Valentine (13 page)

'Well, I shall tell you,' Kitty replied, clearly delighting in
getting one up on Emily. 'In the olden days scenery changes
were cued by whistles. So someone whistling for pleasure
could be mistaken for a cue, causing the scenery to be
dropped on an actor's head by mistake. So it's obviously
completely obsolete – oh by the way, that means out of date.'

'I went to bloody Oxford!' Emily hissed. 'Of course I
know what it means!' And turning away from Kitty she
picked up a make-up brush and applied more eyeshadow.

Kitty mouthed 'One nil to me,' to Valentine, who
shrugged and closed her eyes and practised her relaxation
techniques.

By the time she was waiting in the wings to go on stage
she was in the zone. She was Titania, queen of the fairies,
and her anxieties about her costume had melted away.
She confidently stepped out on stage, totally in control.
The enchanted forest was her kingdom. There was a tiny
budget for lighting and scenery, but Vince had worked
wonders. A huge screen was the backdrop on to which
were projected different abstract images, giving the stage
a dreamlike quality. The lighting had been designed to
give off the effect of moonlight filtering through leaves,
dappling the stage with mysterious shapes and shadows.

Her first scene with Oberon went perfectly and she
exited stage right on a complete high. Then she walked
straight into Jack.
Here goes
. She took a deep breath and
shook her hair back defiantly, preparing for the inevitable
cheeky comment about her costume. Instead he looked
her straight in the eye, definitely not in the nipple area,
and said, 'That was great Valentine; I'll see you on stage,'
and walked away. Valentine didn't know whether to be
pleased or offended by his response.

In fact Jack's silence about her appearance continued after
their scene together, through VPL's notes back to them
and into drinks at the Orange Peril. Surely he had some
opinion on how she had looked? Everyone else had said
something – Toby had told her that she looked sublime,
which was undoubtedly an exaggeration but welcome as
a compliment all the same; Rufus had said she looked
gorgeous; even Xander had said she looked 'cracking'. But
so far Jack had said nothing. All in all very disappointing
and frustrating because the thrill she had got from being
on stage was making her feel reckless, making her forget
her determination to keep him at a distance. Now as he
sat opposite her in what had become their corner, she
longed to be sitting next to him, longed to touch him,
but right now it was Emily sitting next to him, making
sure that she was close enough for their bodies to touch.
Bloody sylph-like skinny minnie Emily!

Valentine stayed for a few drinks, chatting away to
Toby and Kitty as if she didn't have a care in the world,
but every now and then she found herself looking at Jack.
Talk to me!
she willed him. Finally, when she could bear
the situation no longer, she got up to go. She said her
goodbyes and blew kisses to everyone and had just walked
out of the door when Jack called out her name. She swung
round expectantly and saw that he had followed her out.

Finally he spoke. 'I wanted to tell you that you looked
beautiful on stage,' he said softly, his dark eyes almost
black in the fading light.

'You mean in a pervy, lap-dancer type of way,'
Valentine laughed, but the laugh was to disguise how
thrilled she was by the compliment.

'No, I mean in a beautiful way,' he replied, completely
serious.

Wow
, cartwheels of pure happiness were turning round
in Valentine's head, but even then she couldn't let it lie.
'And what did you think of the nipple tassels?' she
demanded, and got the rare experience of seeing Jack
look less confident than usual.

'There are many things that I want to say, but I respect
you too much as a performer. When the play's over I'll
tell you.' And with that he turned back into the pub, leaving
Valentine wondering why on earth she was trying to play
it cool with him. Could she really wait the weeks until the
show ended? Right now all she wanted to do was get close
to him. Oh all right then, shag his brains out.

Valentine returned home that night high on the success
of the play and high on desire for Jack. She decided that
she would break her own rule and call him. Lauren was
still up so Valentine popped her head round the living
room door to say hi. Her flatmate was curled up on the
sofa with a magazine, staring transfixed at something. She
visibly jumped when Valentine walked in and stuffed the
magazine behind her back guiltily.

'Hiya,' Valentine said, 'What were you looking at?'

'Nothing,' Lauren replied, 'just this season's must-have
accessories.'

'Really?' Valentine said dubiously. Lauren followed her
own fashion path – she didn't give a stuff about must-haves.
'Can I see them?'

'No!' Lauren shot back. 'You'll hate them.'

'OK, Lauren,' Valentine said, 'I know you're lying,
because you're the world's worst liar, so what were you
really looking at?'

Lauren sighed. 'Just tell me how you're feeling at the
moment.'

Valentine considered. 'Really good, really happy; the
play's going well. I feel a bit odd about the whole Piers
Hunter dad thing, but apart from that, good.'

'And how do you feel about Jack?' Lauren asked.

'Well . . .' Valentine hesitated. She could play it cool
or she could confide in Lauren. She felt she would burst
if she didn't tell someone. 'Actually I really like him.'

'Good, so absolutely no need to see this then,' Lauren
said brusquely.

'Oh come on! Now I've got to, otherwise it's going to
torment me.'

'No, I really don't think it's a good idea. I know what
you're like.'

'It's not another article about NTM, is it?' Valentine
asked.

Lauren shook her head. And suddenly, with a sickening
feeling, Valentine knew exactly who it was about.

'It's about Finn, isn't it?'

Lauren nodded. 'Please don't read it, V.' But Valentine
held out her hand and Lauren reluctantly handed over
the magazine and muttered 'Page one hundred and five,
but don't say I didn't warn you.'

Valentine quickly turned to the page. Then she froze
and all the joy went out of her day. It was a picture of
Finn, featured in a glossy two-page spread as one of
Britain's rising young acting stars. There he was, looking
impossibly handsome – those blue eyes, dark-blonde hair,
sexily dishevelled in black tie with the shirt and tie undone.
And there he was coming out of a restaurant, his arm
round Eva. 'Oh no,' she whispered as she read that Finn
and Eva had recently become engaged. She sat down on
the sofa next to Lauren, not even noticing that the springs
viciously dug into her.

'V, he's been with Eva for four years; you can't be that
surprised. It was bound to happen.'

'He lied to me,' Valentine said without thinking.

'Oh my God! Have you been seeing him?' Lauren
demanded. 'V, you're mad!'

Valentine ignored her. She sat gazing at the pictures
of Finn, feeling as if he had betrayed her all over again.
She was such a fool, a stupid, stupid fool to have believed
him.

Suddenly Lauren pulled the magazine out of her hands.
'Enough!' she declared and raced downstairs.

'No!' Valentine shouted, following her. 'I haven't
finished reading it! Give it back to me!' They ended up
fighting over the magazine on the landing outside Lily's
door. 'Stop torturing yourself ! You don't need to look at
it anymore!' Lauren panted.

'Give it to me!' Valentine shouted, almost beside herself.
She was considering whether to pull Lauren's hair in a
desperate last-ditch attempt to get the magazine when
Lily opened her front door, looking elegant in cream silk
pyjamas and a fur coat – her flat was freezing too. 'Ladies,
what on earth is going on?'

'I'm trying to save Valentine from herself !' Lauren
shouted back, still holding firmly on to the magazine.

'I don't need saving!' Valentine shot back. 'I'm fine
about Finn; I just wanted to read the article.'

'Fine about Finn? Do me a fucking favour!' Lauren
shouted back. 'Every time his name is mentioned or we
come close to discussing what happened with him, you
go into a major depression. I know what it does to you,
Valentine. And now I know you've been seeing him! He's
completely fucked you up!'

'Fuck you, Lauren! I don't need you patronising me.
It's not like you've got the most well-adjusted attitude to
relationships. Miss dysfunctional of the fucking century!
You're so fucked up you don't even know a good man
when you meet him! I expect it won't be long before you
get rid of Nathan.' Valentine had lost it. She wanted to
hurt Lauren, anyone, as much as she was hurting inside
right now.

'Valentine, I'm sure you don't mean that; why don't
you come in, have a drink and we can talk about this,'
Lily put in reasonably.

'Leave me alone, Lily!' Valentine shouted back. 'And
you're a fine one to give advice on relationships! All those
years you wasted when you could have been with Frank!'

It was such a cruel thing to say, and as soon as the
words were out of her mouth she bitterly regretted them.
'Maybe Finn is my Frank! I still love him, don't you get
it? Just leave me alone.' And with that she grabbed the
magazine, ran down the stairs and out of the house.

She had no idea of where she was going. All she could
think about was Finn. Her feelings for Jack were pushed
out by the toxic mixture of pain, betrayal, and longing
evoked by Finn. She walked for several hours, through
Notting Hill, along the Bayswater Road, round Marble
Arch, along Oxford Street, then into Soho. She was oblivious
to the chilly March air. She felt rejected all over
again. Finn had promised,
sworn
that he was going to
leave Eva – Valentine would never have got involved with
him again if he hadn't. But when it came to it, it was
Eva he chose yet again, leaving Valentine to wonder why
it hadn't been her.

It was close to midnight and press night was tomorrow;
she should have been at home in bed. Eventually exhaustion
got the better of her and she caught the night bus.
By now her feelings of anger towards Lauren had ebbed
away and been replaced by a deep sense of shame that
she had been so vile to her best friend and that she had
said such a terrible thing to Lily.

The flat was in darkness when she let herself in. It was
after one a.m. but even so she softly knocked at Lauren's
bedroom door. There was no answer. Valentine quietly
opened the door, determined to say sorry. But Lauren's
bed was empty; she was probably with Nathan. Valentine
felt awful. Lauren had done nothing wrong. She had only
been trying to protect her. She reached for her phone
and simply texted
sorry x
. She didn't expect a reply that
night, but just as she was getting into bed her phone
beeped. Lauren's text read
I understand, now go to sleep mother
fucker! X
. There was just the matter of Lily.

Even though Valentine had gone to bed so late, she made
sure she got up early in order to buy flowers for Lily. She
headed straight for a flower stall on Portabello Market,
buying a huge bunch of pale pink peonies, which she
knew were Lily's favourite flowers. Then she raced back,
wanting to catch Lily before she went out. Frank opened
the door when she knocked.

He looked tired, but at least he wasn't looking at her
like she was the Antichrist. 'Oh hi Frank, I just wanted
to give these to Lily and apologise for last night.'

'Come in, she'd like to see you. She's been worried
about you.'

Stepping into Lily's flat was like going into a vintage
treasure trove. Lily did not do minimalism and every
possible surface was covered in wonderful ornaments and
pieces of art deco china, glorious art deco lamps and
photographs from Lily's heyday as an actress – she'd been
such a beauty. In the corner of the living room she had
a glass cabinet displaying the jewellery she'd collected
over the years. She hated beautiful things to be locked
away. Usually Lily would have been darting round the
flat making tea, but this morning she was lying on the
sofa, a beautiful green embroidered scarf around her
shoulders and a pink satin eiderdown covering her legs,
while Frank fussed round the fire.

'V, how lovely to see you!' Lily said, no trace of resentment
in her voice for Valentine's cruel words of the night
before.

'I'm so sorry for what I said,' Valentine said, handing
her the flowers and perching on the end of the sofa.

Lily smiled. 'My favourites. How sweet of you, but
there was no need. I understand. Have you got time for
a cup of tea? Frank, can you be a darling and make it?
I fancy lapsang souchong.'

Valentine waited for Frank to make a cheeky remark,
as he would usually if Lily mentioned one of her posh
teas, but he just nodded and padded out to the kitchen.
And usually Lily would never trust Frank to make her
tea, teasing him that he was only good for making the
strong builders' cups that he preferred. But Lily didn't
look as if she had the strength to do anything.

'Are you OK, Lily?'

'Oh I'm fine, darling, just struggling to get over this
virus.'

'Well, have you been back to the doctor?' Valentine
persisted.

Lily smiled gently. 'Yes, I've been back to the doctor.
I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about. Try not to think
about Finn. He belongs to the past. It's time to start again
with Jack. He's perfect for you, I just know it.'

Valentine wished she shared Lily's certainty.

'Anyway, I have a little good-luck present for you.' Lily
ignored the doubtful look on Valentine's face and handed
her a small box. Inside she found one of Lily's favourite
cocktail rings, a fabulous turquoise gem in a gold setting.