Untraceable (2 page)

“
How many people, Micah?
How many since we were apart?”

“
You don’t want to
know.”

“
This confession is going
to have to be between us, baby, because I don’t think it’s a good
idea to tell—”

“
Twenty,” he said and fell
silent.

I swallowed, hard. I
wasn’t prepared for the number. Eight months of separation and he
had taken the lives of twenty people. I could envision Pastor
Anderson’s face as Micah sits with him in the quiet church office
and confesses to twenty murders
since
salvation. I was pretty
certain law enforcement would be called.

But my husband needed a release from
the pain he was experiencing. His former empty, sleeping conscience
was now vividly waking to the fact that his whole life had been
wrong and wicked, whereas before he simply saw it as his job.
Remorse was a new concept for him, and I could only pray that I
could help him deal with what he was going through.

“
I’m going to become your
confessional.”

“
But I don’t want you to
know what I’ve done—it was hard enough just to tell you how many.”
He was becoming more emotional by the minute, “You look at me
differently from anyone who really knows me. You know me—and you
love me anyway—that is just so unbelievable. Leese, I’m afraid if
you get any closer to the real me, you’re going to want to run
away—and you won’t need the kind of reasons D’Angelo gave
you.”

“
No, Micah, no. It
wouldn’t have mattered to me if he had shown me a file on every
single person you’ve killed since the first one. He could
have
never
torn
me away from you with that knowledge. I love you, and that isn’t
going to change. Please, baby, let me be the person you lean on. I
want to be the one to help you, but avoiding church isn’t the
solution.”

“
I just feel like I’m
drowning—literally drowning, like I can’t take a breath. It started
the minute you told me you forgave me for what I’d done to you, and
it hasn’t let up. My only lapse was when I killed D’Angelo, and I
honesty still don’t feel any remorse over ending his miserable
life.” Micah gave a bitter laugh and turned away from me, “You want
to know what the hell of it is?” Now I know I
should
feel remorse over even a
bastard like him. It’s starting to drive me a little
crazy.”

“
We’re going to talk with
Pastor Anderson tomorrow, but we’re going to be very careful with
what we tell him.”

“
Leese, I can’t lie to
him. That would be just as bad as—”

“
No, I didn’t say lie.”
Whether Micah realized it or not, he had just taken a huge step. I
knew Micah could lie more smoothly than most people can tell the
truth. “We just need to explain that you’re dealing with sin issues
and ask what he thinks we should do to get you through this.” I
went up on my tip-toes to be equal in height with him and kissed
him very gently. “I’d like to go back to bed for a little while,
but I need you. This baby is doing somersaults and I’m starting to
get a little nauseous.”

A smile finally broke across his face
as he reapplied his hands to my stomach. The immediate warmth to my
skin seemed to slow the baby’s actions. “You have no idea how much
I love you, Annalisa. And I don’t mean it just because of this
baby, but he has got to be the second most incredible thing in my
life, next to you.”

“
Well, let’s get little
Mister Incredible back to bed and hopefully he’ll be a good boy and
settle down.”

Micah scooped me up in his arms and
started inside.

“
Baby, it’s a long way
from the pool to our room. I can walk, you know. That pulled muscle
makes me a little slow, but—”

He ended my speech with a long kiss,
“I like carrying you.”

“
But I’ve got to be heavy
when you go up the stairs, Micah.”

“
I’ve carried body armor
and weapons that weighed more than you up the side of a mountain,
but that’s a confession for another time,” he said, nuzzling into
my neck and continuing the walk.

It was time for me to shut up, wrap my
arms around his beautiful neck, and simply enjoy the
moment.

He placed me in our comfortable bed,
but instead of allowing me to roll away from him, he had me roll
toward him as he slid down and placed his cheek against my belly
button. He began to hum a very deep base version of ‘Hush Little
Baby.’ My little bundle became very still, and I could feel the
vibrations on my skin as he literally hummed our son to sleep. I
almost dozed off myself when I felt the tender kiss against my
stomach and he quietly returned to face level. He kissed the tip of
my nose, wrapped his arm over my shoulder, and told me
goodnight.

When the sunlight came through the
windows to shout its morning wakeup call, I was snuggled deep into
his arms. I tucked my head down into the V created by him having
one arm under me and one arm over me. It was almost dark enough to
drift back to unconsciousness, but he inhaled and began to move. It
didn’t matter anyway; I had to get up and go to the bathroom. I
rolled to my side and slowly rose upright.

“
Potty run?” Micah
teased.

“
You know it,” I laughed,
but then I became serious, “Are you going to be okay today? I mean
about talking with Pastor Anderson?”

I glanced over at him. He was lying on
his back with one arm tucked behind his head and the other resting
midway across is bare upper body. His face was serene, but
thoughtful. His eyes closed slowly as if he was falling back to
sleep. “You know it’s a terrible thing,” he began, “to want so
badly to get something off your chest, but at the same time not to
let a soul on earth know what you’re going through.”

“
Always,” I began as I
leaned over and placed a light kiss on his chest, “know I am the
soul who has to know what you’re going through. We are one person,
so don’t keep me in the—”

His eyes flew open, “Ah,
crap!”

That wasn’t the response I expected,
“What?”

“
Leese, you’re pregnant
and I annulled the marriage in the end of August. We haven’t
remarried and he’s gonna know we’ve been sleeping
together.”

“
I still consider myself
as married to you. Other than the pain those papers caused me, I
pretty much dismissed their validity to—”

“
But they were
valid.”

“
So remarry me. I’ve
thought of myself as a Gavarreen this whole time, but I do want to
be sure our son has your last name and not—not
Robert’s.”

“
You’re going to walk the
aisle pregnant?” his eyes were huge as his eyebrows rose
high.

“
No,” I scoffed, “we don’t
need another ceremony. We’ll just re-apply for the marriage license
and restate our vows at the courthouse.”

“
We’ll re-apply tomorrow
morning, but I want Pastor Anderson to renew our vows. And besides,
I know if we did them at the courthouse a reporter would somehow
end up in the mix.”

“
I can’t believe it’s
taken you this long to realize this,” I giggled.

“
You mean you’ve been
waiting for me to—”

“
I’ve been waiting since
the morning I woke up in your arms in California. I was starting to
get a little worried you weren’t going to get around to this, and I
was hoping I wouldn’t have to remind you just before the delivery
room.”

“
Why didn’t you say
anything?”

“
Hey, you’re the one with
the photographic memory. I just couldn’t believe
that
detail slipped your
mind.”

Micah frowned.

That was when I understood just how
troubled his conscience was over his former job.

Church ended up being a big surprise
for me. I hadn’t been back to my home church since D’Angelo sent me
running. Everything about my life that the tabloids published had
been lies, but apparently a lot of people read those things and put
at least some stock in the stories. Our reception was strained and
somewhat chilly as church members gave us some odd looks. Whispers
were being shared all over the auditorium.

I seemed to be receiving the coldest
shoulders, where as Micah was given more looks of sympathy than
anything else. As I reviewed everything in my mind, I figured out
it was because, from the tabloid’s point of view, everything was my
fault. They said I ran away with another man days after my
marriage, and that I’d had at least two lovers since I’d left Micah
(which they said I bounced between trying to make up my mind). My
pregnancy took the front page with three possible fathers, and now
I was back here with the poor soul I ran away from in the first
place. My reputation I once cared so very much about had been
absolutely trashed so the tabloids could sell more
magazines.

Mom, I could tell, was getting
extremely annoyed over what should have been a homecoming of sorts,
but was now more like gossip central. Micah held it together, but I
could almost see the steam rising from him as he too considered I
had been cast in a worse role than the proverbial Biblical
prostitutes.

Pastor Anderson even looked a little
confused, but happy nevertheless, to see us. As soon as he came to
shake our hands, I had to ask him if he would have some time to
speak with us privately.

“
Yes, of course. I usually
go out for lunch right after the service, but I can wait for lunch
if this is important.”

“
Yes, it is,” I said,
sounding a little more desperate than I expected.

As soon as the services ended, we went
into his office to wait for him to finish shaking hands and saying
goodbye to other church members. Micah was about to come unglued by
the time we entered the solitude of his office.

“
Leese, I can’t stand the
way they look at you! I wanted so badly to stand up in the middle
of the service and set them all straight. You don’t deserve this
kind of treatment,” he snapped as he paced the floor.

“
Micah, the truth always
seems to find a way to come out at some point. It’s just that right
now I happen to look like the bad guy. But, it’s okay.”

“
No, it’s not! You are the
most sacrificial, unselfish, caring person, and you should be
recognized for that instead of shunned and shamed like you’re some
hooker off the street.”

I gave an unintentional laugh, “I’m
afraid a hooker off the street might get a better
reception.”

The door opened and Pastor Anderson
entered the room. I couldn’t help but notice he seemed very
uncomfortable.

“
You’ve got to let
everyone know it’s nothing but lies that have been spread about
Leese,” Micah blurted to the Pastor as he turned to face
us.

“
Micah! That’s not what we
came here to discuss.”

“
Well, I’m not going to
discuss anything else until this is settled. Pastor Anderson, Leese
has been faithful to me. She only left me because someone from the
mob threatened my family and—”

“
Micah, stop it!” He was
ready to spill everything without giving much thought to whether it
was safe to say or not. “
Please
,” I emphasized.

“
Micah,” Pastor Anderson
spoke up, trying to calm the situation, “please have a seat. Take a
couple breaths and let Leese decide if she wants to tackle the same
subject you do.”

I was surprised that Micah actually
obeyed without resistance, but I could still see it in his eyes; he
wasn’t going to calm completely until my reputation had been
reestablished, at least with the pastor.

I reached over and gently gripped
Micah’s hand, “Although this isn’t what we originally wanted to see
you about, I admit I was shocked by the way people treated me
today. So, if you don’t mind this being longer than planned, can I
catch you up on what happened between the two of us?”

Now the delicate part began. Pastor
Anderson knew it was rumored that Micah was a mafia member before
we married, but we’d never came right out and confirmed it. He also
had no idea what role Micah would have played in the mafia if the
rumor were true. I couldn’t lie—I was so afraid if I even bent the
truth, Micah might unravel, but a version, softened as much as
possible, was ready to unfold.

I confirmed what Micah already
blurted; someone from the mob didn’t approve of our marriage and
threatened Micah’s family if I didn’t leave him (I just left out
the fact why he wanted Micah back so badly). I explained that Ryan
was my best friend and what looked bad at the time was simply him
helping me escape. I explained there was never any truth to the
rumor about having a relationship with Sadarius. But, it was the
ending I was having the most trouble tying up.

“
Micah thought I left him
for someone else, and I thought Micah hated me for leaving. We
finally got together in California and—and reconciled. He learned
the truth and so did I—we still loved each other.”

“
And you are expecting and
Micah is the father, and the only man you’ve had this kind of
relationship with, correct?”