Until Lilly (18 page)

“Okay
,” she says, looking at the door.

“It will be okay
,” I tell her, going to the closet and pulling out a baseball bat. For the first time ever, I wish I kept a gun in the house.

“Be careful
,” she says, and I nod and open our bedroom door, looking both ways before sending Lilly across the hall. I watch her as she makes her way down to where Ashlyn’s room is, and once she clears the doorway I hear another loud bang. I make my way towards the living room and look around the corner into the kitchen. I hear a cry from behind me, and I know that Lilly can’t find the kids.

She can’t find them because they are both in the kitchen standing on chairs that they have pulled up to the counter
, and they have a bowl between them, along with a bag of flour.

“Cash
,” I hear cried from behind as Lilly plows into me. “The kids aren’t there,” she says franticly.

“I know
,” I tell her calmly.

“What? I just said the kids aren’t in their rooms
, and you don’t care?” she yells. I pull her around the corner and both kids are looking nervously at us; the flour that was on the counter in the bag is now covering both of them, and there is a white cloud of it filling the kitchen. “Oh, my God,” she says, leaving my side, rushing into the kitchen, pulling both of the kids in for a hug, and covering herself with flour in the process. “What are you guys doing?” she asks them, looking around and seeing that they have made a huge mess.

“We
’re making you breakfast,” Jax says sheepishly, looking at me then around the kitchen.

“It’s five in the morning
,” I say, putting the bat down before I cross my arms over my chest, looking around at the flour-bomb they set off.

“It
’s your birthday,” Ashlyn says, looking around before looking at me.

“Yeah
, and we wanted to make you breakfast in bed as a surprise,” Jax says with a shrug.

“That was very nice of you both
,” Lilly says, looking over at me with her arms wrapped around the kids. I can’t even speak; all I can do is look at my kids and woman. “That was really sweet, right, baby?” she asks softly, the look on her face causing a slow burn to fill my chest. I nod because I can’t speak. “What do you guys say we get this mess cleaned up while Daddy goes and lays back down, and we can still take him breakfast in bed?” she asks the kids.

“We
’re not in trouble?” Jax asks.

“No
, honey, you’re not in trouble,” she says, kissing the top of his head, “but let’s get all this flour cleaned up, okay?” They both agree, and then get down off the chairs. Jax goes and gets the broom, while Ashlyn goes and gets the dustpan. Lilly comes to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I’m barely holding on to my emotions. “Go back to bed, Daddy, so the kids and I can bring you breakfast,” she says softly, smiling. I nod again, kissing her forehead before I turn and walk back to our room and straight into the bathroom, where I turn on the faucet and splash cool water on my face. My hands gripping the basin, my head down, I take a few breaths before I look at myself in the mirror.

My hair is a mess
, and the stubble along my jaw is darker than normal. My eyes are crystal clear, and I can see only happiness in them. There is no sign of self-hate in my eyes anymore.  I used not to even be able to look at myself in the mirror without cringing away. I hated my life; my son was the only thing who made every day worth fighting for. Now, I have a family with the first woman I ever loved. The only woman I have ever loved, besides members of my family. Lilly is someone who I will never take for granted, because I know how it feels to be without her and the light that she brings into my life. When I looked into Lilly’s eyes in the kitchen and saw the same happiness shining back at me, it almost brought me to my knees. I take a few deep breaths before turning off the water. I go back into the bedroom and sit on the bed. I can hear laughter coming from the kitchen, and I can’t help but smile when I hear the sound. I sit back against the headboard, pull out my iPad, and start searching for engagement rings. I have known since the beginning that I would ask Lilly to marry me, but having her live here over the last few weeks has only solidified that thought in my brain. I know that she has been worried about her case coming up in the school board and finding a job, but I like her home with the kids while I'm at work. I like knowing that my kids are getting the same thing I had growing up. I finally find a style of ring that I think Lilly will love, but I'm going to take the picture to the jewelry store in town and see if he can have something custom-made with a few changes to the design. I close down the web page when I hear the sound of feet coming down the hall, then the door is swung open and Ashlyn yells, “Surprise!”

“He already knows
we were making him breakfast,” Jax says.

“So
?” Ashlyn says back, sticking out her tongue.

“Hey
, now, none of that,” Lilly says, smiling and walking to the bed carrying a tray that has pancakes with chocolate chips, eggs, and bacon, along with a small box that is wrapped in blue paper and a card.

“Happy
birthday, Daddy,” Ashlyn singsongs, climbing up onto the bed.

“Thank you
, baby,” I say, pulling her up onto my lap.

“Happy
birthday,” Jax says, climbing up onto the bed as well, and I pull him into my other side and kiss the top of his head.

“Thanks
, little dude,” I say, my voice hoarse.

“Happy
birthday,” Lilly says, looking between the three of us before her eyes meet mine, and I can see that tears are filling them.

“Thank you
, babe.” I mouth the words to her because I can’t seem to speak. She nods before setting down the tray.

“Can I have some of your pancakes?” Ashlyn ask
s, and I look down at her and laugh.

“Me too
,” Jax says, making me laugh harder.

“There’s more in the kitchen. I’ll be right back
,” Lilly says, leaving the room. She comes back a few minutes later with another tray, this one with three plates, two juices, and a coffee. She sets the tray on the bed before climbing up to sit facing us. We all sit on the bed eating breakfast, and once we are done, I set my gift and card on the bedside table and take the plates into the kitchen, telling them that I would be right back. When I come back to the room, I sit back down with a kid on each side of me. I put the gift in my lap so I can read the card. On the front of it is a guy in jeans and a shirt; there is a little window, and when opened, the shirt says SuperDad. I smile before putting down the card, picking up the box, and looking at it for a few moments.

“Are you gonna open it?” Ashlyn asks
, looking worried. I feel Lilly rub my leg, and I look at her and smile. I start to tear the paper away slowly.

“Dad
, just open it,” Jax says, eyeing the box like he wants to take it out of my hands and do it himself. I finish opening it and pull the small box out, lifting the lid. Inside is a pendent on a ball chain. “It’s backwards,” Jax says. I use one finger and flip the pendent over, and on the other side are three stones going down the center of it. All three different colors each represent the three people surrounding me.

“Do you like it?” Ashlyn ask
s, sitting up on her knees.

“I love it
,” I tell her, looking up from the pendent into her smiling face.

“That one is Jax. This one is me. And that one is
Mommy,” Ashlyn explains, pointing out each stone.

“Are you gonna put it on?” Jax ask.

“Yes,” I whisper, taking it out of the box, holding it up, and looking at it before I slide it around my neck.

“You look pretty
,” Ashlyn says.

“Boys don’t look pretty
; they look handsome or cool,” Jax tells Ashlyn.

“Nu
h-uh, Mommy says Daddy is the prettiest boy that she ever saw.” My eyes go to Lilly and I raise an eyebrow; she shrugs before covering her mouth, laughing at the look Jax gives her.

“Boys aren’t pretty
, right, Dad?” Jax asks me, and I turn to look at him. I don’t even answer him; I just drag him to me, tucking him under my arm and kissing the top of his head.

“Thank you
, guys, for my gift. I love it,” I say, kissing Ashlyn’s forehead. She wraps her little arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.

“Lobe you
, Daddy,” she says, and my eyes start to burn.

“You’re welcome
, Dad,” Jax says, hugging my other side.

“Can we go to the
zoo?” Ashlyn asks, pulling her face out of my neck and making me laugh.

“You always want to go to the zoo
,” Jax says.

“The zoo is fun.”

“The zoo is lame,” Jax returns, and they both jump up so they are standing on the bed and proceed to argue back and forth. I lean forward, grabbing Lilly’s hand, dragging her up to me.

“Thank you for this
,” I tell her, running my fingers down the side of her face.

“You’re welcome
; we love you,” she says, laying her head on my chest, her fingers picking up the pendent to look at it.

“Thank fuck
,” I whisper into her ear.

“Dad
, we’re not going to the zoo, are we?” Jax groans, flopping down onto the bed dramatically.

“Not today
, little dude.”

“But
, Daddy…” Ashlyn whines.

“Ashlyn Alexandra
, no whining,” Lilly scolds, and Ashlyn crosses her arms over her chest in a pout.

“But I want to see the wions.”

“If you keep up the attitude, little miss thing, you won’t be going to the zoo for a very long time,” Lilly says, and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at the look on Ashlyn’s face.

“Come here
, baby.” I hold out my hand and she flops down on top of me, making me grunt.

“How about we go do something that
everyone
will like doing?”

“Like what?”
she asks.

“Well
, we could go fishing,” I say. I haven’t gone fishing in a while, and I know that it’s something that Jax enjoys doing.

“Yay
! Fishing!” Jax yells.

“Are we gonna fish for salmon?” Ashlyn ask
s.

“No
, baby. Catfish,” I tell her, pushing her hair away from her face.

“Catfish?” Her face scrunches up
, looking adorable.

“Yep
, catfish.”

“Are catfish hairy?”

“Catfish aren’t hairy,” Jax says, laughing and rolling around on the bed.

“Al
l right, guys, if you want to go fishing you need to go brush your teeth and get dressed,” I tell them both and watch as they bounce off the bed and run out the door.

“So you guys are going fishing
? That’s fun,” Lilly says, and I smile.

“We are
all
going fishing.”

“No
, you and the kids are going.”

“Babe
, it’s my birthday, which means it’s
my
day. So we’re all going fishing.”

“Fine.” She pouts
, and I know exactly where my daughter got her attitude.

“What did you tell Ashlyn about her attitude?”

“I don’t have an attitude.”

“Good
, so get your ass up and get ready to go fishing.”

“Cash.”

“Lil.”  I say her name, bending forward so that I can kiss her until she’s quiet.

“So when it
’s my birthday, I get to do whatever I want, right?” she asks breathlessly.

“Yes
, that’s a new rule.”

“Good
. Hopefully, the
Fifty Shades of Grey
movie will be out then and we can go see it,” she says, hopping off the bed and making a beeline for the bathroom. It takes me a second to realize what she said and I walk to the bathroom, opening the door and catching her just as she’s getting in the shower.

“We
’re not going to see that movie,” I tell her. I know all about that shit; Asher told Trevor and me all about it.

“You said I get to do whatever I want
,” she says, and I can tell by the tone of her voice that she’s smiling.

“Okay
, let me clarify that statement. We can do anything you want, as long as it’s something that the kids can be involved in.”

“Fine
, I will go see it with Liz and November.”

“Are you interested in BDSM?” I ask her.
When Asher broke the book down for us, he said this dude Grey had a bad childhood, and when he got older he had an urge to dominate the women he slept with.

“Your kink is enough for me
, thank you,” she says, laughing. I pull the shower curtain back so I can look at her.