Uprising (38 page)

“Celeste,” I start softly and Danny starts to say something, it looks in my defense, but I cut him off with a hand up, and speak softer. “Sweetie, I know she didn’t do anything wrong. That’s what I’m saying. The guilt over something you think you did, but didn’t actually have any control over is almost worse than if you
had
done it on purpose. I know.”

I’m thinking, of course, about that day Cain and I got lured outside by the Lighter and tricked. Our family came to our rescue and by the end of the day, two of them had died. I was right there with Margo in the bathroom, feeling her guilt and shame. Not wanting to face anyone and see their looks of blame but worst of all, not wanting to see their looks of pity or absolution.

Celeste blanched ay my words. Her blue eyes so bright against her pale skin and the angry red of her cheeks and eyes rimmed and gleaming with frustrated tears.

She knew exactly what I was referring to. I can see it written all over her face. She glanced around self consciously at the faces who were watching us. Watching her outburst.

“Sherry.” The tears fall again and she reaches to hug me, jerking herself free from Danny’s grasp. She squeezes me tightly and her voice is muffled in my hair. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. All you ever try to do is help I just...she’s being so stubborn and I don’t know what to do. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive. You’re upset. We all are. It’s been a bad day.” I pull Danny to me with a hand on his arm and speak quietly to them both as we huddle there. “I’m so glad you’re both are ok. I was so worried about you out there. I wish I could be more help but... You’re safe now. That’s what matters. I love you guys so much. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

It’s kinda comical, me, short little me, being the motherly figure of this scenario. Giving the ‘I’m so glad you’re home safe’ speech to two kids who have almost a foot of height on me. It’s also ironic that before I would have gotten snorts and sarcasm from my brother but now...

“I love you too, sis. I’m glad you always get stuck inside. That way, I don’t want to have to worry about you, too.”

He glanced at Celeste for a second and she gives him a little ‘we’ve talked about this’ look. I had wondered how he felt about her rushing out to the front lines, now I guess I know. And I’m proud of him for at least trying to protect her.

Celeste turns to hug me again.

“I love you too, Sherry. I’m sorry, again.” She rubs her hands over her face and through her hair. “I’m not gonna sleep a wink. I’m going to get a pillow and head back up to sit by the door with her. Bye, Sherry. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“I’m gonna go with her,” Danny said quickly.

“You should. That’s what good boyfriends do.”

He smiled at me and rolled his eyes, tweaking my nose before he ran to catch up.

Merrick found me later, in the kitchen. I was getting some things ready for the next day, food wise, chopping onions and measuring rice for soup.

Most everyone had turned in. It was incredibly late, or incredibly early I should say. Almost five in the morning now. I couldn’t go to bed by myself and didn’t want to look for Merrick, for some strange misplaced fear of what he wanted to talk about. Plus, I didn’t want to interfere with his duties of helping the others.

“Hey,” he said and stopped in the doorframe.

“Hey. How is everyone?” I asked as I wiped my hands on the dishtowel.

“Asleep. Finally. I went to our room but you weren’t there.”

“No. I didn’t want to go without you. I hoped you’d come get me when you were done.”

“Well, I’m done.”

“Ok. Let me just-”

“Sherry.” He waited for me to turn and look, then he took a deep breath before he spoke again. “What’s going on with you and Cain?”

What?! What does he mean?

“I’m sorry?”

“You’re sorry you didn’t understand what I said or you’re apologizing because you got caught.”

I felt my lips part in surprise and my eyes go wide.

“What?”

“Just tell me. I’m a big boy, Sherry. I can take it. Just tell me why,” he said a little snidely and I almost choked on my answer.

“What?” I repeated.

“Why? Why would you do that? After everything we’ve been through, why this? Why now?”

“What?” I repeated because no other word would come to mind.

“You heard me, Sherry,” he growled and it was all I could do to not burst in tears right there out just hearing his tone alone.

He has never raised his voice or spoken to me with anything but love and concern. It seems a lot of us are going through a raised-voice spurt these days. But this? He sounds cold and hurt. But I really have no idea what he’s talking about. As I think about it, the more I stay silent the guiltier I look so I hurriedly speak.

“Merrick. I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes. You do. I saw you,” he said tightly.

“You saw me? You saw me what?”

“Kissing Cain, in the hall earlier.”

“What! I
was
in the hall with Cain earlier but I absolutely was not kissing him!”

“I saw you!” he yelled back.

I run through my mind. Me sitting with Cain, then hugging Cain, Cain smelling my hair in drunken stupefied arousal. Maybe that looked like kissing from the back side of me. It’s all I could come up with.

“I hugged Cain, in the hall, like I always do. He was really upset for Lillian and feeling guilty for not being here. Maybe it looked like something it wasn’t from behind me but-”

“I saw you! With my own eyes. Not some skewed view of you. You and him! Kissing and wrapped around each other, and about to do plenty more, for everyone that came looking to see!”

“Merrick,” I squeaked. Was I drugged? Did I and just didn’t remember? Was Merrick drugged? “I didn’t! I promise you, I have no idea how you could have seen me do that. I didn’t kiss him!”

He stepped forward slightly, pushing off the wall, clinching his fist. I’d never ever seen him direct any anger of any kind at me and I was...terrified. Not that he’d physically hurt me, but that he could not want me anymore. For some reason, that thought had never crossed my mind until now.

“Enough! There’s no point in lying about it anymore,” he spurted loudly and then pushed me slightly, forcing me backwards by holding my arms until my back touched the wall.

He braced his hands on the wall by my head, caging me in and I was wondering if I needed to retract the ‘not that he’d physically hurt me’ thought. I was scared. I scrambled for a reasonable reply as the tears started to fall.

“Am I lying? Can’t you tell?” I replied softly.

He wavered for a second. I saw that maybe he could tell I wasn’t lying but wasn’t ready to give up yet. Somehow, he was convinced I had kissed Cain and as human eyes go, you believe what you see.

“I said enough. I wasn’t the only one to witness it. Piper and Polly came and got me. Said there was something I needed to see. Something about you. They were with me in the hall when I found you there. Together,” he gritted his teeth at the word.

Then he cursed loudly and banged his fists on the wall by my head, making me squeak in surprise, before backing away from me.

I couldn’t believe how angry he was, and at me no less. I thought real hard about what could be going on. I moved a little closer, seeing his face twisted in anger and hurt, wanting to comfort him. He stepped back.

“Don’t. Don’t, Sherry. You think I’ll just cave under your hugs and kisses? I guess I always do when it comes to you, but not tonight. How could you do this? You know how much I love you. What I would do for you. Anything. Why?”

He said the last words so softly that it was almost worse than his yelling. He was just hurt now. Hurt and feeling betrayed. I wished that I could do or say something to just make this go away. I stayed put but spoke evenly and quietly.

“Merrick, look at me. You’re right. After all we’ve been through why would I do this? Why would I do this after I’ve spent so much time and effort in pushing away what everyone thought of me, of us, for being together just to throw all that away and be with a human after all. Why would I?”

“I saw you.”

“I know you did.” I forged on quickly so he wouldn’t think I was confessing. “At least you think you did. But I’m telling you, right here and now, I promise you, I didn’t do this. I have no reason to. You are my life. I love you more than anything. Please, believe me.”

Without another word, he turned around and walked out. My Merrick. The man who came to earth to find me and be with me left me shaking, scared, crying and standing alone in the kitchen with a hole the size of Atlanta in my chest where my heart should be.

Misery Loves Company

I woke up in the morning, at least I assumed it was morning, to a scratching on my arm. I turned to find Piper. She’d come into Lillian’s room, where I still was, leaning against the wall sleeping.

“Piper?”

“Cain. You need to come with me. Sherry’s really upset.”

“What? What do you mean? Where’s Merrick?” I drawled sleepily and yawned.

“I don’t know but she looks like she really could use a friend. She’s in the laundry room.”

“Ok,” I said reluctantly, wondering why in the world this woman I barely knew was coming to get me to console Sherry. “I’ll go see to her.”

“Good.” Then she got up and left, just like that.

I turned to see Lillian still asleep. I braced myself on the wall to drag myself up, stretching and squinting through the aches that will surely be there all day. Sitting on the concrete floor to sleep definitely does not do a body good.

As I walk through, I see that people are out and bustling about so it must be morning. I have no idea what time I finally conked out but it was well after four o’clock.

I ponder, as I shuffle my feet in a haze, the events of the previous night. I remember feeling utterly torn while Sherry battled through her tears to tell Lillian about Mitchell. I had the hand I needed in mine and the one I wanted was out of reach. I restrained myself. Sherry had Merrick. She always has Merrick and didn’t need nor want me. But as soon as I turned to Lillian and saw her devastated and ripped up expression, it all fell away but her. I couldn’t think of anything but making that pain go away and there was nothing I could do about it but wrap her up and take her away from it all.

It’s so confusing. All of it. Then later in the hall, when it was just Sherry and me, I couldn’t stop myself from letting the worry I felt for her take over and come out.

Stupid.

Just stupid.

If she hadn’t stopped me there’s no telling what I’d have done. I know what she smells like. I’ve dreamed about that smell an embarrassing amount but I let it overtake me in my relief and worry for her and grief for Lillian. She didn’t act suspicious. Probably thought I was just drunk or something. I wish I had that excuse.

It’s like I’m two separate people. When I’m with Sherry, I want her. When I’m with Lillian, I want her. When I’m with them both, I can’t make up my frigging mind. How did this happen? How is it possible? You can’t love/like two people at once, can you?

Light bulb. I have to stay away from Sherry. No matter how much it hurts, that’s all there is to it. After whatever this is that’s wrong with Sherry and we get this Lighter attack resolved, that’s exactly what I’ll do.

It’s not fair to Sherry.

It’s not fair to Lillian.

And it sure isn’t fair to me. To do that to myself.

I did find Sherry, in the laundry room, as Piper had said but I also saw something I didn’t expect to find in the cold concrete room.

Sherry was lying on a pallet in the corner on the hard floor, using a folded towel as a pillow and an old afghan thrown over her. She was crying, as Piper had said and looked liked she’d been crying a lot.

“Sherry?” When she looked up her face twisted into a new rounds of tears as she tried to sit up. “Sherry, what’s the matter? What are you doing in here?” Then realization hit me as I looked at her makeshift bedding. “Sherry, did you sleep in here?” I asked and moved to kneel beside her.

“Yes. I had a fight with Merrick.”

This shocked me. Those two never fought and definitely not over something that would grant her being kicked out of their room, or maybe she left. That didn’t sound like her. She wasn’t one of those petty girls.

“What kinda fight?”

“He thinks we...he said he saw-”

She can’t speak for sobs and cries and heaving. I couldn’t help it. I pulled her to my chest to hug her, ground her. Finally, she got out what she was trying to say.

“Merrick thinks he saw us kissing. More than kissing, last night. I don’t know what’s going on.”

“What?”

“He said he saw us. Piper and Polly saw us too he said.” She sniffed and continued to heave her way through the words. “They came and got him, to discover us.”

“But that’s ludicrous. We didn’t do-”