Until the End (22 page)

He reaches for me and I know I shouldn’t, but I let him. He touches my face and wipes at the tears gently. I shudder and take a deep breath, knowing he will want to go out like this; like himself. I deftly take the gun from his other hand and press it lightly to his temple.

“Jordan, I l—“

Fear and panic enter his eyes, breaking my heart. “Ali, what are you doing?”

“Alissa, no!” my uncle says urgently from behind me.

“Uncle
Syd, I promised him. I’m keeping my promise, Jordan, the one I made in the boat. I won’t let you become one of them.” I say sadly, cocking the gun.

“Al. He’s not infected.”

I shake my head in defeat. “How could he not be? Look at his face.”

Jordan’s eyes dart to my uncle’s then back to me. “There’s nothing wrong with my face. I wasn’t bitten.”

I frown, confused. “Uncle Syd?”

“He’s right, sweety. He’s fine. Not a scratch on him.”

“No, you’re wrong. He—he has bites all over his face. All over his neck!”

“Ali, look at me. Really look at me.” Jordan says calmly, only a small quaver in his voice belying any fear. “I’m fine. Listen to my voice. I’m still me. I’m not hurt.
” I watch as he swallows hard, his throat constricting under his ravaged skin. “Please don’t shoot me.”

“But…” my voice and hand shake with uncertainty, the gun slipping across Jordan’s sweaty temple.
He’s terrified.

“Huckleberry.”

I freeze at the word and think of Snickers in my sight.

Pulling the gun from Jordan’s head, I scurry backwards, slipping over corpses and pressing my hand into sludge that I can only hope is a cow pie.

“No, no, no!” I cry, putting as much distance between myself, Jordan and my uncle as I can. “My God, I could have killed you. Jordan, I’m so sorry!”

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s fine. Everyone is fine.” Jordan says, putting his hands out in a calming motion people use on wild horses.
It would be soothing if he still had a face.

Uncle
Syd doesn’t say anything, but he comes toward me and offers his hand.

“No time for this. That won’t be the last of them.” he says gruffly, and I’m eternally grateful for it.

I put my hand in his, and when I’m standing, he puts my bow back in mine. He meets my eyes as I take it and gives me a tight smile and sharp nod. Despite the fact that I just almost killed an innocent, healthy man, he has faith in me. I don’t deserve it, but I’ll take it.

“We need to burn the bodies.” J
ordan says, surveying our kills and I make sure to look at his feet and not his face.

“Why?” Uncle
Syd asks.

“It works as a barrier. When we were holed up in the sporting goods store a pile of them was burned by some people outside. Infected stayed away for days after that. I think the scent of their own burning covered the scent of us.”

“They can smell us?”

“Yeah.” I say weakly, fighting for normal and not quite getting there. “That’s how we survived the first night in Portland. Infected were everywhere, including the building we were in. Jordan had the idea to use a dead infected and… another body to cover our scent at the door. No one bothered us all night.”

Uncle Syd is watching me closely and it’s no longer because of my deadly mistake.

“Uninterrupted all night, huh?”

I blush and frown at him. “Don’t start.”

“Sir,” Jordan says,
sounding scared again. “I’ve never—“

“Don’t start!” I shout, silencing both of them. I head for the shed off the side of the house, knowing there’s gas for the lawnmower stored in there. “Let’s burn these
bodies and get out of here, shall we?”

We don’t leave that night. How could we? After the chaos at the campsites and I imagine inside the now overpopulated city of Corvallis, the roads are jammed with people ripe for the eating. It’s Portland all over again and Jordan and I refuse to go out like that. There’s talk of taking the river again, just as we did out of Portland, but it’s a bad gamble all around. We’d have to get to the boat launch and put Uncle Syd’s fishing boat in the water, preferably without being eaten while we did it. Then we’d have to navigate the waters in the dark on a river heading straight for the one place we know everyone else is going and that isn’t taking visitors at the moment. No, the river is out. We all agree we need to head east, into the mountains. There’s been talk on the news and between the people in Corvallis that they’ve blocked passage over the mountains too, not letting any of us out into the open desert of Eastern Oregon, but it’s still our best bet. Even if we only make it a short ways, it’s still going to put some distance between us and the buffet making its way south.

We sleep in shifts, Uncle
Syd sharing mine and I know why so I don’t ask or complain. He and I sit on the porch as Jordan sleeps on the couch nearby and we watch our funeral pyres burn. I tell him that Jordan and I said a blanket prayer over everyone who has and will lose their lives to this disease, and he nods in silent appreciation for the gesture.

“You two,” he says quietly, his voice deep and resonant in the dark. “You’ve seen a lot. Been through a lot together, haven’t you?”

“Yeah.” I say hesitantly, not sure really how to answer that because I’m not entirely certain where this is going.

He nods. “I can tell. The way you talk to each other. The way you roll with punches together.”

“The way he forgives me for almost killing him.” I say bitterly.

“
Exactly that. Scared the shit out of him, but he was right there with you during all of it.”

“Like you and mom.” I say, remembering the way he would talk
to her, how he was sometimes the only one who could.

Uncle
Syd frowns and I wonder what I said wrong. I know my mom is a tough subject for both of us, but I’d thought the comment was complimentary.

“Al,” he says reluctantly. “I need to tell you something, something I wanted to tell you a long time ago.”

I feel myself start to tremble as though I’ve suddenly gone cold.

“What is it?” I whisper.

“Honey… I—I’m not your uncle.” he says, sounding scared and unsure, something I’ve never heard from him before.

“Then what are you?”

He looks at me pointedly, asking me to fill in the blanks, but I don’t want to and I remain motionless and silent. Finally he sighs and looks away.

“I’m your dad
.”

I shake my head. “My dad left. He walked out on us.”

He shakes his head as well. “No, I didn’t. Your mom threw me out.”

“What? No, that doesn’t make any sense. It was so hard for her to do it alone. She wouldn’t have thrown away help.”

“She didn’t throw away help. When have I ever not been there for you? When was I not there for her?”

I can think of one very important time, but no matter how mad or confused or hurt I might be, I’m not cruel enough to say that. I love the man sitting across from me, whoever he is.

“Why are you telling me this now?”

He looks at the bodies burning in the yard and says solemnly, “Because this might be my last chance.”

“Why did you leave?”

“I told you, your mom asked me to. She was scared about having a baby. She was terrified what that would do to her, having to take care of another person. She was stretched thin already. She knew she couldn’t take care of you and handle a relationship with me at the
same time, so she made a choice. She chose you.”

I frown, feeling tears sting my eyes. “You must have loved that.”

“No,” he says seriously. “But I loved her and I love you so I agreed. I went away, but not too far. I told her I needed to know you. I had to be in your life and she knew I was right so she let me say I was your uncle. I was allowed to see you as often as I liked, but I had to promise that I knew things between her and I were done. It was hard seeing her all the time and not being able to love her the way I wanted, but I knew I could have you both if I played my cards right so I did.”

“I’m sorry.” I say weakly, not sure what else to say. I cost him the love of his life and I can’t imagine what that was like for him to see her every day and not be able to be with her.

“Don’t be. She gave me everything she could, including you. How could I ask for more than that?” He pauses and clears his throat gently. “Are you angry at me? Should I not have told you?”

I smile sadly at him and shrug. “You’ve loved me all my life and I’ve loved you. It doesn’t make
much of a difference what your title is, does it?”

He grins and nods in agreement and we fall silent, listening to the night.

“What exactly is Huckleberry?” he asks suddenly.

I chuckle. “It’s a safe word we worked out.”

“A safe word.”

“Not like that. For situations like the one you saw. For when I don’t know what’s what.”

He chews on that for a moment before asking, “Have you seen anything like that before? I mean this time around, not
before
before.”

“Not that
exactly, no.” I say lowering my head. “But something else… Yeah, I’ve seen something else. Something similar.”

“You’re gonna see the things you’re afraid of, Al. Things that terrify you.
A lot of them are probably going to involve him because that’s what worries you. It’s a mess, but it’s what it is. Keep that in mind the next time your nightmares come callin’. Remind yourself it isn’t real.”

“I know.” I reply softly, embarrassed by the conversation.

“And if you see me turned into a zombie,” he says, casting me a sideways grin. “Don’t go doing me any favors.”

I smile and nod in agreement. We sit in silence together for the rest of our shift.
When Jordan wakes to take over I’m tempted to stay up with him. I’m eager to mend whatever I’ve broken, to show him that I’m not insane and he doesn’t have to be afraid of me. I see him for what he is now. I see his face exactly as it should be and I can’t believe I ever thought it was any other way. But my mind plays wicked tricks on me, something I’ve known for a long time, and I need to find a way to deal with it again. At least for a little while, until the pills put my demons to rest.

I go to bed
and I sleep soundly. Maybe it’s the comfort of being home or the fact that I know Uncle Syd or just Syd or my dad, whatever I’m supposed to call him now, is nearby and has never let me down. Maybe it’s even because Jordan is out there keeping guard, and despite the fact that I put a gun to his head tonight, he’d never let anything happen to me. I think the real reason, though, is that I’m too far beyond tired to fight it.

When I wake in the morning
it’s to the sound of the TV and the guys talking.

“They aren’t denying it now.” Jordan says bleakly.

“They never really did. Just refused to confirm or comment.”

“Hm. Well, there it is. Won’t change people’s minds, though. They’ll still run straight for it.”

“Won’t do ‘em any good. It’s there for a reason. They aren’t letting any of us out of here.”

“We’re too much of a risk. They’ll have to come up with a cure.”

Syd snorts.

“Yeah, I know.” Jordan agrees, his voice dark.

“The quarantine?” I ask, not opening my eyes.

“Yep.”
Syd confirms. “They’re showing pictures of it. It’s real.”

“Set up just outside of Eugene. It’s running east to west and stopping us from
going any further.” Jordan tells me.

“Every last military service member and public servant in California, hell even private contractors, they all dropped everything to come up our way and cage us in.”

“It’s happening in the north too, up around Tacoma where they stopped it. People who ran that way are hitting the same barriers.”

“What about the east?” I ask, not holding out any hope at all.

“Not sure, they don’t really say. The coast guard is all over the coastline and they’re being backed by Russia and Japan. The east is still a mystery and they don’t mention any barricades.” Syd pauses then sighs heavily. “They’ve got something though. No way they’ll let us wander right into Idaho and out into the rest of the world.”

“Still,” Jordan says sounding surprisingly positive. “It’s our best chance. Even if we just make it to the mountains, at least we’re away from other people and more outbreaks.”

“Agreed.” Syd says, and I hear his footsteps thumping toward the door. “I’m gonna go check the roads, see if we can make it out of here today.”

I hear the door slam and I know he’s gone.

“How are you feeling this morning?” Jordan asks casually, and I can tell from his tone he’s not asking about my episode.

“Rested, which is a nice change. How about you?”

“Hungover, and surprisingly, that’s a nice change too. I think I missed it.”

I smile and open my eyes to look at him.

“There have been more infected this morning and your uncle is anxious to get out of here.” he tells me, glaring at the walls around us. “I’m with him on that.”

“There were more here? How did I not wake up to the gunshots?”

“Because there were none. We used our bows. Syd didn’t want to draw more attention to us than necessary.”

“Yard full of flaming death is sort of an eye grabber, isn’t it?”

Jordan snorts. “It’s like bug repellant. They didn’t start coming around again until the flames were dying out.”

I
pause to admire again that his face is fully intact. He looks handsome and relaxed standing in the early morning light in this place that’s so familiar to me. I feel a growing panic when I think about what I almost did last night, the terrible mistake I almost made, but I tamp it down. I feel better this morning, stronger and more myself, and the confusion I felt last night seems miles away. It’s a feeling that I hope will last.

“Do me a favor?” he asks suddenly, taking a step toward me.

“What?” I ask nervously, afraid he’ll say something about last night.

He grins and lowers his face to mine. “Kiss me quick. Your uncle is coming back
soon and he scares the crap out of me.”

I smile and reach up for him, pulling his face down to mine. “I have a secret to tell you.”

“I like secrets.” he breathes warmly against my lips, putting his hand on my hip and sliding his fingers under the hem of my shirt.

“He’s not my uncle,” I whisper. “He’s my dad.”

Jordan freezes then drops his head defeated against my shoulder.

“He just got so much scarier.” he groans.

***

When
Syd returns, the news isn’t good.

“The road is a mess. I didn’t get too close, but there are cars everywhere and most of them don’t have anyone in them.”

Jordan curses but nods his head. He was expecting this.

“We’ll have to go another way.” he says thoughtfully. “Are there any back roads we could take? Even a bike trail would help.”

This is true farming country. There indeed are many back roads. They sit in front of
the computer for the better part of an hour, plotting a track out on Google Maps until they are convinced we can make it to the mountains without hitting a single major city, highway or interstate. Our only goal at this point is to get away from people and infected alike. We’ll figure the rest out once we know we’ll live longer than a week. Life expectancy here is dwindling fast, as evidenced by the pillars of smoke rising into the sky from the city center. It’s in flames and it would shock me, but I’ve seen it before.

We load the RV, the quad securely on a trailer towed behind, and
Syd and I say goodbye to our home for what is more than likely the last time. It doesn’t feel as painful as I thought it would, though. It’s not my home anymore. Home is where I feel safe, protected and loved, where people have my back with a loaded weapon and a bowie knife. My home is Syd, my dad, my pillar of strength. My home is an easy smile and vibrant blue eyes.

“
Do you have everything you need?”

Jordan sta
nds behind me as we wait for Syd to pull the RV around. I’m looking at the house, but I’m not seeing it.

“I have my pills.” I tell him quietly.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“But it’s what I meant.”

He pauses then asks the million dollar question. “What happens when you run out?”

We don’t hold out hope that this will all blow over before that happens. In reality, I think we all know this is our world now. Whether they cage us in for all eternity or they wipe us out in an attempt to end the plague, this is the world we know and will continue to know, until the end.