Up All Night (19 page)

“And that’s my job.” She smiled
wickedly, licking her lips as she wrapped her hand around his length.

“You do it so well.” When her hold
slackened as she glanced beyond the tub to the floor, Marco dug his fingers
into her hips. “Hey.”

Her gaze came back to his. “Sorry. I
was just looking for that tie.” Another wicked grin. “I thought I might use it
on you.”

“Not right now.”

“So it’s okay for me to be
defenseless, but not you?”

Shit. Didn’t she know he didn’t need
a tie around him to feel defenseless? Didn’t she know he’d been sick at the
thought that their month was rapidly coming to an end? Didn’t she know the guys
had ragged him and Ethan about being pussy-whipped, especially when after
Friday night at a strip club some of the group had found themselves a woman to
end the evening, while he and Ethan had hotfooted back to the hotel to call
their women?

Defenseless? He was a fucking mess.

The feel of Beth’s hands landing on
his shoulders interrupted his painful musing. She touched her lips briefly to
his. “You drifted away.”

“Gathering my strength,” he
improvised. “You’ve worn me out.”

She touched her fingers to the
silver loop in his ear and sighed. “I can’t believe all the things we do.”

Since her hair was wet now, he drew
it back from her shoulders. “Too much for you?”

“No. What I mean is I can’t imagine
ever feeling safe enough with any other man to do the things we do together.”

Maybe she had used that tie after
all, and had slipped it around his neck. He could swear he felt the noose
tighten.

She tilted her head, considering
him. “You’re very sweet the way you take care of me.”

Sweet
? He’d
never been accused of being sweet before, at least not by the women he’d dated.
Heartless
.
Fickle
.
Pushy
. Plus a few
other choice accusations came to mind. But never sweet.

Now he felt weirdly embarrassed.
“You’re biased. Good sex does that for a woman.”

She laughed. “I always thought I
could take it or leave it. Sex, I mean.”

“And now?”

“Now I seem to want it all the
time.”

“Praise be.”

She laughed again, a light tinkle of
sound that once more nudged at the corners of his heart. “I probably shouldn’t
be boosting your ego anymore than necessary, but I have to admit that James never
did half the things to me you do, and even if he had, he wouldn’t have had your
expertise.”

Ridiculous, but his chest actually
puffed out. “Too late. My ego is well and truly boosted.”

“You deserve it.” Her finger
continued to slide along his lower lip, her breasts bobbing lightly in and out
of the water giving him flashes of her darkened nipples. His cock responded
with a painful jerk.

Hell. He’d never enjoyed sex as much
either. And that was some admission.

“Amber came by yesterday.”

He tried to ignore the tension that
moved into his spine. “That so?”

“We had coffee. She brought blankets
and stuff for the Center.”

Marco only nodded, unsure where this
was going or what she anticipated his response would be.

“We talked about a whole lot of
things, including my paranoia about you and her.” She paused, eyed him in a way
that alerted him to the fact he was about to get lambasted again. “You didn’t
tell me about her suggestion.”

What the hell? Amber had actually
told Beth about the foursome? He’d been expecting another grilling about his
relationship with Amber, but had never anticipated Amber would voice her insane
proposal to Beth.

Not that Beth seemed particularly
fazed by it. In fact, she was actually smiling at him. “Why didn’t you tell
me?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t see the
point, seeing as no way in hell was I agreeing to it.”

“Oh really?” Her eyebrows rose and
she leaned back. “No way in hell? What if I’d really wanted it?”

“There’s no fucking way any other
man’s getting his hands on you. Certainly not Ethan. And I would have thought
you’d have vetoed the idea of me and Amber.”

He trailed off as Beth’s face paled
and her eyes went wide. “What have Ethan and Amber got to do with it?”

Fuck. Shit. Damn.

“Are you saying Amber suggested that
Ethan…” She scraped her hands through hair. “The four of us? Hell, how could I
be so stupid?”

Marco couldn’t think of a thing to
say that wouldn’t inflame the situation, so he just tightened his hold on
Beth’s hips and held her stony gaze.

“And you didn’t think to tell me about
this yourself?”

Marco already knew he was in deep
shit, but damned if he was going to be made the bad guy here. “Like I said, it
wasn’t going to happen. It was a damn fool proposition. Ethan didn’t want it
any more than I did.”

“Oh, and you and Ethan have the
final say in all this, do you?”

The shit piled so deep, he feared
he’d need a shovel. “That’s not what I meant.”

“What you meant was you’re making
the decisions for me. Didn’t you think I’d want to know about it? Or didn’t you
want to have to choose between your former and current lover in the sack. Bit
of a dilemma for you? Which one of us to fuck first.”

He dug his fingers into her flesh.
“For God’s sake, Beth…”

She stood so fast, water whooshed
over the sides of the tub. “Go screw yourself, Marco.”

Watching her grab up her clothes and
storm from the bathroom, Marco knew he was already screwed. And hell, he didn’t
deserve it. How couldn’t she know he’d already made his damn choice? That
memories of being with Amber had paled at the first taste of Beth’s lips on
his. At the first flash of those blue eyes as she’d stared out at him from a
wash of red paint.

No. He didn’t deserve her wrath, not
in that respect. But maybe he had been remiss in keeping Amber’s fool idea from
her. He got out of the tub, pulled two towels from the rack and snatched up his
jeans.

Looked like he had some explaining
to do. Fuck. Where was a damn shovel when you needed one?

Surprised the bedroom door was still
on its hinges after she’d slammed it so hard, Marco opened it and saw Beth with
her back to him trying to zip up her dress. “Beth—”

“If you’d wanted to exclude me any
more, you couldn’t have done a better job. You knew how I felt. Knew that I
felt on the periphery of what you shared with Amber. Yet you had no compunction
in sharing something else with her that excluded me.”

“That wasn’t my intention. There’s
no reason for you to feel that way.” He handed her a towel, which she
immediately tossed on the floor.

“I’d thought discovering James had
an affair with my sister was the worst sort of betrayal, that nothing could
ever come close.” She turned and he almost winced at the desolate look in her
eyes. “You know what? This is close. For some damn reason this is close.”

“I didn’t want to upset you.”

“You lied to me by omission. How am
I supposed to trust you wouldn’t do it again given the opportunity?”

Something snapped in him. “I’ve
tried every damn thing to make you feel okay about what happened between me and
Amber, but you can’t—won’t—let it go.” He yanked on his jeans. “I’m sorry about
what happened to you, that you married a bastard who couldn’t keep his dick in
his pants. Even sorrier for what your sister did. It sucks. The biggest. But if
your insecurities are going to keep getting in the way of what we have, if
you’re going to watch for conspiracies and betrayal around every corner, then I
don’t know what else to do.”

“Neither do I.”

“Make a choice, Beth. You either
trust me or you don’t.” His voice was dead calm, defying the turmoil beating
inside him. Her admission that she didn’t trust him had sliced him in two, but
every ounce of strength he possessed stopped him reaching for her. “It’s that
simple. Decide.”

When she didn’t answer, but drew in
a breath and closed her eyes, the reality of it squeezed painfully around his
heart. “It’s okay,
bella
. Your
answer’s loud and clear.”

Chapter Fifteen

Pulling extra shifts at the Center
didn’t do much to help drag Beth out of the doldrums, nor did accepting
invitations to join her co-workers for post-work drinks.

Nothing seemed to push Marco
completely from her mind. He was always there. When he wasn’t filling her head,
he was on the fringe of her thoughts or in the miniscule spaces between them.

Two week’s ago she’d walked out of
that hotel room. Since then he hadn’t called, hadn’t emailed. Which was for the
best. Except she couldn’t shake this awful sense of loss.

Philip, the Center’s animal
behavioral therapist, walked past as Beth was completing the volunteer
dog-walking roster in the main office. He came over and sat on the edge of her
desk, as if settling in for a companionable chat. “Now what put that frown on
such a gorgeous face?”

Beth smiled but she knew it didn’t
reach her eyes. Philip had joined the staff one week after Beth, and they had
struck up an immediate friendship. He was married—happily—with two grown
children both at university. “Just thinking.”

Philip smiled back. “How’s Roscoe
doing?”

At the thought of the huge mastiff
who now shared her home, Beth enjoyed a little lift in her heart. “Really well.
He’s a big softie at heart. He sleeps through the night now and slobbers all
over me when I come down in the morning.”

Philip chuckled. “Better stop him
doing that or your boyfriend will get jealous.”

Since most of the staff knew of her
relationship with Marco, Beth didn’t question Philip’s assumption they were
still together. She’d kept it quiet, not yet ready to deal with the anticipated
commiserations and pitying looks.

“I’ve tried stopping him, but he
doesn’t seem to get the message. Not that I’m overly worried right now, not
after what he’s likely been through.” She thought of the marks of neglect
they’d found on Roscoe, the sores around his neck where he’d likely been
chained up for hours at a time. “I’m happy to give him his way for a while, let
him learn he can trust me.”

To be honest, right now Beth was
grateful for the affection. It felt like a huge hole had been blown in her
heart that no amount of canine adoration would fill, but it helped. A little.

“He already knows he can trust you,
so just keep at it. Dogs live in the moment, remember? They don’t give a fly
about what happened months ago, just what’s happening in the now.”

Well it was a damn pity humans
didn’t follow suit, Beth thought. If they did, if
she
did, she’d likely be looking forward to a night snuggling up to
Marco. “Do you really think that’s true? That they don’t remember?”

“Not saying they don’t remember.
Just that they don’t give it much thought. The present is too interesting,
exciting. I guess they focus on all the fun they’re having now, which sort of
obliterates what went before. Anyway, better get going. Got to take a look at
the
Akita
cross
that’s just come in.”

As he reached the door, Philip
paused and turned back to her. “Are you okay?”

Beth lifted her chin and offered him
a smile. “I’m fine.”

He kept his gaze steady on hers for
a long moment before nodding.

He left, but his words echoed in
Beth’s head. If she applied canine philosophy to humans, maybe she’d gotten it
all wrong with Marco. She’d let the past obliterate all the fun she’d been
having with him. Allowed old memories of betrayal, of hurt ruin the present
moment. Lived in fear of letting anyone close enough to hurt her so desperately
again.

Thoughtful, Beth tapped her pen on
the desk. What if she took a leaf out of the dogs’ philosophy manual and let
all that had gone before fade into insignificance? What if she simply stepped
into the
now
?
 
What if she focused on all the good stuff she
shared with Marco and finally put the past in its proper place?

Since she and Marco had parted, she
had questioned herself. Over and over. She couldn’t blame him for accusing her
of not trusting him. She’d used every opportunity to fling Amber in his face,
to challenge what she’d considered his failure to include her, to be honest with
her.

In fact, he’d taken every
opportunity to include her. He
had
been honest with her. Whenever she’d confronted him, he’d been up front.

She’d thrown away what they’d had
because she’d been too shortsighted to see she’d used Marco’s relationship with
Amber as a shield. She’d been unwilling to step out of the past and too scared
to step into the future.

Was it too late? Could she make
things right?