Valiant (15 page)

Lolli giggled and the man looked up sharply, then quickly back at the dog.

Val took a step forward, Ruth still holding her arm so tight that it hurt. “Dave,” she hissed. “Come on. Let’s go.”

“Dave!” Luis yelled. “Turn her back!”

The dog moved at that, turning and leaping toward where they stood, lolling tongue a slash of red in the dark.

Two sharp pops were followed by silence. Val opened her eyes, not even aware she had closed them. Ruth screamed.

Lying on the ground was the female cop, bleeding from her neck and side. The other officer stared in horror at his own gun. Val froze, too stunned to move, her feet like lead. Her mind was still groping for a solution, some way to undo what had been done.
This is just an illusion,
she told herself.
Dave is playing a joke on all of us.

Lolli jumped down into the well of the tracks and took off, gravel crunching under her boots. Luis grabbed Dave’s arm and pulled him toward the tunnels. “We have to get out of here,” he said.

The police officer looked up as Val leaped off the side of the platform, Ruth behind her. Luis and Dave were already disappearing into the darkness.

A shot rang out behind them. Val didn’t look back. She ran along the track, clutching Ruth’s hand like they were little kids crossing the road. Ruth squeezed twice, but Val could hear her start to sob.

“Cops never understand anything,” Dave said as they moved through the tunnels. “They got all these quotas about arresting people and that’s all they care about. They found our place and they were just going to lock it up so nobody could ever use it and where’s the sense in that? We’re not hurting anyone by being down there. It’s our place. We found it.”

“What are you talking about?” Luis said. “What were you thinking back there? Are you bug-fuck crazy?”

“It’s not my fault,” Dave said. “It’s not your fault. It’s not anybody’s fault.”

Val wished he would shut up.

“That’s right,” Luis said, his voice shaking. “It’s nobody’s fault.”

They emerged in the Canal Street station, hopping on the platform and getting on the first train that stopped. The car was mostly empty, but they stood anyway, braced against the door as the train swayed along.

Ruth had stopped crying, but her makeup made dark smudges on her cheeks and her nose was red. Dave seemed emptied of all emotion, his eyes not meeting anyone else’s. Val couldn’t imagine what he was feeling at that moment. She wasn’t even sure how to name what she felt.

“We can crash in the park tonight,” Luis said. “Dave and I did that before we found the tunnel.”

“I’m going to take Ruth to Penn Station,” Val said suddenly. She thought of the policewoman, the memory of her death like a weight that got heavier with each step away from the corpse. She didn’t want Ruth dragged down with the rest of them.

Luis nodded. “And you’re going with her?”

Val hesitated.

“I’m not getting on that train alone,” Ruth said fiercely.

“There’s someone I have to say good-bye to,” Val said. “I can’t just disappear.”

They got off at the next stop, transferring to an uptown train and rode to Penn Station, then walked upstairs to check the times. Afterward they settled in the Amtrak waiting area, and Lolli bought coffee and soup that none of them touched.

“Meet me here in an hour,” Ruth said. “The train leaves fifteen minutes after that. You can say good-bye to this guy in that time, right?”

“If I’m not back, you have to get on the train,” Val said. “Promise me.”

Ruth nodded, her face pale. “So long as you promise to be back.”

“We’re going to be by the weather castle in Central Park,” Lolli said. “If you miss your train.”

“I’m not going to miss it,” Val said, glancing at Ruth.

Lolli swirled a spoon into a tub of soup, but didn’t raise it to her mouth. “I know. I’m just saying.”

Val stumbled out into the cold, glad to be away from them all.

When she got to the bridge, it was still light enough to see the East River, brown as coffee left too long on the burner. Her head hurt and the muscles in her arms spasmed and she realized that she hadn’t had a dose of Never since the evening before.

Never more than two days in a row.
She couldn’t remember when that rule had been forgotten and the new rule had become every day and sometimes more than that.

Val knocked on the stump and slipped inside the bridge, but despite the threat of daylight, Ravus was gone. She considered finger painting a message on a torn grocery flier, but she was so tired that she decided to wait a little while longer. Sitting down in the club chair, the scents of old paper, leather, and fruit lulled her into leaning back her head and parting the curtain just slightly. She sat for an oblivious hour, watching the sun dip lower, setting the sky aflame, but Ravus didn’t return and she only felt worse. Her muscles, which had ached like they did after exercise, now burned like a charley horse that woke you from sleep.

She looked through his bottles and potions and mixtures, careless of what she disturbed and where things were moved, but she found not a single granule of Never to take away the pain.

A family was finishing their picnic on the rocks as Val shuffled into Central Park, the mother packing up leftover sandwiches, a lanky daughter pushing one of her brothers. The two boys were twins, Val noticed. She’d always found twins sort of creepy, as though only one of them could be the real one. The father glanced at Val, but his eyes rested on a cyclist’s long, bare legs as he slowly chewed his food.

Val walked on slowly, legs aching, past a lake thick with algae, where a riderless boat floated along in the dimming light. An older couple strolled by the bank, arm in arm, as a jogger in spandex huffed his way around them, mp3 player bobbing against his biceps. Normal people with normal problems.

The path continued over a courtyard whose walls were carved with berries and birds, vines so intricate they nearly looked alive, blooming roses, and less familiar flowers.

Val stopped to lean against a tree, its roots exposed and tangled like the pattern of veins under her skin, the pewter bark of the trunk, wet and dark with frozen sap. She’d been walking for a while, but there was no castle in sight.

Three boys with low-slung pants passed, one bouncing a basketball off his friend’s back.

“Where’s the weather castle?” she called.

One boy shook his head. “No such thing.”

“She means Belvedere Castle,” said the other, pointing his hand at an angle, halfway back in the direction she’d come from. “Over the bridge and through the Ramble.”

Val nodded.
Over the bridge and through the woods.
Everything hurt, but she kept going, anticipating the sting of the needle and the sweet relief it would bring. She thought back to Lolli sitting by the fire with the spoon in her hand and her breath stopped at the thought that all the Never was still back there, in the tunnels, with the dead woman, then hated herself that that was what she worried about, that that was what stopped her breath.

The Ramble was a maze of trails, crossing one another, trailing off into dead ends, and doubling back on themselves. Some paths appeared intentional, others seemed created by pedestrians sick of trying to pick their way through the fickle course. Val trudged along, crunching leaves and twigs, her hands in her pockets, gripping her skin through the thin backing of the coat as though digging fingers could punish her body into not hurting.

In the cover of the patchy branches, two men were twined together, one of them in a suit and overcoat, the other in jeans and denim jacket.

At the top of the hill was a large, gray castle with a spire that reached far above the tree line. It appeared to be a grand and ancient estate, rendered strange by being set against the shining lights of the city at dusk, a thing completely out of place. As Val walked closer, she saw that an array of taxidermied creatures were just inside the window, their black eyes watching her through the glass.

“Hey,” a familiar voice called.

Val turned to see Ruth leaning up against a pillar. Before she could think of what to say, she noticed Luis stretched out against the landing that overlooked a lake and a baseball diamond, kissing Lolli with deep, wet, soft kisses.

“I knew you never intended to show up,” Ruth said, shaking her head.

“You said that you would get on the train even if I didn’t,” Val said, trying for self-righteous anger, but the words came out sounding lamely defensive.

Ruth crossed her arms over her chest. “Whatever.”

“Where’s Dave?” Val asked, looking around. The park was getting darker and she didn’t see him anywhere close by.

Ruth shrugged and reached for a cup by her feet. “He went off to do some thinking or something. Luis went after him, but came back alone. I guess he’s freaked out. Shit, I’m freaked out—that woman changed into a dog and now she’s dead.”

Val didn’t know how to explain things so that Ruth would understand, especially because it would make everything so much worse. It was better to believe that the cop had turned into a dog than that she had been turned into one. “Dave’s not going to be happy about that.” Val gestured with her chin toward Lolli and Luis, ignoring the question of magic altogether.

Ruth grimaced. “It’s disgusting. Those callous fuckers.”

“I don’t get it. All this time she’s been after him and he picks now to get it on?” Val couldn’t understand. Luis was an asshole, but he cared about his brother. It wasn’t like him to leave Dave to wander around Central Park while he got it on with a girl.

Ruth frowned and held out the cup she was holding. “They’re your friends. Here, have some tea. It’s disgustingly sweet, but at least it’s warm.”

Val took a sip, letting the liquid warm her throat, trying to ignore the way her hand was shaking.

Luis pulled back from Lolli, and gave Val a lopsided grin. “Hey, when did you show up?”

“Do either you have any Never?” Val blurted. She didn’t think she could stand the pain much longer. Even her jaw felt cramped.

Luis shook his head and looked at Lolli. “No,” she said. “I dropped it. Did you get anything from Ravus?”

Val took a deep breath, trying not to panic. “He wasn’t there.”

“Did you see Dave on your way in?” Lolli asked.

Val shook her head.

“Let’s go down to the crash spot,” Luis said. “I think its dark enough to keep us hidden.”

“Can Dave find us?” Ruth asked.

“Sure,” Luis said. “He’ll know where to look. We slept there before.”

Val gritted her teeth in frustration, but she followed the others as they jumped the gate on one side of the castle and crept down the rocks beneath it. There was a shadowed plateau overhung enough by another boulder to give them a little shelter. Val noticed that they’d already loaded it up with some cardboard.

Luis sat down and Lolli leaned against him, eyes going half-lidded. “I’ll scrounge up some better supplies tomorrow,” he said, leaning down to press his mouth to hers.

Ruth put one arm around Val and sighed. “I can’t believe this.”

“Me either,” Val said, because suddenly all of it seemed equally surreal, equally random and unbelievable. It felt less possible that Ruth should be sleeping on cardboard in Central Park than that faeries existed.

Luis slid his hands up under Lolli’s skirt and Val took took another sip of the cooling tea, ignoring the flash of skin, the glimmer of steel rings, trying not to notice the wet sounds and the giggling. As she turned her head, she saw the leg of Luis’s baggy pants, hiked up so high that the scorch marks on the inside of his knee were visible, scorch marks that could only come from Never.

As Ruth’s breath evened out into sleep and Lolli and Luis’s breath escalated into something else, Val bit the inside of her lip and rode out the pain of withdrawal.

They love not poison that do poison need.

—W
ILLIAM
S
HAKESPEARE
,
R
ICHARD
II

As the night wore on, Val got no better. The cramping of the muscles under her skin grew until she stood up and crept away from their crash spot so that she could at least twist and move as her discomfort urged. She walked across the rocks and started back through the Ramble, scattering a flurry of crumpled leaves from their branches. She took another sip of the tea, but it had turned icy cold.

Val had grown up thinking of Central Park as dangerous, even more than the rest of New York, the kind of place where perverts and murderers lurked behind every bush, just waiting for some innocent jogger. She remembered countless news stories about stabbings and muggings. But now the park just seemed tranquil.

She picked up a stick and did lunging drills, thrusting the tip of the wood into the knothole of a thick elm until she figured she’d cowed any squirrels that might have lived there. The movements made her feel dizzy and slightly nauseated and when she shook her head, she thought she saw moving lights on a nearby path.

The wind picked up just then and the air felt charged, the way it did before a thunderstorm, but when she looked again, she saw nothing. Scowling, she squatted down and waited to see if there was anyone there.

The wind whipped past her, nearly pulling her backpack off her shoulder. This time she was sure she heard laughter. She turned, but there were only the thick bands of ivy crawling up a nearby tree.

The next gust of wind hit her then, knocking the cup out of her hand, spilling the remains of the tea in a puddle and rolling the white cup in the wet dirt.

“Stop it!” Val yelled, but in the silence that followed, her words seemed futile, even dangerous to shout into the still air.

A whistle turned her head. There, sitting on a stump, was a woman made entirely of ivy. “I smell glamour, thin as a dusting of snow. Are you one of us?”

“No,” Val said. “I’m not a faerie.”

The woman inclined her head in a slight bow.

“Wait. I need—,” Val started, but she didn’t know how to finish. She needed to score; she needed Never but she had no idea if the faeries had a name for it.

“One of the sweet tooths? Poor creature, you’ve wandered far from the revels.” The ivy woman walked past Val and down toward the bridge. “I’ll show you the way.”

Val didn’t know what the ivy woman meant, but she followed, not only because Lolli and Luis were breaking Dave’s heart on some nearby rocks and she didn’t want to have to see it, not just because the dead eyes of the policewoman seemed to follow her in the darkness, but because the only thing that seemed important right then was stopping her own pain. And where there were faerie revels, there would be some way to find surcease.

The ivy woman led Val back to the terrace with its carved walls of birds and branches, the fountain at its center, and the lake beyond. The faerie rustled across the tiles, a moving column of greenery. Fog rolled up off the water, a silvery mist that hung in the air for a moment before it roiled forward, too dense and fast to be natural. Val’s skin prickled but she was too dazed and full of aches to do more than stumble back as the fog came in like the tide on some dark shore.

It settled around her, warm and heavy, carrying a strange perfume of rot and sweetness. Music ghosted through the air—the tinkling of bells, a moan, the shrill notes of a flute. Val walked unsteadily, engulfed and blinded by swells of mist. She heard a chorus of laughter, close by, and turned. The fog ebbed in places, leaving Val looking at a new landscape.

The terrace was still there, but the vines had grown from the stone into wild looping things, blooming with strange flowers and thorns long and thin as needles. Birds flew from their sculpted nests to pick at the swollen grapes that hung from the stair rails and squabble with fist-sized bees over the steely apples that littered the pier.

And, too, there were faeries. More than Val might have imagined could live among the iron and steel of the city, faeries with their strange eyes and knifelike ears, in skirts woven of nettle or meadowsweet, in T-shirts and vests with embroidered roses and in nothing at all, their skin gleaming under the moon. Val passed a creature with legs that seemed to be branches and a face carved from bark and a little man that peered at her through opera glasses with lenses of blue beach glass. She passed a man with spines that ran along his hunched back. He smelled of sandlewood and she thought she knew him. Each fey creature seemed bright as leaping flame and wild as wind. Their eyes glowed hot and terrible in the moonlight and Val found herself afraid.

And, too, along the edge of the lake, were cloths woven with gold and heaped with all manner of delicacies. Dates, quinces, and persimmons lay on platters of cracked and dried leaves, next to decanters of sapphire and peridot wines. Cakes piled with roasted acorns were stacked beside spits of limp pigeons and cups of viscous syrups. Nearby them, in a heap, were Ravus’s white apples, their red innards visible through vellum skin, promising Val respite from pain.

She forgot her fear.

She grabbed one, and bit into the warm, sweet flesh. It slid down her throat like a bloody chunk of meat. Fighting back nausea, she bit again and again, juice sluicing over her jaw, the skin of the fruit giving under her sharp teeth. It didn’t feel like Never, but it was enough to numb her limbs and still her trembling.

Relieved, Val sank down by the lake as a creature of moss and lichen surfaced for a moment with a flailing pewter fish in her mouth, then dove again. Too tired to move and too relieved to be anything but sated, Val contented herself by watching the crowd. To her surprise, she saw that she was not the only human. A girl, too young to be out of middle school, rested her head in the lap of a blue faerie with black lips that braided tiny bells and beggarsweed into the child’s pigtails. A man with graying hair and a tweed coat knelt beside a green girl with mossy, dripping hair. Two young men ate slivers of white apples off the edge of a blade, licking the knife to get all of the juice.

Were they the sweet tooths? Human thralls, willing to do anything for a taste of Never, not even knowing what it was to stick it in your arm or burn it up your nose.
Never,
Val told herself.
Never again Never. Never more. Never Never NeverNeverLand.
She didn’t need to make the shadows dance. She didn’t need to keep choosing the wrong path, gloating that at least she was picking her disaster. No matter how bad her decisions, they weren’t keeping any other troubles at bay.

Another faerie came down the stairs. There was something wrong with his skin; it looked mottled and bubbling in places. One of his ears and part of his neck looked like they were sculpted crudely from clay. Some of the others drew back as he strode across the terrace.

“Iron sickness,” someone said. Val turned to see one of the honey-haired faerie girls from Washington Square Park. Her feet were still bare, although she wore an anklet of holly berries.

Val shuddered. “Looks like he was burned.”

“Some say that’s going to happen to all of us if we don’t stay in the park or go back where we came from.”

“Were you exiled here?”

The faerie girl nodded. “One of my lovers was also the lover of a well-favored Lord. He made it appear as though I had stolen a bolt of cloth. It was magical fabric, the kind that shows you stories—precious stuff—and the punishment from the weaver was likely to be both elegant and severe. My sisters and I went into exile until we could prove my innocence. But what of you?”

Val had leaned forward, imagining the marvelous material, and was caught off guard by the faerie’s question. “I guess you could say I was in exile.” Then, looking around, she asked. “Is it always like this here? Do all the exiles come here every night?”

The honey-haired faerie laughed. “Oh, yes. If you have to go Ironside, at least you can come here. It’s almost like being back at court. And, of course, there’s gossip.”

Val smiled. “What kind of gossip?” She was back to being a sidekick. It was automatic for her to ask the questions that her companion wanted to answer and a relief to listen. The faerie’s words drowned out her own restless thoughts.

The girl grinned. “Well, the best bit of gossip is that the Bright Lady, the Seelie Queen Silarial, is here in the iron city. They say that she’s to take care of the poisonings. Apparently Mabry—one of the exiled Gentry—knows something. Everyone’s heard they had a meeting.”

Val sank her nails into the back of her other hand. Had Mabry accused Ravus? She thought of Ravus’s abandoned place inside the bridge an scowled.

“Oh, look,” the faerie whispered. “There she is. See how everyone hangs back, pretending they aren’t dying to ask her to prove the rumors.”

Val stood up. “I’ll ask her.”

Before the honey-haired faerie could protest or applaud, Val threaded her way through the Folk. Mabry wore a gown of palest cream, her green-and-brown hair piled up on her head with a comb made from the inside of a shell. It looked strangely familiar to Val, but she couldn’t place it.

“That’s a pretty comb,” she said, since she’d been staring at it.

Mabry drew it from her hair, letting the locks tumble down her back, and gave Val a wide, lush smile. “I know you. The servant Ravus has become overfond of. Take this little trinket if you like. Perhaps your hair will grow into it.”

Val ran her fingers over the cool surface of the shell, but she was sure that a gift delivered with such a barb didn’t deserve any thanks.

Mabry reached out a finger and touched the side of Val’s mouth. “I see you’ve had a taste of what your skin has been drinking.”

Val started. “How did you know?”

“It is my habit to know things,” Mabry said, turning to walk off before Val got to ask a single thing she wanted to know.

Val tried to follow Mabry, but a faerie with hair of long weeds and a smile full of wicked laughter interposed himself. “My lovely, let me devour your beauty.”

“You’ve got to be joking,” Val said, trying to push past him.

“Not in the least,” he said, and suddenly, strangely, Val could feel desire twist in her belly. Her face went hot. “I can make even your dreams be of want.”

A hand caught her throat and a deep, rough voice spoke low and close to her ear. “And now what is your training good for?”

“Ravus?” Val asked, although she knew his voice.

The other faerie slunk away, but Ravus kept his fingers at her neck. “It’s dangerous here. You should be more careful. Now I’d like you to at least try and break free.”

“You never taught me—,” she began, but then she stopped, ashamed of the way her voice sounded like whining. He was teaching her now. After all, he was giving her time to think what the possible moves might be. It wasn’t as though he was choking her. He was giving her time to win.

Val relaxed, pressing her back to his chest and grinding against him. Startled, he loosed his grasp and she pulled free. He clutched her arm, but she spun around and pressed her mouth to his.

His lips were rough, chapped. She felt the sting of fangs against her bottom lip. He made a sharp sound in the back of his throat and closed his eyes, mouth opening under hers. The smell of him—of cold, damp stone—made her head swim. One kiss slid into another and it was perfect, was exactly right, was real.

He pulled back abruptly, turning his head so that he wasn’t looking at her. “Effective,” he said.

“I thought maybe you wanted me to kiss you. Sometimes I thought I could see it.” Her heart was thundering in her chest and her cheeks were scalding, but she was pleased that she sounded calm.

“I didn’t want you…,” Ravus said. “I didn’t want you to see it.”

She almost laughed. “You look so shocked. Hasn’t anyone ever kissed you before?” Val wanted to do it again, but she didn’t dare.

His voice was cool. “On rare occasions.”

“Did you like it?”

“Then or now?”

Val sucked in a breath, let it out with a sigh. “Both. Either.”

“I liked it,” he said softly. It was then that she remembered he could not lie.

She ran her hand over his cheek. “Kiss me back.”

Ravus caught her fingers, clutched them so hard that they hurt. “Enough,” he said. “Whatever game you are playing at, end it now.”

She pulled her hand out of his grip, sobering abruptly, and took several steps back from him. “I’m sorry—I thought—” In truth, she couldn’t recall what she’d thought, what had made this seem like a good idea.

“Come along,” he said, not looking at her. “I’ll take you back to the tunnels.”

“No,” Val said.

He stopped. “It would be unwise to remain here, no matter your—”

Val shook her head. “That’s not what I mean. Someone found our place. There’s nowhere to go back to.” It had been a long time since there was something to go back to, anything to go back to anywhere.

He spread his hand as though trying to express something inexpressible. “We both know that I am a monster.”

“You’re not—”

“It demeans you to cover rotten meat with honey. I know what I am. What would you want with a monster?”

“Everything,” Val said solemnly. “I’m sorry I kissed you—it was selfish and it upset you—but you can’t ask me to pretend
I
didn’t want to.”