Unmistakable (6 page)

“Are you ready to accept it? That’s the key here, kiddo. Acceptance is the key. The truth won’t mean shit if you can’t wrap your mind around it enough to think straight,” Jack’s unwavering voice and solid stare echoes in a room filled with tension.

“Acceptance was never a problem with me. It’s the people who think they’re protecting me, but in reality, are only hurting me is the problem, here. Trust…Trust is what I need, not secrets and lies. Now that’s out of the way; I overheard Brian telling him,” she can’t even say my name as she points to me, “…to tell me something while he still can. What.Is.It.That.I.Need.To.Know?” She asks slowly, enunciating every word.

LT walks and stands in front of Roxy. I steel my heart to accept the backlash of Roxy’s anger after hearing the truth from us. Roxy’s steady, hurt filled stare swallows any hope I have that our relationship will survive this.

“Please, Roxy, understand what I’m about to tell you isn’t something I take lightly. Lying to you isn’t something I want to do. The overwhelming force that made me decide this course of action is because I need…I want more time to prepare you to accept what I’m about to tell you. I need you to understand I…”

“Cut to the damn chase, Damien! I don’t have time for all the flowery words and the heartfelt excuses you’re dishing out!” Roxy shouts as her face hardens even more if that’s possible.

My heart’s fucking breaking for LT. Even though I never agreed to his plan, I know he’s hurting. He wants more time to soften the blow, somehow. In all honesty, hearing the truth after being sheltered from it for so long, on top of being blindsided by it is hard to accept, even though acceptance has always been easy for Roxy.

LT takes a deep breath, and just spills everything out. “I’m your brother, Rox.
WE
share the same parents….”

Roxy’s mouth opens, but not a word comes out while her eyes speak volumes. I’m just waiting for the time when she actually finds her voice and lashes out, knowing that when she, does it’s a storm
I
may not even survive.

“What! My.Brother? You are my
brother
? Oh my God!” Roxy falls on the sofa with Tami and Patti comforting her as tears of anger and confusion cover her face.

LT moves to action and kneels in front of her, grasping her hands as he says, “When I met you through Dylan, I swear, I didn’t have a clue. It’s not until Gunny offered me a job, after being vetted, that he asked me about you; how I knew you. Then, he told me everything I needed to know. Mom knows everything, and she’s dying to see you. As fate designed it, I’m where I need to be…protecting my little sister. The very person, I’d gladly die for aside from our mother.”

Roxy swats his hands away. “Why? Why did you wait this long? Why did you have to lie to me? Why?”

LT walks away, looking straight ahead while I watch Roxy’s face morph from anger to confusion, love and hurt disintegrates whatever is left of my heart. The pain doesn’t come instantaneously…it’s the kind of pain that slowly creeps in, but is deliberate in its infliction. The moment her eyes lock with mine, agony becomes unbearable because her heart is miles away from mine. I feel our connection break, the invisible boomerang that connects her to me, where love and hope flow freely didn’t come back to me.

“Uncle Jack?” Roxy only has to say his name, and he knows what she wants to know.

She wants the truth from him, not me.

“It’s the truth, kiddo. I know you think I’ve broke your trust, but I promise you, I’ve always had your best interest at heart. Is it a truth you can accept?” He asks with so much sadness in his eyes.

Tami holds onto her as she says, “How long have you known? How long have you known!” She swings her gaze at me. Her betrayed piercing eyes cut me.

They cut me deep.

I’m not even going to attempt to patch it up…I might as well just bleed to death.

I swallow hard before answering, “Right after you met him at the hospital, Gunny called for a meeting that night. He told us everything, and LT confirmed it.” She breaks our eye contact, and my feet move on their own because my heart can’t take the separation anymore. I can’t fight the need anymore…the undeniable need to touch her.

I kneel down grabbing her face firmly in my very capable, but shaky hands, I pour my heart out right in front of everyone. “I didn’t hide it to hurt you, love. It wasn’t my secret to tell. Don’t let your doubt cloud my love for you, please don’t. You
can
trust me…you
have
to trust me. Let me help you through this, because I’m strongest when I’m with you. Let me be that for you.” My eyes roam her face and stop at the darkest, most alluring brown eyes I’ve ever seen.

She grabs my hands only to remove them from where their supposed to be, and dread surround my heart like a glove as she says, “But I’m in a relationship with you, Cody. I expect you to protect this.” She slams her finger on her chest. “You want to help me? Is this helping me? I’m shocked, surprised out of my mind and more than anything I’m hurt. I’m mad at Damien but I’m most hurt by you. I trusted you and you failed me, twice. You kept something from me two weeks ago and now you kept something from me again. How can you expect me not to get hurt by this? How?”

She swings her gaze to LT. For five long seconds, they hold each other’s stare. While LT’s eyes are covered in regret, my love’s brown eyes are covered in anger. “And you…I trusted you, too. Is this how a brother treats a sister? If so I don’t need a brother. I want…no I need a brother who will protect this, too.” Again, she points at her chest. Shaking her head, she looks down as she quickly wipes her tears.

I continue to stare at her, and while my heart is slowly being enclosed with coldness, my love for her thaws it at the same time. This chick hasn’t seen my heart…she doesn’t know the warrior that lives within, and this warrior will never cease to love her.

“Jack, how about we call it a night? Roxy’s emotionally spent. She needs time to process all this,” Patti’s voice disrupts the silence.

I don’t think I need time to process anything. How difficult is it to understand that I have a brother? A brother that kept something from me. How hard is it to accept that my boyfriend lied to me too? Not his secret to tell? So, breaking my trust is okay. Kudos to them, they fooled me. He hurt me deeply; and I need to find something that will soothe the hurt. I need a fairy godmother who can bi-bi-di-ba-ba-di-bo her way into fixing the anguish my heart feels every time it beats. How can I be with someone that hurt me? How can someone who loves me, hurt me? How can I love someone I can’t trust? Will there ever be a time where someone’s betrayal will not hurt as much? Will there ever be someone in my life who will never betray my trust? Why did God ever create trust for people to destroy it?

You gotta have faith in those you love. Trusting them is having faith that they will do right by you, always. Love and trust go together. It’s like one plus one equals two. Do you need to go back to kindergarten?

“I can’t be around them, Uncle Jack. I can’t. I just need some time to wrap my head around everything.”

I know my uncle won’t listen to my demands. It sounds absurd, even to me, but shit, if someone will stop me from saying it. I want them to hurt just as much as I’m hurting.

Uncle Jack shakes his head and stands up. “Rox, that’s not going to happen. After today’s events, trust me when I tell you, any deviation from the plan I set in place will create a shit storm so big you probably won’t be able to comprehend. I know you’re hurting, but you need to adapt, kid. Time to grow up. You either sink or swim. Make your choice.”

“How old are you, Roxy? I suggest you grow up real fast. People’s lives are at stake, and even if you don’t care about yours, I do,” LT tells me as he points his holier than thou finger at me I can see his mask of authority moving back into place.

I yell back, not caring if I hurt him or not, “You don’t have the right to talk to me or demand anything! Maybe, you should tone down your bullshit!”

As soon as Uncle Jack stands up, LT stands down and turns around. Cody is still a breathing statue in front of me, and boy, I want to suck the shit out of him.

“Roxy, nothing will change. Cody will be your shadow until this situation is under control. Listen up and listen good, I don’t give a rat’s ass if you can’t stomach him, learn to live with it. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll figure out that he’s sacrificing a lot for you, and for this family, including LT. They’re putting their lives on the line to protect yours, the least you could do is cooperate. You’re not going to stomp on their dedication because you’re in a pissy mood. Make no mistake, the moment you show disrespect, you’ll answer to me. I suggest, you don’t test me. Am I making myself clear?” Uncle Jack’s stern voice leaves no room for any objections.

I nod, giving my uncle my answer as I start walking away,
I may be upset, but I’m not stupid.
I know I can’t act like a petulant teenager, but I feel I’m going back in time, feeling the same hurt coming back to life.

I should have known, though, Cody will follow me, and this is why I suggested a change of guard. I want my space…I need my space. I pretty much won’t get it with him following me.

I turn around and almost hit the person whose name will never ever leave my lips. “Please, I need space. Give me space.”

Of course, he doesn’t answer, and he doesn’t move! He just stares at me with his blazing blue eyes, and I feel my exterior cracking, but I steel myself. Nope…not going there. I scratch my forehead thinking of my next move. How I wish I were Mary Poppins,
oh a spoonful of cyanide makes the dickhead go down!

“Don’t resist and evade, Roxy. It’s not gonna work. You guys are about to leave anyway.”

LT clears his throat and speaks, “Let’s roll.”

We all climb in the Escalade. Unfortunately for me, even in the car, I have to sit next to him. His heat, flowing freely and invading my space, is consuming my thoughts. I’m trying my hardest not to remember intimate moments with Cody, but my mind seems to want to travel down that road. Remember, I do….Oh I do...

Cody stirred, and I kiss his chest, enjoying our quiet moment, which now a days have been few and far between.

“Hmm, morning. You want something? My dick wants inside the cave of wonders. Open up, love, Batman’s coming in hot.”

I giggle, why he calls my pussy the ‘cave of wonders’ makes me wonder what wonderful things my pussy does to his dick….hmm…my vagina could be called Wondergina!

He nuzzles my neck. “Are you gonna make me work for it, love?”

He props up on his elbow, eyeing me, his sparkling blue eyes are the darkest I’ve seen them. He runs his finger on my cheek, looking at me attentively, while I’m busy getting lost in his eyes. Staring at those baby blues makes me feel as if I’m underwater, but I can breathe just fine…it’s not suffocating…in fact, it’s liberating.

“Roxy, I love your blemishes, the ugliness of your past, and the insecurities of your heart. I love them all…I just ask that you trust me with them. I know, trust doesn’t come easy for you, but I hope my love for you will free you from them. I’ve given you all of me. What you see is what you get, so I ask that you do the same. Give me all of you, love. It’s all I want…it’s all I need.”

“How can you say that? What if something happens? What if you find out something about me you don’t like? You’ll change your mind in a heartbeat, or you’ll get tired of dealing with me.” Cody’s sad eyes can’t make my heart break anymore, because my heart was shattered a long time ago.

No one can make it whole; it’s beating because I’m still alive, but the sorrow and anguish caused by my parents created a hole so wide, happiness and contentment flow out, leaving me empty.

“I can say it, because it’s the truth. It’s what I feel…it’s what you make me feel. Don’t question my love for you, Rox. That’s one thing you shouldn’t question.”

I don’t know why he thinks I shouldn’t question it when I’ve seen him discard women left and right. He likes them one night and forgets them the next. It was, exactly, how my dad discarded me that one unforgettable night.

“This is how I am, Cody. I don’t know anything else.”

“You trust Trish. She wasn’t in your inner circle. I’ve known you longer, love. What’s the difference?”

I looked away, because I don’t know how to explain it. It’s the same connection I feel with Damien. Trish and I just clicked from the very beginning. I loved her the first time I saw her. I don’t know how to put it into words. So, instead of explaining, dick diversion is what I’m going to do, right now.

I pull him closer to me, until our lips touch; and I waste no time plunging my tongue inside his mouth, teasing its partner relentlessly, willingly he surrenders to me. I reach for his boxers. With my hands, I tug them down, using my feet to release him of them, our kissing intensifies, and I find myself pushing him flat on the bed, devouring his mouth. I straddle him, releasing my hold on his head, I quickly take my tank top off, releasing my girls that he loves so much. In an instant, his hot, warm mouth captures my needy, hardened nipple, and a moan escapes my mouth. I need more…want more…I push his shoulders, his mouth still attached to my nipple…sucking, teasing while kneading the other. As soon as his back hits the bed, I grab the bed frame with both hands and anchor myself as he guides his rock hard length inside me. It always makes me stop…savoring him deeply sheathed inside me…filling me up…our connection always…always soothes all the pain, quiets all my doubts, and I’m overflowing with him and with his love for me. I start moving slowly, deliberately…delaying what we both want...what we both need…He releases my nipple and pulls me in for a kiss. Our tongues duel for control, tasting, sucking, and getting our fill only we can give each other. I hope I’m enough…enough for him. Is he enough for me…enough for me to love…YES…enough to trust…I don’t know.