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If Rick should die Anna didn't think she could go on living, though she knew she would have to. Perhaps, like Sister Noakes, she would devote her life to caring for others, find peace of mind in helping others to get well even if she could do nothing for the man she loved.

Anna was so preoccupied with her morbid thoughts that Sister had to raise her voice. 'Nurse Curtis! Will you pay attention!'

'Oh! Yes, I'm sorry, Sister,' Anna replied, trying to erase the image of a dead or injured Rick Alexandre from her mind.

'Sorry! You're always sorry!' Sister snapped, and Anna flinched as if struck.

She managed a weak smile despite the harsh words raining down on her. Remember her husband died before they'd had time to get to know each other, she told herself. Think of Rick. So Anna stood patiently while Sister gave a verbal list of her faults. Indeed, she heard little more than half of what the older woman was saying. Rick might as well be dead, she thought. He was gone from her forever. And once he heard the rumours, it didn't take much imagination to work out his response. He would simply hit the roof.

It occurred to Anna that Sister must have heard the rumour because she was usually pleasant to Anna. Not exactly friendly but reasonable enough. Now she paused for breath, and Anna waited to hear if there were any more faults she ought to know about.

'Haven't you anything to say, Nurse?' Sister asked, her voice now tired and dispirited, so Anna, feeling sorry for her again, gave such a saintly smile that Sister almost choked. 'Get out of my sight until it's time for the medicine-round!' she snapped, and a puzzled Anna did as she was bid.

Sister obviously preferred Dr Tester. That much was clear now, so Anna intended to do her best to push the two of them together. She liked the consultant, to be sure, but at the thought of an affair with him she balked. She preferred blue-grey eyes!

The medicine-round was a disaster from start to finish. Students received visits from clinical instructors from time to time, although ward sisters generally resented this and maintained that ward-teaching was
their
forte whenever they could spare the time, and Sister Noakes was at loggerheads with the School of Nursing over this point. She did not like and did not willingly tolerate clinical instructors on the ward and enjoyed teaching the girls herself.

She was a good teacher, though her manner was abrupt and sometimes off-putting to nervous learners. She was taking Anna's medicine-round that particular morning. Sister would read out the medicine card, Anna would select the appropriate medicine or tablets, show the bottle to Sister, check with the Kardex that the right patient was about to receive the right medicine at the right time, then she would give it out to the appropriate patient. Sister, being in a bad mood anyway, made Anna jumpy and nervous. However sorry she felt for the woman, Anna began to wish her a million miles away.

She had to fetch a urinal for a new patient so was a minute or so late for the round, and that didn't help matters. Then at the second bed Sister mumbled the name of the tablets and Anna, mishearing, selected the wrong ones. Of course, she would not have administered the wrong tablets as the next check would have revealed her error, but from the way Sister carried on Anna felt as if she'd been caught in the act of murdering a patient!

When that was cleared up and Sister had delivered a stern warning about carelessness costing lives, Anna moved the trolley on to the next bed.

But by now her hands were shaking and she was beginning to feel like a jelly in a hot room. So much so that when she unscrewed the cap of the next bottle, which was full, some of the pills spilled out onto the open trolley, then as Sister tried to snatch the bottle from Anna's nerveless fingers, it went flying, scattering its contents over the ward floor.

'For heaven's sake girl! Can't you do anything right?' Sister snapped, forgetting or uncaring that it would upset her patients. 'I wonder if you are as slow at other things as you are here,' Sister grumbled, beckoning to SEN Hatcher to take Anna's place at the trolley.

Anna was incapable of movement for a moment, and Sister gave her a push. 'Go and sweep up! Find every pill and hurry up with it!'

Scarlet, Anna hurried to the domestics' cupboard, and almost bumped into the muscular figure of Dr Tester, who could not have failed to hear Sister's tirade.

'I'm . . . I'm so sorry!' Anna gasped, brushing past the consultant, uncaring if it was rude. He was the cause of her trouble, albeit the innocent cause. Pausing only to blow her nose, Anna reappeared, trying not to notice as Sister and consultant stood by the first bed, eyeing her disdainfully.

'Not content with scattering pills everywhere you have to push doctors out of the way as well!' Sister Noakes said. Her voice was remarkably controlled now but Anna could see she was livid. 'Well? Aren't you going to apologise to Dr Tester?' Sister demanded, and Anna did as she was bid.

The consultant gave her a rather distant smile, and Anna felt she ought to curtsy! She walked briskly towards the scene of the disaster, trying to appear as if she hadn't a care in the world. She was past caring, anyway. Sister would believe what she wanted to believe, and there was nothing Anna could do about it. Eventually, when the woman realised that the rumour was unfounded, everything would get back to normal on Park Ward. It was a matter of time, that was all.

Sister ignored Anna for the rest of the day and Anna hoped it was because her senior felt ashamed of her outburst. Ward sister and consultant had been closeted in the office for about an hour after the medicine-round was finished, and Anna believed Dr Tester must have laughed at the rumour, if indeed he'd ever heard it, assuring Sister Noakes that there was no truth in it.

But Dr Tester evidently hadn't been reassuring enough, for Sister took every opportunity to belittle Anna in front of others in the few days leading up to Christmas. How Anna managed to keep back the bitter words of reproach she never knew. Although a nurse might be asked to leave a ward if she wasn't satisfactory, Anna knew that the last thing Sister wanted was to lose her. No, that would spoil the fun. There would be no whipping-boy if Student Nurse Anna Curtis wasn't there.

One incident in particular stuck in her mind, and the pity she felt for Sister evaporated because of it. Mr Dunster, a new patient, had been prescribed an injection, one which came in powder form and needed mixing with sterile water before being drawn up into the syringe. Anna, under Sister's stern eye, searched the small drug-cupboard, but couldn't find the exact bottle. Others were stacked in neat rows and Sister assured her that they were all in order.

Anna, getting hot under the collar and feeling the now familiar nervousness returning, moved first one bottle then another. After a fruitless search she turned to the other side of the cupboard, where enemas and other external preparations were kept. The drug ought not to be there but others weren't always as careful as they might be, and there was no harm in looking.

Naturally that was wrong and Sister did not hesitate to tell her so, in front of an audience that included Eliza Sulu, who didn't like Anna. 'The bottle is where it should be, Nurse—in the left-hand cupboard,' Sister said tartly, and Anna carefully relocked the right-hand cupboard and went back to the other one, convinced that the bottle wasn't there at all.

'Come along, Nurse Curtis! The bottle
is
there,' Sister snapped. 'It's plain enough. We're all laughing at you because you can't see it.'

'I'm glad you find it amusing, Sister,' Anna said quietly, and in the following silence she could have heard a pin drop. Sister was struck dumb and even Eliza kept her mouth closed for once.

At last, after moving every bottle, she found the missing one which had been artfully stacked in the middle of a pile of drugs with similar names.

She held the bottle aloft. 'Is this the one, Sister? I'm afraid the cupboard wasn't as tidy as you led me to believe,' Anna said levelly, her heart pounding away, amazed at her own audacity.

'Yes, that's it. Perhaps you will draw up the injection Nurse Sulu?' Sister turned to Eliza, who almost snatched the bottle from Anna's grasp.

Without waiting for further instructions from Sister, Anna quietly left the clinic and headed for the sluice where she knew there were bed-pans to be tidied away—another of the jobs Sisters delighted in giving Anna. She really felt she could not take any more, and hot tears were making her eyes smart. Sister was on leave over Christmas, that was the only bright star on the horizon. By the time she returned, the silly rumour would be forgotten and everything would be as before.

Two days before Christmas, Anna called on Mike Forster, taking him a little gift. It was nothing much and she did not suppose for a moment that he had anything for her, but she wanted him to have a memento, wanted him to know she was thinking of him. Of course he might already have left for Northern Ireland, but she would call anyway.

She snuggled into her new sheepskin jacket, an early Christmas present from her mother. It was a bright but bitterly cold day and Anna was glad of its warmth. The thought of the cold reception she would get from Mike was chilling enough without the cutting wind that went right through her.

She knew Rick was working over Christmas, but afterwards? He would perhaps pop over to see his parents. Assuming he had parents. She wondered what sort of home he had in Jersey. She had read up on the island and knew the scenery was breathtaking, with sandy beaches and isolated coves, where one might wander for hours without seeing anyone. But what of the winter? She'd read that Jersey was a year-round resort, that it did not sleep once the main season was over, but found it hard to visualise. If Mother continued to improve Anna intended to spend a short holiday there, breathe the same air Rick Alexandre breathed, feast her eyes on the beautiful scenery, and wonder where exactly he lived. Who knows, she thought, I might even bump into him out there.

Feeling guilty because she was visiting one man whilst thinking about another, Anna tapped at Mike's door. There was no answer at first though she thought she heard movement within. When no one answered the door she knocked again, harder, and was just debating whether or not to leave the present, a leather wallet, when the flat door opened a matter of inches and Mike peered out.

Surprise was mingled with some other emotion on his handsome face, and Anna began to feel uneasy. Perhaps he'd been in the bath or, more likely, he was entertaining a girl and she'd disturbed them at an unfortunate moment.

'Oh, er, hello, Anna. Nice to see you.' Mike was embarrassed, and some imp within made Anna linger even though he wanted rid of her.

'I've brought you a little Christmas gift,' she said shyly, holding out the package in its holly-covered paper.

A long arm reached for it, Mike being careful to block the doorway with his body. 'Thanks, Anna. You shouldn't have! What is it?'

'The label says do not open till Christmas Day, so you mustn't!' Anna teased. 'Have I come at a difficult time?' she asked, and was amused to see the brick-red colour that spread across his face.

'Er, yes. I've just had a bath. I'm not respectable.' He laughed, and Anna's lips quivered. So much for Mike's undying love!

'I'll run along then. You haven't had the call to Northern Ireland yet?' she queried as she turned to go.

'Oh, that. No.' He looked harassed and Anna didn't delay him any longer. 'Look, it'll come soon. Probably the end of January,' he called after her. 'You'll think about me sometimes, won't you?' he said plaintively, and Anna turned to face him, her eyes softening.

She could see a bit more of him now. His shirt was unbuttoned and he was minus his belt. 'Yes. I'll think about you, Mike. I still wish you didn't have to go,' she said softly.

'I love you, Anna!' His hoarse voice followed her down the stairs and she was unable to block out the sound.

She supposed in his own way he
did
care for her. He had a girl in because he needed one. It was a normal male urge and she shouldn't judge him too harshly because of it. Even Rick Alexandre had normal male urges, she reminded herself. She wouldn't think much of him if he hadn't!

Christmas Day dawned at last, though not the white Christmas she'd hoped for. She was on late-shift which pleased her, she could enjoy Christmas with the patients and join in the festivities. At home it was almost like any other day, with only the giving and receiving of presents to mark it as something different. Mrs Jenkins naturally wanted to spend the day with her own family so Anna volunteered to cook the Christmas lunch, which was only a comparatively light meal because Mother had to watch her weight. Mary Dixon was staying on as she had no close relatives, so Mother would have company while Anna was at the hospital.

The first thing she noticed when she walked on to the ward was the mistletoe. An enormous bunch was suspended over the office doorway and other smaller sprigs were set at intervals all down the ward, with a tiny sprig over each patient's bed. Anna chuckled when she saw them, then her heart fluttered when Ruth Barratt told her it was Dr Alexandre's idea.

Would the dashing doctor kiss her under the mistletoe, she wondered. She doubted it but could not help harbouring a faint hope.

She
was
kissed under the mistletoe, under the large bunch which was hanging over the office door, but the man wasn't Dr Alexandre. Anna, all unsuspecting, hastened to obey when she saw several important-looking men trooping into the office and Staff Nurse beckoning to her. No doubt they wanted coffee.

But as soon as she set foot inside the office, Dr Tester, immaculate in dark grey suit and crisp white shirt, grabbed hold of her, pulled her out into the narrow passage so that the patients could see, then soundly kissed her.

Dimly, Anna was aware of cheering, of cries of 'Go on, Doc', but disappointment soured the moment for her. Dr Tester had large fleshy lips and she did not enjoy the kiss one jot. Because he was a consultant and because it was Christmas she made no protest, even managing to respond so that she would not embarrass anyone.