Unto These Hills (36 page)

For long moments he just looked at me, emotions roiling in those turquoise depths. I felt nothing. Like a Lon Chaney zombie. Like I’d been baptized in Novocaine and gulped a gallon in the process. Something weird kept knocking around in my brain, something evil and horrifying that salivated to reveal itself.

I shook off Daniel’s hands and retreated, staggering like a wino. Desperation kept me moving, racing from the footsteps trailing me.

“Sunny,” Doretha stepped around me, blocking me, forcing me to stop. I averted my eyes and attempted to pass her, only to have Daniel’s bulk abort my escape. “
Sunny,”
she spoke as sharply as I’d ever heard her speak. She took my chin between her gentle hands and forced me to look at her. “There’s somethin’ you gotta know.”

For an instant I turned rigid as stone. My very soul was Normandy Beach. Doretha saw the panic. “You can handle it, Sunny,” she softly reassured me but from the tremor in her voice, I’m not sure she really believed it herself.

“C’mon, Sunny,” Daniel murmured hoarsely. “Let’s brace up and get past this.”

Let’s brace up….
The fight in me fizzled and my knees turned to gelatin. Daniel had a good grip on my arm, though, and the two of them shepherded me down the hall to a deserted waiting room. There, Daniel settled me onto a settee and lowered himself beside me and I knew it was to buttress me in
whatever.

Let’s brace up.
I lifted my chin, looked Doretha in the eye and said, “Okay. Let’s have it.”

Oh, I sounded so brave. Inside, I was scared spitless.

Doretha crossed her ankles, clasped her birdlike hands and sighed deeply. “Daniel told me that them blood tests and all prove that Walter is Muffin’s daddy.”

Daniel stirred. “Not proved, Doretha.
Indicated.”

“Same thing.” She didn’t blink a deep-set eye. “Cause I know for a fact he is.”

There was absolute silence. It roared in my ears and my delete button, for once, skipped town. “H-how do you know?” I rasped, my heart sprinting away like a crazy riderless race car. It went on for what seemed like eternity as Doretha sat there demurely, sickly pale, harnessing the courage to say what she had to say.

Doretha shot Daniel a steady, apologetic look. “I’m sorry, Daniel. I done you wrong, too, in keepin’ quiet. I know this’ll cause both o’you to hate me but I gotta set things straight. I don’t blame you if you never have nothin’ to do with me again.”

“Heaven help us
,
Doretha!” Daniel exploded, as nervous as a bagged tomcat. “What do you know that we don’t?” He shot a concerned glance at me.

Doretha licked her lips and looked down at her white, white hands, still folded in her lap. “That night you stayed at the house, Sunny, when you got — attacked,” she paused and drew in another deep breath, exhaled, then looked at me. “Well, there was a reason I asked you to stay with me. I
was
scared, but not of somebody breaking in.”

Her eyes sheened with tears. “See…Walter had been sneaking into my room all through the years, since I was thirteen, crawling into my bed and puttin’ his filthy hands over my mouth to keep me from —” Tears spilled over her lids, trailing down her pale, thin face. She bit her lip for long moments, fighting for composure, her small teeth turning the skin white.

I sucked in air as if surfacing from unfathomable ocean depths. I felt as though somebody had socked me in the stomach and my breath refused to work. I’d thought, at first, that this might be one of Doretha’s quirky little misconceptions of life.

Something far, far more sinister hurtled its way toward me, a flaming evil from which I could no longer hide

Daniel looked impaled on his chair, stunned. Suddenly, in one spastic motion, his torso thrust forward, his olive features corrugated with anger, puzzlement. “Why didn’t I pick up on that, Doretha?” He held out his hands in supplication, regret. “I never had any idea —”

Doretha gave her little Mona Lisa smile, one that barely grazed her colorless lips. “He was too smart for that. He’d only come when he was sure you was asleep. Cause I threatened to holler out for you but he just laughed and slapped his hand over my mouth when I would start to scream. He was too strong for —” She had to pause again, eyes downcast, fingers clasped tightly, biting her lip.

“Anyway, Sunny,” she forced herself to continue, eyes peering at the floor, and even through my fog of shock, I sensed how excruciating this was for her, “that night you stayed at the house with me, when his daddy was in the hospital, I asked you to stay cause I was afraid Walter would do exactly what he done.” Her stricken gaze snapped up and latched onto mine. “I thought if he sneaked in and saw it was
you
in my bed, that he’d just tiptoe back out and disappear.”

She gulped another rush of air and I saw her hands tremble violently as she latched her fingers together tighter. “When I dropped off to sleep up in Mama’s room, I figured we was okay there at the house. He was at the hospital with Mama, anyway.”

“Walter hadn’t been to my room for a long time and I figured that maybe he wouldn’t come no more. But when you screamed, I jumped off the bed and I knowed,” she whispered. Her face crumpled as she shook her head slowly from side to side. Fresh tears cropped up. “I
knowed it was him.”

For long moments, only her quiet sniffling broke the silence. I sat glued to my chair, heavy iron to a magnet, dark emotions roiling like a witch’s brew.
The loud click I’d heard that night — Walter had re-locked the front door so as not to be detected, then leaped through the screen to make it look like a break-in.

Then Doretha drew herself up, wiped her face, and looked at me again, determination slicing through her grief. “I know you won’t ever be able to forgive me. Neither of you. Cause I stole your chance to be together.” She slashed Daniel a look of utter contrition. “Cause I could’ve told you the truth. Only thing — I was afraid you’d do something foolish, Daniel. I didn’t want to see you in prison or electrocuted over such a no-account as Walter.”

Daniel, who’d been as silent and riveted as me suddenly sprang to his feet. “But — you let me
leave
Sunny,” he scowled ferociously and ran an agitated hand through his midnight hair, now peppered with gray. With an animal-like groan, he paced to the window to stare out into the night, slamming hands into back jean pockets as though restraining them, as whipcord thin as when he was a youth.

“I tried to tell you, in my own way, but you wouldn’t let me,” Doretha fairly whispered, so emotionally spent was she.

He spun and glared at her. “Your
own way
? You only told me she’d been raped. How about the whole truth? Huh? That would’ve made a difference, you know. It just gave Walter a chance to move in on Sunny in her weakest hour.” He took one step and halted, throwing his head back for a long moment, eyes closed tightly. “
God
. You just wanted to foist Walter off on Sunny, didn’t you?” He looked at her then, eyes sparkling green fury. “To get ‘im off your back. I remember how you avoided him. You could have told me. Or your Mama. Why didn’t you?”

Doretha took Daniel’s anger square on the chin. Only thing, she was white as a soda cracker, like one breath huff would topple her. Her voice was wispy as wind whispering through thick pines. “I did tell Mama. But it was too late for ‘er to help me. She was already forgetting things or getting’ ‘em turned around. Ol’ Tom didn’t pay her no mind when she tried to tell ‘im. I could tell he didn’t want to know.” She shrugged limply. “He sure as heck wouldn’t have believed me.”

“I would’ve believed you, Doretha,” Daniel muttered darkly.

She swallowed hard and fought to speak. “I — I’m being honest now. And for once, I
will
tell the whole truth. The real truth is that you’re right, Daniel. I did want to get rid of Walter. I would have died if he’d kept on ––” She shuddered and closed her eyes tightly for long moments. When they opened they appeared dazed, desperate. “Else, I would’a killed ‘im.”

Her eyes begged understanding. “When he fell for you, Sunny, and was so good to you after Daniel left — didn’t seem to care about you and your shame, I thought how it might be the best thing, you and Walter together. It would give your baby a name.”

Daniel spun, strode to within inches of her and his eyes glimmered fury. “And it would free you from Walter.” He slowly shook his head. “ And I thought you were my sister.”

Doretha visibly cringed but she stood and with great effort pulled her fragile cloak of dignity about her. Her eyes, focused at me, held such pain and regret it took my breath. My heart lurched at her ravaged, pale features. “I know I can’t do nothing to make up to you for what I done, Sunny. But I want you to know that I love you. Both of you. If I could go back and do it different I’d do it. I’d give my life to give yours and Daniel’s back to you.” She pulled her purse strap up over her thin shoulder and shuffled dispiritedly out the door.

~~~~~

After Doretha left, Daniel watched me like a hawk, his brow creased with worry. I must have looked a sight because he appeared apprehensive, fearing I’d go off like dynamite any second. He didn’t want to leave me later that evening, after visiting hours. But I insisted he go. Needed him to go. Assured him I was okay. Convinced him. Finally, reluctantly, he left when I promised to call if I needed him.

In my solitude, numbness wrapped and sealed me, insulating me from
it.

I undressed, slid into my gown and robe and into bed.

Heavily sedated, Walter slept. I lay on the hospital cot in the semi-gloom of nightlights, watching him. Far down inside me, a rage quivered. It had been building ever since Doretha’s earlier waiting-room revelations. With the memories, the numbness was beginning to dissipate beneath the quivering.

I closed my eyes. Not a hint of drowsiness slithered behind them. I opened them and, glaring at the ceiling, replayed Doretha’s disclosures.

The night seemed eternal.

~~~~~

I must have dozed sometime in the early morning hours. When I came instantly and fully awake, dawn’s silver light filtered through the hospital blinds. Inhaling hospitals’ universal, ever-prevalent antiseptic smells, I arose then showered in the bathroom. Needling sprays of hot water brought my circulation into sluggish action again and when I looked at myself in the mirror, my ashen features peered back through steam-fogged glass. I wiped it down with a towel. From it, my eyes, large and slightly puffed from sleep, stared at me, no longer dull and dispassionate, but shimmering with rage.

Adrenaline bolstered and readied me for combat.

I quickly dressed, hoping the noise I made slamming things around had awakened Walter. But when I returned to the room, he’d not stirred. I refused to be deterred any longer. I dragged a chair up to the bed and stared into his sleeping face.

“How
could
you Walter?” I said in a chilling voice not at all like my own. “All those years and you
never let on
.” I crossed my arms and my jean-clad legs and jiggled my white Reebok foot. “Man, were you
good
! “ I gave a nasty laugh, stopped jiggling my foot and shifted forward, closer to his ear, my hands white-knuckling the bed rail. His brow creased just a little. Good.

“Doretha told me about how you abused her all through the years. How she hated your guts. How she got me to sleep over that night because she was afraid you’d do just what you did.”

My breath grew shallow. I struggled for air to speak. “S-she thought you’d sneak back in…find me in her bed and —” My breath hitched on a sob. “Thought you’d leave, not bother m-me.” Tears now rolled down my cheeks as I ground out the words between clenched teeth. “But you
didn’t, did you, Walter?
You
raped
me.” I spit in his face and he flinched, eyes still tightly shut.

“Wake up, you miserable liar!
”
I sobbed. His eyes opened then, stunned, confused. I felt not an ounce of sympathy for him. I watched my spittle dribble down his cheek, onto the pillow as he peered at me, dazed.

“You stole my life, Walter,” I snarled as the world around me turned red, then purple. “ By God, it was
my
life!
My body! Mine! You-stole-it!”
I trembled so violently that the bed, gripped in my hands, rattled noisily. Walter’s eyes white-rimmed with panic, but I was beyond caring. “What you did was
evil! Monstrous! And I hate you for it. Do you hear me? I hate you!”
I was on my feet in the next instant, fists raised in the air. I wanted to hit him so badly —

“
What are you doing
!”

I whirled at the shrill scream, arms still raised, tears streaming. I blinked at her, looming in the doorway, the jolt of her appearance stemming my sobs. Her face was pale as burnt-out ashes, eyes glassy and wild. I slowly lowered my arms, felt myself spinning, spinning downward, like a free-falling 747, knowing I was going to crash painfully.

“Muffin.” Her name wrested from my mouth on a thin wheeze of air.

She descended on me, claws and fangs bared. “What’re you
doing to
my daddy?” she wailed angrily,
protectively
. “What do you mean telling ‘im he’s
evil?”
She burst into tears. “That you hate ‘im? A-and him so
sick….”
She rushed to him then and gathered him into her arms, weeping. “S-he didn’t mean it, Daddy.” She shot me a scornful look. “She’s nuttier’n a fruitcake.”

Even in my own fury, I knew how it all looked to her.

Walter began to cry then, the bawling, little boy kind. I watched in horror as he clutched Muffin to him, moaning, “She told me I done terrible things, Muffin.” He cast me a desperate look. “What did I
do,
Sunny?” He swung his head from side to side, eyes pouring tears. “I didn’t mean it. I wouldn’t do nothing bad to you, S-Sunny!” He stretched out a trembling hand to me.

“Don’t, Daddy,” Muffin murmured, holding him closer, tears coursing down her wan cheeks.