Unresolved Issues (20 page)
Authors: Wanda B. Campbell
Chapter 33
Derrick stared out of his living-room window and watched Staci as she sat in her car and talked on the phone. He knew without a doubt she was speaking with Malcolm. Just like he'd known three weeks ago at Marcus's house when she had to step outside to answer her cell phone and every time she had to suddenly get off the phone whenever he entered her presence. He fought hard to control his anger at the thought of his wife talking to another man and appearing to be happy about it without ever acknowledging his presence. No matter how hard he tried, Staci refused to pay him any attention. Last night at his counseling session, Pastor Reggie suggested it was time for Staci to join them, but how could Derrick get her to agree to that when she wouldn't even talk to him?
The only time she spoke more than two words to him was when she had a question about the house. She still wasn't taking his phone calls during the day, and when she came home in the evenings, she ate, and then hibernated in the master bedroom. She never commented on the notes or the flowers he left for her every day, or even said thank you for the meals he served her. She never said one word about him changing his schedule to hours that would give them time together. But hadn't he done the same thing to her? he often wondered.
“Be not deceived, God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”
Reaping sure is hard,
Derrick thought after quoting the scripture.
Reaping sure is hard,
Derrick thought after quoting the scripture.
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“What time shall I expect you?” Malcolm asked Staci for the third time.
“Malcolm, I never agreed to see you tonight,” Staci answered while trying to look through the windows of her house; wishing she had x-ray vision. Derrick was in there, somewhere, watching. He was always around lately.
“Come on, Staci, we haven't had any time together in a long time. I miss you, baby.”
Staci pulled the phone from her ear and rubbed her stomach. The sound of Malcolm's voice referring to her by an endearing term nauseated her.
“Staci, how can you just shut me out like this?” he asked when she didn't immediately respond.
“Malcolm, it's not good for me to spend time with you now that Derrick is back home. These phone conversations are bad enough.”
“Was it good when he left you and hurt you? I don't mean to sound cruel, but Derrick doesn't want you. The only reason he's there is because he's grieving over his mother.”
Malcolm's words stung. Staci had been thinking the exact same thing, but hearing Malcolm voice her fear only rekindled her resentment toward Derrick.
“What time is dinner?” she asked, then turned her head away from the house.
Five minutes later, Staci rushed into the house. As usual, she didn't acknowledge Derrick's presence. She just ran up the stairs to her bedroom. Half an hour later, she had changed from her business suit into a blue knee-length dress and four-inch heels. Just as she opened the front door to leave, Derrick's voice stopped her.
“Tell Malcolm your husband said hello.” He arose from the couch and solemnly went upstairs to the guest room.
Those six words penetrated Staci's resistance and paralyzed her. It wasn't until that moment did the realization that she was about to leave her husband at home and go out on a date with another man penetrate her brain. Suddenly, she was ashamed and couldn't move. Staci remained frozen for what appeared to be an eternity in the same spot until she was able to walk back to the couch.
Forty-five minutes later, she was still sitting on the couch trying to sort through her emotions. Why was she still communicating with Malcolm? He wasn't in her future. She wasn't attracted to him. In the beginning, he was a good distraction, but lately, he'd started to annoy her. It used to be exciting to have someone to talk to; now, most of their conversations bored her. Yet, if she met him at his loft tonight, there was a good chance they would sleep together.
Why, after all the praying and hoping she'd done for Derrick to come home, did she now refuse to allow him back into her life? Yet, she tolerated Malcolm, knowing full well he only wanted to get her into his bed.
There was no doubt in Staci's mind that she loved Derrick. But Derrick had wounded her, and now she was inflicting him with the same wounds. She complained that Derrick didn't pay her any attention, and now that he was trying, she wasn't paying him any. She refused to forgive him and give him another chance. It was just too hard for her to do on her own right now. She knelt in front of the couch.
“God, please help me. I want to forgive him. Please show me how to forgive him. Take this anger and bitterness away from me. I love him so much; but show me how to love him unconditionally like you love me. Help me to open up so I can trust him again. Give me the patience I need to wait while you mend us back together.”
After she finished praying and was seated back on the couch, Staci heard the still small voice.
“That's what I was waiting for. Now I can work.”
This time, Staci allowed the still small voice to comfort her.
“Back so soon?” Derrick's voice startled her.
Too engrossed in her thoughts, she hadn't heard him come down the stairs. “I never left,” she answered softly. Staci didn't bother hiding the evidence that she'd spent nearly an hour crying. Her tears had left a trail down her cheeks.
“Are you hungry?”
“Yeah.” The timid voice sounded strange coming from her.
“Give me a few minutes.” Derrick left for the kitchen. Minutes later, Staci reveled in the garlic aroma floating through the house.
Derrick returned shortly thereafter and offered to escort Staci into the formal dining room. For the first time since he'd returned home, Staci touched him. She quietly accepted his arm and followed his lead.
Once inside the dining room, she gasped. Derrick had beautifully set the table, complete with candlelight and china.
He pulled out her chair. “Have a seat.”
“Thank you.” She made eye contact with him for the first time in days. Staci wanted to kiss him, but was afraid to after pushing him away for so long.
Her eyes watered again as Derrick served her seafood Alfredo and Caesar salad with garlic bread. It was one of her favorite meals. They ate in silence, occasionally one glancing up at the other. Then Derrick asked her if she knew what special day it was.
“No, I don't know,” she answered, while cutting fettuccine.
He took a sip of nonalcoholic wine, then leaned back in his chair before he responded. “Today is our anniversary.”
“No, it's not.” She shook her head and tried to block images of their disastrous first anniversary from creating a collage in her mind.
“Not our wedding anniversary. It's the anniversary of when we officially started dating,” Derrick clarified.
Staci looked perplexed as she thought for a long hard moment. Derrick was right. They had their first official date exactly eight years ago on this very day. She gasped again, looking down at her plate. Derrick had prepared the exact same meal for her that night in his dorm kitchen. Staci then looked up at him in amazement. Derrick never remembered any of their special days, and now when he did remember, she was about to go out with another man! And he was going to freely let her go, knowing he had prepared a special celebration for them.
Too overwhelmed with emotions, Staci couldn't eat anymore. She pushed her plate away and lay her head on the table. “Oh, Derrick, I'm sorry,” she cried. “I'm so sorry.”
“Sweetheart, stop crying. This is our eighth year. It's a new beginning for us.” He had walked around the table and squatted next to her and cautiously placed his arm around her. Staci, in a surprise move, placed her arms around his neck and pressed her head against him.
Derrick stopped talking and enjoyed the closeness of her, stroking her head and squeezing her. It had been way too long, and he didn't know how soon this chance would come again.
“Derrick, I'm so sorry,” she continued to say between sniffles.
“For what?”
“For my relationship with Malcolm.”
“It's all right. I understand your reasons.” He brushed her curls back and gently kissed her on the forehead.
“No, it's not all right,” she said, shaking her head. “I was wrong for getting involved with him while we're still married. Being hurt is not a reason for getting involved with another man, even if I felt justified. I'm sorry for not being willing to allow you the time you needed to work on yourself. I'm sorry for not being willing to give you another chance.”
Derrick tilted her chin upward. “Sweetheart, I promise you won't have that problem again. I will never neglect you like that again. I'll never walk away from you again. Only death can take me away from you.”
“I believe you,” she responded from someplace deep inside her heart.
Before he could kiss her lips, she lay her head against his chest. Derrick held her tightly, as if he were trying to mold her into him.
Staci moaned as she enjoyed the solid muscular feel of her husband. She had almost forgotten what it felt like to be so close to him. To have his big arms covering and warming her. Basking in the feel of her teddy bear, Staci felt something she hadn't felt in a long time: secure. And she felt loved, and she loved it. She loved him.
She broke their embrace. “I can't eat anymore. I'll help you clear the dishes and put the food away.”
Derrick watched her stand and walk around the table, then blow out the candles. “Why don't you let me take care of this and you can relax,” he offered.
“All right, but don't take too long. I don't want to relax,” she said with desire she hadn't felt in far too long.
The knowing smile that creased his face made Staci's heart and the rest of her body warm. She wanted to jump into his arms, but forced her feet to stay planted.
“Sweetheart, what do you want to do?” He took slow strides toward her. “Baby, I'll do whatever you want.”
“I want to make love to my husband,” she answered right before her lips touched his.
When their lips finally parted, Derrick had lifted her off the floor and her legs were wrapped around him with the back of her dress unzipped. Both were nearly breathless.
“Why wait? We can always buy more food,” Derrick said, trying to regain control of his breathing. He then headed for the stairs with Staci still glued to him. Derrick never appreciated being physically fit more than he did climbing the staircase that led to their bedroom carrying his wife.
“I missed you.” He laid her on their bed, then removed his shirt, popping the buttons in the process.
“Derrick, that's your favorite shirt!”
“You can buy me another one.”
“I love you, teddy bear. I've always loved only you. You're all I ever wanted,” she confessed and reached for him.
“I love you too my beautiful Stacelyn.”
On this night, her husband made perfect love to her. Derrick gave himself to Staci completely, and she felt the pure love he had for her in every microscopic cell running through her body. She felt love in his touch. She heard love in his voice every time he whispered her name, which was almost constantly.
Derrick cherished her, even worshipped her, being deliberate and methodical in the way he loved his wife; recapturing his place in her heart. He wanted to make sure Staci knew without a doubt that she would never be loved by anyone but him.
During intermission, Derrick allowed her to see his raw emotions toward her for the first time. Staci held him and kissed his tears away, then proceeded to love him back in a way that let him know that she didn't want anyone but him for the rest of her life. When she finished loving him, he wouldn't let her get up; he was too vulnerable; too open; too happy; too afraid to let the moment end. Derrick held her against his body. They fell asleep that way.
Chapter 34
Derrick forced himself out of bed and into the guest room to take a shower. After he dressed, he returned to find Staci still asleep. He smiled appreciatively as his eyes roamed up the curvature of her limp body. She looked so peaceful with her curly hair dangling in her face. As long as he lived, he would never forget how beautiful she was at that moment or how wonderful she had been to him last night. If he didn't know any better, he would think that was the first time they'd ever made love. In a sense, for him, it was. That was the first time he'd freely opened himself up to her without reservation. He literally lost himself in her last night.
He briefly bowed his head and prayed. “God, I thank you for my gift. Thank you for helping me to realize how precious she is to me. Thank you for showing me how to love myself so I can love her the way she deserves to be loved. Help me to always love her the way you love me. Help me to always be open and receptive to her.”
Returning from the garden, Derrick found Staci still asleep. It took every ounce of his willpower to keep from climbing back into bed beside her. If they were physically able, he wanted to spend the day making love to her for each day they'd been married. He wanted to hold her for each time he pushed her away. But he couldn't undo the past. But he vowed from that day forward, every day Staci opened her eyes, she would know how important she was to him.
When Staci finally awakened, her husband was gone. She nearly panicked until she saw the red roses in the vase on her nightstand and the note in the shape of a heart. Silently, she read the note.
It was the first Saturday of the month; the one Derrick had chosen to work every month until noon for his patients whose schedules wouldn't allow them to come on weekdays. In his note, Derrick promised to return straight home and do whatever she wanted.
What Staci wanted was more of what she got last night. It had been the most powerful, intimate experience of her life. Derrick was the only man she'd been intimate with, so she didn't have any comparison, but after last night, she was positive Derrick Garrison was the best lover in the world! Even the time when they were intimate before they married didn't compare to last night. Just thinking about how Derrick made love to her last night brought tears to her eyes. Her mother was right. Her marriage was worth fighting for, and the bigger the fight, the better the making up! She had to call her parents and tell them the good news.
Staci could barely contain her excitement as she listened to the phone ring. Alaina could barely get the word “hello” out before Staci screamed into the phone, “Derrick and I are back together!”
It was Alaina's turn to scream. “Thank you, Jesus!”
Carey came on the line, and Staci just knew her mother had dropped the phone and was dancing in the spirit around their Napa Valley home.
“Baby girl, I'm so happy for you,” Carey said.
“You were right, Daddy. Everything is working out.”
Carey asked to speak to Derrick. “Daddy, he's at work. He'll be back in a few hours, but we'll probably be busy,” Staci giggled.
Carey joined in her laughter. “How long were you separated?”
“Four months.”
“You're going to be busy for a while. I'll call him next month,” her father joked.
“Thank you, Daddy,” Staci said once she stopped laughing. “Thank you for encouraging me to hang in there. I love you. Give Mom a kiss for me.”
“Love you too, baby girl. When your mother gets back inside, I'll give her a kiss. Right now, she's outside on the front lawn dancing.”
Staci shared another laugh with her father before she ended her call. She totally understood her mother's joy. Staci felt like dancing across Highway 24.
She showered and dressed in shorts and a tank top and filled the house with sounds of New Direction. She then went into the guest room and started moving her husband's belongings back into their bedroom. It amazed her how little he had accumulated in there. Derrick unpacked only the bare necessities; everything else remained boxed. He had literally been living out of boxes. It also surprised her that he kept a picture of her on the nightstand next to his Bible.
“He never stopped loving you.”
“Then why did he leave?” she audibly asked the still small voice.
“Just wait; my servant will tell you.”
While collecting his toiletries from the guest bathroom, she remembered her wedding ring. It was time she put it back on. She walked into her bedroom and was just about to place the ring on her finger when her cell phone rang. She already knew who it was without checking the caller ID.
“Hello, Malcolm.”
“Staci, what happened to you last night? I called you at least four times and you didn't pick up. I even texted you twice.” Somehow his voice didn't sound appealing or soothing anymore.
“Nothing happened. I decided to stay home with my husband.”
There was a long pause. “The old man wouldn't let you out, huh?”
She took a deep breath. “Malcolm, Derrick and I are back togetherâreally together.”
“That's a big change.” Malcolm let out a snort. “Yesterday you were ready to divorce him. What will it be tomorrow?”
“Malcolm, I know I sound flaky, but I know for a fact that I love my husband and I want our marriage to work.”
“I guess that means you slept with him, and for once, the sex was good.”
Staci wanted to kick herself for discussing her intimate frustrations with Malcolm. She started to tell him the sex was better than good, but that wasn't his business. “Malcolm, I'm not going to discuss my sex life with you anymore. It's best if we stop communicating with each other completely. For real this time.”
She could imagine the sneer on his face when he said, “Why, Staci? You don't think you can handle talking to me? Am I that powerful?”
“No, Malcolm, you're not. But the love I have for my husband is, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize our relationship.”
“Funny, you didn't say that when you were over here at my loft.”
Staci accepted responsibility. “You're right, Malcolm, I didn't, and I shouldn't have been at your loft in the first place. But I was hurt, and I made a bad decision. The fact remains, I love my husband, and we're going to work things out.”
Just then, she felt Derrick's arms from behind reach around her waist. She hadn't heard or seen him come in. Malcolm was saying something, but Staci couldn't decipher what it was because she was distracted by the warm kisses her husband planted along the back of her neck.
Without any protest from his wife, Derrick removed the phone from her ear and set it on the mahogany chest, but not before speaking into the phone and saying, “Good-bye, Malcolm,” then disconnected the call.
Still kissing her from behind, Derrick removed the wedding ring from inside her right palm and replaced it back on her left ring finger.
“Sweetheart, you belong to me forever,” he said after bringing her hand to his lips. “And I'm yours, completely.”
Staci moaned, but she really felt like screaming. “Did you work hard today?” She leaned against him and enjoyed the feel of his arms and lips. It felt so good to have her teddy bear back.
“Not as hard as I am about to.”
Dr. and Mrs. Garrison spent the afternoon and part of the evening getting reacquainted with each other. During breaks, they talked, laughed, and played with each other like the newlyweds they were. She'd almost forgotten what it sounded like to hear Derrick's laughter fill a room. Staci had just finished a round of giggles from Derrick's tickling when she noticed a sudden change in his demeanor. His laughter ceased, and his eyes glossed.
“Honey, what's wrong?” She wrapped her arms around his neck. To her delight, Derrick was completely transparent with her.
“Stacelyn, I love you so much, it hurts me when I think about how close I came to losing you. Thank you for letting me back into your heart,” he answered and nuzzled against her neck.
“I love you too, teddy bear.” She squeezed him. “And you never left my heart.” She rested her head against his.
In one swift motion, Derrick stood straight up. “Come on. Let's take a bath.” He lifted her from their bed and carried her into the bathroom where he prepared a hot bubble bath for them in the black oversized oval-shaped bathtub. Afterward, Derrick carried Staci back to their bed and treated her to a body massage.
The feel of his hands gliding over her body was just as delectable as the chocolate-dipped strawberries he fed her. Staci moaned from the pleasure. “You have the most magnificent hands.”
“Turn over,” Derrick whispered in her ear after he finished ministrations to her back.
Watching him stroke her body with such care, Staci had to ask him the question that had been troubling her since the day he left.
“Derrick, I need to ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me.”
Derrick recognized the seriousness in her tone and stopped massaging her and gave her his full attention. “What is it, beautiful?”
Staci sat up with her back against the pillows and covered herself with the satin sheet. “Derrick, what was so wrong with me that you had to leave? What did I do to make you grow tired of me? I mean, what did I do to make you leave our home?” She hesitated long enough to summon the courage to ask the questions, the answers, of which, could crush her. “Did you fulfill your needs with someone else, like Rhonda?”
With his thumb, Derrick wiped the lone tear that slowly glided down Staci's cheek. Then he held her face and kissed her gently, but passionately. The kiss was meant to reassure her that there was nothing wrong with her; that she was perfect for him. Staci accepted his kiss, but he sensed she needed to hear his words.
“Staci, my leaving had absolutely nothing to do with you.” He positioned himself against the pillows alongside her and took her hand in his. “As I told you before, outside of conversation and a few lunch dates, I wasn't involved with Rhonda. I'd be lying if I said I never thought about it, or that she's not interested.”
“Then why did you leave?” She had to know.
Derrick took a deep breath. “The day I left was the same day I met my father for the first time.”
“What?” Staci was shocked. “Why didn't you tell me you were going to see your father?” She thought back to that morning. “Was that the âimportant meeting' you were talking about?”
Derrick nodded. “I didn't tell anyone, not even my mother, but that morning, I walked into Dr. John Archer's office and introduced myself to him.”
“What happened?”
Derrick inhaled deeply, and Staci saw that his eyes glossed over. She knew the outcome was not good.
“Nothing happened, at least not what I had expected. Dr. John Archer knew exactly who I was; even told me I looked like him.” Derrick smirked. “My mother always said I look just like my father, and she was right.”
Observing the strain on Derrick's face, Staci waited quietly and patiently for him to continue.
“First, he started by saying how happy he was the money he spent on my education didn't go to waste. He then congratulated me on graduating from dental school and opening up a practice and wished me well in my career.”
Derrick stopped talking, but Staci knew there was more to the story. “What else did he say?” she asked softly, while turning Derrick's head toward her so she could read his eyes. This time she wiped the tear that trickled down his cheek. “Baby, tell me what your father said.”
Derrick held her gaze. It was time for him to trust her with his whole heart. He wanted to trust her, but it was still hard. As soon as he answered her question, chances were he would break down. The love in Staci's eyes, however, assured him it was all right for him, a thirty-two-year-old man, to cry and show his insecurities. His wife wouldn't think any less of him.
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