Vanguard (35 page)

Chapter 21

May 9, 2014

For the week following the broadcast of the interview, Michael remained withdrawn. This didn’t surprise Sophie. She had plenty of experience watching him retreat after he’d allowed his emotions to show. Ten years ago she might have pushed. Now she knew better.

After the interview aired, she went back to Brooklyn on her own for a few days, picking up her mail and running errands. Giving him the space he needed.

They’d have to decide about living arrangements. She couldn’t keep sleeping over at her boyfriend’s parents’ house indefinitely. Sophie wondered if between the two of them, they could afford something small in Manhattan. It would be nice to lose the commute.

Sophie returned Sunday night. She went to work every day, and Michael finished up the last of his interviews. They ate dinner together. Went to the movies. Shared tidbits from their days. He started sending her flowers, mountains of them. They slept wrapped up in each other’s arms every night. She felt cherished.

So this is what it’s like to have a quasi-normal life with the man you love.

On Friday night, Michael was particularly distant. Max and Signe had gone to visit friends in White Plains for the weekend. Sophie awoke in the night to find their bed empty. She could hear the faint tinkling of Signe’s piano downstairs in the living room, and knew where to find him.

“Hi,” she said from the doorway.

He looked up, concerned. “Did I wake you?”

“Not at all.” She sat on the couch, not bothering to put a light on. “Come sit with me?” He pushed back the bench and joined her. Sophie burrowed her face into his chest, nuzzling against his collarbones. His hands ran through her hair, then tipped her chin up. His lips brushed her forehead, across her eyes, and down to her mouth.

“You’ve been quiet,” she whispered against his lips. “What have you been thinking about?”

He smiled and kissed her again. “I have been thinking about you and me. Our future. My career. Many things.”

“Have you come to any conclusions?”

“I know that I love you. I do not wish to live apart from you. I would like for us to look for our own place together,
mana mila
.”

“Me too.” She put her head on his shoulder. “It would be nice to live here in Manhattan, if we can manage it.”

He nodded. She shivered, and he reached over to pull a throw around them. “I also think…” He paused, struggling over what he had to say. “I think it is time for me to see the therapist you recommended.”

She looked up at him. This couldn’t be an easy thing for him to admit. “I can call on Monday, set something up for you.”

He nodded, and she said nothing more. He was trying, and that was all Sophie could ask.

“There is something I need to tell you,” he said. “Something I have been thinking about a lot lately.”

“Tell me.”

“Anjali was extremely unhappy with my lapse in judgment regarding your medication the day we returned to the camp from Kaliningrad. She threatened to file a formal complaint against me as a physician upon her return to America.” He turned his face so he could look her in the eye. “I could lose my license to practice medicine.”

Sophie wasn’t surprised. Anjali had a high professional standard, and his actions in Europe had breached that standard decisively. Anjali’s temper rivaled Michael’s. Sophie didn’t think her friend would push the complaint, given the circumstances, but she didn’t know for sure.

“I’m sorry, Michael. I’d like to think that Anjali will take the circumstances into consideration.”

“There are no circumstances to consider. I did a wrong thing, and I am willing to accept responsibility for my actions.” He ran his hand through his short hair. “I will never forgive myself for hurting you in that way.”

“It was wrong, but it can never be undone.” She cupped his face in her hand. “And I have forgiven you.” He kissed her palm, once lightly, the second time more slowly. She laid her head against his chest and listened to his heart beating under her ear.

He’s alive. He’s safe. We are together.

She would never forget what it felt like to go to bed at night, not knowing if he was alive. She would never again take his presence in her life for granted.

They sat in dark together, his heartbeat steady in her ear. Warm and comfortable, she drifted off. Sophie stirred as he gathered her up in his arms and carried her up the stairs, still wrapped in the blanket. Gently, Michael laid her down in the bed and slid into the sheets, turning toward her. She snuggled into his arms, their bodies intertwined. She sighed with pleasure, and tipped over the edge into peaceful darkness.

~~ - ~~

When Sophie awoke, she was shocked to discover that it was just after noon. Michael still slept, his face relaxed. She got up and left the room, returning with the newspaper, her iPhone, and a cup of coffee.

She read the international news section of the paper, noting the coverage on Orlisia. Then she caught up on the email reports from Parnaas. She smiled when she read that a school had been set up since they left. Even in the midst of chaos, kids had to go to school.

She flagged a dozen or so items for follow up. She should probably go into the office at some point during the weekend, but right then, she had no desire to get out of bed. Sophie glanced down at Michael, still sleeping beside her.
Who would want to get out of bed with the most gorgeous guy in the world curled up naked in the sheets?

His green eyes suddenly fluttered open. He looked like he didn’t quite know where he was. “What time is it?”

“Almost one o’clock in the afternoon, if you can believe it,” she said. “You’re beautiful when you sleep, you know.”

Michael smiled sheepishly then got out of bed. He came back shortly after with his own coffee, and climbed back in beside her. “What is new in the world?” He gestured to the paper.

“Same old, same old. The UN High Commissioner for Refugees continues to urge the Soviet Republic to hand over full control of the Parnaas camp to them. Commandant Jaros, of course, has gone back to Moscow, never to be seen again. Zimbabwe is still a mess. Somalia’s getting worse. We’ve been thinking for a while that the Horn of Africa will be our next target.” He flinched, and she looked at him in surprise. “What?”

“Nothing.” Then after a long silence, he sighed. “It is something I need to learn to deal with. You going away to dangerous places without me.”

“It’s not an unreasonable fear,” Sophie said. “I felt the same way when you went to Orlisia last year. I understand.” She drew closer to him, and he rested his head in her lap. “The therapist can help you cope with those feelings. He’s worked with the spouses of some of our field workers, helping them deal with their fears while their partners are away.”

“Is it wrong for me to wish from time to time that you had selected a more conventional profession?”

“No. Sometimes I wish it myself. But it’s what I do, and I love it.” She looked down at her iPhone without seeing it. “Although I don’t know how I will bear it the first time I’m away from you for a month or two. I don’t even like being away from you for a day. We’ll both have some adjusting to do.”

“You getting hurt or being in danger when I am not there to protect you…that is the worst fear in my heart.”

Sophie felt her throat constrict at Michael’s confession. How could she not relate to what he was saying after everything that had happened in the last year?

“I know.” She groped for his hand and squeezed it, willing her tears away. “It’s hard for me to imagine you being frightened about anything, big, strong man that you are.”

He grinned and kissed the back of her hand. “I feel similarly about you, even though you are a small, weak woman. You also rarely show fear. Tell me,
mana mila
, what do you fear most?”

“I don’t like spiders.”

“I know that,” he said, grinning, “for I have killed many for you over the years. But that is not what you fear most in life, is it?”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” She suddenly felt very uneasy. Sophie knew exactly what she feared most, but she didn’t like the idea of sharing it with him.

“I cannot believe this!” He sat up in bed. He was naked, and the sight of his body distracted her. “Could this be true?
You
refusing to communicate? With
me
? I never thought I would see this day.” She slapped at him, but he dodged her hand.

“Michael,” she warned. He turned the full force of his eyes on her, and her heart turned over in her chest. “Oh, for God’s sake. My fear is not much different than yours. I’m most afraid that you’ll leave me. For someone tall, beautiful, and slender, like your model girlfriend you were photographed with.” The last statement came out a little more tartly than she intended, but telling him this made her feel vulnerable.

He started to laugh, which annoyed Sophie.
He confesses his greatest fear to me, and I’m overwhelmed with empathy. I tell him mine and he laughs. Terrific.
She looked back down at her phone, a flush creeping over her face. He fell silent, then tipped her face up to him.

“You are not making a joke, are you? You are serious. That really is what you fear.”

“Yes, it is.” She tugged her chin away. “You shouldn’t have made me tell. It’s embarrassing.” But as quickly as she pulled away, he came right back into her face.

“
Mana mila
, you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me.” He cupped her face in his hands and stared at her with alarming intensity. “I love you beyond words. I have told you this so many times. How is it that you do not know this?”

“I do know,” she protested. “But I do not understand. Look at you. You’re gorgeous. You could have anyone.”

“And I desire only you. I love only you. All other women pale in comparison to you. Beautiful. Brave. Smarter than anyone else I know.” He pulled her closer, pushing the newspapers off the bed. “One look at you, and I am lost. Feel.” He took her hand and slid it down under the covers where his body stirred. “This is what you do to me. All the time. You and you alone. Please, never think you are anything other than beautiful.”

Her head spun from his words, from the look on his face, from the feel of his body reacting to her touch. She pushed her iPhone away and heard it tumble down onto the floor. All she could think about was kissing him.

Their mouths connected, and the entire world vanished. Only the two of them. Together.

Slowly, the kiss ended, and they broke apart. He framed her face with his hands, and his expression grew very soft.

“Mine.”

“Always.” And she kissed him again.

Epilogue

July 10, 2014

The doors opened up, and Sophie could see Will. She thought he saw her too, but then he was caught in the glare of television lights and flashbulbs. It wasn’t often they returned from a mission to press coverage, but this one had been an exception from beginning to end. The Rev split off from the main group to join the waiting PR team.
Poor Dave. No rest for him.

She waved at Will and Anjali, a huge smile on her face and a trace of tears in her eyes. It was always like this when two of them came home to the third. It had become too chaotic (and dangerous) for the three of them to be away at once. They’d had so many homecomings like this over the years.

But this, too, was different. Now they were four, not three. A tall, rangy man with curly black hair stood behind her, his hand resting gently on her hip.

Sophie could tell that most of the team didn’t recognize Michael at first glance.

The skeletal thinness of his face and body was gone. He had enough hair now to fall over his forehead. His missing teeth had been replaced. He looked strong and healthy. But the biggest change showed in his face and his eyes. He no longer looked like a terrified, angry prisoner of war. Michael was happy.

Sophie fell into a long teary hug with Anjali, leaving Michael and Will to themselves.

“Welcome home, Will.” Michael reached out a hand. They shook, and he pulled Will into a brief embrace. “How is the situation over there?”

“Better than when you left. We left the camp in excellent hands with the UNHCR. I know a lot of the people who came in behind us, and they’re top-notch folks. Having Commandant Jaros gone doesn’t hurt either. He skedaddled back home before the UNHRC got anywhere close.”

“Well, we are glad you have returned safely. Sophie has been going crazy without you.”

“I’m sure you’ve been keeping her busy,” Will said.

Michael grinned and flushed a little. Sophie extracted herself from Anjali’s embrace, and turned to Will. “Hey, boss.”

“Don’t call me boss.” He pulled her into his arms for a long hug.

The greeting between Michael and Anjali was restrained. Anjali clearly hadn’t forgiven Michael yet. Sophie looked up at Will and wondered if he could convince Anjali to let it go. But she could never ask that of him. They’d need to wait to see how it played out.