Authors: Maya Cross
"Sneaking in a quickie while the rest of us are slaving away, hey?" said Ewan, who was waiting for me around the corner.
"I'm not in the mood, Ewan," I said, trying to swerve around him, but he stepped sideways, blocking my path.
"Maybe I am," he said.
I found myself fuming at his school boy antics. "Have you got something you want to say?"
He chewed thoughtfully for several seconds, as if working an invisible piece of tobacco around his mouth. "Marcus filled us in on what he'd found. Looks like your girl
is
involved in all this, somehow."
"Does that mean you're going to get off my back about it?"
He laughed. "Hardly. Just because you went and created a weak spot for yourself doesn't mean the group should have to clean up after you. Having her here is a liability. We don't know her and we don't trust her."
"I trust her."
"Do you?" he asked, bitter amusement evident in his voice. "Perhaps that's the problem."
I took a step closer, feeling something animal flare in my chest. "What's that supposed to mean?"
But Ewan was not easily intimidated. "It means that something here doesn't add up," he said, staring me right in the eyes. "Nobody outside of Alpha should even know the council exists. Yet a month or two after you start swapping promise rings with Ally McBeal in there, suddenly our guys start dying."
"You're joking, right? Did you forget that they took her too?"
He gave a little shrug. "Maybe they were just finishing the job. Cleaning up loose ends."
It took every fibre of my being not to knock him to the floor. My hands twitched at my sides, both balled tightly into fists. But I was already walking on thin ice as it was. Hitting him would only make things worse.
"This is ridiculous," I said.
"Maybe. Maybe I'm way off. But either way, there's no excuse for breaking the rules."
I stared at him with gritted teeth. There was nothing I could say. He was right and we both knew it.
Not knowing what else to do, I moved to leave again. This time he didn't try to stop me. He'd gotten his message across. Sophia's presence here was more than an inconvenience, and it was only a matter of time before she was out on her own.
CHAPTER FIVE
Sophia
The second night was a little better than the first, but not much. More than once I woke flushed and sweating, the sharp tang of my latest nightmare still fresh on the back of my tongue. I wondered if this was post-traumatic stress. Based on what little I knew, it certainly seemed possible. I'd never understood how you couldn't just block that stuff out, but now I did.
Part of me expected Sebastian to magically appear once more and slip into my bed like a comforting ghost, but the door remained closed. I found myself disappointed about that. It seemed crazy to think about the prospect of 'us', in the context of everything that was happening, but no matter how terrified and out of my depth I felt, there was no denying the strength of my feelings for him. Not to mention my attraction. The energy that had sprung up between us when he'd visited earlier had nearly overwhelmed me. He had this way of looking at my body, like he was preparing to devour me, that ignited something deep in my stomach. I wanted to be angry — hell I
was
angry — but if, at that moment, he'd kissed me, I wasn't sure I'd have put up a fight.
I didn't know whether to be touched or offended at the 'holiday' he'd offered. It did feel a little like he was just taking the easy route and trying to sweep me under the rug, but at the same time, everything he said was valid. Things were uncomfortable here, and I knew it must be just as bad for him. I appreciated the predicament he was in, even if it was somewhat his fault. I just wished I wasn't in it as well.
More than once I considered agreeing to go. An all-expenses paid trip overseas was hardly the worst proposition in the world; but, truth be told, the idea of being out there all alone scared me. My life was here and it was under siege. I couldn't just run away while somebody else dealt with that.
After several hours of restless turning, I gave up trying to sleep and reached for my phone. Sebastian hadn't mentioned it, but when I woke up that morning, I found a few of my possessions waiting for me in the hallway outside. Apparently he'd sent someone to my house.
It was a good thing too, because there were already several texts from the girls waiting for me. Another day or two and they'd have started to worry.
Ruth: Hey Hon'. Hope the wallowing is going well. If you need another pick-me-up, I'm willing to take one for the team and suffer through a few more midday mojitos. Let me know.
I'd read them over and over today, relishing that tiny connection to my old life. It had been less than two days, but somehow that's what it felt like now: my old life. At a time where everything else was in ruins, it was nice to be reminded I still had someone waiting for me when this was all over. If it ever would be.
I'd already reassured them both I was fine, conjuring up some story about visiting my sister down in Melbourne for a little mental recharge, but as I stared at the screen now, I was nearly overcome with the desire to call them and tell them everything. It was a terrible idea, but curled up there, in the unfamiliar dark, surrounded by people I barely knew with agendas I couldn't even fathom, I felt so incredibly alone.
After staring for a few precarious seconds, my thumb poised over Ruth's number, I shoved the phone back into my bedside drawer and headed out in search of tea. What I really wanted was something a little more numbing — I figured a house like this had to have a wine cellar — but drinking away my problems probably wasn't the best option right now. I needed to stay alert. The world seemed to have turned into a much more dangerous place, virtually overnight, and in this dimension of secret societies and covert kidnappings, waking up with a killer hangover might have a different meaning entirely.
I had no idea how to process everything Sebastian had told me. Part of me wanted to laugh it off as an absurd joke, something dug out of a bad eighties espionage film, but taking into account everything that I'd seen, I believed it. I didn't know what it all meant yet, but I planned on remedying that situation. As unbelievable as it was, I was a part of this, now. I could either sit, awestruck on the sidelines, or I could try and work out exactly what the hell I'd gotten myself into.
The house was silent as I made my way to the kitchen. It wasn't until I put the kettle on and began hunting for a cup that I realised I wasn't the only person awake.
"Can't sleep?" said a voice behind me.
I nearly jumped out of my skin. Turning, I saw a familiar figure, cast in shadow, nursing a mug of his own at the breakfast table.
"Jesus, Joe. You scared the hell out of me."
He chuckled. "My apologies," he said, although he didn't sound particularly sorry. "Feel like some company?"
It seemed harmless enough. I wasn't exactly going to drift off anytime soon. I filled my cup and moved over to join him. "I take it you know what happened?" I asked.
He nodded. "I was there when Sebastian got the news."
"Then you know why I can't sleep."
He nodded again. "I don't blame you. I don't think anyone would rest easy after a thing like that."
I appreciated that he didn't offer any advice. Just understanding.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. Despite the lack of conversation, I was enjoying the company. He might not have been Sebastian, but his presence seemed to hold back the darkness a little nonetheless.
Eventually though, he spoke. "He told you." It wasn't a question.
Fear seized my belly. I turned my gaze to him slowly. He didn't look angry, in fact a ghost of a smile touched his lips, but I knew what he meant nonetheless. It hadn't occurred to me that Joe might be an Alpha member. He just seemed like hired help. But clearly there was more to him than that.
I debated denying it, but the certainty in his eyes said there was no point. He knew. The question was, what would he do with that knowledge?
I let out a long sigh. "He did."
Joe chewed his lip thoughtfully. "Well then."
"You don't sound surprised."
He shrugged. "Everyone likes to think they can keep their mouth shut when necessary, but the truth is, every man has his breaking point. The way he talks about you, the only thing that surprises me is that it took this long."
The way he talks about you
. My mind instantly went back to Sebastian's letter, to all those heartbreakingly sweet things he'd said. And then to that look he'd worn when he first pushed his way inside my prison, the rapture that had lit his face when his eyes found mine. I wasn't the only one struggling to switch off my feelings.
You always hear stories about the purity of love, about the way it swells inside you until nothing else even matters. I never cared much for that perspective before — that kind of love typically isn't compatible with the sort of future I saw for myself — but now I found myself longing for it to be that simple. Every decision had turned into a conflict, a titanic battle between heart and brain, between logic and emotion. I couldn't deny my feelings for him, but whenever they rose inside me, they brought with them anger and betrayal. I knew it wasn't intentional, but he'd exposed me to this world, a world that was currently trying to chew me up and spit me out again. It was hard to forgive that, with the terror of my kidnapping still blanketing everything like a thick fog.
And even if I could get past it, there were other elements to the equation. Was he still the same man I'd fallen for? In light of everything he'd told me this morning, I didn't know. It was almost easier to just write him and his friends off as corrupt, power hungry monsters; but, try as I might, I couldn't see him being a part of something like that. Not to mention guys like Thomas, or apparently Joe. If Sebastian said their intentions were noble, then I believed him.
"This is a mess," I said, after a pause, not sure if I was referring to my relationship with Sebastian or the forbidden knowledge he'd shared.
Joe let out a laugh. "That it is, girl. That it is."
"So you're a member too then?" I asked, stalling for time. I wasn't sure where the conversation was going exactly, but he'd obviously brought it up for a reason. Something in my gut told me I could trust him, but Sebastian's warning loomed large in my mind nonetheless.
"Indeed."
"Well, I don't mean any disrespect, but isn't it a little demeaning having you drive another member around?"
He shrugged. "It's not so bad. I give him hell, but Sebastian's a better sort than most. Besides, it's not like I always did this."
"Oh?"
He grinned. "Alpha's not exactly in the business of recruiting chauffeurs. Not much to be gained by that. No, before this I served thirty years in the British Army."
I nodded. That explained the war wound he'd mentioned the first day we met. "In what capacity?"
"Infantry first, but they quickly shuffled me to the officers' path instead." He leaned in conspiratorially. "Didn't seem to care for all the questions I asked." He let out a short laugh. "Nope, there's not a lot of space for curiosity on the battlefield. I think they figured that if I was going to be doing all that thinking, I might as well be the one answering the questions instead of asking."
"I think that's fair enough," I replied.
"That's actually where I met Sebastian."
"Sebastian was in the army?" That revelation reminded me exactly how little I knew about the man who had stolen my heart.
"Briefly." He gave a rueful shake of his head. "He was a terrible soldier, just like me. Too headstrong, too stubborn. I was his commanding officer, and it got to the point where I was forced to discharge him, but it seemed like such a waste. There was something special about him. I knew he was capable of doing great things, and the characteristics that made him unfit for duty made him perfect for Alpha. So I released him from service and nominated him for consideration to join the group. He was accepted, and now here we are."
"I see," I replied, trying to picture Sebastian in mud spattered combat fatigues. It was difficult. The suit and tie seemed almost like his second skin.
"What about you? Why'd you quit?" I continued.
"Well, obviously I had more important things to do here," he deadpanned, nodding in the direction of the bedrooms.
I laughed. "Obviously."
"Honestly though, I just kind of got tired. You'd think gaining rank would be a good thing, but by the last decade of my career, I dreaded it. Every promotion meant a little more time spent behind a desk, a little more paperwork. There was nothing to look forward to, anymore."
"And so your solution was to drive your protégée around, day in and day out?" I asked.
He shrugged. "It may not seem particularly exciting, but the truth is, there's rarely a dull moment around here."
Thinking back on everything that had happened in the last few days, I could see his point. If this sort of stuff was a regular occurrence, I wasn't sure my heart could keep up. Another point against Sebastian and I ever having a real relationship. Thinking about it gave me a newfound respect for military wives. The prospect of my partner constantly venturing into indescribable danger was daunting, to say the least. I didn't know how they coped.
"Is it always like this?" I asked. "Kidnappings and secret lairs?"
He smiled. "Sometimes, but not as often as you'd think. These are pretty dire circumstances. Most of the time it's more like being a politician; lots of paperwork and meetings."
"So Sebastian just has impeccable timing then."
Joe stared at me for several seconds. "Don't be too hard on him, Sophia. He didn't mean for any of this to happen."
I let out a long breath and shook my head slightly. "I know, but it doesn't change the fact that it did."
"Not to downplay what you've been through at all, but to be honest, I think he's dealing with it as badly as you are. Like I said, I was there when he got the news. I've never seen anything like it before. He could barely speak. Everyone seemed to take it as anger, but I know him better than most. I knew it for what it really was. Fear.