Until We Burn (4 page)

I can’t help
but grin at this, just a little.   She’s pissed. 

“I’m sorry,” I
tell her as soothingly as I can.   “I’m exhausted and
jet-lagged.  It’s not a reflection on you.  Or of your sexy
assistants.”  I glance at them and find that they’re fully clothed now.
“I’m sorry,” I tell them.  “I didn’t meant offend you.”

They both
smile warmly.  “Not a problem,” one says.  “We’ll can pick up where
we left off later.”

I glance at
Amy and raise an eyebrow.  “Later?”

She nods in
satisfaction. 

“I told you…
you’ll fuck me by the time this night is over.  We’re all going to Sin’s
party.  And we all know… if something freaky doesn’t happen at one of his
parties, then it’s not meant to happen.”

I have to give
her that.  My brother’s parties are beyond the normal….so far beyond the
norm that they’re off the map. 

I nod, not
committing, but not declining, either. 

As we deplane,
I have a brief memory, a fleeting vision of one other time, years ago, when I’d
been at a party and had gotten the worst phone call of my life.   The
night that had changed my life forever. The night that had crushed my heart
into ash. 

I reach into
my pocket, twisting the pendant round and round in my fingers. 

I can’t feel
anything, not anymore.  So what I have to do is go through the
motions.  And if that means trying to do crazy, kinky, sexual things just
to be able to feel something, I’ll do it. 

Because
honestly, I haven’t decided what’s worse:  not being able to feel
something, or being so stuck in the pain of the past that I’m paralyzed with
it.   For six years, I’ve held out the hope that I’ll come
around.  That the pain will stop. That I’ll miraculously become
normal. 

But slowly,
I’m coming to terms with the fact that it isn’t going to happen. 

I’m not normal.

There’s no use
pretending to be. 

And if I’m
going to hell for all the shit that I do, I might as well make the crime fits
the punishment. 

Until I burn
in hell, I might as well make every single moment worth it. 

Starting
tonight.

Sin’s
penthouse suite is the entire top floor of a glitzy hotel in the center of the
city.  Sin never does anything understated.  He prefers to be the
center of attention at any given time and he always pulls it off with
panache. 

Amy, me and her
two ‘assistants’ push through the throngs of people lounging, dancing and
chattering throughout these rooms.  Scantily clad people, half naked
people.  Drunk people.  High people. All kinds of people. 

“Where’s your
brother?” Amy calls over her shoulder to me.  I look around.  I don’t
see him anywhere. 

“Let’s check
his bedroom. He never lets anyone in there…except for certain women.”

And by
certain,
I mean whichever women he chose from the crowd at his show. His bouncers
would’ve plucked the girls from the throngs, given them backstage passes and
then accompanied them to Sin’s after party.  It’s just what he does. 
And he never gets tired of it.

When we tap on
his door and he answers in only his jeans, I can see two naked women in his bed
over his shoulder.  And I know I’m right.

“Dude,” he
mutters.  “Could you have worse timing?”

“Did I
interrupt something?” I grin innocently.  Sin scowls at me. 

“Jesus. First
you miss my show, then you cock block me.  Nice, bro.”

I chuckle as
Sin throws his door open wide, motioning us inside.  “You might as well
come inside,” he mutters.  Then he glances behind me at Amy and her two
friends, and his manner changes.  He instantly becomes Sin Kinkaide,
charming chick magnet.

“Hello,
ladies,” he drawls.  Amy smiles at him, unfazed by his celebrity status
and blatant sexual energy. Her friends, however, are not.  They blush and
become instantly on edge.  Sin grins.

“I’ve got a
private party goin’ on in here,” he tells them, still grinning.  Still
shirtless.  “It’s very exclusive. Only the most beautiful women in the
city get to attend.  Would you like to come in?”

They’re in awe
now, flattered by the invitation, and without a backward glance, they step into
his room.  As he closes the door, I see the two girls in the bed scoot
over to make room for the two new girls. 

I turn to Amy,
shaking my head. 

“Well, you
lost your accomplices.”

She rolls her
eyes and grabs a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter. 
Running her tongue along the rim, she stares at me over it. 

“You don’t
need them.  All you need is me, Dom.  By tonight, you’ll realize
that.”

Before I can
answer or refute that statement, she gazes past me, intent on something across
the room. 

“Hmmm.  There’s
Tara Linwood.  I’ll be back in a minute.  Think about me while I’m
gone.”

As she brushes
past me to chat with the up-and-coming actress across the room, she pushes
something into my hand.  Glancing down, I see that it’s her panties, a
tiny piece of silk and lace meant to turn to me on. 

It
doesn’t.  I prefer my women pantiless… or in red silk.  I lay the
panties on a nearby table, next to a bowl of mints.  They should brighten
someone else’s day.  Oddly enough, knowing that Amy is pantiless now across
the room doesn’t turn me on, either.  Which means that it’s probably time
to end things. 

It’s just as
well that she chose to give me this ultimatum. 

I get bored
very easily and apparently, even bitchy A-list actresses don’t hold my
attention long. 

As I walk
toward the open balcony, a young waitress catches my eye from across the room,
her eyes lighting up as she recognizes me.  She quickly tries to hide her
excitement, to act professional and nonchalant as she offers me a drink from
her tray, but it’s too late.  I already saw it. 

And I’m filing
it away for later. 

I’ll probably
be here for several hours.  I might get bored later.

For now, I
settle onto a cushioned seat in the corner of the darkened veranda, staring down
at the bright lights of the city. 

From this
position, I can see everything I want to see.  I can observe party guests
and their drunken behavior, I can look down upon the city, and I can stay to
myself and not interact with anyone. 

It’s a win-win
situation.

This is how I
stay, winning in my little dark corner, drinking glasses of whiskey, until
Tally arrives.  He knows just where to hunt for me, his gaze scanning the
perimeter of the party as he steps inside the suite. 

He knows he’ll
always find me in the shadows.

“Where’s Amy?”
he asks, dropping into the seat across from me and motioning for a waiter to
bring him a drink. 

“Somewhere
with Tara Linwood,” I answer.  I glance around, but don’t see her.

Tally shakes
his head.  “You’re not going to be happy about this.  But.  The
studio doesn’t want you to end things with her.  It’s good for the film if
people think you’re dating.  They want to see an onscreen couple who is
actually dating in real life.  If you’re still thinking of breaking up
with her, don’t.”

I stare at
him, my hard gaze icy.

“I do what I
want.  I don’t let the studio dictate to me who I date and who I
don’t.  I’ve never been that way and I never will be.”

Tally
sighs.  “I knew you were going to say that.  You and your brothers
are the stubbornest sons-of-bitches I know.”

The corner of
my mouth tilts up, just a bit.

“Well
good.  I’m glad you know where I stand.”

“But you’ll
still have to pretend that you’re together,” Tally tells me firmly, pressing
another drink into my hand.  “And if you can’t stomach that, then you’ll
have to figure out a way to make her end things with you.  Let her be the
one to bring the studio’s wrath down on her head.  Not you.”

I can’t help
but chuckle a little.  “I’m sure I could find a few ways to piss her off.”

Tally levels a
gaze at me.  “But not anything obvious.  You can‘t be seen as a
dickhead, either.  Always, always always…. Keep your public persona
forefront in your mind.  You are mysterious.  You are sexy. You are a
gentleman.  You are private.  All of these things are fine. 
Maintain that image.
 Do not
appear to be a dickhead.  Got
it?”

I nod. 
“I can do that. Besides, she already gave me an ultimatum. Sleep with her
tonight, or we’re done.”

Tally raises
an incredulous eyebrow. “You haven’t slept with her yet?  What the
fuck?  Are you made of stone?”

Before I
answer, we both look up to see Amy and Tara stumbling from the bathroom
together.  Amy’s nose is red, a sure sign that they were snorting
coke.  I personally know it’s one of the ways she stays so slim. 
They’re both stumbling, a sure sign that they’re drunk, as well.

An idea forms,
hard and fast. 

A brilliant
idea. 

No one puts
Dominic Kinkaide in a corner.  No one gives me ultimatums and expects to
win. 

I am not
controlled. 

Not now, not
ever. 

But first
things first.  

I watch Amy
and Tara collapse into one big chair together, giggling and chattering as they
furtively glance around the room.  I know they’re probably cutting down
everyone here. Both women are complete catty bitches. 

They bore
me. 

So I motion to
the young waitress, the girl who was starstruck earlier. 

“Excuse me,” I
say to her smoothly, putting my hand on her arm as she passes. She stares down
at me, her green eyes wide. 

“Yes?” she
stutters.

“Where is the
bathroom?” I ask politely, although I know perfectly well where it is. 

She points in
the direction.  “Right there.”

“Could you
possibly show me the way?” I ask, my voice as smooth as honey.  “I don’t
want to get lost.”

Her eyes widen
as she realizes what my intentions probably are and then she smiles
broadly.  “Of course.  I’d be happy to show you.”

She puts her
tray down on the table in front of me, because she knows she won’t be needing
it. 

And then I
lead her to the bathroom.  Amy watches me in amusement from her chair, but
she doesn’t get up or react.  She knows me.  She likes watching me
with other women anyway. 

In fact, a few
minutes later as the waitress is kneeling in front of me, the doorknob jiggles
and I hear Amy’s voice. 

“Dom? I want
to come in.”

Of course she
does. 

She wants to
watch, because she’s as kinky as I am. 

But instead of
unlocking the door, I grasp the willing waitress’ hair, and guide her into
deep-throating me, her lips forming a perfect wet vacuum around me. 

“Not now,
Amy.  I’m a little preoccupied,” I call toward the closed door. 

I can hear her
bitching as she walks away. 

It doesn’t
matter.  At the moment, all that matters is this blow job. 

I’ll deal with
Amy later. 

But I
will
deal
with her.

“You took long
enough,” Amy whines when I finally come out of the bathroom and find her. She’s
sitting with Tara on the veranda, in the darkened corner that I had recently
vacated. 

Tara looks up
at me, her eyes glazed over in a drug-induced haze.  I sigh, seeing only
the talent that she’s getting ready to waste.  I’ve seen it a hundred
times.  Actresses come into the industry, show so much promise and then
self-implode on their way to the top.  I can see right now Tara Linwood
won’t last. 

“I don’t
rush,” I shrug my shoulders.  “But I’m ready to go now.”

Amy lifts an
eyebrow.  “Oh, really?  And where are you ready to go?”

I grin. 
“Someplace where the lights are red.”

Amy’s eyes widen
as she realizes what I’m talking about. The infamous Red Light district in
Amsterdam, where prostitution is legal and kink of any nature can be
bought. 

She
grins.  “You surprise me, Dom.  I wouldn’t think that you’d risk
getting seen someplace like that. You know the paparazzi are everywhere.”

I shake my
head.  “We’ll be careful.  Are you in?”

She nods. “Of
course.  I’ll bring Tara.”

I glance at
her friend, who is now leaning on Amy’s shoulder.

“Can she
walk?” I ask dubiously.  Amy scowls at Tara, before pushing her off her
shoulder.

“We’ll find
out.”

She yanks Tara
to her feet and together, they stumble toward the door.  I watch for just
a second before shaking my head.

This is going
to be too easy. 

For one split
moment, I almost feel guilty, but then I tamp that emotion down.  Amy
deserves no pity.  I’ve seen her verbally lash stagehands into tears for
such small offenses as not making sure her water was cold enough.  Her
heart is black and she deserves anything I give her….particularly since she
thought she could control me. 

Not gonna
happen.

I follow them
to a car and within minutes, we have arrived in the Red Light district of
Amsterdam.

The streets
are wet and dark as we walk down them, glancing into the windows that line the
street.  Women sit in rooms, waiting for customers, as the red lights
flicker over their heads. 

I meet the
gaze of one woman, a pretty dark haired woman.  Her eyes light up as she
sees me and she grins, revealing yellowed teeth.  I cringe. 

Not gonna
happen. 

“Gross,” Amy
scowls.  “It looks like the city’s leftovers are here.  Let’s go
someplace else.”

She starts to
turn around, but I catch a glimpse of another window down the street, one that
houses two women.  I put my hand on Amy’s arm.

“Wait.”

We walk a bit
closer, then closer still, all the while, Amy is practically holding up
Tara. 

The two girls
look like sisters, identical shoulder-length blonde hair, large green eyes,
slip hips.  They’re dressed in identical lingerie and are sitting in the
same identical pose, perched atop two tall stools.

“Twins,” Amy
breathes, turning to stare at me, her eyes widened.  “Yes.”

I have to grin
at the possibilities. 

“Where are
we?” Tara mumbles, her head rolling around on her neck like a broken
bobble-head doll.  I raise an eyebrow at Amy. 

She scowls and
slaps Tara’s face lightly, then harder.  “Wake the fuck up, Tara,” she
snaps.  “You’ve got to grow up and learn how to handle your liquor
better.”

I gaze at
her.  “I doubt that the liquor is her problem.”

Amy ignores my
meaning and shakes Tara’s arm as we ring the bell next to the window.  One
of the girls comes forward and speaks through the speaker.

“Yes?”

“We want to
hire you,” Amy says firmly.  “Let us in.”

“Payment first,”
the girl answers, just as firmly, holding Amy’s gaze.  Amy frowns, but we
do as requested, pushing our payment through a little window.  After the
transaction is complete, we’re buzzed in.  I glance around the dingy
hallway as we make our way to the door. 

It opens
immediately.

“Welcome,” the
blond girl purrs now, motioning for us to come inside.  Her sister is on
the bed and the shades have been drawn. 

“I’m Anika,”
the standing girl says.  “And that is Anna.  We’re here to please
you.  What would you like?”

Amy shoves
Tara onto the bed and then pulls at me, but I stand fast. 

“I’m going to
watch,” I tell Anika. “So I’d like the four of you to give me something
interesting to see.”

Anika eyes
Tara skeptically.  “Well, three of us can do that,” she finally
answers.  But Tara is scowling again. 

“What the
fuck, Dom?” she demands.  “You’re not going to watch.  You’re here to
participate.”

She stands
with her hands on her hips, her eyes shooting sparks.  But I’m calm.

“Amy, do you
really want our first time to be here…. In a dingy room with three other
people?”

She pauses,
relaxing a tiny bit.

“Make me
horny,” I suggest. “Then we’ll go back to my hotel room and take it from
there.”

She hesitates,
but only for a split second. 

“Fine.” 
She lifts her chin.  “What would you like to see?  What would make
you horny, Dominic?”

I settle onto
a tall stool, my feet crossed in front of me. 

“Lick her,” I
gesture toward Anika.  “Then her,” and I point at Anna.  “Then they
both can lick you.  Do you have your pierced toy in your purse?”

Amy shakes her
head, but Anika chimes in.  “We have a whole cabinet of toys.”

“Perfect,” I
smile.  “I’ll give you a toy when the time is right.”

They nod and
words fade away as they pile into the bed. Clothing comes off and sex noises
fill the room.  Wet noises, moaning, sucking.  Whimpers. 
Sighs. 

I can see that
Amy is enjoying herself, just as I can see that Tara has passed out against the
wall.  It doesn’t matter. I’m not here for Tara.

After everyone
has been sufficiently licked, I find a toy in the cabinet, a two-headed
dildo.  A head for the front and one for the back. 

I hand it to
Anika.   “Use this on her.  She likes it up the ass.”

Amy’s eyes are
unfocused as the three women continue.  Hands are everywhere, on soft
female thighs and plump female lips.  It’s enough to lift my dick, but I
don’t concentrate on that. 

Instead, I
can’t help but ponder how I got to this point.  A twinge of pain pulls at
my belly as I think of a pair of blue eyes, innocent eyes.  Eyes that
loved me.  Eyes that decimated me. 

She would
horrified if she knew I was here, if she knew how far I’ve fallen into the
darkness.  I swallow hard and reach into my pocket, fingering her necklace
and steeling my heart. 

She’s not
here. 

She’ll never
be here. 

Bile rises
from my stomach as I remember her…as I remember what happened.  What I
caused. I swallow the ugly taste and swallow again, hard.  Forcing the
memories from my mind, I turn my attention back to the present and the women debauching
themselves in front of me. 

No one
controls Dominic Kinkaide. Not anymore.  I don’t have a heart left to
control.
 

Since the
women are all distracted with each other, I pull out my phone and snap
pictures.  And when I’m done with that, I turn on the video camera. 

It only takes
a couple of minutes to get what I need. 

And for Amy to
get what she needs.  She moans and writhes on the bed as Anika brings her
to orgasm, her hands twisting in the sheets beside her.  Her face is
sweaty, her eye make-up smeared.

As she comes,
she calls out and holds my gaze.  She lies still for a moment, and then
the twins get up matter-of-factly, straightening their hair and putting their
lingerie back on, preparing for the next customers.

Amy is limp as
we walk to the car and I almost have to carry Tara. 

The ride to
the hotel is quiet as Amy leans into me, spent from her kinky sex with the
prostitutes. 

She puts a
hand on my thigh as our driver pulls up to the curb in front of the
hotel. 

“Come to my
room,” she says throatily, her hands smelling like sex. 

I lift an
eyebrow.  “For what?  You already came tonight.  I’m sure you’re
exhausted.”

Her eyes
narrow and she grips my leg tighter.  “Dominic, I already told you what
would happen if you don’t fuck me tonight.  You don’t want to risk that,
trust me. Because I meant what I said.”

I stare at
her, my eyes hard as I lift her fingers from my thigh and squeeze them firmly
in my hand.  Not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to get my point
across. 

“Amy, you’re a
bitch.  And I don’t give a flying fuck if you walk away from me tonight.”

She snarls,
her face twisting into something ugly.  “Don’t you know by now? I always
get what I want.  And trust me, if you walk away from me, I swear to
Christ that I’ll make up a fantastic story about being jilted by you for the
studio heads.  They’ll be so pissed at you that they might fire you. 
Do you want that?”

I smile now,
amused as I pull out my phone.  Quickly, I find the video of her with the prostitutes
on my phone.  She gasps as she watches Anika fucking her with the
dildo. 

“I doubt they
would be pissed at me when they hear that I broke up with you because this
video leaked online.  Obviously, they would understand that I just can’t
be linked to something so scandalous. And they wouldn’t want to be linked to
you, either. You’d be the one fired, Amy.  Not me.  So tread
lightly.”

I pause with
my fingers poised over the button that would link the video to YouTube. 

“I’m going to
get out of this car and you’re never going to try and put me into a corner
again.  I don’t like ultimatums.  You’re going to go your way, I’m
going to go mine.  We’ll work together.  I won’t say anything bad
about you, and you won’t say anything bad about me. And this video will stay on
my phone.  But the first time I get a hint that you’re spreading shit
about me to the studio heads, this video will be anonymously submitted to every
possible gossip site online within minutes. Got it?”

Amy stares at
me with poison in her eyes.  “You’re a fucking dickhead, Dominic. 
And you’ve fucked with the wrong woman.  Someday, I’ll fuck you back…so
hard that your asshole will bleed.”

I roll my eyes
at that visual as I open the car door and get out. 

“Well, until
then,” I say calmly, and I close my door. 

I feel her
astonished gaze burning into my shoulder blades as I walk away and leave her in
the car with Tara passed out on the seat beside her. 

I don’t feel
vindicated.  I don’t feel good.  I just feel empty, like always. But
at least I’ve got Amy off my back and I won’t have to deal with her
anymore. 

I make my way
to my hotel room and as I do, I find police officers swarming the lobby and in
the elevators.  I turn to one. 

“What
happened?”

He looks at
me, shaking his head wearily and speaking with a heavy accent.

“An American
rock band is having a wild party with under-age girls,” he growls. 
“Fecking celebrities. They think they don’t follow the same rules.”

I stare at him,
not responding, because I know that we don’t. We don’t follow the same
rules.  I get off on my floor and as soon as I do, I pick up the phone to
call Tally.  He answers on the first ring. 

“You’ve got a
mess to clean up,” I tell him.  “And it’s not mine.”