reached new heights for me. Tell me what's going on. Right now.”

“You don't have pets in your world?” Martini sounded shocked out of his mind. Decided he'd figured that Jamie knew what was going on, too. Or this news was so surprising he'd forgotten we were supposed to pretend we were married and that I was the mother she was used to.

“Uh . . .” Looked down at Jamie.

Who beamed at me. “It's okay, Mommy.” She looked over at Martini. “Daddy, can I go play in my room?”

“Ah,” Martini gaped. “Sure. Yes, Jamie-Kat, go ahead.” Jamie kissed us both, then trotted off into our bedroom. One of the fluffy balls of fur was on her shoulder.

“Well,” Malcolm said, “that was interesting.”

“I'm so lost.”

Kyle cleared his throat. “The dogs are Dudley the Great Dane, Duke the Labrador, Dotty the Dalmatian, and Duchess the Pit Bull. Your parents were into the whole same first letter for all the fur babies thing.”

“The cats are Candy and Kane,” Len held each one up, “and Sugarfoot. Oh, and you can talk to them.”

“Excuse me?”

“All of them. These are Poofs.” Len pointed to the furballs. Noted he had one on his shoulder, as did Kyle. “They're from Alpha Four, just like the Peregrines,” he indicated the big birds. “Bred to protect the Alpha Four Royal Family.”

“
Excuse me?
”

“Oh, right,” Martini seemed dazed. “We forgot to mention that. Didn't seem relevant earlier.”

“Jeff's a prince,” Kyle said conversationally, as if this was no big deal. “So is Christopher. Jeff could have taken the throne on Alpha Four but he stayed to be with you.”

“Wow, that's really romantic.”

“You thought so, yeah,” Len said. “We've heard about it enough, at any rate.”

“I see that sarcasm remains a go-to move in the multiverse.”

“Wherever you are, Kitty, so is the sarcasm.” Len grinned. “Sorry, and I realize you're thrown, but the Poofs and Peregrines are great. Jamie insists on having all the Embassy pets that aren't on some kind of guard duty with her at all times. Hence why they've been at daycare all day, too.”

“The animals do guard duty?”

“Yes, well, the dogs to a degree, but the alien ones absolutely,” Malcolm said. “The Peregrines are able to go invisible. So are the Poofs. They all have hyperspeed. They're also willing and able to not only take a bullet for you, but in the case of the Poofs, to ingest it and spit it out later. Oh, and the Poofs have a giant size, too. Might be a good idea to show her now,” he said. To a fluffy ball that somehow appeared in his hand.

His Poof mewled, then jumped down out of Malcolm's hand and went Martini-sized. At this size, it had a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth. It purred at me—loudly. Then it went back to small and back into Malcolm's hand. “Thanks, Killer,” Malcolm said to the Poof. It purred at him.

“Uh, how many, ah, Poofs and Peregrines do we have?”

“Twelve mated pairs of Peregrines,” Len replied promptly. “They were a gift from the King of Alpha Four. We're considered an Alpha Four principality, by the way, and the Peregrines are a subtle reminder of that whenever politicians get uppity. We have more Poofs than anyone can count. Poofs are willing and able to eat people. The Peregrines can probably take on an elephant and win, let alone something smaller.”

“The male Peregrines normally shadow their, ah, assigned protection targets.” The way Kyle said this, I got the impression the Peregrines didn't feel they were “owned.” “Unlike the Peregrines, the Poofs are androgynous and supposedly only mate when a Royal Wedding is coming, but you can't prove it by Earth Poofs. They mate all the time, as near as we can tell.”

Two Poofs jumped into my lap and started purring, but in a worried kind of way. One mewled at me. “I'm sorry. I don't know who you are.”

“Harlie, the Head Poof, who is technically Jeff's,” Len pointed to one that looked no more or less impressive or cute than the others. I could spot differences, though I wasn't sure how I was doing it. “And Poofikins, which is your Poof. Even though they're supposedly only for the Royal Family, the Poofs attach to whoever names them. And they sort of choose their names, based on what you say to them when you, ah, meet. Jamie's Poof is Mous-Mous.”

“And you say I can, what, Doctor Doolittle it and talk to them?”

“Yes,” Martini said. “You can. You're the only one they listen to, for the most part. I'm curious, though—your reaction to the Poofs and Peregrines I get, but why are you shocked by the dogs and cats?”

“We spend half the year in Australia and half here. It's not fair to an animal—both countries have quarantines and that would mean that any animal we had would spend half of its life in some horrible kennel. And once the pets we had when I was in high school died, Mom and Dad didn't get any more. I guess because of what Mom really did. Maybe because we were traveling. I don't honestly know, but I don't know these animals, in any world. I haven't had a pet since Charles and I got married.”

The cat Len had called Sugarfoot came over and settled himself on my lap in between Harlie and Poofikins. Didn't want to, but couldn't stop myself from petting him and the Poofs. All three started purring.

“I have a different set of questions,” Malcolm said. Only he wasn't looking at any of the humans. Instead he was looking at one of the male Peregrines. “Bruno is normally always by your side, Kitty, whether you realize he's there or not.”

“Yeah,” Martini said. “So?”

“So, does that mean when you grabbed Missus Chief and ran, was Bruno along for the ride? And if so, did he see what happened? And if he did, does that mean the animals are aware that this isn't the ‘real' Kitty? And if they are so aware, what else do they know that they haven't told us?”

All the animals, cats and dogs included, looked at Malcolm with the most innocent looks I'd ever seen. It was like a Sea of Animal Innocence. I had three kids. There was no way this was real.

“They know something, I can tell you that.”

This earned me some betrayed looks, some satisfied looks, and some “you go, girl” looks.

“Interesting,” Martini said. “We thought that Kitty could talk to the animals because she was enhanced.”

There was a knock, the door opened, and Richard came in. “Pardon me for interrupting, but Jamie asked me to come up.”

“How?”

“She's good at asking for the com to be turned on, too,” Richard said, with more than a little twinkle in his eye. “She's learned that from her mother. And I see that, based on the number of animals here, you're discovering more exciting things, aren't you, Katherine?”

“More and more every second.”

“I did hear what Jeffrey said, and, while most of you assumed that our Katherine's talent was brought out by her enhancement, frankly, she was communicating with the Poofs well before she gave birth. No, I believe that this is just something Katherine is good at.”

“What, my special skill is communing with the Animal Kingdom?”

“The animals won't harm you,” Richard said. “You're their favorite.”

“I'm not the ‘me' they're used to.”

“They know,” Martini said. “I'm not as good with animals as I am with humans and A-Cs and all, but I can tell they know. They're trying to make you relax and like them. It's why the dogs haven't all leaped on you like they normally do. Every single time they see you. Or me. Or anyone, for that matter. And why the others are keeping their distance—they don't want to freak you out.”

Duchess heaved a doggy sigh and jumped up onto the couch, between me and Martini. She settled in and put her head on my thigh. Two Peregrines came over and flew up onto the couch, on my other side, and settled next to me.

“Are we posing for a picture?” Wanted to resist petting them, but I couldn't. Used one hand for Duchess and one for the birds. They all seemed to like it. The two Poofs and Sugarfoot were all still purring.

“Oh.” Martini looked a little upset.

“What?” Richard asked him, as “Miss Missing You” by Fall Out Boy came on.

“We're asking her to get attached to things she can't have in her real life,” Martini said quietly. “None of us in her world mean no Poofs or Peregrines. And, as she said, with their travel schedule, they can't have a pet.” He cleared his throat. “We're asking her to get attached—to the animals, to all of us—and then she's going to go back and we'll all be gone.”

Everyone was quiet for a few long moments. And, as I looked at all these animals who were staring at me lovingly, and then at the men around me, I realized something shocking—I liked it here.

I liked it here enough to stay.

H
OWEVER,
liking it here or not, we had jobs to do. And the one I knew I could handle best was up first. Cleared my throat. “We'll worry about that when we have to. Right now, Jeff and I need to get some rest.”

Len and Kyle eyed us suspiciously. “What's going on?” Len asked. “Or, let me rephrase. What are you up to that the Secret Service isn't going to like?”

“Funny you should ask,” Malcolm said. “Need you two to sleep up here tonight.”

Kyle nudged Len. “Pay up.”

Len sighed, pulled out his wallet, and gave Kyle a $20. “I just figured New Kitty would be less inclined to go off half-cocked.”

“Hey, I think I resent that on behalf of my Cosmic Alternate.”

“But, trust us, you can't deny it.” Len said with a laugh. “Okay, let us know what the cover story needs to be if anyone from the Secret Service notices you're gone. Though I think Kyle and I should go, too, wherever it is.”

Malcolm shook his head. “The Whites will be here babysitting, but I still want someone trained in protection and surveillance to be with Jamie.”

Len and Kyle both looked shocked and pleased, but then both put on Serious Faces and nodded. Clearly they looked up to Malcolm, and from what I'd seen and he'd told me, they probably had every reason to.

“What about Charles?” Richard asked.

“He should come too.” Everyone looked at me.

“Why?” Martini asked.

“Because he was with me when I found what I'm looking for.”

Martini shook his head. “No, ‘he' wasn't.”

“I know, but seriously, I think he needs to come with us.” And not only because Paris was a droolingly romantic city. But there was that. Wasn't sure it was going to be safe for me to be wandering Paris with just Martini. And Malcolm and Richard. Okay, it was an excuse. But whatever.

“The smaller the team the better,” Malcolm said. “However, he's a far better liar than our Vice President, so it may help to have him along.”

“I'll discuss it with him,” Richard said. “Discreetly.”

Semi-plan of action decided, Len and Kyle headed for what appeared to be guest rooms, and the others left our apartment. Well, the other people. All but a few of the animals stuck around. Went into our bedroom to find Jamie and discovered why there were so many cat trees in it—they were loaded with Poofs.

Jamie's room was attached to ours. “Why is she still in a nursery?” I asked Martini.

“Empaths need to go into isolation periodically. The more powerful the empath, the harder we can push ourselves, meaning the harder we crash.” He led me through her room to another room. It was very white, and seemed sort of soothing, if you ignored all the needles and such that were in evidence. “The Embassy has its own empathic isolation chamber because my Aunt Terry, Christopher's mother, was empathic. Because my talent came out very early, I ended up living here, with Aunt Terry, so she could help me. She was my second mother and she . . . understood me like no one else ever did. At least until I met Kitty.”

“Where is she? I haven't met her yet.”

Martini was quiet for a long moment. “She's dead. She died when we were ten years old.”

Turned and looked up at him. He didn't look like she'd died twenty-plus years ago. He looked like she'd died last week.

Didn't think about it, I just hugged him. “I'm so sorry. I know exactly what it's like to lose your mother.”

He hugged me back. “Yeah, I know. You understand that better than . . . my Kitty does. She tries, but, thankfully, she doesn't know.”

Managed not to say that she'd know by now. Wondered how she'd take it, and hoped she'd handle it better than I had. Then again, she had Mom to come home to here.

Martini cleared his throat. “Anyway, my mother did her best with me and Christopher after . . . Aunt Terry died. Not as well as any of us would have liked, but it's finally all behind us now. Due in large part to Kitty. And Amy.”

“Still can't believe Amy's not a total bitch in this world.”

He chuckled. “Bitch is in the eyes of the beholder, baby.” He kissed my head. “Let's get out of here. This is the nicest isolation chamber we have anywhere in the world, but it's still a place Jamie and I have to go when we've overdone it.”

“Is it horrible for you, isolation?”

“No. Not nearly as bad as non-empaths think it is. It's a soothing, safe haven for empaths. But it's still the place you go because you have to, not because you want to.”

“Unless you collapse fast, like in seconds—and in that case, I'd expect to see an isolation chamber every few feet—why do you need to keep Jamie in the nursery?”

“I guess we haven't thought about it,” he said as we left the room and went back into Jamie's. It was a nice room, and she wasn't in a crib—there was a queen-sized bed in there. But that made the room look ridiculous, in that sense. “It's easier to move the Poof Condos into her room this way, too. Yes, because they all sleep with her. Though the dogs sleep with us.” The way he said it, got the impression he'd be happier without the sounds of dogs snoring at night.

“She's still a toddler, but you've got her in an adult bed and it's obvious she's far more advanced than the average child. She deserves her own room, where she can have her privacy. And so you can have yours.”

Jamie beamed at me. “I know which room I want, Mommy!” She jumped up and ran out. We followed her. She went to the room right next to ours. It was almost as big as the master bedroom, with both a bathroom and walk-in closet attached, but basically had nothing in it.

“Wow, you guys don't really understand how to utilize space, do you?”

Martini shrugged. “It hasn't been necessary. Two of the rooms down the hall are our official guest rooms. We haven't needed to pay attention to most of the spare bedrooms.”

“Well, let's pay attention now. Jamie, what do you want in your room?”

“Oh, I'll tell the Elves what I want, Mommy.”

“The Elves?” This was a new one. Couldn't wait to see what was going to appear.

Martini chuckled. “That's what Kitty calls the Operations Team. But you have to run what you want by Mommy, Jamie.”

She looked at me. “
This
Mommy?” She sounded hopeful. And as if she was fully aware I wasn't her actual mother in this universe.

Martini sighed. “Yes. You seem to think this isn't Mommy.”

“Oh, she is, Daddy,” she said in a very Dutiful Daughter tone. “But at the same time, she isn't.” She beamed at me. “That's okay, Mommy. I love it that you're here!”

“Thank you, sweetheart. Now, let's get your room all set up exactly how you want it. What colors do you want?” My bet, based on the colors that had been in the nursery, was pink. But it would be interesting to see if that was “her” color or if it was being forced on her.

“Pink and white! But mostly pink. Did you know there are a
lot
of shades of pink? Uncle Pierre says that he's learned that there are many because of me. Can I have a lot of pinks?”

“It's always good to learn.” Bingo. Pink was Jamie's favorite color. My Jamie didn't have a favorite anything, other than her mirrors. Shoved that sadness away and focused on the Jamie in front of me. “And it's your room, sweetheart. You can have it whatever colors you want.” Looked at Martini. “Uh, I'm somehow certain that Jamie and I are not going to have to race out to Home Depot and choose paint and such. So, how do we make this work?”

“Just sort of share with the room what you want. The Operations Team will hear it. We're wired for sound, so to speak.”

Speaking of sounds the music had stopped. A while ago. Decided Walter must have assumed I'd gone to sleep, or someone else in the Embassy had requested silence or a different set of tunes or something. I'd worry about it later.

While Jamie prattled away describing her perfect room—which did not include a set of three-way mirrors, which I found a complete relief—Martini made dinner for us. He was a great cook and seemed to like it, proving that my CA continued to have good taste in men, even if she'd picked Martini over Charles somehow.

Dinner done, Jamie dragged me into her new room while Martini stacked the dishes in the sink for the Operations Team to clean. Apparently, they really were like elves. Hoped they were paid well.

We walked in and I gasped. The entire room was changed, just as Jamie had described it. Her bed was moved, too. It's hard to move a queen-sized bed from one room to another without the people in the same apartment noticing it, but the Operations Team had managed it.

All the Poof Condos were in Jamie's room, still filled with Poofs. So were all the dog beds. There were also some small, raised hammocks near the dog beds. Jamie's closet was full and her bathroom was all set up, too. And the rooms didn't smell like fresh paint. There was a faint smell of strawberries, but not paint.

“Is it time for bed yet?” Jamie asked eagerly.

“Sure,” Martini said. “Mommy and I need to sleep soon. But I thought you were going to sleep with us tonight, Jamie-Kat.”

“Oh, I'll do that tomorrow night. I need to sleep in my own new room tonight!”

Was about to ask what the hammocks were for when the rest of the animals joined us. The dogs trotted to their beds, the cats joined the Poofs in Condo City. And the Peregrines hopped up into their hammocks. There weren't two dozen of them in here though, for which I was grateful.

“Where do the other Peregrines sleep?”

“With their people,” Jamie said. “Lola always sleeps with me, and Bruno does, too, if he's not watching you, Mommy. But I get to sleep with whoever's not on duty, too. Uncle Pierre has Sonny and Cher sleep with me most of the time, and Len and Kyle usually want Barney and Betty and Fred and Wilma with me, too.”

“Don't they need the Peregrines to protect them?”

“Oh, yes, but they have Poofies and Poofies are great protection, too, Mommy.”

Decided not to argue about what alien beasties were where. Jamie had the lion's share of the Embassy animals and if that made her happy, then that was good enough for me. Besides, Len and Kyle were just down the hall tonight.

To my great joy, they had a nighttime ritual. We had one with Charlie and Max but had given up with our Jamie. This Jamie got songs sung to her every night, a quick bedtime story, and then lots of hugs and kisses, for her and Mous-Mous, since she insisted. Kissing the Poof wasn't a hardship—they were soft and really adorable.

This routine was what I'd always thought we'd do with our little girl, and it was a joy to get to experience it for real, not just in a daydream that wasn't coming true.

Jamie happily tucked into her bed in her own special and perfect new room, Martini and I headed for ours. Checked. The nursery was back to being a nursery. A white nursery. Complete with a crib and a lot of baby-type things.

“Are you guys expecting number two?”

“No, we're not. Not yet. Why?”

Pointed to the nursery. “The Operations Elves seem to be leaving you a rather broad hint.”

He grinned at me. “Well, a man can hope, right?” He cocked his head and seemed to be studying me.

“What?”

Martini gave me a funny smile—tender and amused and wistful somehow all at the same time. “I promise that I'm not going to let anything happen to you. And that includes untoward advances from me. If you want me to sleep on the sofa, I will. But I'm capable of being in bed with you and not doing anything that will make you uncomfortable.”

“In case anyone not in the know somehow shows up, you sleeping elsewhere would indicate we were fighting, and that's the last thing I think we need. So, sure. I can handle it. I think.”

He grinned. “Well, I realize I'm completely irresistible to human females, but I'll be sure to save you from yourself and keep it totally platonic.”

“You are
so
suave, Mister Smooth Operator. How
do
the ladies resist?”

Martini laughed. “I think we're about to find out.”