Until I Found You (30 page)

T
he instant nick
vanished from sight,
Kate burst into tears. Afraid of being seen, she fled to a dark corner of the garden, hunched on a bench, and hugged herself against the chill. Rocking gently, she sobbed until her eyes burned. She desperately needed a tissue, so she opened her purse and discovered she’d forgotten the little pack she always carried. How could she not have a tissue? Kate was prepared—always. Except she hadn’t been prepared for Nick’s question and the pain of watching him leave.

With a fresh sob strangling her, she wiped the tears with her fingers. A tissue—if she had a tissue she could blow her nose and pull herself together. She needed to return to Eve and the ballroom, but she couldn’t walk into the crowd with a ravaged face. She’d have to dash for the powder room and hope Eve didn’t see her. But as she stood, the door to the ballroom opened. Backing into the shadows, she held her breath.

Footsteps tapped on the sandstone walk, came around a corner, and stopped. Eve stood in silhouette, her black dress even blacker than the night. “Kate? Are you and Nick still out here?”

As desperately as she wanted to hide, Eve was her boss and someone she admired. Pasting on a stiff smile, she stepped into the moonlight. “I’m here. Nick is gone.”

Eve saw her puffy eyes, gasped, and pulled her into a hug. “Whatever he said or did, it was wrong. Just plain wrong. The man is an utter a fool, a jerk, a—”

“No! He’s not.”

“Oh, darling.” Eve patted her back as if she were small. Instead of finding comfort, Kate felt smothered. She didn’t blame Nick for her misery. He’d been honest. Now she had to be honest with herself and answer the
why
question.

Easing out of Eve’s hug, she made another vain attempt to wipe her eyes. “I’m pretty upset. Would you mind if I left early?”

Eve pulled a tissue from the slit pocket in her dress and pressed it into Kate’s palm. “Of course, you can leave. But before you go, we need to talk. Did Nick mention my conversation with him?”

“Not directly.”

“Good.” Eve grasped Kate’s elbow and steered her toward the building. “What I have to say will help you understand why he left you in tears. Let’s go to my office.”

As they passed by the spiky junipers, Kate squeezed the tissue in her palm. Mentally she tried to prepare for what Eve would say, but her mind wandered back to Nick, to the question
why,
and to the fear lurking in her belly. If she answered that question honestly, it could change her entire life.

In the office Eve turned on a lamp, then indicated the sofa, where five months ago they had discussed the ad campaign. Smoothing the designer gown on loan from Eve, Kate lowered herself to the couch.

Eve sat next to her and kicked off her shoes. “It’s been a long day, hasn’t it?”

“Yes, for me, too.”

Sympathy misted Eve’s eyes. “Before we move on to business, I want you to know how sorry I am that you and Nick had a fight. All couples quarrel, but Kate darling—you look devastated. Do you want to talk about it?”

She longed to spill her heart, but how did she explain a man like Nick to a woman like Eve? Eve would never understand Nick’s choices, and she’d scoff at the notion that joy lasted and happiness didn’t. In the end, Kate settled for the obvious. “We don’t see eye to eye on some things, particularly my career.”

“I was afraid of this.” Eve shook her head. “Some men can’t handle strong women. I didn’t think Nick was the type.”

“He’s not.”

“Then what—”

“He’ll support any career choice I make, as long as I know why I’m doing it.”

“That’s an interesting perspective,” Eve remarked. “Personally, I’m less interested in
why
Eve’s Garden exists than I am in
what
we accomplish. I find genuine satisfaction in helping women, and I believe you do, too.”

Kate nodded, but she felt slightly dishonest. As much as she enjoyed the fun side of the spa, she didn’t love it the way Eve did. Eve put her heart and soul into the beauty business. Kate’s satisfaction came from the creative side of advertising.

“I’m glad we agree,” Eve continued, “because working for me isn’t like laying bricks. We empower women by making them feel beautiful inside and out. You have to believe in what we do to be good at it. And Kate, darling, you’re amazing.”

“No—”

“You’re just being modest.”

“That’s not it.” Kate had plenty of pride in her ability. What she lacked was Eve’s passion for her cause. “I know
I’m good at my work. I love marketing the way you love the spa. There’s something special about combining pictures and words to convey a concept in a new way, or to create a bigger idea.”

“Exactly!” Eve clasped her hands in her lap. “Your work fulfills you.”

“Yes . . .”

Except the affirmation sounded hollow. Kate’s career made her happy, but did it give her joy?
Why did she love it?
Nick’s question played through her mind, and so did a bigger question: Where did God fit in her life?

Eve inhaled deeply, her chin high and her eyes closed. When her lids fluttered open, her gaze honed to Kate’s face. “We’re cut from the same cloth, you and I.”

Kate opened her mouth to say thank you, but the words died on her tongue. She didn’t want to be cut from the same cloth as Eve. She wanted to be secure in herself, and she wanted to be with Nick.
So why was she here listening to Eve?

The actress put on an enigmatic smile. “Kate, darling. I have a proposal for you. I don’t want an answer tonight. You’ll need time to consider what I’m about to say.” She paused, waiting for Kate to take her cue.

“I’m listening,” she replied uneasily.

“First, I want to say again that you’re an amazing young woman. I’ve been looking for someone like you for years. When you’re in my position, people approach you for selfish reasons. They want what I can give, but they lack the capacity to give back. Does that make sense?”

Kate tried to translate. “You’ve been disappointed.”

“Yes.” Eve’s red lips hardened into a line. “And that’s why you’ve become so special to me. You’re dedicated, kind, and I trust you completely. And that, Kate darling, is why I want you to be my successor at EG Enterprises. Officially, you’ll
be vice president. Unofficially—” She pressed her hand to her chest. “Unofficially you’re the daughter I wish I had.”

Kate could hardly believe her ears. “I’m stunned.”

The obedient child in her melted at the praise, but her heart hammered a warning. Why would Eve make such an extravagant offer? Warm air blasted from a vent, and the table lamp seemed to burn even brighter. Tonight, the actress was her most beautiful self, but Kate had seen her face bare of makeup. Without the patina of self-made beauty, Eve looked a lot like Leona—except Leona didn’t need makeup or beauty to be content. Even in the throes of the stroke and broken bones, she’d been at peace. Eve, on the other hand, was on a constant hunt for satisfaction—in her career, being beautiful, and now a make-believe daughter.

Make-believe.
Some fantasies were childlike and fun. Fairy tales fell into that camp. But other fantasies weren’t so innocent. They whitewashed reality into a kind of lie, a deception.

A deception.
A trick or a hoax.

In a moment of startling clarity, Kate understood why Nick’s question mattered so much.
Why was she here?
Did she understand what working for Eve really meant, or was she believing a lie? She glanced around the room, where she had spent hours with Eve planning the future of EG Enterprises. Shelves and display cases were filled with pictures of Eve in her glory days, her awards and the trappings of success. If Eve Landon believed in nothing else, she believed in herself.

She was her own god. Or goddess.

If Kate accepted Eve’s offer, Eve would pull the strings. No matter how glorious the offer seemed, Kate wouldn’t be in control of her own life—not really. She could only choose whom to serve—Eve or God. In a frightening way, Eve was right about one thing: She and Kate were cut from the same cloth. Like Eve, Kate trusted in herself and her own abilities.
Blinking, she recalled the condor journal and the final exhortation to live with hope, faith, and the courage to love. Staying at Eve’s Garden required none of those things. Trusting God required them all.

Oh, Lord . . .
Tears flooded her eyes.
Forgive me for not trusting you and putting
my faith in myself instead. I’m scared, so scared
.

Trust Me now.

The voice was in her head, but she heard it with her heart and knew exactly what she had to do. With her pulse racing, she mustered her courage and met Eve’s confident stare. “I’m honored. Truly, I am. It’s a generous offer, but I can’t work for you anymore.”

Eve straightened her spine. “I thought you were happy here.”

“I am—I was,” she corrected herself. “But I’m here for the wrong reasons. You believe in what you do. You believe in yourself . . .” Kate searched for words. “I’m in a very different place. Somewhere in the past six months, my entire life changed, and I just now realized it.”

“Because of Nick.” She spat the name.

“He started it,” Kate admitted. “But just now God finished it.”

Eve arched her brows with cool derision, a look she gave people who displeased her. Instead of being scared or anxious, Kate felt only compassion for a lost, lonely woman who wasn’t getting any younger. Maybe someday she’d tell the actress the whole story, but right now she was desperate to find Nick. Standing, she strode to the door and opened it wide, then she turned back to Eve. “Thank you for everything you’ve done. I’d like to stay in touch, even be friends.”

“Oh, good grief!” Eve waved her off. “You’re a little fool like the rest of them. Go. Just go. There are a thousand women
like you—smarter ones, prettier ones. They’re just waiting for an opportunity like this.”

Kate inclined her head, smiled graciously, and then bid Eve good-bye. “I wish you all the best.”

With the words sweet on her tongue, she hurried down the hall to the room she’d used to dress for the gala.

Fifteen minutes later, clad in jeans and a sweater, she ran to her car, sat behind the wheel, and called Nick.

One ring.

Two rings.

His voice mail kicked on and she groaned. He should have been home by now. She called again and got voice mail for a second time. He was ignoring her, or he’d turned off his phone. Or maybe the signal was weak and he could get a text but not a call. Frantic, she typed
WAIT FOR
ME!!!!

“Please, God,” she prayed out loud. “Don’t let him go to Mount Abel.” If he’d already left, he’d be gone until Monday. Kate couldn’t imagine driving the treacherous road herself, even in her new little SUV with its brand-new tires.

Keeping one eye on her phone, she drove as fast as she dared down Sunset Boulevard, through the San Fernando Valley, and up the Santa Clarita grade through the mountains. Nick didn’t call or text. All the way to Meadows she prayed he’d be at his house and not on Mount Abel, but when she pulled into his driveway, it was empty and the house was dark. He was gone—unless he’d parked in the garage. With her heart in her throat, she grabbed the flashlight in her glove box and used it to peer through a small window.

No truck.

No sign of Nick.

Only the Harley, chrome shining and waiting to be ridden another day.

Defeated, she stared across the valley to Mount Abel and
thought of all the things she feared. Mountain roads were still on the list, but Nick was on top of that mountain, and she needed to see him. Every cell in her body cried out with the news that God had touched her tonight and opened her eyes. What joy! What freedom! She wanted to shout to the world and especially to Nick. She had to get to him, but when she looked at the peak of Mount Abel, her insides twisted into a knot.

Could she trust God to get her to the top? No.

Absolutely not.

Accidents happen
all the time.

God wasn’t a genie in a bottle. He didn’t run a fantasy world the way Eve did. He had created a multi-dimensional, multifaceted diamond of experience—good, bad, ugly, and beautiful. Kate couldn’t trust Him to get her to the top of Mount Abel the way she wanted, but she could trust Him completely to order her steps the way He’d done for Leona. How could she not? He’d sent a condor of her own, a bird named Wistoyo.

“I’ll do it,” she said to God in a shaky voice. “When the sun rises, we’re going to the top of that mountain.”

She considered going home, but she didn’t want to disturb Leona. Hoping Nick might still show up, she reclined the seat and closed her eyes. Exhaustion overcame her anxiety and she slept, but terrifying dreams played through her mind until the sun beamed through the windshield and jolted her awake.

It was time to go to the top of Mount Abel. Time to go to Nick. Like an astronaut preparing for lift-off, she checked the car’s mirrors and gas gauge, fastened her seat belt, and headed for the highway she’d taken with Nick to see the condors. That day on the Harley she’d asked him to go faster, and the memory strengthened her now. With every mile, the sun rose higher, lighting the way as she searched for the Mount Abel
turnoff. After several minutes, the sign appeared: Mount Abel Campground 8 miles.