Untamed: (Heath & Violet) (Beg For It) (31 page)

We’d really only
spent about three weeks together. They were an intense three weeks.
We’d gotten right down to business. Even during my jog, I could
feel my heart skip a beat at the memory of the night I’d first met
him, how it had felt up on his lap in his truck, his hands on me so
slick and fast and right.

Maybe, over time, he
would have opened up, told me more about himself and his family. I
knew he was a private man. He kept to himself. It made sense it would
take him a while to share, especially when he didn’t exactly come
from an ordinary background.

Thankfully, I hadn’t
heard anything more about the
Hot
Off the Grid
exposé. I hadn’t seen any more teasers. No
trailers or promos appeared, and no news on the release. I didn’t
know what had happened, but it seemed as if plans for the show had
been slowed down and maybe even cancelled. I’d exchanged a few
emails with people back in the office, but no one knew anything, and
I’d heard nothing from Sam. I’d never counted him as one of my
inner circle of friends, but we’d spent hours and hours together
cackling over coffee and gossip, or rolling our eyes at each other
during endless meetings. I’d expected more from him.

But maybe sometimes it
paid off to keep your expectations low. Take my former boy-toy
Vincent, for example. I hadn’t expected much from him and I’d
gotten exactly what I’d expected. When I’d left L.A. I’d called
him to tell him I was moving back to New Jersey. It had gone to
voicemail, so I’d left him a message. He’d sent me an e-card in
response with a “good luck” message. Peace out!

I didn’t know what
would come next in my life, but I did know I wanted more substance
even at the expense of style. Vincent had looked ready for his screen
shot at all times and had been happy when I showed up camera-ready by
his side, but never seemed to notice when I didn’t. With Heath, I
wore reindeer hats and no makeup and still he held me and looked at
me as if I were the most beautiful woman in the world.

I paused at that,
taking a moment to breathe and stretch at the waterfront. The New
York City skyline stretched out before me, across the river yet close
enough you felt as if you could touch it. The George Washington
Bridge offered passage up ahead.

Tomorrow, I’d cross
on over, a Jersey girl having lunch in Midtown. I’d emailed a woman
I used to work with. She’d taken a job with a network in New York a
couple of years ago. She’d gotten back to me right away and
tomorrow we had a meeting on the calendar.

I didn’t know exactly
what I’d say to her other than “can I have a job?” But maybe it
was OK that I didn’t have all the answers? Maybe I could just be
honest and let her know I had a lot of experience and ideas and was
looking for a new, better home for it all?

Who did I want to be?
It was an interesting question, and the last time I’d really asked
it I’d been a celebrity-crazed 18-year-old. I’d been overwhelmed
and thrilled to be out in L.A. on my own, wanting nothing more than
glamour and nightlife.

I wasn’t exactly
ready to say good-bye to all of that now, but I knew I wanted more. I
wanted something I felt excited about, like the show I’d envisioned
coming together up in Watson. Something real, not just reality TV.

Across the river, New
York City called to me. Tomorrow, I’d take the plunge.

§

“You should talk to
my friend Jen. Hold on a second.” Sitting across the lunch table
from me, my new New York contact tapped away on her phone. “OK,
call her tomorrow. But wait, you know who you really need to talk
to?” She turned her attention back to her cell and connected me
with yet another person.

“Wow, thank you so
much!” I watched her, wide-eyed with gratitude. She was like a
tornado of contacts. Apparently I’d hit the jackpot on the first
try.

“Oh, don’t worry
about it.” She waved away my thanks. “So glad you’re out of
that viper’s nest.”

“Fame! was kind of
rough,” I agreed.

“Tell me about it.”
She rolled her eyes, then said hello to someone passing by and waved
them over. “Joe, I want you to meet Vi.”

I stood and shook hands
with a man in a slim-cut grey suit and tie. I’d have to get used to
seeing men in ties again. New York was so much dressier than
California.

“She just got out of
Fame!” my friend announced, as if I’d just been released from
prison.

“And you survived!”
He raised his eyebrows, looking at me approvingly. “You should join
us tomorrow night. A bunch of us are heading to Axis. Have you been
yet?”

I shook my head. I was
so out of it.

“Yes, come,” my
friend insisted, tapping into her phone again. “I’ll send you the
address.”

“You can share your
war stories.” The man named Joe shivered. “Promise you won’t
leave out any gory details.”

We finished our lunch
in much the same fashion, and by the time we were air-kissing
good-bye I had about twenty new contacts in the city.

“Welcome to New
York!” She flashed me a quick smile.

“Thank you!” I
said, but she’d already turned her attention back to her phone as
she headed off down the sidewalk. New Yorkers had truly mastered the
power walk with cell phone, barreling ahead full-speed while also
carrying on multiple text, email and phone conversations. The pace of
the city was dizzying, with more black and grey whisking past me than
I’d seen in ages.

I took my time walking
back to Port Authority. Buses left every twenty minutes this time of
day. I wasn’t in a rush, which left me feeling a bit like a salmon
swimming upstream. The river coursed over me and I picked my way
around obstacles, observing my surroundings way more than anyone else
except for the occasional camera-strapped tourist.

I could feel the pull.
And grateful as I was for all the new contacts, I felt wary,
realizing how easy it would be to jump right onto the merry-go-round
again, New York style. I’d go party tomorrow night and meet more
friends of friends of friends. If I didn’t watch it I’d be right
back where I was before, working on shows I didn’t particularly
like with people I didn’t particularly trust.

I didn’t want to
change industries entirely, but I did want a change. And I could find
it. I felt a sudden surge of confidence in my bones. It would take
some time and some persistence, but if I stayed determined I could
almost feel something good coming my way.

It made me want to call
Heath. He’d understand what I wanted to do, the pitfalls I was
trying to avoid. I wished he were with me as I charted a new path.
I’d felt like a better person when I was with him, more my true
self.

But I guessed that
wasn’t an option. I hadn’t heard from him in almost three weeks
now. He’d had enough time to calm down, get over his initial anger,
but he still hadn’t gotten in touch. The last thing he’d done was
tell me to leave him alone. Pretty clear instructions.

So, I’d have to do
this on my own. And I could. I knew I could. Watching the city pass
through the bus window, I tried to make peace with that. You didn’t
always get exactly what you wanted in life. I could fuss and yell
about how it wasn’t fair, how Heath had wrongly accused me. And,
true, he’d gotten the details wrong, but when I looked at the whole
mess with some perspective, I honestly had to admit that I had been
part of the problem. I’d spent years working in a nest of vipers,
slithering right in there with the best of them. I should have known
that one day a snake coiled up next to me would turn around and bite.

It was tempting to
throw a tantrum, stomp your foot and demand that things be different.
But growing up and being an adult didn’t so much allow for that.
Chin up, shoulders back, you had to do tough things like acknowledge
your role in creating your own problems. The best you could do was
try to move on, learning from your mistakes and doing better next
time. Sometimes in life you simply had to accept that things didn’t
always work out like they did in romantic movies.

Which was why I was so
surprised when I returned home and saw Heath sitting at my kitchen
table talking to my mom.

Heath

I knew I’d found the
right place when a woman who looked like an older version of Violet
opened the door. Well, Violet if she’d joined an 80s metal band.

“You say you’re a
friend of Violet’s?” She looked at me with slight suspicion. I’d
had to talk her into coming down to the entry of the apartment
complex. No way was she just going to buzz me on up.

“We met in Vermont.
While she was up there scouting the location.”

Understanding flashed
in her eyes. “Come on in.”

I knew I could have
called Violet on the phone. It would have been easier, though it
wasn’t too hard to track down her mom’s place. I remembered she’d
mentioned she was from Englewood and her mom owned a hair salon. A
few clicks later and I had a home address.

But I felt like what I
had to say I needed to do in person. The last time we’d spoken I’d
accused Violet of a whole lot of things. I’d practically thrown her
out of my life. I had some work to do if I had any hope of asking her
back in.

Her mom explained that
Violet would be home soon from a meeting in the city. She offered me
a beer while we waited and kept me pleasant company, catching me up
on the latest city politics. I told her I’d grown up in New York,
but hadn’t lived there in years.

“It never changes.”
She laughed. “The strikes, the corruption.” I could see where
Violet got her easy way with people. The both of them could clearly
talk to anyone, anywhere. Me, I wasn’t so good with the talking,
but she didn’t make me feel awkward. Which was saying something
since basically I was a big, gruff guy showing up out of nowhere
unannounced wanting to see her daughter.

Then Violet walked in,
and if I had had any words in my head—which I hadn’t—they would
have rushed right out. She looked so good. Her face was glowing like
she’d just done something exciting, and I wanted to take her in my
arms and kiss her and hear all about it. Instead, I stood stock
still, beer in my hand, saying nothing.

She said nothing,
either, staring at me like she was seeing a ghost.

“Look who’s here,
Vi!” her mother chirped. “It’s your friend, Heath!” She stood
between us like a grown up trying to engage two socially-awkward
adolescents.

Open-mouthed, staring
at me, Violet took a step closer. I’d shaved my beard clean off,
maybe that’s why she was looking at me like I had two heads. I
rubbed my hand self-consciously across my jaw, looking down at the
floor.

“OK, well, I can see
you two have a lot to catch up on, so I’ll go make myself scarce.”
Her mother left the room and with her, all hope of easy conversation.
I could feel myself starting to sweat under my collar.

“Hey,” I managed,
looking up to meet her eyes. She had on something or other that made
her eyes look so deep blue-purple I nearly had to catch my breath. My
heart hammered in my chest.

“Hi,” she said
softly, drawing closer.

“I, ah…” I ran a
hand through my hair, wishing I’d thought this through a little
more. Or at all. I’d spent a lot of time thinking about her,
wanting to be with her, but only now realized I hadn’t devoted any
time to figuring out what to say to her once I did see her. “Hope
it’s OK I came here. I wanted to talk to you.”

“It’s OK.”

“I, so, the thing is,
Violet…” I looked up at her again, and it was hard not to reach
out and touch her. Standing so close, I could catch the slightest
hint of her scent, that lightly feminine floral musk. I wanted to
bury myself in it, in her.

“You shaved.” She
looked up at me and moved her hand as if she were going to bring it
up to touch my cheek. But then, thinking better of it, she dropped it
back by her side.
No, it’s OK,
touch me,
I wanted to say, but I didn’t.

“Yeah.” I touched
my check with my own palm, instead, still getting used to the smooth
feel. “Seemed like time for a change.”

“It’s so
different,” she marveled.

“Good different? Or…”
I shouldn’t be asking that, I should be apologizing and explaining
myself, but a man had to know.

“Yes, good
different,” she gushed. “I mean, I liked you with some beard,
too, but this, you just look, you look really—”

I didn’t let her
finish, I had to touch her and before I touched her I had some things
I had to say so I resorted to getting it out all in a big rush. “I’m
an ass.” I started there and went on to explain how I’d gotten a
call from Sam and learned that he’d been the one to pitch the
exposé. He’d been the one to trick me into to signing the consent
forms.

“I swear, I didn’t
know what he was up to,” she insisted and that was it. I wrapped my
arms around her.

“I’m so sorry I
didn’t give you more of a chance to explain,” I apologized. “That
I didn’t believe you.”

“No, I should have
known something like that could happen. I should have been smarter.
There was no way that network would ever have gone for any of my
ideas.” And better yet, her arms came up and wrapped around mine,
her hands resting on my shoulders.

“I still should have
listened to you,” I insisted.

“Well, you might have
if I hadn’t started calling you a liar.”

“And I’m sorry I
didn’t tell you more about my background, my family.” I shook my
head. “It was stupid to think I could just walk away from it all.”

“I said such awful
things.” She reached her hand up to my cheek and touched my face.

We had a lot more to
say, but not just then. What I had to do then was kiss her, sink down
to her, melting my lips to hers, feeling her moan into my embrace.