Unleashed (32 page)

Oh yeah. Because after Danny hadn’t shown up for work for the past three weeks and had avoided any attempts by his family to pin him down, Ethan had threatened to bring the weekly family dinner to Danny’s place if he refused to come to them.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Alyssa asked, her hip cocked as she looked pointedly at the bottle.

“Nope.” As far as he could tell there wasn’t enough booze in the world to get Caroline out of his head. But he was still hoping.
I do love you Danny. And I hope you’ll be happy someday
. Her words echoed ceaselessly, until his days had taken on a dismal pattern. Wake up. Run long enough and hard enough to sweat out and puke out the toxins from the day before. Come home. Shower. Spend hours trying not to think of her, resisting the urge to call her. Reaching for a bottle of whatever was on hand to dull the edges of the memories. Hiding his phone from himself before he got too wasted so he wouldn’t do something dumb like drunk dial her. Waking up the next morning to start the whole damn process over again.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

You swallow it up and let it fester until it destroys you from the inside
.

Maybe she had something there. He took another swig of scotch to keep himself from thinking too hard about it.

“Yeah because drinking your face off is obviously the best way to deal with a breakup,” Derek said.

“‘Snot what’s happening,” Danny lied. “Y’know, you think jus’ because you’re getting married,” liquor splashed his hand as he used his glass to gesture between the two engaged couples, “that everyone needs to be mashed—matched up. But who wants that? Who wants one pussy for the rest of his life? You think Ethan does?” he asked Toni, who hit him with a stony glare. “Honey, Ethan used to get more ass than a toilet seat. You think in a few more months he’s not gonna go sniffin’ ’round?”

“That’s enough,” the two Dereks said as they moved in to grab Danny’s arm.

“Aw, come on, dude, like you have it so much better.” Danny wrenched his arm out of Derek’s grip, staggered, and spilled most of his drink down Derek’s shirt. “Lemme tell you somethin’ about Alyssa,” he said in a stage whisper. “She’s a little hellcat. You think she’s going to be happy up here in the ’burbs making her little rings and necklaces when she could be partying on P. Diddy’s yacht? She’s wild. I saw the pictures—”

He almost felt relief when Derek’s fist caught him square in the mouth and sent him to the floor.

Finally. Maybe someone would put him out of his fucking misery.

“Listen you asshole,” Derek said as he grabbed Danny by the collar of his shirt and hauled him back to his feet. “You want to get shit faced and wallow in self-pity because you can’t pull your head out of your ass enough to fix things with Caroline, that’s your choice. But don’t you fucking take it out on Alyssa and Toni.” Derek released him and shoved him away. Danny hit the bar and sent a glass shattering to the floor before he steadied himself.

Through the boozy haze he could feel his jaw throb. “Din’t mean to ruin the party,” he said and took an uneven step toward the door. “I’ll head out now.”

A firm hand closed over his shoulder. “Let me drive you home, son.”

Danny tried to shrug him off. “I’m fine.”

Joe wheeled Danny around and gave him the steely gray stare that made Danny want to stand up straight and give a full salute even in his drunken state. “You’re an idiot if you think I’ll let you drive in this condition.”

Danny clumsily fished for his keys and handed them to his father. When they got to his Jeep he climbed into the passenger seat, leaned back and closed his eyes. As the Jeep started to spin like a Tilt-a-whirl, he acknowledged that letting his dad drive was the right decision.

As they drove in silence he thought of Ethan and Toni and Derek and Alyssa and their bliss that burned him like acid. Why couldn’t he have that? Why didn’t she stay? He was shut out, excluded from their happy little club. Like a fat kid pressing his nose to the bakery glass. Flaunted in his face, just out of reach.

Danny woke up the next morning face down on the couch, head pounding, and his mouth tasting like he’d been eating shit sandwiches followed by a scotch chaser. Nothing unusual there. The only weird thing was that his jaw hurt and his father was sitting across from him, sipping a cup of coffee as he watched Danny drag himself out of his drunken sleep.

Danny eased himself into a sitting position, wincing as his brain ricocheted around his skull.

“So are you going to go after her or what?”

Danny rubbed his grit filled eyes and tried to focus. “Dad, it’s a little early—”

Joe put his coffee mug down on the table with a thud that stabbed through Danny’s eyes. “Son, you know I’m not one for giving advice. After what happened with your mother, I’m hardly one to tell you what to do with your love life. But you need to pull your head out of your ass, and soon, or you’re going to destroy yourself over Caroline all over again.”

It was way too fucking early and he was way too fucking hungover to have that conversation. “Dad, that’s not going to happen. It’s not like that with her. I’m not like…” He managed to cut himself off in time.

“Not like me? Is that what you were going to say?” Joe’s mouth, so like Danny’s own, pulled into a rueful half smile. “Danny, you’re exactly like me. You’re a stubborn, pigheaded know-it-all who doesn’t know when to admit you’re wrong. And when you love, you love so hard that when it ends you think its going to kill you.”

Danny pushed off the couch and shuffled to the coffee pot, hoping the caffeine would help him stand up to his father’s onslaught. “Don’t you think that’s a little melodramatic?” Sure, he walked around most days feeling like half of his guts had spilled out, but still…“And forgive me for pointing this out, but I wasn’t the one who stopped my life and couldn’t move on after Mom disappeared.”

“You think you moved on from Caroline because you managed to sleep with a bunch of different women? Are you moving on now by shutting yourself off, ignoring your business and turning yourself into a drunk?”

Danny couldn’t hold his father’s piercing stare as the truth of his words sank in.

“I know you thought I was crazy, spending all those years and all that money looking for your mother. But I would have given anything to have one more chance with her, to do it right. Any hope of that is gone now, and I have to live with that. Just as I have to live with the knowledge that she died, violently, and I didn’t protect her. And she died not knowing how much I really loved her.”

Danny swallowed around the painful lump in his throat. On some level he’d been aware his father felt all those things, but hearing the usually taciturn Joe say it out loud punched him in the gut.

“But what’s really crazy is that Caroline is out there. She’s alive, and she loves you. And you’re sitting here in your cave drowning yourself in a keg of scotch. I can’t believe I raised you to be such a quitter.”

Danny’s hackles rose at that. “It’s not that simple, Dad. I can’t make her happy. I can’t be who she wants me to be.”

“Bullshit. When did you even try?”

Danny was afraid he knew the answer to that. Any time Caroline had even hinted that she needed something more from him, that she was anything less than satisfied with what they had, he’d gotten defensive. He’d all but warned her outright not to ask him for something he didn’t have to give.

“How do you know you can’t make her happy unless you really try? I sure as shit never did with your mother. We loved each other, and I gave her a good life, and I thought that was enough. I’ll regret that attitude till the day I die. Learn from my mistake. Talk to Caroline, figure out what she needs, and give it to her. That’s how you make her happy.”

Fifteen minutes later he was running through the woods, his father’s words reverberating through his head as his feet ate up the miles.

What did Caroline need?

I kept hoping you would come after me
. All that time, Caroline had been waiting, ready to give him another chance. And he’d let her go without a single protest.

Quitter
his father had called him. Danny had always believed he was being strong, tough, not losing himself over a woman, not realizing all the while he was already gone. His father was right, he had quit on Caroline. And he’d let her quit on him.

She was alive
. Caroline was alive out there, and she loved him, and Danny had admitted defeat before the war even began.

His dad was right. It was time for Danny to pull his head out of his ass and go after his woman.

One week later

M
ount Aspiring National Park, South Island, New Zealand

Caroline crested the ridge and paused to take off her Gore-Tex shell. Though the air at that elevation was cool, even in the middle of New Zealand’s summer, she’d worked up a healthy sweat as she hiked the last pitch to get over the ridge. She stuffed the jacket into her pack and took several bracing gulps of water, half listening as the guide pointed out landmarks to Caroline and the other four hikers on the guided trek through some of the most gorgeous landscape Caroline had ever seen.

Jagged edged, snowcapped mountains strained for the sky, erupting out of the lush green valley. A shallow river wound its way through the valley floor. Caroline closed her eyes and imagined she could hear the frigid crystal water rippling over the rocky bottom.

Cool air whipped strands of hair loose from her braids. She drank in the scent of the wind, smelling of green grass and crisp snow. It was exactly what she needed. Kate had questioned her decision to travel halfway around the world alone to go on a multi-day trek with a bunch of strangers. But while Caroline had always wanted to travel to New Zealand, James had never wanted to go. Now she was free to do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, and if she wanted to go to New Zealand, by God she would.

Not to mention that going halfway around the world, across four time zones and an international date line made it somewhat easier to resist the temptation to call or e-mail or otherwise contact Danny.

But her thumbs itched every time her cell phone picked up service.

It was good, perfect. The clean air, physical activity, and stunning natural beauty distracted her from thinking so much about Danny. The landscape they covered between the lodges every day was wild and undeveloped, so different from her own world it was like she was visiting a different planet. The people were different too. The locals were friendly and laid back. No flinty eyed, emotionally stunted heart breakers in these parts. She could almost pretend she’d entered an alternate universe where Danny didn’t exist.

Then she’d see something—an animal or a stunning vista—and she’d want to share it so badly with Danny it was like a physical ache. He would love it there. The craggy peaks and endless miles of running trails. In the past weeks at home and as she’d trekked the miles there she’d gone over their conversation a million times. Maybe she’d been too rash. Maybe she’d panicked. Maybe she should have stuck it out and given him another chance.

But she always came back to the same conclusion. If he’d wanted another chance, he could have asked for it. He knew damn well how to reach her. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life, trying to beat down all his hard edges until she broke herself on them.

She opened her eyes and let her gaze drift over the other people in her group. The guide was an affable man in his late forties with a salt and pepper beard and a face burnished from years of exposure to the alpine sun. Of the five hikers, she was the only one not part of a pair. The other hikers were a married couple from Texas and two girlfriends from London who wondered gleefully how their husbands were managing alone with their young children. It was nice. If she wanted companionship at dinner, she had it. If she wanted to retire early and be anti-social, no one questioned it.

No one asked her too many questions. She never had to talk about her year of hell and how her run-in with an ex had caused her heart to implode for the second time in her life.

She took another breath and drank in the beauty. A break from her world and its ugly realities. She drank in every drop.

“Let’s move on then,” the guide said, satisfied everyone had had a sufficient water and view break.

Caroline slipped her pack on and was turning to follow when she saw a black dot moving swiftly up the ridge from the direction they’d come. Unlike the members of her group who leaned forward, trudging heavily up the steep slopes, this guy moved at a fast, steady jog, his pace never slackening. He was nothing but a dot behind them as Caroline turned to follow her group.

A little more than ten minutes later—less than one third of the time it had taken Caroline to cover the same distance, she heard the crunch of gravel under jogging feet.

“Hey, I think this guy wants to pass us,” she called up to the group. Everyone stepped off to the side to let Speedy Gonzales pass by.

“I think I’d rather join up with you all, if that’s okay.”

The slightly breathless voice froze the breath in Caroline’s chest and made her heart leap against her ribcage. She had to be hallucinating.

She turned around, lifting her gaze up, past the lean abs and broad chest covered in Capilene. Up the strong, tanned throat, jutting chin, and full, firm lips twisted into a tentative smile. To gray eyes full of warmth and hope and regret.

“Hi Carrie.”

“What are you doing here?” she asked stupidly.

He moved closer and she could smell the scent of clean sweat clinging to his skin. “You told me you were waiting for me to come after you all those years ago. I was hoping that was still true.”

It was all too surreal. She’d never heard of altitude sickness causing hallucinations but there was a first time for everything.

“Is there a problem here?” the guide asked.

“Nope,” Danny answered. “I just needed to have a talk with Caroline.”

“You followed me all the way to New Zealand?” she asked, still unable to process what was happening.

He reached out a hand and cupped her cheek. “It took me awhile to figure it out, big, dumb male that I am, but I finally realized that if I ever want a shot at being happy it meant chasing you down and begging you for another chance. So here I am. Coming after you. And I’m going to keep doing it until you say yes.”

All of the reasons why that was a bad idea clamored in her head. He could make all the grand romantic gestures in the world but that wouldn’t change anything. “Danny,” she shook her head.

His thumb brushed across her cheekbone. “I know I have to get better. I know I have to learn to,” he paused, “share,” he said quickly as though the word tasted funny, “and not shut myself off from you. I can’t promise I’ll get it right away, but I’ll try.”

She leaned into his hand, absorbing his touch. “You came all the way to New Zealand,” she said again, still not able to believe it. Still not sure she could let herself hope.

“I’ll go anywhere for you Carrie. I love you.” He cradled her face in his hands and tipped her face up for his kiss. His touch washed through her like a balm, healing the cracks and fissures inside her until she couldn’t imagine living another moment without him. “I love you so much,” he whispered. “And I need you,” he said, almost pleading. “I need to marry you and give you babies and be with you.”

She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him back, tasting the salt of tears and the flavor of a man. A man who had come half way around the world to tell her he loved her. “I love you too. And I want everything.”

He pulled her to him so tightly she lost her breath but she didn’t care.

“You have to promise me something too,” he said.

“Anything.”

He pulled back to look at her, his gray eyes serious. “You have to promise to have faith in me, in us. You have to trust that even if I fuck up, I want to make you happy. No more keeping things to yourself until you convince yourself dumping me is the only solution.”

“You’d come after me anyway,” she said smugly.

“You’re right,” he said, his eyes turning molten. “But I’d exact my revenge.” He kissed her again, hot and sweet as his tongue slid against hers.

Carrie opened her mouth to let him in and twisted her fingers in the damp hair at his nape. A loud throat clearing abruptly reminded her of their audience.

“This is quite romantic and all that, but we’ve got another five kilometers before we reach the lodge. And if I’m not missing my guess, I’d say you two definitely need a room.”

Danny never wanted to hike with a boner again. The last five kilometers had been torture, not only because of his state of arousal, but because he knew he could complete the distance to the lodge in a little over fifteen minutes instead of the nearly fifty it took the straggling group. It took another twenty minutes to check in and get their room assignments. The lodge was bare bones, but thank God Caroline had a private room.

He stood next to Carrie, unable to keep his hands off her as she signed the registry. His fingers slipped along her long, silky braids. His hand stole up the hem of her shirt to touch the bare skin of her back. With her sun kissed, cosmetic free skin she looked young, carefree, and so beautiful it made his heart twist.

His
. She was his and he wasn’t going to fuck it up this time. And he couldn’t wait to get her alone to start proving it to her.

She barely got through the door before he had her pressed up against the wall. Kissing her like a starving man, licking into her mouth and drinking in her taste. “Jesus, Carrie, I missed you so much.” He slid his hand up her shirt to cover her breast and encountered the thick lycra fabric of her Jog bra. “Take off your clothes,” he nipped at her neck. “I want you naked.”

“Let me shower first. We’re all sweaty.”

“Good idea,” he grinned and stripped off his shirt.

“Whoa boy. Showers are down the hall.”

He followed her out of the room, grimacing when he saw the separate bathrooms clearly marked men and women.

Not exactly what I had in mind
, he thought as he watched her disappear behind her own door. He beat her back to the room. He stripped down and lay on the bed, grinning as he caught sight of himself sticking straight up like a flag pole. Yeah, he was definitely excited to see her.

He licked his lips in anticipation as the doorknob rattled. Carrie wore a short white robe and a shy smile, her damp hair spilling in thick locks down her back. He could smell the fruity scent of her shampoo, the freshness of soap, and underneath it the warm musk that was all her own. His balls drew tight against his body and he felt like his cock grew another inch. “Come here, baby.”

He caught her by the hand and pulled her down to the bed with him. He threaded his fingers in her wet hair and tilted her head back for his kiss as he rolled her under him. His cock brushed the silky skin of her thigh and he hissed in pleasure. “God I missed you,” he whispered. The taste of her, the feel of her skin under his hands. All the sweeter because he never thought he’d have her again.

“Danny,” she pushed against his shoulder. He pulled his mouth from hers and rolled to the side.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing.” She rolled to a sitting position and he propped himself on his elbows. “I was just hoping we could talk first.”

Talk?
He’d followed her halfway around the world and was sporting a dick so hard it could cut glass, and she wanted to talk? He shoved his frustration aside as he looked into her wide, expectant brown eyes. “Talk. Sure. I can talk….” he trailed off, distracted by the curves of her breasts, revealed by the gaping neckline of her robe.
Focus. Ogling her tits is not the way to prove to her you can change
. He dragged his gaze back to her face. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Well,” she said, twisting a strand of hair around her fingers. “I think it’s important for us to talk about our feelings, how we’re going to work through the hurt we’ve caused each other in the past, and recently.”

Oh, shit. His mind drew a blank. Any hurt he’d felt would be obliterated by the first touch of her hand on his cock, but he didn’t think she’d appreciate that. “Uh, I think as long as we listen to each other,” what had his dad said again? “and try to uh, respect each other’s needs we can work past it.” He thought that sounded good. He nodded attentively and waited for her to take her turn.

Caroline opened her mouth but couldn’t get a single word out before she started cracking up.

Realization dawned. She was messing with him.

“You should have seen your face,” she said through gasps of laughter. “‘Talk? Yeah, I can talk,’” she said in a low, dopey voice.

“Bitch,” he chuckled as he flipped her to her back and pinned her. He untied her robe and pulled it open so he could look at her breasts.

“You love that side of me.”

“I love every side of you.”

Her laughter faded and her eyes got all misty. Suddenly it got so deep and real it was almost scary. He kissed her and felt something break open inside of him. Her robe seemed to melt away and she was all hot silk under his hands. His lips sucked and teased her breasts, his hand slid between her thighs to find her slippery wet and ready for him.

Part of him wanted to take his time, savor her, wring every bit of pleasure out of her. The other part wanted to claim her, get inside her, fuck her deep and hard, and feel her coming around his cock.

The primal part won out. He kneed her thighs apart and thumbed his cock into place, groaning at the feel of her pussy parting for him, taking him in. Sweet and hot and better than anything he’d ever felt.

He froze.

“What’s wrong?” she panted.

“I forgot the condom.” He started to pull away.

Long lean legs clamped round his waist. “It’s okay. You don’t need to wear one. As long as you’re ready.” Her dark eyes locked steadily on his. He knew exactly what she was asking.

“Everything. I’m ready for everything.” He sank home, his eyes nearly rolling back in his head as he felt her closing around him, tight and hot with nothing in between them. This time he was going to come inside her. The thought turned him on so much he almost came right then.

Every muscle flexed as he struggled for restraint. He kissed her, stroking in her mouth like he was stroking her with his cock. He’d never felt like this, not even before with Caroline, every part of him singing in pleasure as his heart burst inside his chest.

He could feel her tightening around him, hear her cries against his mouth. She came hard, shuddering and shaking around him while her body milked him. His orgasm burst through him like a wildfire, his cock twitching as he came, spurting hotly inside her.