Until the Stars Fall From the Sky (29 page)

Unbidden, tears come to my eyes. Until this moment, I had not fully appreciated what it would mean to be a bride without my mom’s input. I hug a very surprised Mindy as I reply, “Thanks for straightening me out. Since I don’t have a mom or grandma, I don’t know a bunch of this stuff. You’ll have to show me all those shows on Netflix, if we have time. That’s a great idea about Grummy. Mr. Jeff would love it.” I shrug my shoulders and shake my head as I continue, “I don’t know what to tell you about bridesmaids dresses because I’ve never understood that whole deal either. I plan to play it straight and get the prettiest ones I can find. Sound like a plan?”

Mindy nods and practically drags me into the room. I see that Heather has steered away from pure traditional white gowns, favoring very pale neutrals. My eyes are drawn to two contenders. One is a frothy pale pink number with a full tulle skirt. It’s so romantic; I would feel like I walked out of a Degas painting. The other is a vintage looking champagne and ivory lace gown.

Mindy is carefully considering each dress, dismissing one right up front as being too dumb for a grownup, another two for being too “hoochie momma” and yet another for looking too fishy. She finally decided on the same two I love. “I like these two, but I think the pink one is too poufy since you have to sit down.”

I smile at her fashion expertise; she and Heather are going to be two peas in a pod. “I agree, I’ll try those on, but I think I’ll w
ait until Grummy is here, okay? What do you think about the bridesmaid’s dresses?” I ask, as I look at the rack of dresses.

Mindy contemplates the racks
, as she nibbles on the end of her finger, “Who’s going to be in your wedding, Miss Kiera?” she inquires.

“Oh!” I reply, startled, “I guess I hadn’t really thought through all the details. Heather and Tara of course. Donda, Jeff’s sister and Gabriel, his nephew, will be in it for sure. I bet that Jeff will want Tyler in it. My daddy will walk me down the aisle.”

“Tara looks like Pocahontas right?” Mindy clarifies, “Heather looks sorta like Marilyn Monroe and Donda looks like Hallie Barry, ‘cept she has a purple stripe in her hair like an animae.” 

I grin at her uncannily accurate description of my friends, “Wow, you have such a great memory; you got everyone spot on. How do you even know about all those famous people?” I ask, once again impressed by her wide knowledge base.

Mindy tsks at me as she shakes her head and I’m pretty sure I read some pity on her face as she sadly remarks, “Don’t you
ever
watch TB or read the picture books at the doctor’s office?”

I snicker at her observation because she is correct. I am woefully out of step with the world around me. “Hey, I’ll have you know that I do actually own a TV. I just happen to use it mostly for watching documentaries and ‘80’s TV shows with your Papa.” I argue, making a halfhearted attempt to defend myself. 

It’s clear that Mindy’s mind is on fashion as she studies the rack. I’ve seen that look on Heather’s face a million times. Mindy turns to me and solemnly states, “I think it’d be silly to dress everybody like twins since everyone looks so different. But, we hafta be careful ‘cause we don’t want the dress to clash with Donda’s hair and nothing too weird ‘cause Tara’s kinda shy.”

Mindy’s observations catch me off guard. I am well aware of Tara’s social phobias because I have been her friend forever, but I have no idea how Mindy picked up on it after such a brief interaction. “Mindy Mouse, how did you know that Tara is shy?” I ask, curious about their interaction.

Mindy rolls her eyes at me, “I guess you were kinda busy. Miss Tara didn’t hardly talk to nobody except Miss Heather and Mr. Jeff the whole day. When they forgot to give her the French fries, she turned into a potato bug when the man tooked them to the table and she watches people more’n me.”

I wonder if Tara’s cues are really that evident to those that don’t know her, or if Mindy is just an exceptionally keen observer. I suspect that it’s a bit of both, because Tara works extremely hard to appear invincible. “Well, we should look through these and see if anything strikes our fancy,” I suggest.

Mindy goes to one end of the rack and I go to the other as we start leafing through the dresses. I’m very quickly bewildered by the sheer number of choices. However, Mindy is not daunted, as soon she asks, “The wedding is on the beach, right?”

“I think it will probably be on my friend’s deck which is very
close to the beach,” I respond “I really hope it doesn’t rain.”

Mindy starts jumping up and down, and pointing at the rack as she shouts, “Miss Kiera! I found the perfect dresses. C’mere and look. I can’t reach.”

At that moment, Gwendolyn pops her head around the corner. “My goodness!” she exclaims, “What’s all the racket about?”

Mindy runs to grab her hand as she enthusiastically replies, “Look Grummy! I found the prettiest dresses.”

“Just a second, Princess,” Gwendolyn replies, laughing, “let me set down my purse. Let’s see what you picked.”

As Mindy points them out, Gwendolyn pulls them and hangs them along my armoire. The first one is an eyelet halter dress in deep burgundy. “This one is for Heather, ‘cause she looks like a movie star,” Mindy announces.

The second is also an eyelet dress in a rich olive green, but this dress is strapless with a corset lace up in the back. “…and this one is for Donda. Wait till you see what I picked for Tara! It’s perfect.”

Now,
I’m really anxious to find out what the little sage picked out for my best friend. Gwendolyn holds up a dusty blue eyelet dress, it has a boat neck and puffy three-quarter length sleeves; aside from a small delicately embroidered rosette near the neckline, it’s very plain and I fail to see the appeal.

Seeing the look on my face, Mindy instructs anxiously, “Grummy, turn it around please, she can’t see the good part.”

As Gwendolyn turns the dress around, the magic of the dress immediately becomes clear. The back of the dress is a deep V covered with a beautiful lace panel that’s a slightly darker blue. “You’re right Mindy Mouse. These are stunning. Every single one. The braided ribbon belts really tie them together.” I say, running my fingers over the soft material of the dress.

“Aren’t these little wooden star beads, just precious?” comments Gwendolyn, as she examines the ribbons trailing off of the belts.

I quirk my eyebrow at her as I respond, “I’m not sure what I think. The braiding on those belts is pretty flawless and stars are our little thing. If I were a suspicious person, I might wonder how involved your son is in all of that.”

Gwendolyn laughs and holds up her hands in surrender as she says, “This time I can plead innocent. If he had anything to do with it, I don’t know anything about it. What about your dress?”

I look over at the dresses on the rack wistfully as I answer, “I have two favorites, but given what we’ve chosen for bridesmaid’s dresses, I’d like to try on the cream lace. However, I’m going to need you to help me put it on, please.”

“Oh don’t worry about that, Honey, everybody needs help putting these things on,” she assures me.

“I long ago gave up any hope of actually finding myself in this spot, so I really don’t have any expectations one way or the other,” I admit.

“Nonsense, you’re going to make a beautiful bride,” Gwendolyn chides briskly as she removes the dress from the hanger.

“You thought you weren’t going to get married?” Mindy asks, her brow wrinkles in confusion. “Why?”

“I was afraid that no one would
love me because I’m different — ,” I start to explain.

“Well, everybody’s different except for identical twins and they can’t get married anyway ‘cause that’s just gross. So, that’s a stupid reason,” Mindy interjects wrinkling her nose.

“I know it sounds silly,” I respond. “Sometimes, grown up thinking doesn’t make much sense.”

“It sounds silly ‘cause it is silly,” Mindy says, shaking her head, “Mr. Jeff loves you so much. He watches you when you ain’t lookin’ and he holds your hand even when you’re asleep.”

“Mindy’s right Kiera, my son loves you deeply and doesn’t give a rat’s behind about your ‘differences’,” Gwendolyn confirms.

“
I know he loves me and I love him with my whole heart, so let’s knock his socks off with this dress,” I say as I take off my sundress and slide the wedding dress over my head. I wedge my body up to allow Gwendolyn to pull the dress down. She buttons up the tiny buttons along the back. As she fastens the last two at my neck, I can tell that the dress fits as if it was designed with me in mind. The lace is soft and vintage looking without being fussy.

“Where’s the special bride hat?” asks Mindy.

Gwendolyn looks through the racks and replies, “I’m sorry, I don’t see veils anywhere.”

I hear something hit the bedroom door and Mindy yells, “Mr. Jeff, we said
, ‘No boys allowed!’ Go away!”

Heather and Tara laugh and reply in unison. “But, we’re not boys!” Heather continues, “Can we come in? I’m sorry we’re late, but somebody tried to vandalize the food truck.” Heather looks me over, walks over to the closet, pulls out a veil with tiny crystal stars studded throughout, a
nd places it on my head. “There,” she said walking around me to study her work. “I think that’s the finishing touch. Although you might want to wear your hair up because this dress has such an amazing keyhole back and you have awesome shoulders,” she advises.

Heather wheels me over to the mirror and
I’m completely flummoxed by the image I see staring back at me. I look beautiful, elegant and composed, sexy even. Is this how Jeff sees me?

“Miss Kiera, you are the mostest beautiful bride ever,” Mindy declares reverently.

“Thanks Mindy Mouse,” I reply, “Now, I’ve got to get all of you in to try on your dresses.”

Heather chortles, “Already miles ahead if you, Sweet Pea. With the exception of your little ones, all dresses have been pre
-tried by their wearers and just need to be picked up. We were just waiting on your choice and lo and behold you picked our favorites,” she declares with a grin.

“Officially,
I didn’t pick it. That honor goes to Mindy. She is amazing, it’s like she’s a little clone of you.” I reply, giving Mindy a hug.

“What are
we
going to wear Miss Heather?” Mindy asks impatiently.

Heather reaches into a bag at her feet and pulls out two cream-colored eyelet dresses with seemingly endless petticoats. The one for Becca is beyond precious.

Mindy gasps with delight when she sees her dress, “Can I try it on?” she breathes, “I’ll be super-duper careful.”

Heather helps Mindy into the dress and she and Tara put their bridesmaid’s dresses on. As we all gather in front of my full-length mirror, Mindy perfectly sums up what
I’m thinking when she whispers reverently, “Mr. Jeff really must have magic ribbons because we look perfect.” Mindy pirouettes and spins, “it’s better than my dreams.”

“It’s better than my dreams too, Mindy Mouse,” I admit, “I am so glad you guys are here to share it with me.” I try to awkwardly gather everyone into a group hug.

“Okay, none of that tear jerker stuff, you guys don’t want to get makeup on the dresses,” Tara says, trying to squeeze out of the hug, “What are the menfolk wearing?”

“Geez-O-Pete, I have no idea.” I exclaim, hanging my head in frustration. “I don’t know what to do for the invitations and programs either. Nor, do I know what to serve,” I add gesturing wildly.

Heather grabs my hands and holds them, as she asks, “Kier, do you trust us?”

I take a deep shuddering breath and nod, “You know I do.”

“Then know we have this more than covered,” she insists. “That guy of yours has made military grade plans and multiple backup plans for the backup plans. I have to hand it to him; he has a great grasp of what makes you tick. So, relax and focus on being a Mom. Outside of getting a marriage license, we’ve got this handled.”

“Just make sure there are hot chocolate, peaches and crème brûlée somewhere in the mix okay?” I acquiesce, taking a deep breath and trying to remember that this is one single day of our lives when we have several decades to look forward to.

“You guys hafta have a license to get married?” Mindy asks with a puzzled expression on her face. “Is that like a dog?”

Everyone laughs and Tara quips, “No, Mindy Mouse, that’s how they keep track of the people that cheat and act like dogs. It stops them from scamming people by marrying a bunch of people at once.”

Mindy nods sagely as she replies, “Why would somebody cheat at marriage? That’s dumb.”

I am
in the law library when the call comes in. I knew something wasn’t right last night but Kiera claimed that she had just wrenched her back getting Becca out of her car seat when she and Mindy went to go get haircuts. Kiera treated it with ice packs and frequent trips to the hot tub. She said she was fine and brushed me off. I knew I should’ve stuck to my guns, but I got distracted by helping Mindy with wedding stuff. Mindy was filling little net bags full of birdseed for the reception and she needed help tying the bows in the ribbons.

So, now I am driving to the hospital
in a state of total terror trying not to wreck the new rig in my haste. Denny tried to tell me that he had everything handled and not to panic, but it’s far too late for that. I shot right past that threshold the second I heard the words Kiera and emergency room in the same sentence. When I finally reach them, it’s a sobering sight. Kiera is laying in the hospital bed, curled up on her side, her hair in wild disarray. She is as paper-white as the background of her standard issue hospital gown and the fever indicator strip attached to her reads 102 degrees. She has saline solution piggy-backed with an antibiotic running full bore in an I.V. in her hand. She looks like she is in incredible pain as she winces in her sleep. My heart breaks for her. Kiera looks nothing like my invincible Pip. She looks frail and weak. I have to lean against the wall for support as my knees go weak; this is my nightmare come to life.

I take a deep breath and look around the room. Denny is sitting in a recliner chair next to Mindy
; he is quietly taking in my reaction. He is bouncing Becca on his knee while coloring in a book with Mindy. “Any news?” I whisper, not wanting to wake her.

“Her blood work just shows she has a bad kidney infection
. Her ultrasound didn’t show any blockages or large stones. She probably just overdid it with the stress of her job and planning the wedding and stuff. Knowing her, she just forgot to drink enough.”

Mindy looks up from her coloring book with
big, fat tears in her eyes, “Am I gonna hafta find a different place to live because Miss Kiera was pukin’ and her pee pee hole is broked? Is Miss Kiera gonna die?”

I rush over to pick up Mindy.
I sling her up onto my hip as I assure her, “Mindy, you won’t have to leave just because Miss Kiera is sick. She just has some bacteria in her kidney and they are giving her medicine through her IV to make it better. So, she has to stay here for a bit. There will always be one of us to take care of you until she gets well. Understand?”

Mindy nods tearfully as she asks tentatively, “Becca too?”

I smile, “Of course, Mindy. We can’t separate Princess Peanut and Princess Pumpkin, can we?”

Mindy shakes her head so hard that I am surprised her curls don’t straighten out from the centrifugal force.

“Mindy, why do you think her pee pee is broken?” I ask, because it is such an odd thing to say, even for Mindy.

“I saw the nurse check it
. There is a bag with a tube coming from her pee pee hole. There’s pee and blood in it, so I figure it must be broked,” Mindy explains with great patience as if I’m the world’s biggest idiot. I feel like I
am
the world’s biggest idiot for not pressing her sooner about how she was really feeling.

“When did you see her puke?” I press.

“Yesterday after lunch,” Mindy replies. “Miss Kiera thought she got some bad chicken salad at the food court and her back was hurtin’ her real bad. So, we went home before we found me new tights. Miss Kiera said we’d do it today.”

I run my hands th
rough my hair in frustration as I ask Denny, “Why didn’t she tell me earlier? I could have done something to help her before she ended up in this much pain.”

“Miss K
iera said you were very busy getting ready for your new job and learning new stuff in law school and she didn’t want to bug you if all she had is a pulled muscle. She don’t really have a pulled muscle does she?” Mindy asks.

I set Mindy back down in the chair and squat down in front of her,
“Mindy, Miss Kiera probably did tweak her back lifting Becca out of the car seat. The reason she noticed it more is because of the kidney infection. Kidney infections can cause back pain, a fever and nausea — which is just a fancy doctor word for feeling like you have to puke. Speaking of fancy doctor words, she has a tube in her urethra, not her pee pee hole.”

Mindy’s eyes light up and she exclaims, “Cool
! Can I learn some more doctor words?”

I grin at her curiosity
. Even in the face of a scary situation, she is irrepressible. “As many as you want Mindy Mouse. You can never know too many words.”

De
nny stands up and cradles Becca in the crook of his bicep as he comments, “If she gets much, bigger I’m not going to be able to hold her this way. Anyway, I’m going to take these two lovely ladies out to dinner. I’ll bring you guys something. Kiera hates hospital food with a passion and when she wakes up, she is going to be hungrier than a momma grizzly in spring.”

“Is she going to feel like eating?
” I inquire; glancing over at Kiera’s sleeping form. It’s hard not to want to micromanage every decision. “How do you get used to seeing her like this?”

“
Yeah, I expect so,” he answers with a wry smile. “Her fever should break shortly and she’ll be feeling human soon enough. You’re doin’ just fine, son. It’s scary, but the rollercoaster ride does get easier. She is strong and resilient but she isn’t used to asking for help. You guys are going to need to figure that part out.”

“
Okay, thank you sir — I mean Denny.” I reply, cringing at my faux pas. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to calling him by his nickname — father-in-law or not. I appreciate the advice. “I am just going to stay with Kiera.”

I pull the rec
lining chair next to the bed, bring my casebook for Human Rights Law up on my iPhone and try to concentrate on something else other than our current predicament. I last about ten minutes before I just throw in the towel. I decide trying to study is just an exercise in futility. My brain is in a thousand different places right now and not a single one of them is in law school. How did Kiera get so sick right under my nose? What could I have done to prevent it? Did she hide it from me on purpose? What’s going to happen with the wedding? What would happen to the girls if she really does get sick? Could I take care of them on my own? How would I ever live my life without her?

Just as my brain starts to spin with these questions and I begin to feel like I am being hauled back into that dark, repulsive place that I barely came out of when Donda nearly died, I feel Kiera’s
fingertips on my forearm. I try to compose myself, but I am fairly certain that I’ve only managed to cover a small fraction of the sheer terror on my face.

Kiera takes
one look at my expression and tears well up in the corners of her eyes as she whispers, “Oh, PC, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. This one just got away from me. It seemed like one minute I was fine, the next I was ready to pass out at the pediatrician’s office after the girls had their shots.”

“Why didn’t you call me then?
” I ask, wanting to hear the whole story from her lovely lips.

Kiera sighs as she admits, “
I didn’t call you because I thought they were being stupid and overly dramatic. I thought I had a bad case of the vapors because watching the kids get their shots was tough. I thought I was just faint from the trauma of that. You were busy with law school and I didn’t want to interrupt you.”

I can
’t stop the bark of laughter that escapes as I answer, “Pip, you are my priority, without you and the girls,
none
of that means anything. With your autonomic dysreflexia, I could have lost you and I would not have even known you were sick. If you aren’t honest with me when you’re sick or in crisis, then you obviously don’t trust me to take care of you. If you don’t trust me then we have really big issues to work on.”

If it’s possible, Kiera becomes even
paler as she says “Jeff, that’s not really fair. I just got sick. It was never my intent. I trust you with my life. I would give anything just to be your regular every day kind of fiancé and wife. I don’t want it to even cross your mind that I might die of anything other than old age. I don’t want my disability to effect our relationship. I don’t want you to be my caretaker. I want you to be my partner, my lover and my equal.”

I look down at her in the bed, so fragile in body yet so strong in spirit. “Pip, I want all of those things for us too
. Sometimes your disability ticks me off. I get mad when I see you doubled over in pain because of muscle spasms, when waitresses won’t look at you or when people stare and point at you. I know I can’t fix all of those things, but it doesn’t mean I don’t notice and care deeply. I am always going to be driven to take care of you because I love you. But, I would be dishonest if I didn’t admit that given our circumstances, it’s a scary proposition for me.”

Kiera glances up at me with a puzzled look on her face as she asks, “What do you mean?”

I interlace my fingers with hers and kiss the back of her hand as I say, “Since we both lost a parent early, we know what it’s like. I don’t want the girls to have to go through that again. We need to make sure we have a plan in place in case something happens to either of us. Those girls need both of us. We need to stick around as long as possible.”

Kiera squeezes my hand as she
responds, “PC, you have to back it down a notch or two or you are going to burn out on us in just a month or two. I’ve had so many health scares over the years; I’m surprised my Dad’s hair isn’t grey. Yet, not all health crises are immediately fatal. If you react like each one is going to be lethal, it’s going to put our relationship under too much stress and freak the girls out,” she explains gently.

“I know rationally that what you’re saying makes sense, but I’ve seen the worst with my grandpa and Donda
. I never want to see you go through that kind of pain and suffering. I love you so much that I am not sure I trust my reaction if anything ever happens to you.

Remember,
when we agreed to watch out for each other’s body? I think this qualifies. I worry about you too. I am afraid you are taking on too much with me and the girls on top of law school. Seriously, I will make a better effort to let you know if I am struggling before it is too late for you to help.”

I squeeze her hand as I reply, “I
t’s going to be very hard for me. But, I promise to try to behave like a rational human being if you cough or sneeze and not smother you. I’ll try to put being an EMT on the back burner and just be an attentive husband and father.”

Kiera smiles up at me, “I know th
at you are always going to be a lifeguard at heart and I love that about you. I just want you to go into semi retirement and let the professionals take over. I don’t want you to have to worry that much about me. My biggest fear is that you’re going to wake up one day and decide that I’m not worth all the extra effort. I am afraid that you’re going to wish you would have chosen someone more normal.”

Kiera looks sad and very fragile for a moment.  She starts to absently braid her hair as she stare out the window. “Jeff, it shatters me to say this.  But, if you think all of this is going to be to much for you at some point, I’d rather you duck out of our lives now rather than waiting,” she replies in a tortured voice. 

My heart almost stops at the thought of a life without Kiera in it. The idea is terrifying. “Pip, the mere thought of one day without you is a thousand times more frightening than anything we’ll face together.” I argue passionately. “If ‘normal’ means giving you up, I don’t want it. Ever. We just have to help each other work through the ghosts of our pasts so that we can move forward.”

Kiera gives me a
teary-eyed grin as she whispers and collapses back into the bed, “I don’t know what I’ve ever done in my life that was so great to be worthy of you, but thank God I found you and I hope we can find our way through all of this. I love you, Jeff.”

~*~

The next morning, I stop by the gift shop at the hospital to get Kiera some flowers in a cute little old fashioned vase and write her a note. I want her to know that despite my fears, I don’t doubt the strength of us.  I did a lot of intense thinking overnight.  My dad was a healthy as an ox and my mom still lost him.  Denny lost Karen to a rare cancer in the prime of her life.  No couple ever has any guarantees and it’s not fair of me to hold Kiera to that impossible  standard, disability or not.

In honor of our everlasting love.

Your number one supporter

(but no
t caretaker)

Your soon –to-be husband
PC

Her eyes light up when she sees the frilly notecard. When she reads the note, she flashes me a slightly sogg
y smile. “You’re getting so great at these notes. I love carnations. Now that I know every flower has a hidden meaning, I suspect that white ones mean everlasting love.”

“My mom would be so proud that you caught that,” I answer with a grin.

“So, you’re saying an appropriate wedding bouquet would be white carnations with pink and purple roses?” Kiera asks. “I wouldn’t be starting a war in a third world country or anything, right?”