To make the situation sketchier, the instant he slips into the house, he texts me back.
Ayden: Just got out of the shower. Be over in a couple.
“That little liar,” I utter under my breath.
I wait near the window until he exits through the backdoor. He waves to my dad and his, then jogs around the fence to my yard. Like always, he knocks on the door before walking in.
My dad turns to him from the driveway and hollers, “Ayden, you can just go in!”
I pull my earbuds out and wait for him to walk into my bedroom. When he strolls in with damp hair, as if he actually took a shower, my jaw ticks with irritation.
“All right, buddy.” I stare him down hard. “What are you keeping from me?”
He averts his gaze to the floor, ruffling his hair into place. “What are you talking about? I’ve been at my house.” He scratches at the corner of his eye, and I notice a phone number on the back of his hand.
What the hell has he been up to tonight? And, better yet, who has he been with?
And why is he lying to me?
Ayden
She has a very un-Lyric like expression on her face when I walk into her bedroom. She’s upset, maybe with me. After a week of being extra nice and agreeable, her determined attitude instantly throws me off. Then she bluntly calls me out on keeping something from her, and I know it’s only a matter of time before I spill my secret, because upsetting her will quickly wear me down.
“What do you mean?” I mess with my damp hair. Since I texted Lyric that I’d just gotten out of the shower, I actually had to get it wet in the bathroom sink before I headed over. I ended up getting the collar of my shirt wet in the process, making the back of my neck cold.
“Don’t ‘what do you mean’ me, looking all innocent.” She strides across the room then pokes me in the chest. “You know, usually I’m cool with you not telling me stuff, but when I see you creeping up to your house all ninja style then lying to me about where you were, telling me you were taking a shower,” she rolls her eyes, “that’s when I start pressing for info. So, tell me, where’d you sneak off to tonight?”
“I…” I trail off as she elevates her brows at me.
For the last two weeks, I’ve spent night after night wondering if my brother’s death was a murder caused by the people who held my siblings and me captive three years ago. His body had been found near the house we’d been held hostage. If it was the same people, I worry they’ll eventually try to kill my younger sister and me. My sister who I wish I could see again, if for nothing other than to know she’s safe.
Fear, toxic fear,
driving me insane.
Flooding me with rage.
Fear, toxic fear,
I wish you’d just disappear.
Leave me alone.
Get the hell out of here.
But I know you’ll never go away,
let me breathe again,
until I know my sister’s safe.
Until I know the demon has paid.
On day five of barely sleeping at all, I decided I’d had it with the constant worry and started searching around on the Internet. I’d stumbled across a hacker and met the guy tonight in the park near my neighborhood because he refused to have business meetings over the phone or computer. Not the smartest thing to do on my part, but I’m getting desperate.
Of course when I met him, my worries of whether he was a serial killer or not dissolved. Rebel Tonic—an online name—is a gangly guy younger than me. If he tried anything, I could have taken him if I had to.
He insisted he can find my sister’s whereabouts by hacking into the social service’s records. His fee is more than I have stashed away, so I’m trying to figure out where to come up with the money, and if I can even trust him not to screw me over.
“I can’t tell you.” I offer Lyric an apologetic look, wordlessly begging her to please be understanding like she normally is.
Her mouth plummets to a hurt frown. “Why not? You know I’ll keep whatever you tell me a secret.”
“I know you will… that’s not the problem.” I tangle our fingers together and guide her to the bed, drawing her with me as I sit down. “Trust me, it’s not because I don’t want to tell you. I just don’t want to get you into trouble if I get caught. It’s better if you don’t know what I’m up to just in case our parents find out… It’s better if you’re in the dark, at least for now.”
“You’re worrying me. Is it…?” She bites on her bottom lip. “You’re not doing anything illegal or dangerous are you? Like… drugs?”
“What! Drugs… do you really think that about me?”
She looks shamefaced. “No, but… I heard Aunt Lila whispering it to my mom the other day. I think she’s worried about you because you seem so… depressed.” Caution creeps into Lyric’s voice, probably worried she’s crossing a line with the remark about my emotions.
“I know she is.” And I feel bad. The last thing I ever want is for anyone to worry about me. I wish I could be happier so my family could relax, but I feel so depressed all the time. “I’m not doing drugs, though.”
“I figured you weren’t, but I had to ask.” She intently studies me with her green eyes then her bottom lip juts out into a full-on pout. “You really won’t tell me what’s going on?”
It’s difficult to tell her no when she looks as adorable as she does right now. I just want to kiss her lip, suck it in my mouth…
“Lyric… I…” Her pout deepens and I sigh. “You know, when I first met you I thought you used to do the whole pouting thing unintentionally.” I tuck a strand of her long, blond hair behind her ear, highly aware of how badly my fingers tremble and the way her breath hitches in her throat. “But now I’m starting to wonder if you know exactly what you’re doing.”
“So does it work?” she asks, hopeful. “Does it mean you’ll tell me where you were?”
“Not yet… but soon maybe. If I feel like it’s safe to.”
“How soon is soon, though? Because you’ve got me really, really worried about you, to the point where it’s hard to think about anything else.”
“I don’t want that. You don’t need to put so much… effort into being my friend all the time, especially with how much of a burden I’ve been lately.”
“Like I could simply just quit.” She shakes her head and her smile brightens. “You’re my favorite person. And it’s hard to just stop thinking about my favorite person. But think of it this way, the sooner you tell me what’s up, the less time I’ll have to spend stressing.”
“I wish I could tell you now.” I withdraw my hand from her hair as the compassion in her eyes becomes unbearable. The way she looks at me sometimes, like I’m everything to her… No one has ever looked at me that way, and it feels unnatural. “I just don’t know if it’s okay yet.” Safe yet.
“So vague.” Her gaze drops to my hand as I flex my fingers. “Can I just ask one more thing, though?”
I nod. “Of course.”
“You’re … You’re not seeing anyone, are you? Like dating someone or something?” She angles her head forward, her face blocked by her hair.
“Huh?” I’m so confused. I haven’t shown signs of wanting to heat up our friendship boundaries again, but that doesn’t mean I’ve shown signs of wanting to be with anyone else. “No. Again, what’s with the weird assumption?”
“Because of this.” She flicks the back of my hand.
My expression sinks. I didn’t have my phone or any paper when I met Rebel Tonic, and he wanted to leave me with his private phone number. I found a pen in my pocket and jotted his phone number on my hand with every intention of transferring the digits to paper when I got home, but then I got sidetracked with rushing over here and forgot to wash the number off.
“God, I just made things super awkward, didn’t I?” Lyric mutters with a disheartened sigh. “After being like the coolest person ever, I’ve resorted to an awkward, unsure girl.” She stretches her fingers out, focused on her hands. “Can we pretend I didn’t just act like a jealous weirdo? It could be your early birthday present to me.”
My heart thuds deafeningly from inside my chest as I hook a finger under her chin and tip her face up. “You’re not acting like a jealous weirdo. You’re acting like a normal person. I’m the one who’s been the weirdo, shutting you out like I have. It’s not fair.” My heart rate quickens even more as she wets her lips with her tongue and briefly glances at my mouth.
God, if I could just kiss her without freaking out...
I’d kiss her all the time.
“So, just to be clear,” my voice wobbles embarrassingly, “I’d never go on a date with someone else. I don’t want to date at all. I mean, I do want to date, but I just can’t yet. I don’t think so, anyway.” I clear my throat. Nothing I’m saying is coming out right. “Okay, let me try that again. I don’t want to go out on a date with anyone other than you. I just don’t think I can handle dating right now.” I roll my eyes at myself. Man, I am the least smooth person ever. “See, now I’m the one who just made things awkward.”
“You didn’t make things awkward.” She searches my eyes, her own sparkling, a sign that my cheery Lyric is about to emerge. “So, my dad had a band cancel for his opening.”
Her abrupt subject change throws me off, but I latch on to her offering. It’s one of the reasons I love her so much…
Love her?
I shake my head at my thoughts, and Lyric’s face twists with perplexity.
No, I like her.
A lot.
I don’t even know what love is.
I can’t.
Can I?
“Did you offer up our help?” I absentmindedly twist a strand of her hair around my finger, shutting down my thoughts before I freak out.
“Well, duh.” She rolls her eyes then grins. “Of course I did.”
With each soft tug of her hair, her eyelids flutter and her lips part.
And, with each eyelid flutter and lip part, my pulse throbs.
I don’t stop.
I don’t want to stop until it becomes too much for me.
“And what’d he say?” My voice is surprisingly husky.
She moans, and that’s when I finally lose it, when I push my emotions too far. Images start to creep into my mind; a brush of hair and caresses of fingertips I don’t want touching me.
I untangle my fingers from her hair as a breath falters from my lips.
Lyric frowns disappointedly but doesn’t say anything. “The same old, same old.” She makes a flapping motion with her hand as she pulls a face, pretending to mimic her dad. “He yammered about my mental stability, said I needed more stage preparation, and that
he
needed more preparation for his daughter to freakin’ rock the socks off a bunch of people.”
My lips twitch in amusement. “And what did you tell him?”
“I told him we rocked, and if he heard us, he’d beg us to be in his lineup. I gave him something to really think about.” She winks at me. “Now, we should probably go practice for when he asks to see us play.” She laces her fingers through mine, rises from the bed, and then pulls me up with her.
“You really think he’s going to?” I question as we head for the door.
“Oh, yeah. I could see it in his eyes.” She points at her own. “He was totally wondering just how talented his daughter really is. In fact, I bet by tomorrow he’ll be asking to hear us play.”
“You really think we’re ready, though?” I ask as we descend the stairway toward the main floor of the two-story home. “I mean, we don’t even have a band name yet.”
“I have a few ideas for that.” She peers over her shoulder at me, her eyes sparkling mischievously. “Have a little faith in me and my awesomeness, would you?”
“I have a ton of faith in you and your awesomeness. It’s the rest of the band I’m worried about.”
She squeezes my hand reassuringly. “We’re all doing well. Granted, Nolan’s a little less motivated than you, Sage, and me. Do you ever get the feeling that his interest in the music industry is solely based on getting laid?”
“I’ve thought that a lot,” I reply as we enter the dimly lit kitchen that smells like vanilla with a hint of cleaner.
A plate of cookies Lila sent over this morning is on the countertop along with a stack of neon pink flyers for the opening of Infinite Bliss, Lyric’s dad’s new club.
“He’s so old school,” Lyric remarks as she picks up a flyer.
“He didn’t do any other promoting?” I steal a cookie off the plate.
“No, he did after I made a suggestion that flyers don’t work that well anymore.” She drops the flyer back onto the stack. “See, he totally owes me.” She grabs two cookies off the plate then steers us out the back door and to the driveway. “I just wish he’d realize that.” She puts the cookies in her mouth so she can open the garage door without letting go of my hand.
The night sky is lit up by the moon and the countless stars and matches the illuminated neighborhood covered with Christmas lights and decorations. I’ve lived here for over a year and still can’t get over how different it is from all the other homes I stayed at. So bright, cheery, welcoming. All the other homes were full of despair and were energy draining.