Untraceable (18 page)

“What happened?” Heidi’s soft voice broke through the images Isaiah had fought hard to leave behind.

He wasn’t sure he could answer. He needed to dig them out again. Find the words. “I found her body.”

* * *

Heidi gasped, pressed her palms against her mouth.

Isaiah stood and left the tent before she could gather her thoughts. She was supposed to go out next and scrape the snow drifts away.

“Oh, Isaiah,” she whispered. And that poor girl. What could have happened to her? She couldn’t imagine how awful that must have been for her family, and for Isaiah to find her like that. And to have been part of a betrayal...

Memories of her own experience with Lon surfaced. He’d made her feel as if he cared about her, during one of the lowest times of her life, and assured her they were going somewhere in their relationship. Of course, she knew now she’d only been on the rebound from Isaiah. She hadn’t even kissed Isaiah yet, but there was just something so powerful between them that it far outweighed her relationship with Lon. But she’d tried to run from the pain. And then the day Isaiah had told her that Lon was married had nearly been the worst day of her life.

It didn’t help matters that the Warren siblings had learned the devastating news of their father’s infidelity in recent months. Heidi’s anger burned against Lon, as it had against her father, though it was through her father’s death that Cade had uncovered the news that he had cheated on their mother, and that they could have a half brother or half sister out there somewhere.

How could Heidi have been so stupid? Why couldn’t someone have told her before she’d gotten involved?

Still, Lon wasn’t from Mountain Cove and didn’t live there. He’d been camping at his cabin on an island along the channel, and she’d met him when he’d aided the SAR team on an island rescue.

She could hear Isaiah scraping the snow off outside, and the tent shuddered, pulling her thoughts back.

To find out he’d been part of a similar betrayal—no wonder he kept that to himself. No wonder he didn’t feel he could ever share that with Heidi. Still, he’d pulled away long before Lon had stepped into her life so there had to be more.

He unzipped the flap and stepped in, bringing the cold and snow in along with his drawn features. Isaiah didn’t even look up at her, just went to his place on the sleeping bag. And said nothing.

“I need to know the rest, if you don’t mind.”

“What do you think happened? I was devastated, of course. I loved her.” He pressed his hand over his eyes.

An ice ax dug into Heidi’s heart.

“But she’d hurt me, by stringing me along. I’d been an idiot. So I went to her to tell her we were over. I was afraid for her life, too. I learned she had doubts about her engagement because her fiancé was a violent man. I didn’t want him to hurt her because of me. And in the end, that’s exactly what happened. But did they arrest him? No. I was the one who became a person of interest. Almost a suspect then.”

“And now?”
Oh, Lord, please don’t let it be that he is in hiding. That he ran away.
She couldn’t bear to hear that.

She studied him. He wasn’t a murderer. No. Never. She wouldn’t believe that.

“The police were never able to find enough evidence to pin things on me or her fiancé, though I know he must have murdered her.” Finally he looked at her. “But you see, it doesn’t matter that I’m innocent. I live in the shadow of those events. I feel like I helped her betray her future husband, and because of that, she’s dead. Because of me. I didn’t pull the trigger on the gun, but what’s the difference? I played a part in her death. Maybe I could have prevented it. Could have been there when he shot and killed her. Taken the bullet for her instead.”

“You don’t mean that, Isaiah.” As horrified as Heidi felt from hearing that story, her heart went out to him.

“Yes...” He nodded. Searched her eyes. “Yes, I do. And even though I didn’t kill her, as far as the town was concerned, I might as well have. They were suspicious of me. The gossips couldn’t just drop the story. The newspapers and media wouldn’t leave me alone. I had to change my name and start over. I thought that I could leave it all behind and make a new life.”

Heidi hated the tears brimming in her eyes. But she wouldn’t swipe them away. She wouldn’t look away from Isaiah. But she said nothing. There were no words to comfort him. There were no words to express the battle that raged in her soul.

“Now you see why I never told you. I thought I had to keep it all hidden away to move on. Then as we got closer, I knew that I couldn’t keep that from you. After what I’d been through I didn’t want to make another mistake when it came to love. I wanted everything to be out in the open. But how could I tell you? I knew you would be hurt. And you deserve much better than me. I had to pull away from you to...”

“To protect me.” Because he cared. He’d even said the word
love.
Had Isaiah loved her? Did he still, even now?

“And then you were so devastated when you learned about your father’s infidelity, and after what happened between you and Lon, well, that only confirmed to me that I had done the right thing. After hearing all that, what do you think about us now?” Isaiah huffed, clearly disillusioned.

As she was. “I think it’s my turn to dig.”

Without looking at Isaiah, Heidi pulled on her gloves, hat, coat and boots and crawled from the tent. The hurt she’d inflicted on Isaiah by giving him such a lame response backfired and zinged through her. She was more than heartbroken over his story. She was hurt for him. Hurt for herself.

She’d held on to the slightest hope that he could make her believe in everlasting love again. But no. He’d only confirmed that love would eventually fail her, if she ever chose to risk her heart again.

“Why, God?” she shouted into the storm. She’d wanted an answer from Isaiah, but she hadn’t in her wildest dreams been prepared for this.

As if leaving Cade to survive on his own in this storm wasn’t enough. Watching Zach leave his girlfriend behind wasn’t enough. As if being abducted like this wasn’t enough.

Emotionally obliterated, Heidi wanted to lie down and let the snow bury her. It would only take a few minutes, tops.

Despite the frigid temperatures, she worked up a sweat beneath her thermal coat while digging the snow away with the pack shovel. Of course, she’d forgotten to switch coats with Isaiah, but she could care less about Zach seeing her anymore.

Her muscles burned. Lungs screamed. How had she even for one second allowed herself to think that Isaiah could be the man to pull her out of the abyss, to help her trust in love again? He was the absolute last person she should ever care about. He’d participated in the very thing she loathed, been party to cheating on a loved one. Sure, the woman had only been engaged, but it had all been a lie. Heidi couldn’t begin to imagine the pain her fiancé had felt.

Had that driven the man to kill his intended?

She thought about her own father cheating on her mother. And she could have another sibling out there somewhere. The tears were freezing on her cheeks. Heidi had to stop freaking out.

She threw her arms up and looked into the raging storm. “Why, God?” she cried again.

Once she scraped snow from the other side of the tent, she would be done, at least for a few more minutes. But she wasn’t sure what purpose that would serve. The cold reality of their situation churned inside her once again, and this time, she couldn’t shake it off. They were going to die. She could feel it in her bones. If not by Zach’s hand, then because of this storm.

They’d come this far, yes, but Heidi’s strength had drained away to almost nothing, then Isaiah’s story had taken the rest. She was broken and freezing. Her limbs grew numb with cold. She could barely dig anymore, her efforts having no effect. Growing more sluggish by the second, she fought hard to care.

She was frozen with pain and could not bring herself to cry out for help, or even pray anymore. Yes, she knew God had been there with them, leading them, guiding them. But how much more could she take? It was one thing to battle the elements and Zach, but it was quite another to also fight the emotional and spiritual onslaught that threatened to topple her.

Heidi tumbled into the deep white stuff.

For a moment, she sat there, letting the driving snow pelt her, pile on top of her.

Bury her.

“God, I can’t do this. I can’t deal with this anymore. What do you want from me?”

Suddenly, a sense of calm came quietly into her spirit, even as the storm raged around her.

That was just like Him, she knew.

Eyes closed, lashes sticking to her moist but soon-to-be frozen cheeks, she nodded. “Okay, Jesus, I’m all Yours. I can’t do this alone.”

She couldn’t lie to herself again, either. Despite her best efforts to protect her heart, she loved Isaiah. Even after everything he’d told her and knowing he wasn’t the right man for her. She couldn’t count on someone like him for a love that would last forever, but still, she loved him.

Isn’t that kind of like You, God? You love us even though we fail You time and again. I want to love like that, God, You hear me? I don’t want to care about Isaiah’s past.

But she did. God help her, she did care that he’d been involved in a betrayal with someone. That the police thought he might have murdered her. And she wouldn’t let herself love him. But none of that mattered as Heidi grew sleepy and the snow blanketed her. Somewhere inside her tormented psyche, she knew she had to get up or she would die.

But she couldn’t move.

EIGHTEEN

H
e hadn’t wanted to let her dig. Too many dangers out there. But he couldn’t stop her, either. Truth was he’d fall over with exhaustion if he didn’t have some help. But this hadn’t been the way he’d wanted it.

He felt the furrow between his brows all the way to his toes and back up to his heart.

These past three, nearly four, years that he’d lived in Mountain Cove, he’d never looked back to his hometown in Montana. Well, except to phone his folks once in a while. Fortunately, his parents had bought a ranch and retired on the other side of the state before any of the “happenings,” as they referred to it. Though they’d never made him feel unwelcome, he couldn’t let go of the fact that he’d brought shame to them. All the more reason to change his name. But he was their only child and having him take another name had to hurt, as well.

He hadn’t been back to see them until this past Christmas. Being with his family, and away from Heidi and hers, had given him some perspective. Time to come to grips with the fact that she deserved better than a guy who’d made the ugly mistake he’d made. A mistake that had cost a life. Ultimately, the police hadn’t blamed him, but he blamed himself. If he’d never met her, never become involved with her, she’d still be alive.

And then Isaiah had to go through the pain of closing himself off emotionally from Heidi—he’d never known that kind of pain, watching her hurt, and being the cause of it. She never said much, but he’d seen the torment pouring from her eyes as hard as the driven snow. But it was for the best. For her, he’d kept telling himself. The knife only twisted deeper when she took up with a new guy. The entire Warren family was wary of the relationship, but Heidi had already been through so much that no one dared to say anything. That is, until Isaiah overheard the man on his cell phone talking to his wife one day. Isaiah had been the one to tell Heidi.

Nothing could ever be worse than finding the body of someone you cared about. Nothing. But hurting Heidi had come close. Watching her go through it all had only confirmed to him that he should keep his distance, and he should keep his secrets.

He glanced at his watch. She was due back about now, and he needed to be prepared for whatever she would dish out.

Raking his hands through the hair at his temple, he squeezed, pressing in hard. He wasn’t sure how things had come full circle, and he’d somehow been persuaded to tell her everything.

But he did know that her reaction hadn’t been a surprise. He’d deluded himself into allowing an ounce of hope that maybe things could work between them. Maybe this fierce love that burned inside wasn’t for nothing. People lied to themselves and would use any excuse to justify something they really wanted. Isaiah was no different.

He sat up. Heidi was taking much too long.

Zach...

She’d forgotten to switch into Isaiah’s coat.

He donned his gloves and coat again and scrambled from the tent. Wearing his night vision goggles, he stomped around outside, panic engulfing him. Where was she? It had been much too long. Snow was already packing up high around the tent. A glance over at the other one told him someone had continued to dig the snow away.

“Heidi, where are you?” he called.

Oh, Lord, please help me find her!

He started toward the far side of the shelter and stumbled over something.

Oh, no...

Isaiah dropped to his knees. “Heidi!”

God in heaven, please don’t let her die.

Isaiah scraped snow from her, his pulse slamming his temples. He lifted her seemingly lifeless frozen form into his arms and carried her back into the tent. He’d waited too long to check on her. What an idiot he’d been. He shouldn’t have let her outside to dig, but after what he’d told her, she needed time alone to process the news, and he’d let her have her way.

He checked her pulse. Still alive. He laid her on the sleeping bag, her blue lips terrifying him. “Heidi, wake up!”

He wasn’t exactly sure what had happened. She was dressed well enough, but hypothermia could still be a risk in this weather. Maybe she had simply succumbed to exhaustion. He checked her vitals again, and searched for any obvious injury. No bump on the head. Her pulse was good and steady. Her skin didn’t feel cold and more color returned to her lips.
Come on, come on, come on, Heidi. Wake up.
Other than keeping her warm there wasn’t anything else he could do, except pray, and he’d never stopped doing that.

Isaiah knew he needed to dig some more, keep them from being buried alive, but he didn’t want to leave Heidi. He zipped her into the sleeping bag, warm and snug. There was nothing more he could do for her.