Unspoken (6 page)

“What?” I asked confused, “Why me?”

“I have no idea but he specifically asked for you,” I shrugged and went out only to find Leonard standing at the counter with a big smile on his face.
Oh! Vanilla-Lemon

“Leonard,” I said smiling while cleaning my hands on the baking apron.

“I told you I would let you know I was here,” he said and I nodded.

“Have you ordered yet?” I asked.

“Yes, I was wondering if you would like to sit down with me while I drink my coffee?” he said showing me the cup in his hand.

“Sure,” I said and I heard Alexa clear her throat and trying to tell me something with her eyes. I looked at her like she was crazy but I finally understood that she wanted me to pay attention to something in my hair. I put my hand in my head and realized that I was still wearing the hair net. I blushed profusely and took it off and re-did my hair in a decent bun. Alexa nodded and smiled. “Want something to drink, Marion?” she asked.

“Why, Alexa, I would like a cappuccino,” I said and Alexa laughed out loud.

“So, you really are a regular,” I said finally sitting down across from him.

“I am,” he nodded as he drank his coffee. “This doesn’t qualify as going out for drinks,” he said quickly.

“I would hope so,” I smiled, “that would be lame.” I scrunched up my nose.

“So lame,” he smiled.

“Cappuccino,” said Alexa placing it in front of me, “and a bullet proof vest to protect you from looks that kill,” she whispered before leaving. I looked up and saw Jackson in his usual corner with his usual coffee on his laptop looking in my direction with murder in his eyes. I decided I wasn’t going to pay attention to his murderous looks. Leonard was available, and Jackson wasn’t because he didn’t want to be.

“I’ve been coming here since you opened,” said Leonard and my attention went back to him, “I can’t believe I never got to meet you before.”

“I usually don’t come out front before lunch, unless Alexa doesn’t come in,” he nodded.

“Well, I’m honored to meet the creator of those espresso muffins I love so much.”

“Thank you,” I said blushing, of course, and shaking my head.

“I got to go now but I’ll see you around, ok?” he said standing up and I did the same.

“Come in the kitchen to say hi whenever you stop by,” I said and he nodded.

“I will,” he smiled and before he left he waved at me and I did too.

“Ok…,” I heard Alexa say, “How on earth do you know Vanilla-Lemon?” she asked, giving me back the hair net.

“I met him last night at the formal. He is the son of a friend of my parents,” I shrugged. “He is really nice, though,” I said putting the net back and going to the kitchen glad that Alexa couldn’t follow me because we had a lot of people coming in.

“Who was he?” I heard Jackson voice as I took out some pastry dough to make an apple strudel for lunch hour.

“A guy I met last night,” I said rolling the dough.

“Didn’t you say it was a horrible night?” I wasn’t looking at him but I knew he was frowning. He did a lot of that lately.

“It was, overall. But meeting him was nice,” I nodded still rolling.

“You can’t go out with him, Mar,” he said taking me by the arm forcing me to look at him.

“Why not, Jackson?” I asked and I felt my eyes water.

“I mean you can if you want,” he said letting go of my arm. “I just wished you wouldn’t,” he said leaning on the counter I was working on.

“…and what? Wait for you to open up? To decide what you want to do with this?” I said pointing at both of us. “I can’t do this, Jackson. It’s too painful.” I shook my head and went back to roll the dough, tears rolling down my cheeks by now.

“I just need some time to make everything ok,” he said with his head down. “I can’t just go and break it off with Sally. That’d be cruel,” he said.

“So, you rather be cruel to me?” I shook my head “I can be your friend, Jackson. We can be best friends if you want but don’t ask me to put my life on hold only because you are afraid of looking like an asshole.”

“It’s not that,” he said.

“Then what is it, Jackson?” I said a little more calmed.

“It’s complicated,” he said with pleading eyes.

“Well if it ever stops being ‘complicated’, I’m here to listen,” I turned and got busy with the dough.

Suddenly I felt two hands on my waist, “I hate sharing,” he said in my ear.

“You can’t share something that isn’t yours,” I said without turning to look at him and then felt him leave.

I officially hated Jackson, so much. Why did he have to come and mess everything up? If he hadn’t shown up I wouldn’t be thinking twice about going out with Leonard. It wouldn’t be so complicated. It never was while he was gone. It took me a long time to stop waiting for him to come back, a longer time to recover and longer to be ready to have sex with someone new. But when I was ready I did what any normal girl would do, went out, dated, had one night stands. Jackson had always been in my heart because I didn’t forget him, I just let him go. And after a while it didn’t hurt anymore.

Except now he was back and he had brought back with him a whole lot of new feelings; frustration, pain, hopelessness and confusion. A truckload full of that.

I didn’t see Jackson the rest of the day which was odd because he always stopped by after lunch for some sweets and to do some work in his corner. I was so angry that he hadn’t stopped by, but what was I expecting? I had been pretty clear about what I wanted and he was honoring my wishes, he was staying away from me because I couldn’t handle his… his… whatever he was doing by not being clear about his intentions being back in town.

“Wow… Churros,” said Alexa once she had closed the bakery and Greg was gone.

“Yeah,” I said as I finished them. I had been baking all day long and I was left with some churros and donut holes. “Here, take some to Mika,” I said giving her the tray with the holes, “and some churros too.”

“You are not putting them out tomorrow.” she said grabbing a donut hole.

“Won’t be fresh enough,” I said taking off the net and re arranging my hair in normal bun.

“Why the churros?” she asked looking at me. I only cooked churros when I was annoyed or someone had asked me to. “Let me guess…. Jackson,” she cocked her head. She looked like a Golden Retriever waiting for me to throw a stick.

“He dared to come here and tell me that I can’t go out with Leonard,” I shook my head and took my apron off and hung it next to the oven and stove.

“Yeah, what’s up with Vanilla-Lemon and you?” she took her apron off, too.

“Nothing much. He wants to take me for some drinks I said it would be ok,” I shrugged.

“And Jackson hated the idea,” I nodded. “Fuck him, Marion. God knows I love the guy, he’s a great buddy but you can’t go back to that.”

“I told him something like that and now…,” I looked down.

“Now?” she asked.

“He didn’t come before lunch. What if he really stays away?” I didn’t want him to just disappear.

“He won’t,” said Alexa putting some churros and donut holes in a to-go box.

“You think so?” I asked doing the same splitting everything evenly into two boxes.

“I know so,” she looked at me and smiled. I nodded. What if he didn’t? What if he left me here wondering what could’ve been? Again.

Seventeen

“Can we address the elephant in the room?” I asked.

“That obviously I am the amazing one in this relationship?” asked Jackson as I laughed and shoved his shoulder.

We were in the back of his car at the beach. We’ve been going at it for hours now because once we had sex we couldn’t stop. We were like addicts. Everyone knew that we were a thing, lots of people referred to Jackson as my boyfriend when they talked to me. It was always the same conversation:

Me: He is not my boyfriend

Dude/Dudette: He is not? (confused face)

Me: Nope (mysterious grin)

Dude/Dudette: Aren’t you guys like together?

Me: He is not my boyfriend.

He wasn’t. He was never my boyfriend, he was the friend I was sleeping with and the guy I had fallen in love with but never my boyfriend.

“I mean the fact that you will be leaving in a month,” I said sitting up and covering with his shirt that was on the car’s floor.

“Oh!” he said sitting up too, “that elephant,” I nodded.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Mar,” he grabbed my hands.

“I’ll come back every chance I get,” I smiled.
What about after you graduate?
I was trying to ask.

“Once I graduate we will figure things out,” I nodded “Are you still good with the no label thing?” he asked me, pulling me onto his lap.

“I’m more than fine with that. We are in no position to get into a formal relationship when we can’t be together right now.” I smiled. A genuine smile,
I know we’ll end up together in the end
smile.

“I know. Eventually we will be together,” he got me. I smiled and put my forehead against his. “I hate sharing, though,” he said with his eyes closed.

“I’m yours,” I said back and then he kissed me.

I was. I was his and nothing would make me change my mind. I was his for him to do whatever he wanted. I was his and he was mine. We were perfect, no strings attached, all feelings in. Of course we had to end up together. Right?

Right?

“Coming!” I raised my voice placing the donut holes on the coffee table in the living room. When I opened the door I saw Jackson standing there with a smile that said it all
I’m sorry
. I felt so relieved to know that he was back. That he wasn’t scared off with my rant or that he thought that I wasn’t worth him trying. I smiled back
All is good.

“Come in,” I said opening the door wider.

“Were you busy?” he asked looking around glancing towards the kitchen in case I was working on something.

“I was having a very serious date with some churros and donut holes,” I said walking toward the coffee table and grabbing the box with donut holes.

“What did the date involve?” he smiled.

“Netflix and a glass of milk,” he raised his eyebrow and I laughed.

“Would you mind if I join in, sounds like they might be a handful,” he had his hands in the pockets of his white pants. I nodded.

“Sure, let’s go upstairs,” I said, halfway up the stairs already. When we got there Jackson threw himself on the sofa.

“I’m sorry, Mar,” he said and leaned his elbows on his knees and his face looking down.

“I thought we were fine,” I said and sat next to him.

“I need to say it out loud. It’s unfair to act as if these past 8 years never happened,” he said still looking at the floor.

“That’s true,” I nodded, staring at the wall.

“Friends?” he looked up and gave me a very sad look. I felt my heart break a little because I didn’t want to be his friend but I couldn’t keep on living my life the way I had for the last 2 months. It would be very destructive.

“Friends,” I nodded and it felt like I had killed the hope of something.

“We won’t be friends forever, though,” and then he went and gave it CPR.

“We’ll see,” I said getting up from the sofa with a huge grin on my face that he didn’t get to see.

“So where are we having this date?” for a second I was confused but then I realized he was talking about the donut holes and churros.

“On the bed,” I said, leaping out of the sofa and landing on my bed’s soft comforter. He did the same. It was funny how once we’d agreed on being friends being on the same bed watching Netflix and having a carb-sugar fest didn’t feel weird. Eight years before, we wouldn’t have been able to keep our hands off from each other. We wouldn’t have finished any movie and we would’ve had the sweets as post-coital cravings. How life had changed amazed me. I just hoped it would be for the better.

It was Friday and I was already making plans with Alexa for the night. Her mother had volunteered to take care of Mika and it was something that we should definitely take advantage of. Alexa and Connor’s parents weren’t bad people, I loved them to bits but they truly made Alexa take on the full responsibility of motherhood by herself. I mean, her mother did help her with tips and she taught her how to give Mika a bath, because when we tried we nearly drowned him but all in all, she made her completely responsible for him, which was great because she had grown so much and Mika was one of my favorite things in the universe. And he should be, since I was his Godmother.

“If the date goes well I will meet you there,” I said while taking out a batch of cookies, “If it reeks I will meet you at your place.” I was going out with Leonard. He’d finally asked me out for drinks followed by a meal. In other words, dinner.

“It will be a great date,” said Alexa smiling.

“I hope so,” I said leaning on the counter. I really needed it to be great. I needed life to have greatness in it that had to do with something else than Jackson. Something else in the emotional department, not that I was planning on falling in love with Leonard or anything, but … in the general department.

“Go,” said Alexa, shooing me. “You need to get ready for your date. I’ll see you at the bonfire.” She handed over my purse to me, and pushed me out the door. Summer was over but they were still doing bonfires at the beach. People, closer to their 30s, were still doing bonfires. A tad embarrassing, but it seemed like the only plan that night so we went with it.

I decided to go with an outfit that said that I didn’t try much but still managed to look fabulous. I wore a skater royal blue skirt with a black sweater, black tights and knee length boots. I let my hair down with half a dozen products but looked like it was all natural. I looked pretty great, I thought. I heard a knock on my door and I whimpered. Was I excited or scared? Excited for a date or scared of finding someone to like instead of Jackson? I shook off those thoughts from my head and went to the door.

“Ready?” said Leonard standing in my doorway looking exceptionally handsome in his suit.

“Ready,” I said grabbing my purse and closing the door behind me.

“You look beautiful,” Leonard said guiding with his hand on my back to the car.

“Thank you, “I blushed. Of course!

During the trip to the restaurant we talked about the bakery, his favorite cupcakes, what I loved to bake and how our parents knew each other.

“Thank you,” I said to the waiter as he placed the pasta I had ordered in front of me.

“So Leonard, tell me, what do you do?” I said grabbing my fork and digging into the pasta.

“I’m a PR consultant,” he said while cutting his steak.

“Have no idea what that is,” I said smiling and he smiled too.

“At least you don’t pretend to know all about it,” he shook his head while taking a piece of roasted potato into his mouth.

“Why would I do that? It’s stupid.” I shrugged.

“A lot of girls do, believe me,” he said smiling.

“Ok, then. Tell me what a PR consultant is,” I said looking at him.

“Companies and personalities hire me to help them with their brands or their product images,” he said, paying close attention to his food. “If they run into any trouble, I come in and clean the mess up with minimal damage to them.”

“So, you are like Olivia Pope!” I said widening my eyes.

“Something like that,” he said laughing.

“Oh my God, that’s got to be the hardest job ever.” I said shaking my head and taking a sip of wine.

“It is hard, especially if the client is a difficult one. Sometimes they don’t want to do what’s best for them and then I have to go and fix and even bigger mess because they didn’t take my first advice,” he shrugged.

“Wow! I would never be able to do that,” I said taking a shrimp to my mouth. “You sir,” I said pointing at him with my fork, “must have pretty thick skin.” I widened my eyes and nodded.

“Sort of,” he was being modest. “Did you always know that you wanted to be a baker?” he asked me and I smiled. A baker, well I was a baker.

“I knew from the moment I made my first chocolate chip cookies that I wanted to spend my life baking,” I knew I had a dreamy smile, “but somewhere around the age of 14 or 15, I decided that what I really wanted was to own a bakery that eventually would grow as big as Starbucks,” I shrugged.

“It seems that you are on your merry way,” he said looking straight at me.

“So it seems,” I nodded.

“I’m sure you’ll make it. People who are passionate about what they do always tend to succeed,” he nodded while finishing his meat.

“Are you passionate about what you do?” I asked.

“I am. As much as I want to strangle my clients at times I love what I do,” he smiled. I liked him. He was good guy that loved his job. He was not lost, he had it all figured out, it seemed.

“Dessert?” he asked and I nodded smiling wide.

“Are you sure you want me to leave you here?” Leonard asked while eyeing the spot at the beach where I’d asked him to drop me.

“Yeah,” I said ashamed. I was aware that the bonfire thing might seem a bit tacky.

“It seems dangerous,” he said looking at me and I laughed.

“Not really, I’ve come to these things since I was 13. It looks a bit shady but it is actually a really nice spot,” I nodded putting my purse on my lap. I had already explained to him that Alexa would kill me if I didn’t spend one of the rare nights off she had.

“Ok,” he finally said and got out of the car. He opened my door and I stepped out, “I had an amazing night,” he smiled.

“Me too. I had fun,” I said smiling and being honest. I had felt so at ease talking to Leonard it was as if I had known him for a while. It hadn’t been awkward at time like most first dates are.

“Great, so I can assume there’ll be a second date?” he asked hopeful.

“You can,” I nodded and he hugged me.

“Good, because I usually don’t kiss on the first date and I am dying to kiss you,” he said looking at me.

“Something to look forward to,” I said and he nodded. “Ok,” I began walking to the creepy alleyway that led to the spot where Alexa would be waiting for me.

“I’ll call you,” he said leaning on the car as he watched me go into the alley .“Wait,” he yelled, “Would you please text me once you’ve found your friends?”

“Ok!” I said raising my voice little.

“If I don’t get a text from you in the next 5 minutes I’m going in,” he said and I had to laugh at that.

“Ok Mr. Worries,” I shook my head and kept on walking. I didn’t look back because, really, I found myself liking Leonard too much and I didn’t want him to see that just yet.

I finally got to the beach and spotted my friends dancing to loud music and standing on coolers and pieces of wood. They were drunk.

I am here,
I texted.

Not sure if safe enough,
I said texting a picture of everyone dancing. A few seconds passed before I heard a ping and saw his reply.

Just say the word, I’ll go get you
. I smiled.

I’m fine.

Just say the word
. I shook my head.

Talk to you later, Leonard
.

I kept my phone on my purse and walked towards everyone.

“Look who is back from her hot date,” Alexa screamed. She was dancing on top of a cooler.

“Alexa,” I said smiling.

“How was it?” she asked hugging me and then looking at her watch. It took her several glances at the watch to get it. She smelled of beer. “Must have gone great,” she said once she saw the time.

“It was great. He is great.” I said

“Wohoo!” she said raising her arms and left to keep on dancing. They were dancing to country music, that meant they had moved on to the drunkest part of the night.

“You were on a date,” I heard Jackson behind me and then I saw him walking in an unsteady kind of way.

“I was,” I nodded. I didn’t know what to expect.

“Was he nice to you?” His eyes were kind of red.

“Very,” I smiled.

“Good,” he nodded “If he ever is not,” he turned to look at me “I’ll kill him,” I raised my eyebrows. “Beer?” he finally asked with a grin and I accepted.