Unnatural Calamities (22 page)

He heard a long silence, and Bea’s soft murmur to whatever his name was, her latest admirer. Philip. Bea was very strict with Cynthia’s morals, but not with her own.

“There’s something wrong. You sound so frantic. I’m having trouble understanding. Is this something to do with Cynthia?”

“No, no. She’s at your house tonight, remember?”

Bea’s relief sounded clear. “Yes. That’s right.”

A soft shuffle and the hum of a fan probably meant she’d moved into the bathroom.

“Now would you please tell me why you’re so upset you feel the need to call me in the middle of the night?”

“I suppose the same reason you call me in the middle of the night,” he said at last. “I’m confused.”

“You, Toph? No possible way.” She gave a soft musical laugh. Amazing she could manage it in the middle of the night. “What is wrong? Tell me the truth this time.”

“I don’t know. I’m going crazy. I can’t figure out what to do.”

“Aha.” Bea’s voice filled with triumphant discovery. “I know what you’re talking about. The Carmody Woman and the man that Cynthia saw at Rachel’s house.”

“Obviously. Didn’t I say that?”

“Toph. You’re shouting. You never shout.”

“That’s the point. What the hell is the matter with me? I don’t yell,” he yelled. “I don’t lose control.”

Bea sighed. “My Lord. You are an ass. For one of the most astute men I know, you are being completely and utterly dense.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Toph! You must stop yelling at me.”

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“What I am talking about is that you are in love with This Carmody Woman.”

Oh. My. God. All at once he had trouble catching his breath.

“Toph? Are you still there?”

His head was swimming but he heard himself saying, “No, no. That’s nonsense.”

And why exactly was it nonsense? When he asked himself that question, he couldn’t find an answer other than love, passionate love, was not something he did.

Bea was talking again. “Very well, I’m wrong. I do not care to argue with you at two in the morning. But I would like to point out that never in the years we were together—heavens, in all the years I’ve known you—have you ever displayed this much…ah, emotion. If it’s not love, perhaps you’re merely losing your mind?”

“Maybe that’s it. Sorry to bug you, Bea.”

“I’m right, you know. I often am.”

“I know I know you are.”

“And why don’t you call the Carmody Woman in the middle of the night?”

“Yeah, right, maybe.”

“Now you’re snarling. Stop it, please. And just one more point I’d like to make, Toph? If you’d demonstrated anything like this behavior when we were married?”

He grimaced and wished he hadn’t bothered her.

But her next words shocked the heck out of him. “We might still be married. Good night.”

She hung up softly.

Did Bea mean women wanted hysterical idiots for husbands? Fine. No, perfect, actually. Then to hell with calling, he’d go over there in person. He yanked on jeans and a tee-shirt and jammed his bare feet into loafers.

As he drove, way too fast, he realized he was grinding his teeth. And occasionally pulling at his hair.

He wouldn’t frighten her. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Christ, no. He flashed on the image of her sweet round face, and those big eyes staring up at him the way she had watched Zack. He’d have to figure out how to hide the horrendous storm inside him and talk to her without bellowing.

It was just that he deserved the truth. His heart sank to his heels when he considered that particular point. He didn’t want the truth. He wanted Janey Carmody. He wanted to dance with her every week of his life.

Fine. He could be ruthless. Once he knew the score he’d count on that ruthlessness to get what he wanted. No, what he required. At first she had been a solution for his boredom, delicious Janey in his bed and a baby. But Janey turned into more than that. Without her he might as well sleepwalk through life. Without her version of the world or her nurturing energy he was incomplete.

He needed her.
Needed?!

As Janey, his darling, necessary Janey, would say, Oh my good gosh.

She opened the door and her fearful, pinched expression melted into a broad smile.

“Why the hell don’t you use Mickey’s peephole?” he snarled.

“I keep forgetting about it.”

She stepped to him and wrapped her arms around him. Not sex, just a sweet hello. He revised everything he’d ever thought about greeting people with hugs. He cherished hugs. She didn’t seem to resent the fact that he’d banged on her door at two thirty a.m. Just showed joy.

The icy anger melted as if she were the sun. But it was replaced by a hopelessness and dread that he’d never in his life encountered.

Ah dammit! Damn Bea and her damn insights.

“I am so glad to see you,” she murmured into his tee-shirt.

He unwrapped her arms from his neck and lightly held her wrists as if his fingers were handcuffs. He took a step back from her.

“Who was he?” He did manage to stop himself from adding,
I’m going to kill him.

“What?”

“Come on, Janey. There was a man here before. Cynthia told me. A guy. Who was he?”

She blinked. “I left a message on your machine. I thought you knew. And that’s why you came over. It was Zack.”

“God, oh Janey. I forgot to forward the house calls again. There were one hundred fifty messages. I just ignored them. Zack?
Zack
?” He groaned and yanked her back into his arms.

“No, wait a sec. If you didn’t know then why are you here? I mean. Hey, no wait. I think I get it now. You thought I was cheating?”

She wiggled, trying to get away from him. “Toph, you turkey. I told you I won’t cheat.”

She put her hands on his chest to shove him, and he let her go. Adorable and bedraggled, her face rosy from sleep, she stared at him for a moment, shook her head and grumbled, “You turkey,” again.

“Tea,” she muttered and shuffled to the tiny kitchen. Every nerve focused on her as he listened to the clunk of the teapot and slush of water as she filled it. He followed and slumped his shoulder against the wall between the kitchen and living areas. She turned from the stove and regarded him glumly. “I don’t know what you think I am.”

“Mine. You are
mine
.” If he’d turned into a caveman, she might as well see the worst of it.

She rubbed the top of her head, making her soft dandelion fluff of hair even more of a halo. Her grim expression slowly faded. Then she grinned. He wondered how she’d feel if he barged into the kitchen, threw her over his shoulder and hauled her into the bedroom. He was ready, dammit.

She snickered. “You were jealous. Is that what this is about?”

“No. Nope. I was upset.”

“You were jealous. Toph ‘Cool Man’ Dunham was jealous. I never would have imagined.” She twisted back to the cupboard, the extremely wide, goofy grin still plastered on her face as she pulled down two mugs.

The flush of unfamiliar angry emotion that had filled him drained all at once. Good God, he currently operated like some malfunctioning toilet. Exhausted, he shambled back to the living area and flopped down on the overstuffed brown chair.

And allowed delighted relief to fill him.

Yeah, so, Bea was right. But he could handle this love business. Janey was so completely perfect. He’d just have to put up with the weird vulnerability crud.

They drank tea, but not for long.

After a few minutes, she put her cup down and got to her feet. He bounded out of the chair at once. “I don’t want to leave,” he told her.

She held out her hand and he took it, clasping her chilly small fingers. He raised her hand, cupped it in his and blew softly on her fingers to warm her.

Her eyes went heavy-lidded and dreamy. She gave a quiet moan and he knew that she was aroused. His Janey might have cold hands but her core was hot as a volcano.

He tugged her down the hall to her room. “Slow down,” she whispered.

Toph stopped, gathered her into his arms. “I keep trying to, but you’re too much for me,” he growled in her hair.

She laughed as she pulled him into her room. She stripped off her clothes hesitantly without looking at him. He knew women and their insecurities.

“You are the sexiest, most gorgeous woman I have ever seen.”

“Oh, come on, Toph, you don’t need to lie—”

He grabbed her by the hips, pulling her hard against him so she could feel how entirely aroused he was. “For fuck’s sake, Janey. I am not lying. I’ve never been more truthful in my life.” He felt on the edge of fierce tears, for god’s sake, but he couldn’t say more.

He couldn’t say the big three words yet. They might rip him apart because the intensity was too new to him. But he’d try with each caress, every touch, to show her. He’d get his mouth around those words eventually.

He pulled off his clothes as fast as he could, practically tripping over his shoes, which he’d forgotten to take off first.

Naked, he sat on the edge of the bed. She reached for the light and, before she touched it, he hauled her onto his lap, gasping as all that softness touched his skin.

“Leave the light on. I need to see you.”

She grinned at him, but he wasn’t kidding. He kissed her lightly, determined to make the foreplay heat up slowly. Dammit, he could do this right. He’d take his time, not touch her erotic bits immediately. A foot rub, or a back rub.

But within minutes she’d gotten him so hot and bothered he’d forgotten his good intentions. He had her stretched out next to him and he was plunging his fingers into her body, wrapped in her and her quiet cries of pleasure.

The foreplay would have to be postplay. He needed more. He needed to stake his claim. Literally.

He climbed between her legs and moaned as he thrust deep into her.

“Shh,” she warned. “Rachel.”

“Right.”

But he groaned when she shifted, pushing up to him. She put her hand over his mouth then gave a loud gasp of her own as he licked her palm. They tried to stay quiet but when he moved in her, she lifted her legs. He went deeper. She tightened around him. “Yes. Like that.” She gave a quiet howl as he pushed faster.

He slowed his rocking, cupped her scalp, and half laughing, reminded her, “Shh.”

She whimpered and writhed and bit his shoulder lightly. God. Too good.

So much for quiet and careful. He kissed her and pushed and pushed into her until she shuddered around him and he let go, calling her name.

Toph planned to sneak away before Rachel woke up. He set his watch to beep at five, but a sudden cry next to him woke him at four thirty.

“Toph. I’m bleeding.”

Chapter Twenty

He stood outside the bathroom. “We’re going to the emergency room, Janey. Now.”

“No,” she said in a flat voice. “No point. I’m sure I’m not in danger. It’s early in the pregnancy.”

She came out wearing a loose, dark dress that made her look even smaller and pale as chalk. “You might as well go to work.”

“Forget work. We’re going to the doctor.”

She walked past him into the bedroom. “There’s no point in you staying here. I’ll go to the walk-in health clinic. It opens at nine.”

“Let me take you to a real doctor,” he commanded.

“Not necessary,” she spoke just as firmly. “You should go home. Okay? I will be all right.”

But he wasn’t going to be. A horrible ache blossomed in the pit of his stomach as if the baby had lain there.

And along with that sense of loss was the sick realization that there might no longer be any reason for her to marry him. He stared at her, unable to form words for once.

“Please. Let me? Go with you?” he pleaded at last.

She gave him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes and touched his face, a light finger across his brow. “Yeah. Bring your laptop or work or something because it will take a while.”

“Let me call my doctor and—”

“Too expensive,” she said, brusque again. “I don’t have insurance, remember? And it’s just me, now.”

He understood what she meant, though she didn’t seem able say the words outright. “Hell, you don’t know that yet! The baby might be fine!”

Even as her eyes filled with tears, her face went entirely blank.

A tear trickled down her cheek, but before he could touch her to brush it away, she’d moved off. “I’ll make coffee,” she whispered and padded to the kitchen.

He hated the way she turned away from him, body and heart.

Helpless. He hated that word. After taking a few deep, slow breaths, he followed her.

She hadn’t made it to the kitchen. She curled on the couch, hugging a pillow.

“Janey. Does it hurt?”

She shook her head.

“Let me take you to the doctor.” Raw emotion cracked his voice. Deep breathing wouldn’t touch this one. “Let me pay. After all, it’s my fault that you’re—”

She shook her head. “No. The clinic isn’t so bad. And I don’t want your money.”

And even in his grief, he recalled one of the reasons he cared so much about the woman. She didn’t want his damn money. Pride, fear—he didn’t care about the reasons she refused his money. It was enough that she, unlike the rest of the world, did not regard him as a six-foot-two, brown-haired, walking checkbook. Even he had gotten used to thinking of himself as a resource for his friends and acquaintances. That’s the way his world ran. Except with Janey.

Janey shrugged off her strange flat effect long enough to reassure the worried Rachel. She even managed to sound calm, rather than dead. “I’ll call the school and let you know everything’s fine as soon as we get back. But you know it’ll take forever.”

Rachel put her cereal bowl in the sink and pulled on her purple backpack. “Yeah, I might even be home from school before you get back. It’s probably okay, you know.”

Since that’s the story Janey had told in order to convince her to go to school, neither Janey nor Toph bothered to answer.

She gave Janey a hug and trudged out the door to the bus stop.

After she left, Janey sighed and seemed to collapse back into herself, a deflating balloon.