VAIN - Part Three (The VAIN Series Book 3) (6 page)

"You haven't said anything about him leaving that apartment," Kayla says as she exits the taxi after me. "Are you happy living that life?"

I'm not. When I was back in Boston, I had pushed Noah to get out. I had wanted him to embrace the part of my life that I had. When I invited him to my birthday party, I knew deep down that he wouldn't be able to do it. I could see the horror skirt over his eyes when I suggested it. When we went to the movies, he'd held his hand over his face until we were in the veiled darkness of the theatre. Only then had he relaxed enough to hold my hand and kiss me. We've never spoken about that night and how his hand shook within mine the entire time we sat there together.

"He hasn't changed since he got here, has he?" She motions towards a building down the street. "I mean has he even asked you out at all?"

"It's nice here." I survey all the tall buildings, soaking in the beauty of the architecture in this part of the city. This is my first visit to Wall Street and I'm already in love with what it has to offer visually. "No," I say under my breath.

"He's not going to change, Lex." She pulls open the heavy glass door of what I assume is her office tower. "You have to decide if being in there with him is enough for you."

It is. At least I think it is. "I know," I offer back. "I know."

"Alexa." I feel a strong hand grab my shoulder before the husky voice of a man assaults me from behind. I feel his breath on my exposed neck and his grip tightens. My eyes dart to Kayla whose gaze is transfixed on whoever is standing directly behind me.

I spin around on my heel. His face is different in the light of day. The handsome sculpted features are accentuated by the hint of the five o'clock shadow that is misplaced this early in the morning. His green eyes soak in my frame, stopping to rest on the hint of cleavage that is peeking over the top of the neckline of my grey dress. "Alec," I say his name with little emotion. I haven't thought about him since that night at Axel NY when I'd bolted out of the restaurant in search of Noah.

"Who is this, Lex?" Kayla is standing so close to me now that anyone staring at us would be hard pressed to find where I end and she begins. I can feel her hand on my lower back. She's pushing into me, a sure sign that she wants a formal introduction.

"This is Alec." I stop there, realizing that we've never shared surnames. "Alec and I met at the restaurant."

Kayla slaps me hard across my lower back. I throw her a pained look before realizing that she's looking for an introduction. Since when is she so coy that she needs me to introduce her to any man?

"I'm Kayla," she says after reading between the lines of the scowl on my face. "Do you work here?"

A ghost of a smile skirts over his lips. "You could say that." He doesn’t acknowledge Kayla. His eyes are fixed on me. "Are you looking for a third job, Alexa?"

He's trying to be funny but I'm not in the mood for harmless banter or flirting of any kind. I came here with the sole intention of watching Kayla give a presentation to a group of high school kids on a work assignment day. I'm here for one reason and one reason only and that's to support her. "I'm not," I snap. I'm being rude. I can feel it. I don't mean to be. I want to be cordial, sweet and nice but I'm lost in thoughts of Noah stuck in his apartment and what that really may mean for my future.

"That's unfortunate." His eyes skim me one more time before he glances at his wristwatch. "I'm late for a meeting."

"I work on the tenth floor," Kayla blurts out shamelessly. "I'm here every day." She may as well stick a sign that screams 'horny and available' to her head.

"Can I call you, Alexa?" He reaches for my hand but I instinctively pull it back. I don't want to give off any signals that aren't loud and clear. I'm not interested. He's handsome, he's charming and he's got a sexual pull that is unmistakable.

"I'm involved with someone now."

"My loss." He tips his head before leaning back on his heel. "If that changes, you have my number."

Arrogant and hot. No wonder Kayla is practically drooling all over my shoulder in an effort to get him to notice her.

We both watch in silence as he walks towards the glass doors, a burly man opens one for him as Alec walks through and into the pedestrian traffic in front of the building.

"Holy hell that guy was smoking hot," Kayla whispers into my ear. "That's the guy you wore the blue dress for?"

"That's the guy." I nod.

"A guy like that, Lex…that kind of a guy, he doesn't hide away from anything." Her voice is breathy, the tone high. "That's the kind of guy that takes you out just so he can watch other men stare at you before he takes you home and fucks you for hours."

She's right. That's exactly what Alec's demeanor screams and it's the exact opposite of who Noah Foster is.

"I'm doing some substitute work for a school in Brooklyn this week." I twirl the spaghetti Noah ordered in around on the fork. "They have an afterschool program that I've been helping with too."

"That sounds great." He pulls a napkin over his lips as he finishes the last bite on his plate. "This was delicious. How'd you hear about this place?"

"My friend went on a date there," I wince as the words leave my lips. "I mean she tried the food there and loved it." Kayla had actually raved last night about not only the food at the small Italian place two blocks from Noah's apartment, but at the guy she went there with. They were going out again tonight. This time to a club.

"It bothers you, doesn't it?" He's never been one to avoid any subject. When Noah wants to talk about something, he dives in, naked and exposed. Speaking of which, he hasn't had a stitch of clothing on since I arrived. I even had to push him into the hallway when the delivery guy got here. Suddenly, it's feeling as though we're moving backwards instead of forward.

"Of course." It's a response meant to pull at his curiosity. He already knows that I would have preferred to have gone to the restaurant. I hadn't suggested it because he'd look uncomfortable and tell me that he didn't feel up to it. It was the same dance steps we'd perfected back in Boston. He wasn't making any effort to move outside of this cocoon either.

He stands and my eyes instantly hone in on his cock. It's beautiful, but it's a wicked reminder of the reason why he pushed me away in the first place. If I nag him about wanting to go out I'm fearful that he'll push harder this time and any promise of a future together that we might have had will be gone for good. I can't keep wishing things were different though. I can't keep carrying around the senseless hope that one day he'll decide that the world outside his sheltered hiding space is not going to emotionally destroy him.

"I hate being stared at." I'm not sure if the words are directed at me personally or if he's speaking in generalities.

"I was only staring at your dick." I motion towards it with my fork. My appetite has escaped me. "I thought you were going to wear pants more often."

"I was hot." He winks before he picks up both of our dinner plates and pads off down the hallway towards the kitchen.

I'm frustrated. Not just because he consistently makes light of everything dark, mysterious and closed off about him, but because I feel as though he's never going to venture outside of the world he's built for himself. We were making progress in Boston until Brighton showed him those pictures and Camilla gave him a glimpse into what his world would be with a baby.

"Tell me about the school." He's back, nodding towards the large couch in the next room.

I follow silently hoping that I'll somehow find the strength within the few steps from here to there to bring up the subject that is almost leaping off my tongue.

"Do you like it there?" His words feels misplaced and I can't mentally push myself back to where we were just a few minutes ago.

"Where?" I ask softly as I settle in next to him on the large sofa. I pull my sweater tighter around my frame. I need a barrier between my body and his.

"The school, Alexa… the one in Brooklyn? How's that going?"

I smile softly remembering how exhilarating today had been. I was in charge of an entire class of nine-year-olds and although it was intimidating two days ago when I started the assignment, I'm finding my groove now. I belong in the classroom and this random substitute teacher work is proving that to me more and more every time I step foot into a new school. "I love it," I admit. "The children are amazing. I stayed late because they have an afterschool program."

"You're beaming." His finger jumps to my chin. "You're so happy."

Guilt rushes through me at the word. It's the same word he used back in Boston when he unceremoniously kicked me to the curb. I curse inwardly, knowing that it might just bring up all those repressed feelings that he's been ignoring since he arrived in Manhattan. Sooner or later my happiness is going to chase the man of my dreams into the corner again and I'm going to have to face that.

"Noah," I pause as I search for the words. I'm not one to give up easily so I'm going to ask one more time. I need to give him a chance to prove that he wants more than what exists here. I can't be the only contact he has with the outside world. I can't just continue to be the light in all of his darkness. It's going to suffocate me. I'm going to miss my chance to enjoy all that my life could be offering me because I'm terrified that my joy will send him reeling. "The afterschool program is having a series of workshops and I was wondering something."

His tall body tenses immediately. I watch his shoulders pull back from me with a seamless grace that no one else would notice. It's effortless and subtle but it's telling. It means he's steeling himself for the question I'm about to ask. He knows I'm going to push for something he isn't comfortable with. "What's that?"

"They're looking for a photographer to lead one session with some of the children." I stop to look at his face but his gaze is cast down. He's grazing his hand along his thigh. The motion is unreadable.

"They wouldn't want me, Alexa."

"Why not?" I push back. "I've already asked if you could do it."

"You what?" He bolts to his feet in one swift movement. "You did that without asking me first?"

The veiled anger in his voice is tempered. I've never seen him pushed to the limits of rage. I've only seen small glimpses of what brews beneath the surface.

"I was just inquiring," I say softly. "I know that some schools don't want to associate with a photographer who takes nude photos. They are fine with it."

"You had no right doing that."

It bites. It may be true but it bites. "I did it because these children don't have anything and the idea of working with a photographer like you would be a gift to them."

"I'm not doing it." He brushes against the coffee table, causing it to move slightly. "Don’t ever volunteer me for anything again without asking me."

"I won’t." I stand now too. "I'm going home. I have a very long day tomorrow." I want to push back and insult him for not taking the kids into consideration. I want to tell him to get over himself already and accept that he's scarred. I want to tell him to let it go but I can't. All I can do is give in to the desire to get into bed and fall asleep.

"You're working at the school again tomorrow?" He's not asking out of curiosity. The question is meant to fill the empty gap of silence between us.

"There and the restaurant." I nudge him with my elbow, wanting him to move out of my way.

"When will you come over again?"

"I've busy for the next few days," I lie. I need time to decompress and think about what I'm doing. Can I really be satisfied being in a relationship with him? I'm in love with him but his life is so different than mine. I can't keep ignoring that. I won't keep ignoring it.

"Text me when you can come back." He brushes his lips against my forehead. "I'll be waiting."

I touch his cheek softly, rest my face against his strong chest for a moment before I head out the door.

"You're serious?" He pulls his lips together in a grimace. "You seriously don't remember me?"

Who in their right mind would have imagined that I'd get hit on so much in an upscale restaurant in New York City? I was getting more action here than I had the entire time I worked at Star Bistro in Boston. The café had been milling with college aged men and I was lucky if I ever got a second look there. Here, I can't even deliver an entrée of grilled lamb to the table five feet away because this guy won't get the hell out of my way. 

"Look at my face again." He touches his strong jaw. "You've got to remember. It's Alexa, right?"

The fact that he knows my name irks me. He's like a slightly taller version of Alec. This one has black hair, striking blue eyes and a drop dead gorgeous face. "I don't."

"We met years ago in Boston." He taps his finger along his bottom lip. "You look exactly the same now as you did then."

I nod. My eyes flit past him to where the couple who ordered the lamb is sitting in the corner. They haven't glanced at me but I need to bring their food to the table before it gets cold. "I'm really busy, sir."

"Sir?" The word grumbles out from between his full lips. "You weren't calling me that back then."

This game of whatever the fuck this guy is playing is annoying. I just want him to move over so I can get back to work. "I don't know who you are. I'm sorry. If we met, I apologize for that, but I'm juggling a full table load tonight."

"My name is Nathan."

"Nathan?" I scan his face. "I don't know a Nathan."

"You've never met a man named Nathan?" There's no denying that he's unimpressed with that answer.

"Did you come into Star Bistro when I worked there?" I ask sweetly. That's probably how he knows my name. Maybe he has one of those photographic memories that captures snippets from the past and files them away in some corner of his brain.

"We fucked."

I feel the color drain from my face the moment I lock eyes with him. "You and I fucked?"

"We met at a club there." He leans a touch forward. "We went up to my suite."

I stare at his face, ignoring the words he's saying. "You're him?"

"Don't look so surprised," he says jokingly. "I thought I was more memorable than that."

"You look nothing like I remember." I clench my jaw. This is the guy that I couldn't stop thinking about for years? There's no denying he's hot but why can't I place his face? Why did I hold onto that memory so long when the details were obviously so misplaced?

"It hasn't been that long," he stresses the word 'that', making a clear point that we slept together only four years ago. Why does it suddenly feel like a different lifetime ago? Why did I make such a big deal over him when I can't even remember his face?

"Why are you here?" I search the area behind him, my eyes locked on the couple sitting in silence. She's studying the menu while he reads the paper. They're so disconnected. I've watched them for a few minutes and they haven't said one word to each other.

"I'm dating one of the sous chefs." He bolts his head to the side to get within my scope of vision. "Jessica."

"Jessica is a sweetheart." I lock eyes with him briefly. "You're lucky to have her."

"I am." I can hear the confusion in his voice. "You're sure you don't remember me?"

"I thought I did," I confess. "I remember we had a lot of fun." I blush as the words leave my lips. Fun? This is the guy that fucked me for hours and I call that fun? Why does it mean so much less now than when Noah asked me about him just a few months ago?

"I'm glad I ran into you, Alexa." The expression on his face doesn't match the words. "You've helped me with something."

"I've helped you," I chuckle. "With what?"

"With realizing how lucky I am to have Jessica." His face shifts slightly at the mention of her name. "I love her a lot."

"I'm glad." My eyes bolt to the bank of windows at the front of the restaurant. There's a man wearing a hoodie covering his head peering through the glass. His face is memorable. I'll never forget it. Forty years from now I'll still recall each and every detail of every part of him. He smiles slightly as his eyes lock with mine. "I need to go. My life is waiting for me."