Valhalla Cupcakes (23 page)

“Everything went perfectly,” she said. “There’s going to be a huge transfer into my business account within forty-eight hours, enough to pay off the thugs. So, as soon as that’s in there, I’m going to call and tell them to come get their money so we— so I can be free of them for good.”

“That’s great, Audrey,” he said, taking her hand and trying to tug her closer to him. “Why don’t you look happy? Was the meeting stressful? Is it from flying in one of those god-awful contraptions?”

“It was a little stressful,” she admitted. “And flying isn’t my favorite thing to do.” She pasted a smile onto her face that she was sure he wouldn’t buy as genuine. He raised an eyebrow, but waited patiently for her to continue. “I guess you’re happy about it?” she asked, not wanting to say the words, tell him he was free to go. If he jumped up and ran out without a backward glance, she’d never recover.

“Certainly,” he said. “I see how hard you work for this place. Now that you’ll have that situation behind you, you’re free to enjoy the fruits of your labor. You deserve to be able to do that.”

Tears burned at the backs of her eyes and she looked down, blinking rapidly to disperse them before they fell. She forced her fake smile wider, hurting her cheeks.

“Yes, well. Speaking of being free,” she said, then stopped.

The words wouldn’t come out, but she couldn’t keep him. She wouldn’t go back on her word, no matter how much she wanted to. His respect was worth more to her than having him stay and hate her forever for keeping him from what he wanted to do. She had to believe he liked her at least a little bit after the time they’d shared, and hope he might come back to her when his business was finished.

“What is it?” he asked, tipping up her chin with his fingertip.

Would that be the last time she felt his touch? Oh, God, this was killing her. No, it wasn’t. She had to stop being nonsensical. She laughed to clear the lump from her throat and doubled down on her resolve.

“Well, it’s all over now, isn’t?” she said. “I don’t need you anymore.”

His eyes darkened and a muscle in his jaw twitched. She wished she could snap the words back and say it differently. She needed him more than he could ever know, just not for protection from the mobsters anymore. She needed him for her personal happiness because she loved and cared for him, genuinely liked him as a person. She needed to clarify that to erase his look of hurt that was slowly hardening over into disdain. Too afraid to admit her feelings, she stayed silent and averted her gaze, unable to watch whatever feelings he had for her melt away.

“I should stay until after you give the last payment to the money lenders,” he said. “They’re dangerous.”

She wanted to agree. That would give her another precious day or two, but why drag out the agony? A swift and thorough stab to the heart seemed better than endless painful jabs.

“Oh, they’re only ugly when I don’t have enough money,” she said as breezily as she could. If he saw that she wavered at all he’d never leave, due to his advanced sense of chivalry. “I’m sure they’ll be as docile as lambs now that I have the full payment, plus all their exorbitant interest.”

“Audrey, look at me.” His voice was low and gentle and as much as she tried to keep her eyes down, they moved to lock with his. What she saw there looked very much like a reflection of what she felt, and she blinked. “What if I said I didn’t want to go?”

Her heartbeat sped up at the question. Her brain cells scrambled to arrange his words to better make sense, because the way he’d ordered them simply didn’t compute.

“Do you want to stay?” she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. “What about your revenge? Five hundred years gone, remember?”

Was she stupid? Why was she giving him reasons to go when he’d made it seem like he wanted to stay? Because she knew if he didn’t do the thing that was most important to him, if he didn’t at least try, whatever he might feel for her now would eventually dissolve into a bitter grudge against her.

“If you’re worried about money, don’t be,” she assured him. “Now that I can, I’m going to pay you for all the time you’ve been here. I couldn’t have done it without you, so you don’t have to feel like it’s charity.”

“It’s not money,” he said, grinding his teeth.

“Well, you’re going to have to get out there eventually. I know things are way different now, and it can be a real culture shock, but you’ve been doing great. Honestly, you fit in better than I do most of the time. Airplanes aren’t that bad, it’s mostly takeoff that’s scary—”

He silenced her nervous prattling by crushing his mouth against hers. She stiffened and kept her eyes squeezed shut, using all her willpower to resist him. After only a second, her willpower was completely depleted and she melted against him, sliding her hands up his chest.

Don’t go, she thought desperately. Give up everything you want and care about and stay with me. Even as she dizzily opened her mouth to his questing tongue, she was overcome with guilt at how selfish she was. How could she think what she felt for him was love, when she only thought of what she wanted? She was being blinded by his touch and his kisses again. There was only one thing left to do.

She shoved away from him and wiped the feel and taste of him off her lips, regretting it with all her heart.

“You have to go,” she said, staring at his chest. “I-I’m commanding it.”

He laughed and took a step back. “Are you treating me like a stray dog right now, Audrey?”

She grimaced, and sneaked a glance at his face. He looked furious, angrier than when the thug had pulled his gun. Making him mad was the last thing she wanted to do, and she almost caved to spare herself seeing exactly what a truly riled up Viking was capable of. Then she caught herself. He wasn’t capable of anything she didn’t want him to be.

Instead of the usual satisfaction she felt when she remembered her power over him, she groaned out loud at the burden of it. If only he had free will to do what he wanted, she would be sure he wanted to stay. He’d obviously been a leader in his own time and had an overdeveloped sense of obligation to those he felt responsible for because of it. And she didn’t want to be an obligation to him anymore, she wanted to be a choice.

She knew no matter how she tried to reason with him, he’d still stand there with his arms crossed in front of his muscular chest, his face set in hard, determined lines to fight her.

“I’m telling you to go,” she said more firmly, no hint of a stutter this time. “Don’t be mad about it,” she added, feeling sick.

She carefully watched him to see if it took this time, and he narrowed his eyes at her before nodding once. She had to keep her hands pinned to her sides to keep from rushing forward and comforting him, he looked so close to bursting with the anger he wasn’t allowed to express.

He continued to stand there, silently shaking, and she ran to the register, gathering up every last bill. She tried to push the wad of money into his tightly closed fists and ended up tucking it into his front jeans pocket when he refused to take it. Maybe being treated like a stripper was the last straw for him, because he shook his head once, then stormed up the stairs.

Before she could get her erratic heart rate under control at seeing him like that, and the terrible warring with herself to take it all back and tell him to stay, he came back down, his meager belongings packed into a shopping bag. Tears welled and she looked down when he stopped in front of her.

“Tell me why you’re making me go,” he said dully. “And look at me while you do it.”

She thought about telling him she loved him and throwing her arms around him, but knew even if she gave him his freedom, she’d never be sure if he stayed out of a sense of duty or not. If he didn’t go finish the thing he’d been obsessing about first, she’d always wonder, always be waiting for that first fight when he called her out on keeping him from what he really wanted.

She counted to three, then five, then ten, then looked up at him. She was sorry she did, making her last glimpse of him his tortured look of defeat. One day he’d thank her for this final command, she had to cling to that belief.

“My money problems are over,” she said, astounded at her previously never before revealed acting ability. “Our business is concluded. Like I said before, I don’t need you anymore.”

A hint of a bitter smile curled one side of his mouth, and he turned and walked out.

Cold fatigue stole over her and any thoughts of whatever she needed to finish so she could open the next morning disappeared when she heard the back door close. He was gone. She’d made him go. She didn’t know how long she stood in the same spot, shivering and being battered by regret. Finally, she made her way upstairs, passing her own room and going into Erik’s.

The money she’d given him lay in the middle of the bed in a neat stack, and she pushed it onto the floor when she collapsed onto the old quilt. Erik’s scent lingered on the pillowcase and she curled in a ball and breathed him in, praying the pain she already felt at his loss wouldn’t last forever, but not having any hope at all.

For the first time since she’d been threatened by the mobsters, Audrey kept the shop closed. She walked outside to look at the closed sign, wondering if she shouldn’t add a handwritten explanation, since ever since the grand opening, they’d never closed during business hours before. She caught herself thinking of herself and Erik as a team. That was all over now. There was no more they. It was only her, the same way she’d started.

Perhaps her old assistant Maria would return now that she wasn’t being threatened anymore. If not, she’d have to find someone else. She knew she could find someone talented who took baking seriously, maybe even someone like her younger self who had a lifelong dream to own her own bakery. But she’d never find someone who could make her shiver with excited anticipation about what he’d do next, or make her feel so protected, or make her as happy as Erik had.

She frowned at the closed sign. Why did she think her new employee needed to do all those things? His or her job description included mixing batter and running the cash register, not being responsible for her happiness.

She sighed heftily, not sure why she stood in the middle of the sidewalk staring at her darkened shop window. Oh right, the handwritten sign, explaining that she was going through an emotional upheaval after sending away the only man she’d ever love, and couldn’t bake because of it. That was why she was out there. She decided her customers were smart enough to figure out there would be no cupcakes today and slumped back inside to collapse into an armchair.

Everything about her once beloved dream reminded her of Erik. There wasn’t a place that didn’t have a memory attached to it. How could she have got in so deep in such a short time? No matter what her brain tried to tell her heart, how many intelligent sounding arguments it came up with, her heart refused to budge. It wanted Erik back and was plenty pissed she’d sent him away.

“You know I couldn’t keep him here,” she said, already accepting the fact that she’d die alone, so might as well start talking to herself as soon as possible. “He needed to—”

“Who are you talking to?”

Audrey yelped and half rose from the chair, then saw it was only Seda coming from the kitchen.

“God, Seda, you scared me half to death. How did you get in here?”

She held up her keychain. “You gave me a key to the back when you first bought the place, remember? I came for my morning coffee and saw you were closed, and when you didn’t answer the phone, I got worried.” Seda looked around and double checked her watch. “It’s after ten. Why are you closed? I knocked on the front door, too. Were you sitting here the whole time and didn’t hear it?”

Audrey shrugged, pulling her phone from her pocket and seeing there was indeed a missed call. “I wanted to take a day off is all.”

“Are you and Erik going to do something unconscionably romantic and fun today?” Seda stopped and looked around, finally seeming to notice the gaping chasm Erik left behind and frowned. “Where is he? Oh my God, Audrey, where is he?”

She started to go upstairs, but Audrey waved her back. “He’s gone. I sent him off to try and get his revenge on the witch who cursed him, so he can have closure.” Her voice cracked and she pressed her hands against her eyes so she wouldn’t cry. She needed to be grateful for what time she had with her enchanted Viking, not ruin those sweet moments with regret. “I knew all along it wouldn’t last forever, but now that he’s really gone, I miss him so much.”

She wasn’t grateful at all. She was greedy and wanted more moments, thousands of them. The thought of having to hash over their few memories for the rest of her life made her want to curl up and die right then. She was full of regret, brimming over with it.

Why had she been such a noble idiot? They should be together right now, heading toward the beach on their first day off since they met. Damn her forever for idiotically thinking she knew what was best for him, and for the curse for making him have to listen to her.

“What do you mean, he’s really gone?” Seda asked, seeming almost as upset as Audrey. Her voice grew shrill. “What do you mean you sent him away?” She wrung her hands and paced anxiously to the window, peering down the street. “And why did he go? I thought for sure I was right,” she muttered.

Audrey was too depressed to give much thought to Seda’s weird outburst and even weirder mutterings. How could she have sent Erik off without making sure he had a cellphone first? Now she had no way to obsessively write and delete messages to him, or just stare mournfully at his number, willing herself not to call and beg him to come back. The worst of it was she had no way to call and beg him to come back, which she sorely wanted to do. Seda stared at her, tapping her toes for an answer.