Untouched (25 page)

Chapter Sixteen

The next week was problematic. Because the ax was closer to falling on their relationship, and Lark had only fallen more in love with Quinn.

Because she slept in his arms every night, ate breakfast with him every morning. She even watched TV on the couch with him, curled up against him, her head rested on his chest. And he held her hand when they walked places on the ranch.

He suddenly didn’t seem to care so much about keeping them a secret. But then, the boys had proved that they responded well to him. Despite a bit of grumbling, Quinn was a big hero to all of them. As was Sam.

Guys who were tough, worked hard and had money and success—and all without serving jail time. Well, without serving jail time recently.

Lark put her elbow on the table and took another bite of her dinner and listened to everyone talk. The staff and all the boys were sharing dinner tonight. Except Jill and Sam, who were eating in their cabin.

“Did I tell you guys about the time I got arrested for robbing a convenience store?” Quinn asked.

“You robbed a store?” This came from Mike.

“Yep. I grabbed the cash drawer while the cashier’s back was turned,” Quinn said. “Do you know why?”

“Why?” Jake asked.

“Because I was an asshole. I thought life owed me something, I don’t know what. So I was walking around with a chip on my shoulder just begging to be put in my place. And I did get put in my place. Jail. Which is a terrible thing, by the way, for those of you who haven’t been.”

“And how did you get here?” Jake asked, looking down at his plate. “I mean . . . I’m curious how you went from that to . . . you own all this and you were in the rodeo.”

“Hard work. And more than that, finding a goal that I was working toward. But this is the second part of my cautionary tale. I did a lot of stupid things when I was young, and some of you have done things just as stupid. Some of you haven’t yet, but you’re headed that way. I don’t ride in the rodeo anymore,” Quinn said. “I’m barred from it. Because I was accused of something. Something I didn’t do. But when you look into my past, I have legal evidence that says I’m the kind of guy who wouldn’t hesitate to break the law to benefit himself. The prejudice follows you. And it burns worse when it’s prejudice you’ve earned.”

Mike shrugged. “So, I’ve been arrested. You’re saying I’ll always have a harder time?”

“Maybe, but not as hard as if you keep being stupid. You have time to turn it around. But the choices you make now will affect you, I’m not going to lie about that. Also think hard about getting tattoos.”

“Too late for that too,” Mike said.

“Yeah, well, for me too.”

“But you look like you do okay,” Mike said, looking around.

“Yeah, I do okay.”

And with that, Lark was officially done for. As if she hadn’t been already. It hurt. To love him so much. Especially when she knew he loved himself so little.

Quinn didn’t think he meant a thing without the rodeo. He’d attached all of his value to it. And he had so much to give with just him. Without the fame, without the acclaim. But he didn’t see it. And she didn’t know how to make him.

Except by taking him as he was. Even with all the rough edges and the self-loathing and the plans for getting revenge on her family. And that was a lot to take. But wrapped up in all that somewhere was Quinn Parker. Her lover, the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

She felt like she was doing battle against the chains that were wrapped around his wrists. Manacles that held him back and kept him from moving forward.

“Eat up,” Quinn said. “Because you’re all on clean-up crew tonight.”

This was met with a slew of swearing and the show of several middle fingers. Quinn never got on them about that stuff, as long as they did what he and the other staffers asked. It was one thing she admired about him.

He didn’t ask for blind obedience or for them to be happy about doing the work, so long as they did it. He wasn’t trying to protect them from things they’d already seen. Wasn’t trying to smooth every rough edge. Quinn had his own rough edges, and she loved those too. They were part of what made him who he was.

When the table was cleared and the boys were in the kitchen with Kevin and Maggie, Quinn took her hand in his and pulled her in for a kiss.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all night,” he said.

“And I’ve been wanting you to do it,” she said.

“Want to take a walk with me?”

“Are you leading me down the garden path, sir?”

“Is that fancy talk for leading you into the woods so I can take your panties off?”

She laughed. “Yes.”

“Then hell yeah, I’m leading you down that garden path.”

“Lead faster.” He took her hand and they walked out of the mess hall and into the warm evening. Lark breathed in deeply, the sweet scent of pending summer filling her lungs. “Beautiful,” she said.

“Yeah. I’ll be kind of sad to leave it.”

“Then don’t,” she said.

He stopped walking and turned to face her. “I have to. When I get reinstated I’ll be traveling again, competing.”

“And if you don’t?”

“Not an option.”

“Why not?”

“Because I . . . It’s not what I want, Lark.”

“And in life you’re guaranteed to get everything you want?” she asked, reaching out and taking his other hand in hers. “Quinn, what if you never get back into the circuit?”

“I have to.”

“But what if you don’t?”

“I can’t even think about that.”

“Why?” she asked. “Would it be so bad? Does it matter so much?”

“It’s everything I am, Lark. Everything good that I am. I know how I am, and without a goal . . . without a goal and without people watching . . . what keeps me from becoming what I was? A drunk petty criminal with nothing to offer life.”

“You would never be that again. Did you listen to yourself talking to those boys?”

“Talk is easy,” he said, his voice rough.

“It’s not just talk though, Quinn, it’s your life. It’s what you’ve lived.”

“It doesn’t look like a lot to me.”

“Really? You’re a dumbass, do you know that?”

“Oh, really?” He leaned toward her. “Tell me about what a dumbass I am, little girl.”

She pulled him toward her, planting a kiss on his lips. “Don’t ‘little girl’ me. I might be younger than you, and I might be less experienced in . . . everything. But I’m a lot less screwed up than you are.”

“You think?”

“Yes. And you know what I see? I see a man who has a lot of money, a lot of appeal, and a lot to offer the world. But I also see a man who can’t make use of any of his resources to their fullest extent because he’s too busy licking his wounds.”

“Is that what you think? What do you know about any of it?”

“A lot, Quinn. I know a lot. I know what it’s like to lose people you love, and dammit, I even lost the memory of the father I loved. The way I knew him . . . none of it’s true. It hurts. It sucks.”

“At least they wanted you.”

“Yeah. I’m not going to say you don’t have a uniquely sucky situation, but that doesn’t mean you get to be all damaged for the rest of your life.”

He shrugged. “I’m over it.”

“Liar.” She caught herself poking her index finger into his chest, and she couldn’t be bothered to stop. “You are not over it. You’re controlled by it.”

He wrapped his hand around her arm and pulled her up against him. “Says the girl who showed up at my house for sex because she was pissed at her brothers.”

She looked up at him, his dark eyes glittering. “And because I wanted you.”

“Still, I’d be careful not to fall down off my high horse there, darlin’. You’re pretty controlled by the crap you’ve been through too.”

“I was,” she said. “But not so much now.”

He leaned in closer, his nose nearly touching hers. “Really?”

“I already told you, I used to be afraid of my shadow. Afraid to put a foot out of line.”

“And you think I’m afraid?”

She pulled out of his hold. “Yeah, I do.” She put her hands on his face. “I think you’re afraid that you aren’t good enough.”

“Baby, you really think I have an ego problem?”

“I do.”

He shook his head and pulled away. “And here I thought we were getting to know each other. I guess not.”

“Yeah, Quinn, I guess not. I thought we were sharing things with each other, but . . . we’re not really, are we?”

“Just in the biblical sense. But that’s all this was ever going to be.”

Pain stabbed her, sharp and hot. And it was stupid, because she knew, she had known, from the beginning that this wouldn’t be forever. But hearing Quinn say it stole her chance to live in denial about it.

She let out a heavy breath. “I’m tired. I’m going to go to bed.”

“Fine. I’m going to go make the rounds and make sure everything is set for the night.”

“Great.”

Lark headed back toward the house and climbed the stairs. It was funny how she hadn’t even thought of taking another bed, or going home. She was upset at Quinn, but she wasn’t going to play games.

She didn’t want to sleep without him, so she wouldn’t.

She turned the lights off, took her clothes off and got into bed naked, curled into a tight little ball facing away from the door.

She didn’t know how long she lay there alone, replaying the conversation with Quinn over and over and trying not to cry.

She heard the bedroom door open and Quinn’s heavy sigh, but she didn’t have the energy to say anything. She hardly had the energy to move. His clothes hit the floor with a muffled sound, and then he climbed into bed behind her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against his body.

And she let him. Feeling his heart beat heavy against her back, his hand warm on her stomach. Then he kissed her shoulder and whispered in her ear. “I’m sorry, baby.”

She nodded silently and put her hand over his. Then she finally drifted off to sleep.

***

“What the hell is he doing?”

Lark watched as Quinn mounted a horse in small chute that was just off of the ranch’s main arena. The boys were lined up outside the fence, their eyes glued to him.

“A demonstration,” Jill said, moving to stand by Lark.

“What kind of demonstration?”

“The kind that makes me glad my husband only assists bronc riders.”

“Oh.”

Sam released the door on the chute and the horse bolted out. And Lark’s heart climbed into her throat while she watched Quinn keeping time with the horse’s movements as it did its level best to throw him off and into the dirt.

But Quinn hardly looked rattled. He was one with the animal. He didn’t fight the movements; he embraced them. She’d never seen a man ride quite like that.

“He’s so good,” she said.

“He is,” Jill said. “And I wanted to say . . . I’m sorry about everything. About being at the ranch. I really didn’t know you were working for Quinn. I wasn’t trying to trick you any of the times we talked.”

“I know,” Lark said.

A bell rang and Quinn dismounted, then went after the horse, herding him back through to the chute.

“He made the ride,” Jill said, a smile on her face. “And you should also know that Quinn hasn’t always been my favorite guy in the world. I’ve spent a lot of time resenting him for having Sam on the road. And I was more than a little PO’d by our romantic getaway at Elk Haven being just another assignment from the boss.”

Sam looked back at Jill just then, and his smile could only be described as smitten.

“It seems to be working out though,” Lark said. “Better than it was?”

“Yes,” Jill said. “See? Things work out, even when you don’t think they will.”

Lark blew out a breath. “Well, I cling to that hope.”

“Trouble in paradise?”

“It’s hardly paradise. I’m not really sure exactly what it is we have going.”

“And you want more?” Jill asked.

“Yes.” Lark curled her hands around the fence, the cold metal stinging her skin. “But I don’t know if it’s possible.”

“You fell in love with him, didn’t you?”

Lark looked down. “I’m so predictable.”

“Yeah, well, if it helps, I fell in love with a bad-news cowboy too.” Jill put her hands on her hips and looked over at Sam. “And he’s caused me a lot of trouble. But he’s given me more joy than anything or anyone else in life, so it kind of evens out.”

“I don’t want to get my heart broken,” Lark said.

“Sam’s broken my heart a couple of times,” Jill said slowly, “and I think I’ve broken his too. When you love someone with everything, that’s the risk you take. Though a few heartbreaks could have been avoided if we’d just stopped being so wrapped up in ourselves and our own issues for about five minutes and looked at the other person.”

Lark followed Jill’s line of sight over to Sam, who was standing next to Jake and Quinn’s horse, letting the kid deal with getting the animal ready to be put back in his corral.

“I don’t think Quinn can,” Lark said. “He’s so hurt. And I don’t think he can see past any of that.”

“And here I just thought he was a jerk.”

“Ugh. No. I wish.” Lark took a deep breath. “He’s not a jerk. He tries to pretend he is. He’s like a dog licking his paw. Huddled in the corner, growling, and too stupid to let anyone come and put a bandage on him so he doesn’t get an infection that spreads to his brain and makes him act like a total asshole. Actually, it’s too late to stop the infection.”

Jill laughed. “Descriptive.”

“See, he’s not an asshole, it’s just—”

“The wounds.”

“Yeah.” Lark bit her lip and looked at the ground. “I was so mad at him when we first met. All I could think about were Cade’s injuries. And how he might have caused them. I missed how hurt Quinn was because he didn’t walk with a limp. But I see it now.”

“He hides it well. I’ve known him for years, and I just wrote him off.”

“That’s what everyone’s done. But in fairness, I think he was daring people to do it. I think he’s daring me to do it.”

“Are you going to let him win?”

“No. I’m not going to let him scare me off. I might scare him off though.”

Jill shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “Well, if he gets scared, then it’s his loss.”