UNSHAKABLE (Able Series Book 4) (5 page)

I take a sip of my wine, nursing it as if my life depends on it. “It’s going.”

Darcee smirks. “It’s going . . .” She stops, points her index finger up then says, “. . . . wait for the punchline. . . . nowhere.”

“Dar, as if I don’t know that,” I sneer at her which she answers with a grin.

“Someone is touchy tonight.” Bry scrunches her nose. “I guess I would be too if the object of my affection were ignoring me.” I don’t know whether she’s being sarcastic or merely stating the truth. Perhaps the latter.

“If you look in the dictionary, you’ll find your name and his next to the word complicated. I’ve told you this many times, Soph.”

“Darcee, I know alright? I went out on a date for crying out loud. I get it.” I say in a stage whisper and add the eye bulge for good measure.

Damien, of course, notices and narrows his eyes ever so slightly at me. He’s too damn perceptive. He can perceive whatever he wants because this girl has finally gotten it. I’ve finally. . . . FINALLY accepted that while we both feel something toward each other, time just isn’t on our side. Considering what I witnessed weeks ago, the least I could do is agree to
our
situation and move on without causing him too much grief.

“Are you sure?” Bry mutters, evading my eyes.

“Positive. While I wouldn’t go on another date with Shawn, I’m open to dating other people. I need to live my life. Actually, that’s what he wants. I might as well follow it.”

Darcee drops her fork in shock. “Wow! Have I died and gone to Heaven? Finally, it’s all making sense, huh?” She reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze. “I’m glad. You don’t need to further complicate your already complicated life, my friend.”

“And you doubt me? Shame on you!” I tease.

Darcee rolls her eyes. “Hey, you can’t blame me. You were hot and cold there for a while.”

“It’s hard. I’m not gonna lie, but it is what it is. It’s hard to force a situation, ya know?” Remembering what could have been saddens me which I’m sure clearly shows on my face; however, I quickly wipe it off my face offering a fake smile to my friends. “I need to go to the restroom. Can you order another wine for me and. . . . um. . . . dessert?” I stand to leave, and my forever shield is already approaching me.

“Where to Sophia?” Damien asks.

I mumble, “Ladies room.”

“Sarah, clear the ladies room for Wildflower. We’re moving.”

I walk ahead with him following closely, but stop midway. I can feel him watching me as if his hands are touching the expanse of my entire body. Sarah nods once I reach the end of the hallway, and then opens the door. I love having the bathroom all to myself. I can actually pee in peace! Then someone knocks destroying it completely.

“Coming!”

Damn! A girl can’t even pee without being interrupted.

I wash my hands and quickly open the door seeing Damien and Sarah’s worried look. “What’s up guys?” I look at them quizzically.

“Are you okay?” Damien narrows his eyes slightly, examining my facial expression.

“I’m okay, Damien. There’s no threat of being sucked in alive from Mr. Toilet Bowl or no rapid firing from Mr. Faucet, so I think we’re good.” My smart ass answer earns the expected frown.

“Alright, let’s go back then.”

After a few heartbeats when Sarah isn’t within ear shot he opens his mouth. “Something’s off with you.”

“Off? Me?”

“Can I. . . . can we talk?”

I look at him and gaze back at Sarah. He wants to talk now? I don’t even know if I want to. Ugh! He frustrates the hell out of me.

“What do you say?”

What have I got to lose? My sanity, that’s what! He seems contrite or perhaps a little worried, maybe perplexed by my sudden desire to date other people. If it’s closure he wants, I guess he deserves it. I look at him and give him a brief nod in answer.

He puts his hand over his mouth. “Travis, we’re ready to leave. I’ll send Sarah up front with Jared.” He stops and signals for Sarah to move, then says, “Give us five.”

As soon as Sarah makes the turn, he looks right at me with pleading eyes. Eyes that I love to look at and get lost in. His soft, big hands cover my entire face, his thumbs move back and forth across my cheeks in a loving caress. They make my heart stop entirely for a few seconds then start back up in time to let me know this is happening. I’m definitely feeling this. His eyes dance across my face from my eyes to my nose down to my lips, as he lets the word ‘beautiful’ escape his mouth over and over again.

Evade
—he’s not evading now, not like the times we’ve talked about us. Right here, he’s telling me everything I’ve always known.

Invade
—he’s invading all of me. My body, my heart. . . . my soul. Am I ready to allow him to?

DAMIEN

As I’m staring at this beautiful creature in front of me, I’m in awe of her. Denying my feelings has been a thorn in my side for more than six months, but a thorn half of my heart knows I can’t fight anymore. I’ve never needed, craved, wanted anyone as much as I need, crave, and want Sophia. I never expected her to freeze me out, but now that she’s dishing it out I’m scared out of my damn mind.

“Beautiful.” The one word leaves my mouth as I anchor my hands on her face. The moment I make contact, time stops for me and her face is all I see . . . her green eyes glow like the brightest emeralds, her porcelain face the compass that guides me, her luscious lips I desperately want to own, her shiny auburn hair that frames her angelic face. All of her features occupy every space in my brain and heart.

“Stunning.” Another declaration leaves my lips—a declaration I’ve been holding in for so long. There’s no evading it this time, this time I’m being reckless while my heart is just simply being truthful.

Her hands stay still while her eyes express confusion as her mouth falls slightly open. She's either speechless about my physical display of affection or at least the urgency of it.

“I don’t have much time. I’ve always been honest with you, Sophia. Please listen to every word, please. I fear that I’m losing you if I haven’t already. I. . . . I know I’ve told you to move on, enjoy life as you should. But now that you’re actually doing the very thing I ask of you. . . . my heart just hurts.”

I’m probably not making a lick of sense since she’s still wearing the same damn confused look. Absent is the look of want, of need, and in its place is nothing but a ‘what the hell are you talking about’ kind of look. As the coldness of losing her paralyzes my heart, her words seal the deal. My heart is now officially dead because the impassiveness of her words matches her tone.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, but you wanted it this way. So, what is it really you want from me? You can’t have it both ways. How selfish could you be? You don’t want me to do certain things because it hurts you, but when it’s me asking the same, all I get is a flat no.” She pauses and looks me straight in the eye as she gives her final blow. “So, I am telling you now. No!”

As I taste the bittersweet truth of her words something snaps within me. I am hers just as she is mine. Over and over my heart shouts this, and finally I give in. All I know . . . all my brain is directing me to do . . . all my heart wants is just a kiss—a kiss. Forget about honor, my integrity, the office . . . all of it for a single moment—a moment that will last me a lifetime.

My lips meet hers as I cradle her face with my hands in the most reverent of ways. Her soft inviting lips entice mine to move, to draw her in, to make her remember, and to never forget how we taste together. As my tongue darts out seeking consent, she stays unmoving, eyes closed, brows furrowed as if she’s in pain. Only then do my lips separate from hers.

“Sophia . . .” I whisper. I’m not sure if I want her to answer or remain silent.

Authentic pain pulses through me though my heart is unfeeling . . . still. I want to close my eyes to deny myself the pain of seeing her face, but I know I can’t. Honor is the very essence of my being, denying or running away from it isn’t acceptable. So, I meet her gaze when she opens her eyes then wait to hear the words her eyes are yelling at me.

“We’ve been honest with each other and this is me being honest with you. I can’t do this. I refuse to be part of this labyrinth like reasoning of why we couldn’t be and what I can’t do. I’m tired. It’s either you let me go or let me in. In the past I was willing to find my way out of this maze you created, but not anymore. I need to think of me. I love me, too, Damien.”

The strength of her words and the resoluteness on her face pushes me over the edge. The cusp of where my love for my job and my love for her resides.

“I hate saying those words but something’s gotta give, and my heart gave.”

“I know, Sophia. I understand.”

She nods in a very formal way, transforming before my eyes. The straightening of her shoulders, the mask of indifference on her face, and the emerald glow of her eyes are now a dull shade of hazel. And sadly my actions, or lack thereof, prompted that change.

She closes her eyes and with a curt voice says, “I’m ready to go. I want to go now.”

When I locked eyes with hers, the determination of moving on is undoubtedly etched on her face while my determination of winning her back shines in my eyes. Whether it is too late or not, I won’t go down without a fight.

“I’ll make it right.” My tone though not loud breathes grit—persistence.

“Prove it.” Her ice cold answer definitely challenges me.

She steels her heart and ices mine. I can almost feel the slow spread of her frostiness, killing the burn it had started. I walk out before her, then motion for her to walk next to me as we head outside into the world I’m protecting her from physically, but hurting her heart and mine in the process.

Evade
—there’s really no point in doing so. A heart can’t evade something it seeks. A mind can’t evade something it envisions. A body can’t evade something it desires.

Invade
—the entirety of her being. I need to encompass her with my kiss, my lips, my tongue, my touch, but above all it’s my mission to invade her with my love. A love I thought I’d never give to anyone, but overjoyed to be blessed to give it to my Sophia.

SOPHIA

IT’S BEEN A MONTH SINCE
the greatest revelation of my life. I’ve put all my attention both body and mind into dancing. It’s easier to express my pain that way. It’s as if I escape from the agony with every sway of my hips, or when my partner lifts me up then throws me into the air, it’s as though I’m free only to fall back down into nothingness. Dancing is cathartic for me. It’s my imaginary lover that never leaves nor argues, never denies me anything, but rather accepts me—accepts the interpretation of a song completely without fear of being rejected. . . . corrected. . . . or denied.

Darcee and I opened a dance studio on Washington Circle right after graduation. She handles the business side while I teach. We offer lessons from classical ballet, lyrical, contemporary, to interpretive dancing. I enjoy it tremendously, but more so now than ever before. Thankfully, we have a recital in a couple of months; hence, the long tedious hours spent with Mark perfecting all the lifts and spins of our contemporary interpretation of Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers.

“Soph, I think we have to rest. We’ve been at it for six hours straight. I’m about to sleep on that damn chaise we’re using as a prop for this dance.”

Mark throws me a towel to wipe off the sweat that’s trickling down every crevice of my body. I glare at him in a silent protest, just as I’ve always done in the past when someone tells me something I don’t necessarily agree with. I can’t vocalize anything because I’m so used to being shut down anyway.

Throwing the towel back at him, I assume my position. “Let’s do it again.”

Even though every muscle in my body aches for me to stop, I can’t . . . I won’t. This is the only time I don’t feel the huge chasm of disappointment that has plagued me since our last confrontation. I let the music consume me, to transport me to a place where I’m in control of me—my body. Every movement is done by me, every step thought by me, every turn, spin, arch of my back is because of me.

Suddenly, a barrage of loud clapping followed by shrieks drowns the music. Mark and I turn to the sound of the chaos only to find Darcee smiling while Bryanna eye fucks Mark. Even though she knows he’s gay, her drooling is unstoppable.

Damien has been standing at the corner of the room for thirty minutes now. The whole time his eyes are on me. How I wish his body were on me, too. But that will only be a dream—an impossible dream. Knowing that nothing or no one could change his mind about our relationship, I look away.

“Are you ready to eat now, Soph?” Darcee asks as she closes the door after understanding my non-verbal plea to save me from Damien’s eyes.

“Let me just grab a quick shower, then we’ll go.” I walk toward the stairs leading to my private studio.

“We’re done for the day, Soph. I’m not coming back to practice the same routine we’ve worked on since five thirty this morning,” Mark hollers behind me.

I manage to give him two thumbs up, not bothering to open my mouth. I think I’ve over done it this time. I don’t even know if I can survive lunch, my body is clamoring for my bed, and my muscles demand a full body massage. Forty-five minutes later, I’m sandwiched by Bry and Darcee as we walk toward the black car of pain.