Until Alex (4 page)

Sure, th
ose were good memories, but they still wounded me just as deeply as the bad ones. They were now part of my past. Part of a time that would never be recaptured.

I fell back onto the comforter and draped my arm across my eyes. I needed a moment to compartmentalize. To keep my parents, Preston, and my friends out of my head. It wasn’t like I wanted to forget them since leaving Austin. I just needed them to take a vacation from my thoughts for a while. How else could I pick up the pieces and move forward?

The movie began with applause from the residents. Although my arm covered my eyes, I could hear the actors’ voices.
Fantastic
. The comedy I’d seen with Preston last year.

A soft rustling moments later caused me to lift my arm and crack open my eyes.

Hayden sat beside me on my comforter, holding a bag of microwave popcorn. He lifted his chin to the movie projected on the side of the building. “You’re gonna miss it if you don’t sit up.” He tossed a handful of popcorn into his mouth like watching a movie with me was the most normal thing in the world.

“I’ve already seen it.”

His voice dropped to a lower register. “Not with me you haven’t.”

Tiny tingles fluttered in my belly. He definitely had me there.

Feeling foolish laying there while he hovered beside me, I pushed myself up. My head spun for a moment as the blood flowed down. Hayden’s lips twitched, probably assuming his presence brought on the lightheadedness.

I reached over and snatched a handful of popcorn from his bag, popping one piece into my mouth at a time. “Extra butter? Nice.”

Hayden grinned. In sank the dimples. Seriously?
What girl could resist dimples?

He turned back
to the movie, laughing at the scene unfolding between the main characters.

I couldn’t help but be drawn to the hearty sound of his laughter. It was so refreshing. So real.

“Was it this funny the first time?”

Truthfully, I couldn’t remember laughing at all. Probably because I hadn’t. Laughing at the raunchy parts would’ve made Preston think I was immature.

Strange.

I hadn’t realized I worried about things like that before.

“Too busy sucking face with the quarterback in the back row?” Hayden asked, interrupting my small epiphany.

“Actually it was the middle. The back row is so cliché.”

A swoon-worthy smile flashed across his face. I wondered if he knew he even possessed a swoon-worthy smile. Or how accurate he’d been about Preston being the quarterback at UT and us making out in the dark movie theater.

Thankfully, that’s all we’d ever done. I could say that now because we weren’t together. Back then, it sucked. Most times it’s the boyfriend pressuring the girlfriend to give it up. In my situation, it was me pressuring Preston. He came from a very religious family, one that brainwashed him into believing waiting until marriage was the norm. My response to that had always been
On what planet?

An hour into the movie, exhaustion seeped in. I knew those laps in the pool—and unexpected races with Hayden—would pay off. My heavy eyelids sank to nothing more than a tiny slit, making it impossible to stay awake.

I reclined on the comforter, linking my hands behind my head and closing my eyes for a brief moment.

Before I knew it, silence surrounded me and I drifted off into a much-needed slumber.

* * *

A cool breeze drifted over me, prickling the skin on my face and the wisps of hair on my arms. The sounds of the movie had been replaced by chirping crickets and the hum of a distant car buzzing by. I wondered how long I’d been out.

Reluctantly, I opened my eyes. Darkness surrounded me. The moon and stars speckling the ebony sky provided the only source of light.

I jolted up, my eyes scanning the empty lawn and building cloaked in blackness.

I glanced down beside me. Ease instantly settled in. Hayden slept peacefully on his side facing me. Moonlight cast a glow over his sleeping form, shadowing his strong jawline and perfect nose. Was that a tiny scar on the bridge of his nose? I hadn’t noticed that before.

His freakishly long eyelashes fanned out, skimming the tops of his cheeks. His flawless skin, with a dusting of early morning stubble, made him appear older than he normally did. I wondered how old he really was. And why he stayed outside with me when he could’ve woken me up. Or left me alone. It wouldn’t have been the first time. 

I shifted my focus to the dark building. Why hadn’t my aunt woken me? Had she forgotten about me? It’s not like she was used to having a roommate.

My hands shot to my pockets.
Great. No key.
 

“Hey,” Hayden’s raspy voice purred.

My eyes shot down. His head rested on his palm as he looked up at me with tired eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

He shrugged, slipping his phone from his pocket. Probably checking if any of his women had called. I hoped he hadn’t blown them off on my account. On second thought, yes I did.

“What time is it?”

“Just after three.”

My eyes widened. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

The corners of his lips tipped up. “What kind of miracle worker would I be if I didn’t let an insomniac sleep when she finally fell asleep?”

My hand shot to my mouth, covering a wide yawn. “Glad to see you’re not slacking on the job.”

Hayden pushed himself up to a sitting position, working the kinks out of his neck. “Well since you’re up, I guess I’m no
good after all.”

“
You’re admitting you’re not good at something?”

He lowered his voice, his hooded eyes luring me in. “Oh, I’m good at lots of things.”

I stared at his cocky grin, grasping his intent and liking it way too much.

He jumped to his feet and extended his hand down to me. “Come on. Let’s get you inside.”

I reached up and grabbed hold of it. A wave of charged energy buzzed through me as he pulled me to my feet.
Holy hell.
I looked for a reaction, a confirmation he’d felt it too. But his eyes stared down at my feet.

Once I was steady, he released my hand, leaving me utterly bereft. But how could that be? I’d only known him for a couple days. And really, what did I know? 

These feelings I felt couldn’t be normal. Rational. Healthy. Especially after all I’d been through. 

Hayden seized my comforter from the grass and led me into the building, guiding me with his free hand on the small of my back.
Oh. I liked that. Especially the tingling sensation accompanying his touch.

We stepped onto the second floor
and the stairwell door clicked behind us. I paused, cringing at the thought of waking my aunt to get into her apartment. 

Hayden walked by his apartment and stopped in front of my aunt’s. He didn’t say a word as I stepped beside him. He just gazed down at me, his eyes unexpectedly gentle.

My heart jumped to my throat. I couldn’t remember the last time a guy made me that nervous.

“Your aunt gave it to me.”

Oblivious to anything but the flecks of silver in his blue eyes, my voice came out a whisper. “Huh?” 

He held up his index finger in the space between us.

I blinked away the Hayden-induced haze to find a shiny gold key dangling from it. “Tonight?”

Hayden’s forehead creased.

“The key. Did she give it to you tonight or did you already have it?”

His eyes narrowed. “Why would I have her key?”

I shrugged. “Maybe you two have a little thing going on. An arrangement.”

Hayden’s eyes gave no indication of what he thought. He simply turned to the door and unlocked it.

Had I gotten it right? Were they hooking up? My aunt was thirty-seven, but she could easily pass for late twenties. And God only knew how old Hayden was. It’s not like he divulged anything willingly.

He turned back to me and held out the key. I reached for it, but he closed his fingers over mine. “You figured it out,” he lowered his voice, his gaze holding mine. “We’ve been going at it for months now.” He tightened his grip as he leaned closer. My breath caught in my throat. My palms dampened. “And it’s been hot. Unbelievably hot.”

I sucked in a silent breath, his words flustering me beyond reason. Maybe it wasn’t his words. Maybe it was the way his eyes held mine, caressing them with a deep penetrating intensity. Or the way he inched closer to my face, like he had other intentions, a hidden agenda I wasn’t privy to.

One thing I did know for sure. I was in over my head.

I kept my eyes on his as I wiggled my fingers, attempting to tug on the key. But he didn’t let up. “So you’re into older women?”

A muscle in Hayden’s jaw twitched. Dark cobalt replaced his clear eyes. I’d overstepped that invisible line again. “You being here…” 

I couldn’t look away. I waited for whatever morsel he planned to share. Like any little crumb would be worth it.

He blinked a couple long drawn-out blinks
until clarity returned. “…Is really cramping my style.” He let go of my hand, relinquishing the key and taking a step back.

A giant breath left me. That’s what I got for thinking we might’ve been getting somewhere. “Don’t let me stop you. I don’t take my aunt for much of a screamer, but I
can just slip on my head phones. I won’t hear a thing.”

Hayden laughed a real authentic laugh, bringing out the dimples.

There was something victorious in knowing I caused his reaction. And with that, I turned the knob and opened the door, but not before glancing back to him. “Thank you.” 

The
smile slipped from his face, and he shrugged like it was no big deal.

But it was a big deal. And it meant something to me.

CHAPTER FOUR

HAYDEN

I glared down at the guy’s lifeless body, bloody and unrecognizable. I should’ve felt remorse. I should’ve felt disgusted by what I’d done to him. I should’ve felt something. But as usual, I didn’t.

Someone inside the club screamed and chaos erupted.
No doubt the cops arrived with guns blazing.

My head twisted around, searching the windowless alley for an exit.
With little time to get creative, I eyeballed our only option. The wall surrounding the alley.

Remy was a step ahead of me.
“Over here,” he yelled from the base of it.

I jogged over, my eyes drifting up the menacing structure.
Even though I stood at a solid six feet, the wall towered over me by at least four. And forget Remy. I had him by half a foot. 

My eyes flashed around, searching for something to stand on.
Alleys were supposed to have rats and dumpsters. I’d seen the rats. Where the hell were the dumpsters? I glanced back to Remy, but he no longer stood beside me. He’d bent down, his fingers joined together.

I shook my head.
“No way, man. We got into this together. We’re getting out of it together.”

“Hate to break it to you,
bro, but we’re about to go down together.”

My heart thumped like a
fucking drum. I looked to the top of the wall. To the guy sprawled in an unnatural position behind us. To the club door seconds away from crashing open. To Remy’s encouraging eyes.

My shoulders sagged in defeat.
“I can’t let you do this.”

“I swear to Christ, Hayden, if you don’t go…”

I glanced to the guy on the ground. The one I’d unleashed my rage on. 

I’d chosen this life.

I’d chosen to be someone my mother would’ve been disgusted by.
I’d chosen to destroy others’ lives the way mine had been destroyed. I didn’t deserve leniency. And Remy didn’t deserve to take the blame for my crime.

I needed to make a decision. And I needed to make it fast.

“Come on!” Remy growled.

I
stepped into his hands. He struggled to hoist me up, but once my fingertips gripped the top of the wall, I pulled myself up and straddled it. “Come on, Rem.” I reached down, holding out my hand for him to grab. “I can lift you.”

Remy shook me off.
“This one’s on me, bro. Now get the hell outta here.”

I stared down at my scrawny friend.
My partner in crime. My comrade. Could I really leave him down there to take the fall?

Frantic sounds from the club emptied into the alley.
If I waited any longer, the cops would find me perched on top of the wall. And innocent men didn’t run.

I sucked in a breath and nodded to Remy.

Then I did what only a coward would do.

I dropped to the darkness on the opposite side of the wall and left my friend alone with the body of the man I killed.

Though I was in bed tossing and turning, it hadn’t been a nightmare. I wasn’t asleep. Not since sleeping outside next to Alex.

I knew I wasn’t the miracle worker she claimed me to be, but I affected her. She stopped crying. She slept after admitting she couldn’t. She smiled.

I scrubbed my hands over my face.
What the hell was I doing?

“Fooling yourself,” t
he voice inside my head answered.

Maybe I had nothing to do with any of it.

Maybe I was just trying to block out all the negativity in my life by latching on to this little angel. I mean, I wasn’t used to being around a girl who wasn’t throwing herself at me. Touching me all over. Whispering dirty thoughts in my ear. Propositioning me with offers of things to come.

Alex was so damn refreshing it almost hurt.

But if I were being honest with myself, I knew I needed to stay away from her. Far away. Someone like Alex had no business hanging out with a guy like me. The people I associated with would eat her alive. And the things I did, and
had
done, would taint her innocence.

Distant knocking sent my eyes flying to the numbers glowing on my alarm clock. Eleven o’clock. And I’d yet to fall back asleep.

I rolled out of bed and trudged through the living room, scruffing up my messy bed-head. I leaned down and checked the peephole. It probably seemed like a pansy-ass habit. But it was a smart one. I saw what happened when Remy and I went to a house without one.

All hell broke loose.

ALEX

Hayden’s door swung open. He stood before me in nothing but black boxer-briefs low on his hips. Seeing him by the pool was one thing. But having him a foot away looking all sexy with his messy hair, sleepy eyes, and rock hard abs was more than I could handle. Hence, my eyes shamelessly raking over his body.

“See something you like?”

My eyes flew up, catching his slow sexy smile. It took all the restraint I could muster not to nod. “Sorry. I didn’t want to bother you since you said you’d be busy, but I just…I just wanted to thank you.”

He lifted his arms and gripped the top of the door frame.

There go the damn muscles
.

“You already did.”

“Right. But I meant…” My pulse hastened, pounding in my temples. “I wanted to
do
something to thank you.”

His eyes widened, his brows shooting to the center of his forehead. “What’d you have in mind?”

I swallowed hard. He made me so flustered it was ridiculous. “Well, I…
Shoot
. That’s not what I meant.”

He broke into a deep laugh, one that pulled his lips wide and rumbled in his chest.

Under normal circumstances, I would’ve tried to prolong the moment, enjoying his liveliness way too much. But knowing he laughed
at
me and not
with
me embarrassed me. I crossed my arms, the ones that had been uselessly dangling at my sides. “I meant what do people do around here for fun?”

He studied my eyes long and hard,
like I’d asked a difficult question. Then, without warning, he dropped his arms and crossed them over his bare chest. “Okay.”

My head shot back. “Okay?”

He nodded, his scheming eyes dancing. “I’ll let you thank me.”

“Good.”
I think. “Where am I taking you?”

His lips quirked into a sly smile. “It’s a surprise.”

I tilted my head. “Well, what time am I picking you up?”

His smile remained in place, but I could see the wheels at work. “Seven. Don’t be late.” He stepped back into his apartment and closed the door.

I might’ve been left standing alone. But this time I knew I’d be seeing him again very soon.

* * *

At two minutes to seven I stood outside Hayden’s door, seriously rethinking my decision to ask him out. I lifted my hand to knock, but his door swung open before I touched the surface.

My eyes glided over the faded jeans hanging low on his hips and the navy blue shirt clinging to his chest. His tousled hair screamed he’d just rolled around with one of his one-nighters.
But even still, he owned the look.

My eyes weren’t the only ones perusing. Hayden’s made a slow ascent, sweeping leisurely up from my knee-high brown boots over my favorite skinny jeans to my hunter green off-the-shoulder top. The one I’d been told matched my eyes.

I should’ve felt uncomfortable with his unapologetic inspection, but I didn’t. I actually awaited his judgment when his eyes reached mine.

As usual, he gave nothing away.

Why would he? It wasn’t a date.

Still, I wondered if I should have gone with more than the minimal blush, mascara, and pale pink gloss I brushed on. Or if I should have pulled my hair back instead of letting my natural waves hang loose.

“Ready?” he asked.

I nodded, wondering why I felt so let down that he didn’t compliment me.

Hayden placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me toward the stairwell. Tiny tingles resonated in the spot. Geez. Did his touch need to feel so electric? Like I was special. Like he needed to take care of me.

I hadn’t seen his hand on that girl’s back he took home the other night.

“Are you letting me drive?”

“Nope,” he answered as we descended the stairs.

Outside, the heat assailed us like a wall of glass. Being inside an air-conditioned building made it easy to forget how painstakingly hot Texas summers were. Even for a coastal town, the thick heat clung heavily to the air and snatched your breath away.

Hayden guided me to a big black truck in the corner of the lot, so masculine and
conspicuous. Just like him. Catching me by surprise, he stopped on the passenger side and opened the door.

I grabbed hold of the interior handle and lifted myself inside. As he rounded the front of his truck, I tried to make sense of his actions. His quiet appraisal. His hand on my back. Him opening the door.

Did he consider it a date?

Did he think I’d be one of those girls who’d go back to his apartment at the end of the night?

Did he feel sorry for the girl who couldn’t sleep or stop crying for four days?

If I were a betting girl, I’d take the latter.

HAYDEN

I could barely focus on the dark road in front of me. Where was I supposed to take Alex looking all sexy like that? If I took her to Baxter’s, the guys would be all over her. And I was in no mood to throw down. I also risked running into girls I’d slept with. Definitely not something I wanted to happen in front of Alex. If I took her to dinner, she’d think it was a date.

It definitely wasn’t a date.

I chanced a quick peek over at her nestled in the passenger side of my truck. She stared out her window at the passing stores and restaurants, spinning a silver ring on her middle finger. I clearly made her nervous. Especially in such tight quarters.

I wondered why she hadn’t mentioned the nineties’ rock blaring from my speakers. Other girls complained the second they got into my truck. Either it was too outdated, too loud, or not country. But not Alex.

“So where you from?” I asked, needing to break the awkward silence between us.

Her eyes shot to mine, an unfathomable expression on her face. “I didn’t tell you?”

I turned down the music and shook my head. Why was she so surprised? She hadn’t told me anything. 

“Austin.”

I spotted Remy’s truck in Baxter’s parking lot.
Nope. Not going there.
He’d have Alex in tears in seconds with his vulgar mouth, blunt assertions, and foul sense of humor. “You like it there?”

I shot her a side-long glance
, instantly noticing her moist eyes.
Shit
. My attention flew back to the road, unequipped to deal with whatever the hell this was.

“I did,” her voice was soft, sad.

Even with the weight of her stare, and the underlying meaning of her words, I didn’t dare look back. I knew how it felt to harbor secrets, ones you didn’t want anyone else knowing. But I also knew how it felt to have people around who didn’t give a damn.

Fuuuuck.

“So whatever brought you here sucked pretty bad, huh?” I peeked over to gauge her response.

Her eyes dropped to her lap and she nodded.

“Well then tonight’s exactly what you need.”

She didn’t look at me, but a small smile tipped her lips. “I sure hope so.”

Great
. I still had no clue where to take her.

The further I drove, the further away from town we got. Maybe that had been my plan all along. Get her away from my demons.

ALEX

I glanced over at Hayden. His left hand relaxed on the steering wheel while his right hand played the beat of an old Pearl Jam song on the seat between us. God. I wished the old song didn’t send me into such a tailspin. I’d been lost in my head for most of the ride, memories of my dad overtaking my thoughts from the first note. 

I wondered how Hayden did it. How he always appeared so cool and collected. Was he really? Or was it just a front to keep others out? 

Without warning, he whipped the steering wheel to the left. My body slammed into the passenger door with an unceremonious thud as he pulled to an abrupt stop in the gravel parking lot—the one that appeared out of nowhere. “
Christ
. Who taught you to drive?”

Hayden’s laughter filled the cab as
dust billowed around us. But I wasn’t laughing. Especially once he killed the engine and the dust settled. Because outside the window, I stared at a building with the neon signs in the windows.

He turned his body to face me, his dark brows bouncing. “So, you ready?”

“I probably should’ve mentioned this before…” According to the parking lot sign with the unlit E, we were at Jake’s Pub. “I’m only twenty.”