Veil of Silence (12 page)

They arrived outside and were escorted through a special gate to arrive back at the parked and waiting van.  A uniformed guard was at the wheel and it scared the children.  Amir had had enough.  He was tired, cranky, and unable to run it off.  He started crying and screaming.

“Is the child ill?” one of the uniformed men that Marsha assumed were guards, asked into the darkness as she comforted the little boy.

“No,” she answered quietly.  Amir’s cries were annoying, but he was doing well despite the extended travel.

“Then why is he crying?” she was asked stupidly.

“Oh, I don’t know.  Maybe because he’s been traveling for two days on planes, which he’d never seen before,
and
he’s only two years old?” she answered sarcastically.  She heard Johann stifle a laugh.  She heard Pete say something, but couldn’t hear what it was over the toddler’s cries.  She wasn’t asked any more stupid questions.

Heather now understood why the major and his driver had brought a van.  All those children and adults had needed the space.  Marsha carefully strapped in the children once she had quieted Amir, glancing as Heather made sure Hayley was buckled in.  She was curious about this first child of hers.  She knew nothing about more than five years of her life.  Her look was intercepted by Heather and they exchanged glances until both got busy again with the children. 

“We should have brought car seats,” the major apologized, and then wondered if there would have been any available on the base.

“We’ll make do,” Marsha assured him as she sat down next to her two youngest children.  She had made do on the airplanes too.

“Moray, where are we going?” Bahir asked in the local Tajik dialect she had been raised on.

“In English, Bahir,” Marsha corrected her. 

Heather, listening, realized that the little girl must be the one named Bahir.  She wondered how old the child was.  It was obvious she was younger than Hayley.  The little boy was looking around, interested, but still sniffling from crying so hard.  He looked to be quite a handful.  Heather had secretly wanted a boy when Marsha was pregnant with Hayley.  She glanced at their daughter as she buckled herself in and knew she couldn’t imagine life without her.

“Where are we going?” the child asked in such a forlorn, little girl’s voice that Heather’s heart went out to her.

“We are going home,” Marsha told her, glancing at Heather briefly and then back at the little girl.

“Back to Padar?”

“No, baby, not to…Padar,” she hesitated, glancing again at Heather.  “We have a new home.”

“Who is that?” the little girl asked, pointing at the major who had gotten into the front seat next to the driver.  Pete and Johann got in the very back of the van and closed the sliding door behind them.

“That’s the major.  He came to pick us up.”

“Who dat?” Amir spoke up, not to be left out.  He pointed at Hayley as he twisted around in his seat.

Marsha and Heather exchanged another glance.

“That’s my other daughter, Hayley.  She’s your sister,” Marsha answered without hesitation.  Her eyes almost challenged Heather to contradict her.

“Sister?” the older girl asked, hearing the picture woman quite clearly.

“Remember, Hayley?” Heather encouraged, not wanting an awkward scene to be created.  “This is your mom and this is your sister and brother.”

Marsha locked eyes with Heather and her eyes warmed at the words she spoke, thanking her for that.

That seemed to settle it for now for the young children and it wasn’t mentioned again.  The younger children had a lot of questions as they drove along.  Now that they were out of the airplane, it was like they could talk.  Marsha knew part of it was that there was another child around, which made them feel a little more comfortable.  She spent a lot of time explaining what things were as they drove along.

“Why don’t they know what that is?” Hayley asked Heather, trying to keep her voice at a whisper and failing.

“They’ve lived in a country that might not have it,” Heather guessed accurately.

Marsha twisted in her seat a bit to look at Heather and the baby kicked, protesting at the awkward position.  She smiled as she took in her wife and daughter.  “Yes, they have never seen these things,” she explained to the little girl.  Hayley put her head against Heather shyly, but looked back up in time to see Marsha turn back.

“Why don’t you look like your picture?” she asked innocently to the woman’s back and Marsha twisted around again.

“I’m older.  It has been five years,” she tried to explain.  She looked Hayley right in the eye and realized how unfair things had been.  Her child was over six years old, probably in school, and didn’t know her except for what other people had told her.  She glanced again at Heather and sighed, then turned back to the front so the baby inside her would stop protesting at being twisted.  The rest of the drive was rather quiet except for the two little ones asking what things were and Marsha answering.

They arrived at the house and Marsha looked at it.  It looked like every other house on the block, but she knew it was theirs.  She wondered how Heather had coped on her own.  She supposed she would find out soon enough.

“Captain, I expect you in my office tomorrow for a further briefing,” the major said to her formally as they got out of the van.

“I’ll need some clothes,” she informed him as she gestured, almost self-consciously, to the burqa. 

“Of course.  I’ll have uniforms issued immediately,” he informed her.

Marsha glanced at Heather, who was looking at her curiously.  As they went to walk up the sidewalk to the house she asked, “You don’t have any clothes?”

“Well,” she said with a smile, “we had to leave rather abruptly.” 

Heather nodded as she took out her keys and unlocked the door.

“Moray, what is this place?” Bahir asked, looking about curiously.  She had never seen buildings quite like this.  When they had gone through Kabul, the architecture was quite different.  She had seen more wonders in the past few days than anything in her short life.

“In English, Bahir,” she corrected her automatically.  “This is our home,” she explained gently.

As they went in, Heather said hesitantly, “I wasn’t expecting…” she gestured awkwardly to the two children.

Marsha smiled.  “I know.  It’s going to take some adjustments, isn’t it?”

Heather chuckled.  “That’s an understatement.  We need to find some clothes for all of you….”

“Is anything of mine still left?”

“I put it all in boxes up in the garage.”

“Not in the basement?”

“No, I didn’t want it to get all musty.”

“Why didn’t you donate it?”

“You weren’t dead.  I didn’t want to part with…” she confessed and then looked away, embarrassed.

Marsha put her hand on Heather’s arm, the first touch since they had seen each other.  “It’s going to take time.”

Heather looked at the hand and then followed it up the fine material covering her wife’s arm to look into Marsha’s eyes.  “I’m sorry,” she said sadly as she took Marsha in her arms.

Marsha sobbed a little as she felt enveloped by her wife’s hug.  The feel of someone holding her that loved her, beyond her children, was something she had longed for, for so long.  She could feel what she had been holding in for so long, slipping ever so slightly.  She closed her eyes as she smelled the smell that was uniquely Heather.  Her nose nuzzling into her neck, clutching hard for something they had lost.  “I’ve missed you,” she confessed, mumbling into her neck.

“Probably as much as I missed you,” Heather rejoined as she pulled back to look at her again.

“I was coming home.  I was coming home to you both when.…”

“I know.  When they told me that your helicopter went down, we all thought the worst.  When they couldn’t find it….”  She was hinting at Marsha telling her more, but she saw the shadow that came over her wife’s face.  “That can wait.”

The children were looking at each other uneasily.  The two from overseas in an unfamiliar home, and Hayley, wondering what place she now had in this family.  She hadn’t realized that by bringing her other mother home she would get a brother and a sister.  She wasn’t certain if she liked that.

“Well, what should we do first?” Marsha asked to distract them all as she stepped back out of Heather’s arms.  She longed to hug Hayley, but knew that between her strange garb, the situation, and the fact that before today the little girl didn’t really know her, it would be pushing it.  She decided to be cheerful and let the little girl come to her.  She hoped she would…eventually.

“Let’s get those boxes down out of the rafters in the garage and see if there is anything to salvage,” Heather announced.

“I’ll help,” Hayley volunteered.

They went out through the kitchen into the garage.

“Still have this, eh?” Marsha looked at the old car.

“I couldn’t afford another,” she confessed.  It said a lot more about their situation than she intended.  She untied a rope from the wall where it was pegged and lowered the platform that was on pulleys.  It contained several boxes that were marked ‘Marsha’s clothes.’  “I’m sure you’ll find something in there to wear.  We can go through some of Hayley’s things for Bahir.  I don’t know about…” she indicated Amir.  Both children were looking about the garage in wonder.  So many things were different.  They were quite overwhelmed.  The past few days had brought about so much change.

“I’m sure we’ll find something,” Marsha agreed and took what looked like a light box from the top.  Her back told her different as she began to carry it in the house.

“Here, you guys.  Everyone take one,” Heather said as she handed out what were lighter boxes to each of the kids.  Even Amir was able to take one, although she wasn’t certain he knew what he was doing.  She wondered how young he really was.  The box was small, however, and he followed the older girls.  She frowned as she picked up a heavier box of Marsha’s things and wondered at how she had seen Marsha carry the first one.  Marsha, so proud of being able to bench press a lot of weight for a woman, so thrilled with her ripped body, must have lost a lot of muscle tone to have a box like that make her twinge.

Marsha made her way into the living room.  She’d wondered about carrying the box into the bedroom, but hadn’t been sure.  She saw no sign that anyone else was living in the house with Heather, but she didn’t want to assume.  It would only be natural if, after all this time, Heather had moved on.  She looked up as each of the children, Amir included, brought in boxes.  “Thank you,” she said politely as Hayley plopped her box down on top of the one Marsha had brought in.

“There’s more, but we can start with this,” Heather said as she brought in her box.  “Why didn’t you put it in the bedroom?” she asked, frowning at the boxes in the living room.

“I didn’t want to assume.  I didn’t know what to expect,” Marsha answered, almost stammering in her awkwardness.

This was not the confident army woman that Heather remembered.  It surprised her as Marsha blushed.  She realized it was awkward for all of them.

“Hayley, why don’t you show your…brother and sister the playset in the back yard?” she told the little girl.

“Okay, Mommy,” the girl said brightly.  She liked the idea of being useful and she grabbed Bahir’s hand to lead her out, but the little girl stopped dead in her tracks.

“Moray?” she questioned, looking up, unsure.

“It’s okay, Bahir.  You and Amir are safe with your sister in the backyard,” Marsha assured them.  She watched happily as the three children went off through the kitchen to the back door. 

“Are they going to be okay?” Heather worried.

“This is all so new to them.  They played with children their own age all the time…most were related somehow.  They had fields and streams to play in, but nothing like that playset,” she had gotten up to look outside at the children.  She worried constantly about them.  “When did you get that?” she asked, her head tilting to indicate the playset.  She was watching as Hayley enticed Bahir up the slide.  The children almost instinctively knew what that was for.

“Your parents gave it to her one year.”  She didn’t mention what gifts like that had almost cost her.

“Do they know?” she turned to look at Heather, wondering.

“No one knows.  I only found out yesterday.”

“Has it been hard?”  Her voice implied more than she was asking.

Heather nodded as she drew her lips into a hard line.  “It hasn’t been easy on what the government
let
me have.”

“They didn’t give you my pay?” she was surprised.  She had assumed….

“I had to fight for what little I could get.  I can barely afford…” she began bitterly and then stopped herself.  It wasn’t Marsha’s fault the military had tried to screw her family over.  After what Marsha was sure to have gone through—evidenced by the two children playing outside—what right did she have to complain?  She, at least, had been safe here with Hayley.

“Well, we will see about that…” Marsha said hotly, sounding like the army gal of old.

Heather was pleased to see the spark of anger in her wife’s eyes.  They had seemed so lifeless, with only anguish visible since she had seen her in the airport.  She grinned.  “Let’s get you changed,” she indicated the living room where the boxes were.

“You hadn’t moved on?”  Marsha was curious.

Heather picked up the box she had brought in, the heaviest of the few.  “Well, I have gone on a few first dates.  It felt awkward and awful all at the same time.  I just didn’t feel up to it for so long.  Getting out there and dating…sucks,” she finished as she led Marsha to what had been their bedroom.

The room was sparse and without Marsha’s things in it, bare.  Heather hadn’t replaced anything and her own things were almost hidden in the room.  She put the box on the bed and opened the top.  “Looks like jeans and t-shirts in this one.”

“Feels like rocks and irons in this one,” Marsha complained good-naturedly about the box she was bringing in.  She was surprised at how the bedroom looked.  She glanced at the queen-size bed next to Heather.

“We’ll have to get you to the gym and bench pressing again,” Heather teased.  The Marsha she had known would never have complained about the weight of a box.

“Well, that will have to wait.”

“Yeah, they probably want to interrogate you first.  Didn’t they do that over in…?”

“A little, but I was so tired.  Still in shock that I had managed to get away.”

Heather sat on the bed with a little plop.  “Why did it take so long to get away?”  Her glance went towards the kitchen and beyond where the children were playing.

“They watched me.  All the time, they watched me.  I could have left alone, many times.”

Heather understood.  At least she thought she understood.  Marsha couldn’t leave without her children.

“Let me get the others while you change,” she offered as she got up again and went to get the boxes the children had brought in the house.  Because they were smaller, she stacked them up in her arms and brought them back to the bedroom.  She dropped them at her feet just inside the bedroom door upon her return.  The resounding crash had Marsha spinning from where she was pulling off her burqa.

“Oh, my God!” Heather exclaimed, seeing Marsha’s body for the first time emerging from under the all-enveloping burqa.  “You’re pregnant!” she gasped the obvious.

“Yes, I am,” Marsha admitted, her hand automatically going to the stomach she had exposed.  She stood there proudly in her practical panties and bra.  Nothing sexy had been offered or given to her, just the bare minimum.  She reached for the shirt she had been changing into—an overly-large t-shirt she liked.  It barely fit over the enlarged stomach and it felt funny after all these years of wearing loose, free-flowing outfits.

“How far along are you?” Heather tried to recover.  She was shocked by the two children playing in her back yard right now, but this….

“I don’t know,” she admitted ruefully.  She reached for a pair of shorts, certain that any jeans in the boxes wouldn’t fit.  Then she reconsidered as she looked down at her unshaven legs.  The dark hairs were gross against her white skin.  It hadn’t bothered her when she had been allowed to bathe back in the hills, but now, here in the United States, it grossed her out.

“How can you not know?”

“It’s not like they have a prenatal plan there,” she sounded bitter.

“I’m sorry.  I guess I’m going to say inappropriate things for a while.”

“I’m sorry.  It’s not your fault.  It’s just…I guess…I’m tired.  I also don’t know about things….”  She looked for and found sweat pants.  She tugged them on.  At least they had a drawstring so she could leave the opening wide for her belly.

“What things?”  Heather thought she knew, but she wanted Marsha to spell it out.

“I didn’t know about you,” she confessed.  “About us.”  She looked up and the pain in her eyes was real.  “I didn’t know if you had moved on.  I didn’t know….”

“Shhhh,” Heather said, taking her in her arms again.  She felt stupid for not feeling the baby bump before under the caftan thingy.  How could she not have known?  Marsha was huge!  The t-shirt and sweats emphasized it.  “We just have to take it slow and see where it goes.  I’m here.  I’m so grateful you’re alive….”

“Our daughter doesn’t even know me!” she replied bitterly, the tears starting.  “Damn hormones,” she griped, needing a tissue as her nose started to run too.

Heather let her go long enough to reach over to the nightstand and hand her the box.  “It’s just going to take time.”

“Well, you never expected the others.”  She wiped her nose after blowing it once, hard.  Using the clean edge of the tissue, she wiped at the tears, then she balled it up and threw it in the waste basket next to the nightstand.

“I’ll admit the two…” her hand tentatively reached out to Marsha’s belly, “three, are a surprise, but we always wanted a big family.”  She smiled, bobbing her head to get Marsha to look at her.

Marsha looked up.  She could always count on Heather to see the bright side of things.  “This is so much to ask of you.”

“Let’s just see how it works out.  One step at a time, one day at a time.  Hell, you haven’t even been home an hour!”

“I don’t know how much I can share with you,” she confessed.

“I know some of it must be classified–”

“No,” she interrupted.  “Not that, of course.  I mean about this and them…” her hand took in her belly and a jerk of her head took in the children they could hear out back.  “We better check on them.  They aren’t used to….”

“They’re fine, and Hayley is going to enjoy being the big sister.  What did you mean?”

She looked back and forth between Heather’s eyes.  “I don’t know how much I can tell you.”

“Well, you were never one for many words.  You just got here, so let’s take it slow.  Right now, how about we make some mac and cheese and see how the kids like it?  It’s one of Hayley’s favorites.”  It was also one of the cheapest meals she could afford.

The two of them left the boxes in the bedroom, some still unopened, as they walked into the kitchen together.  Marsha, unfamiliar with where things were, watched the children out the back door.  Amir and Bahir had adjusted and were running with Hayley as though they played together every day.  Looking at her oldest daughter, she smiled wistfully.

Heather caught her look and glanced outside.  The children were playing together easily, as children did.  Only the adults saw problems where none existed.

The children all loved mac and cheese.  Marsha had no worries about either of them using a spoon since they were familiar with those.  She saw them watching Hayley, looking up to their newfound friend and sister.  They had been shocked to see their mother in pants, even sweat pants and a t-shirt, the attire absolutely unfamiliar to them both.  Hayley, older than the others, realized what the bump on her other mom’s stomach meant.