Uprising (27 page)

“A man with black hair and a scar on his lip.” She traced her finger from the corner of her mouth to her chin, but I didn’t recognize the description.

“How long ago?”

“Two days.”

“We need to go,” I said to William like he was himself. He didn’t look at me the same way, but he nodded. I watched the girl as she stared at William’s bloody shirt. I could see questions swimming behind her eyes. “They’ll be back for you soon. If you come with us, we can keep you safe, but I need you to give him back his memories before we leave.”

Suddenly she was afraid again.

My throat pinched with worry. “You can do that can’t you?”

“My brother,” she said, her voice staggering. “Or my father . . . only their blood can give the memories back.”

“He has them both?” I asked, my stomach tightening. She nodded. “Yes.”

I was sick. I couldn’t stand anymore. I headed for the couch and my knees buckled just in time for me to collapse on the deflated cushions.

“I’m sorry,” she said, stepping toward me. “I thought you were with them. I thought you . . . I didn’t know.”

“It’s all right,” William told her. He didn’t know any better. It wasn’t all right.

He sat next to me and put his hand on my shoulder, but his touch was unnatural, forced. The familiar warmth didn’t comfort me. It made me cry.

Kara stepped through the door. “Let’s go home, Elyse.” There was no home. Not anymore. William was my home, and he was gone.

Alex took us back in an instant, but being back in the caves didn’t make me feel any better. I was too numb to cry, to be angry, to care. My brain simply decided to shut off my emotions. It’s own survival technique. Thankfully the camp was asleep when we returned.

“She can sleep in my tent,” Kara said when we arrived, and as the two of them turned to leave, Alex was already gone.

“We normally sleep in the same tent,” I said quietly to

William. “Is that okay?”

“Sure,” he answered, looking around.

Inside the small space I rearranged the bedding, moving his sleeping bag to the opposite side.

“How did we know each other?” William asked as he watched me tear apart our bed.

“I’m your wife,” I answered trying not to let my emotions back in.

“My
wife
,” he said, staring down at his wedding ring. “Okay.” He cleared his throat. “Well, it’s . . . nice to meet you.”

I stared at the back of his head as he slept, unable to find comfort with my eyes closed. It was a restless night, the kind that had me gasping with fear as I woke from my dreams, only to find the nightmare was real. Tears came at their own will, whether I was asleep or awake. I put my hands on my belly for comfort. She was my secret again. Why didn’t she show me this? I tried to believe there was a reason, and my mind ran until sleep found me again.

In the morning, I watched from a distance as William’s mother and sister were confronted with the news. Sofia’s face tightened with concern as she saw the same unfamiliar look he had with me. I sat in a corner alone, picking at my breakfast, too ashamed to address them. I was no leader.

“How are you?” Kara asked, though she already knew the answer. She sat down next to me, but my eyes stayed on William. “You look like hell.”

“Thanks,” I said, faking a smile. “That really helps.”

She laughed. “I’m sorry.” She brushed her black curls behind her ears, and we sat in silence for a moment. “You think it’s your fault, but it’s not,” she finally said. “It’s mine. I didn’t hear her.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“I think because she took away my memory of her. It’s like my ability doesn’t recognize she exists.”

“Why do
you
get to remember everything else?”

“Usually she doesn’t take away every memory. She just uses a drop to erase the last day or so,” Kara answered. “That knife just had too much of her blood on it. She feels really horrible. She was just so angry about her family. She assumed we were there to take her, too.”

I nodded. What was there to say really? “It’ll be fine, you know,” Kara said.

“Yeah,” I answered. It felt wrong to say I didn’t believe her. My issues with William paled in comparison with what had happened to her family.

I could tell she’d heard my thoughts by the way she looked at me, but she didn’t say anything about it. “Once Dr. Nickel is back, he’ll mimic that ability and make him remember,” she said instead.

I picked at the skin around my thumbs leaving my food untouched. The idea made me feel better. I hadn’t thought of that. “What if he can’t?”

“He can.”

“We don’t know how long they’ll be gone, and we can’t contact them. It could be months.” I dug my spoon around in my oatmeal. “What if he doesn’t come back?”

“You’re overreacting,” she said, taking a bite of hers. “Maybe this is a good thing.”

“Yeah,” I scoffed. “For you. He’s fair game again. Maybe he’ll fall in love with you this time.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’d punch you if you weren’t pregnant.” I couldn’t help it. I knew I was acting childish, and maybe

it was the pregnancy, but something in me knew she was hoping to win him over.

Seriously?
she said without speaking.

“Do you
always
have to be inside my head?”

“Okay,” she said. “I do love William. I always have. But it’s different, and he’d never be with me anyway. I would never try and take him from you.”

I looked up, dropping my spoon against the bowl. “Why not?”

“Because he doesn’t love me back.” She sighed. “Trust me. I’ve been inside that head a thousand times.”

“It doesn’t really matter anymore what was in his head. That was before. It’s all gone now.”

“I don’t think his love is the kind of thing that just goes away.”

23.

THE PERSON NEXT TO ME was not William. He wasn’t my husband. Kara thought she could jog his memory, but I didn’t want to bank on false hope. I told myself it wouldn’t work. It was just us three, and we used the crevice for privacy. The one I had used to change into my wedding dress not so long ago.

“All right,” Kara said. “Hold hands.”

I tucked my hair behind my ears, stalling.

Is this necessary?
I asked as I caught sight of William watching me.

No
, she said with a laugh,
but it’s fun. Just go with it
.

William held out his hands, and a sideways smile pulled into his cheek. It was the first time since last night that I’d seen a glimpse of the person I knew.

“It’s worth a shot,” he said with a shrug.

I slid my fingers between his, still afraid to be hopeful. It felt good to touch, though. The warmth was still there. At least that couldn’t be erased.

“Do you feel that?” he asked.

I nodded timidly. How could he not know what it meant? He’d always known.

“It means you have the hots for me,” I joked, trying not to scare him. It was what he had told me when I first asked, when I was the one who didn’t know anything. I knew he didn’t remember that night on the beach, but it still made me smile.

He tilted his head. “Might be true.”

“Maybe you don’t need me here,” Kara said, caught between the tension.

“No,” I said. “We do. I do.”

“All right. When you’re in,” she said to William, “just try and remember Elyse, using my mind. I’ll guide you to a memory of the two of you.”

She placed her palms against our foreheads, and we were drawn in by her ability. I could feel William there, hear his searching thoughts, amazed by what was happening. Chaotic images of Kara’s life, along with flickering memories of William and I, reeled behind my closed eyes. It was overwhelming and made me dizzy.

Focus
, I thought.

On what?
I heard William ask.

I was too surprised he heard me to respond, but before I needed to, everything stopped. I was watching William kiss me on the couch in my old apartment. This was my memory. His fingers ran through my hair, and his lips pressed against mine. They moved to my cheek, my neck, my ear. I missed his kiss. I’d taken it for granted.

I tried to ignore the ache in my chest as I relived the night with William, but there was another emotion glaring from somewhere that I couldn’t suppress. In the memory, I rested my head on his chest. I kissed lightly beneath his jaw, so in love in that moment. The nagging emotion was persistent, though somewhat distant, like it had been buried but wouldn’t die. It throbbed from the corner of Kara’s mind, and when I found it, it crushed me.

It was more than jealousy. It was longing, emptiness, and infinite loneliness. It was a love for William that went deeper than I could ever have guessed. I hated her for it, without wanting to.

William’s hand loosened around mine. His mind pulled away, and I knew he’d sensed it too, every bit as powerful as I did.

“I don’t think this is working,” he said, his jaw clenching nervously.

Kara wouldn’t look at me. “I’m sorry,” she said, but I had no response for her. All I could do was stand and walk away.

I kept to myself the next few days, finding quiet places far away from camp. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I felt restless and trapped in my own head, like I had all the space in the world to run but nowhere to go. I wasn’t sure how long it had been since the night I’d gotten pregnant. My stomach was still flat, but I knew she was in there, and I let her comfort me.

“You’re going to have to come join us eventually,” Anna said, trying to coax me back to normal.

“Why?”

“Well, first, you’re going to go crazy sitting here all day doing nothing. I know you. Second, people are starting to worry, including me.”

“I just . . .”

“No excuses. Come on.”

The first week was painful. Anna refused to let me seclude myself, so I spent the days studying maps at the planning table with Mac.

“Still no word from my father?” William asked, approaching us. The question was for Mac, but my eyes drifted toward him as they had over the past few days.

He stood three feet away, but the distance between us might as well have been infinite. He was no longer mine. It made me ache with the hollow feeling of heartbreak, like my whole body might crack into pieces and float away. I couldn’t focus.

“Sorry, kid,” Mac answered.

That evening I caught myself watching him again as he helped load newly delivered food supplies into the cooking area. I imagined the hard body I knew lay beneath his shirt as the toned muscles in his arms flexed. He caught me, and I looked away too quickly. I wasn’t used to being estranged. I wanted an excuse to touch him somehow, to walk by and graze his side by accident, just to feel him again or hear him speak. My eyes didn’t obey, they found him when he wasn’t looking and lingered on the soft skin of his neck. I wanted to press my lips against it, hide my face in that warm secret place that existed when he held me. Instead I snuck off to be alone in the crevice.

I wasn’t there long before footsteps approached.

“You want company?” William asked, peeking his head in.

I didn’t, but it was him. I was desperate to get him back. “Sure.”

He sat down beside me on the dirt floor. “I don’t really remember anyone, so it’s sort of . . . depressing.”

“Tell me about it,” I said. The broken shards of my splintered heart dug a little deeper.

He smiled. “I’m sorry it didn’t work before. That Kara wasn’t able to jog my memory. We can try again if you want.”

“It’s okay,” I said, shaking my head. I risked a sideways glance. “It was probably more confusing than helpful.”

“Not really,” he said. “Just because I can’t remember you doesn’t mean there isn’t something between us.”

“What do you mean?” My words were stammered and soft. I could hear the embarrassment in them, making my cheeks burn and my ears flush.

My eyes stayed focused on his perfect hands as they toyed with his bootlaces, unable to look directly at him. He exhaled a laugh and smiled to himself.

“There’s something about you that’s . . . I think something pulls me to you.” He bit his cheek, trying to hide his bright smile, but it didn’t work. “That sounds stupid.”

“It’s not,” I said. I took his hand, no matter how strange it felt that he didn’t recognize my touch. The warmth beat between our palms, and his eyebrows lifted in curiosity. “You asked me what this meant. It means we’re meant to be together.”

He pulled his hand away, nervous and unsure. “Even if I can’t remember?”

“Yes,” I said, forcing myself to believe it.

I waited for him to say something, taking in all the details

I could from the corner of my eye, but he didn’t.

“You don’t have to stay here with me,” I said, trying to break away from the image of his mouth.

“No. I want to. I keep hoping if I’m around you . . .” He looked at me like if our eyes connected he might remember. “Maybe it will come back.”

I stared at him, my heart racing with hope as his face moved closer to mine. His lips taunted me. His green eyes drew me in. When he reached for my cheek, I didn’t care that he didn’t know how it felt to kiss me.
I
remembered. I needed it.

“Is it okay if I . . .” I didn’t let him finish. Our lips touched softly, as if he was afraid I’d pull away. I wouldn’t. I might never get another chance. I pressed my mouth into his, and he kissed back. It wasn’t the same kiss, but it was familiar enough to take away the hurt. At first, we kissed through the tears as they rolled down my cheeks, but after a moment, he brushed them with his thumbs.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

I laughed. “I always cry.” I left out the part that I was pregnant, not wanting to scare him away. “Did it help?”

“Well, it didn’t make my memories come back, but I sort of want to kiss you again.”

I wiped my face with my sleeves and smiled. “It was worth a try,” I said, hoping to keep from looking sad.

He lifted my chin with his hand. “Can I? Kiss you again?” Our lips met, this time more confidently than before, like he’d discovered something new and wonderful in my kiss. “You know,” he said, still close. “It might be fun to fall in love all over again.”