Veiled Innocence (Book One, The Soul Cycle) (25 page)

Lian glanced down at the t
eardrop once more. It was dull. She didn’t mean for her words to sound so frantic, but right now she needed to know that if the world was fallin
g
apart, she at least wasn’t losing her mind.
She shook it hard with her free hand; the other was locked in
Rowan’s iron grasp. “Blast you
, w
ork!”

Ahe
ad of her, Rowan growled. “As I have
told you for the twentieth time, y
es,
I saw it. Stop that before you break it.
And for the love of the gods, quiet yourself.
I have enough to worry about w
ithout listening to your incessant prattle
.”

The eerie glow of the leaves began fading with the approach of dawn. Wet, thorny branches scraped across their legs as they ran, shredding their clothes and creating rivers of bloody scratches across the exposed skin underneath. The early morning dew blanketed the dank forest, and their feet kicked up the musky smell of wet dirt and decaying plants. Moisture hung thick in the air, the promise of yet another smoldering summer day in Accalia.

She
fought to catch her brea
th, while
Rowan seemed to have no problem keeping at the blazing pace they were
setting. The sopping cape he wore must have been quite heavy, but it never slowed him down.
“What does it mean?” she murmured.

“I said I don’t know.”

She gritted her teeth.  “The
monster
that chased us into the woods
… I’ve seen it before, in the Marketplace. And in my dreams.”

Rowan said nothing, though his fingers tightened painfully around her wrist.

She gasped
softly
. “Am I… am I seeing the future?”
Those “images.” They were supposed to be bad dreams, a side effect of the illness, and yet…

Rowan was silent. Aside from the occasional frantic – or was it frightened? – glance behind them, he paid her little heed. 

The sky was growing lighter with the rising sun, turning from black to deep
gray
, before they slowed their break-neck sprint.

Splashes of color caught
her
gaze
, from the shade of her eyes to the deeper green of the gown she had rejected, but for the most part
,
everything appeared in monochrome thanks to the dense canopy overheard, all but the bright red and gold veins of the leaves.

Memories of the night before jabbed at her already fragile composure, images of her family, all those people, a dagger soaked in blood, flames destroying everything she had known. Did she really miss that place,
and
the family that had alienated her all those years? 

Guilt stabbed at her chest until it felt so heavy she didn’t think she could take another breath.   

“Wait!” She pulled against Rowan’s hand. 

He ignored her and continued to plow through the brush. Her legs felt heavy, like she was wearing weights along her thighs and calves. “
Would you stop and just look at me?
”

“What for?” he shouted over his shoulder. “We need to get as far away from here as possible.”

“But
think ab
out the people we left behind.
Your father,
Ana-Elise
, Alastor, they ne
ed our help! We have to go back.
They might –”

She nearly slammed into him when he suddenly turned on her, a hard glint in his dark eyes. “They might
what
, my L
ady? There’s nothing we could’ve done to save them. And we’re not going back.” He took a step away from her.

She jerked on his arm, forcing him to face her. “We have to try! That’s my home back there!”

“It was my home, too! You really don’t understand, do you?”

When she gave him a blank stare, he dropped her arm and rubbed his temples. “You’re it, the only remaining
kin of the duke
. I wish you’d get that through your thick head. I can’t risk getting you killed over nothing.”

Her jaw dropped. “
Nothing
? So Accalia, your friends, your father, mean
nothing
to you?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“That you’re the only hope Accalia has now.” He sighed. “And I’m sorry, but I can’t let you go back, just as I couldn’t leave you there.”

She remembered Merí’s warning:
“Don’t trust Rowan.”

Lian
rubbed her arms and glanced around nervously. The forest was quiet, but screams rang in her ears. “I would’ve been fine. I had a plan.” She silently cursed her voice for warbling.

“
Oh
? And what plan was that? Running around the palace after some stupid trinket while everyone else fought for their lives?” He gestured around him, and she imagined all those people dying and running from the monsters, like ghosts moving in and out of the trees.

“Wake up!” he yelled. “People died for you tonight.
Good
people. You should at least have the dig
nity to admit when you’re wrong
and respect them for the sacrifice they made.”

Right that second, she despised him. “How heartless do you think I am? I care more about others, and I have known and shown love far more than you’ve ever been capable of!”

He stood stock still, as if paralyzed. If it had been under any other circumstances, she might have felt guilty. At that moment, she didn’t care. He had crossed the line a long time ago
,
and he had it coming.

Her fury boiled over as she let all of the suppressed fear and pain drain out of her.
She felt the being inside her awaken. It consumed her, and this time she didn’t fight back. She didn’t want to feel, didn’t want to think anymore. Her mind and heart were so exhausted that the prospect of someone – or something – else taking over for a little while didn’t bother her as much.

Her eyes closed, and when they opened, she was no longer herself.

The imposter rolled its neck.
“Why do you think you’re all alone?
I can tell you:
because no one cares what happens to you, Rowan. Don’t you get it? Nobody wants to be around a self-righteous,
arrogant stint like you.
”

Hurt flashed across his face before he was the s
ame cocky knight as before. “
And you, of course, would be the expert on public image since you’re such an outstanding example yourself. I wish I’d brought some parchment or something so I could take some notes, maybe learn from all of your wisdom. Wish I’d thought of that while we were up in your room.” He put his fist under his chin, pret
ending to be thinking. “Oh, that’s right
.
I was
too busy
saving
your
life
.”

“
I
would have been fine.
”

“
You
would have been killed. But I suppose you’re too much of a stubborn, spoiled, selfish brat to understand that.
”

The imposter smirked.

He bit his lip
, as if mulling something over. “You know,” he said,
his voice edged with malice, “m
aybe Gabriel should be thankful they put him out of his misery. I don’t think the guy realized what he’d gotten himself into, falling in love with you, that is.”

A flash of white hot rage scorched her,
stunning her back into her body for a moment
.
“What did you say?”

At first, her brain refused to register exactly what he had said because it was so awful. Then the gears cranked faster and faster until she thought her head would explode from
anger
. She balled her hands up into fists, digging her nails into her clammy palms until she fe
lt them slice through the skin.

I want to hurt him, like he’s hurt me.

“Then why don’t we?”
said the voice.

Rowan started to wa
lk away, and without hesitation
she and the being
said
the first thing that came to mind.

“Your father would be proud. You’ve become just like him. A
monster
.
”

He came up short, like he’d run into a brick wall. Whirling around, he caught her by her arms. “You don’t know
anything
about me. So shut
your mouth
and quit pretending like you do.” His eyes were wild, somewhere between anguish and explosive rage. That look reminded her more of Orris than anything he could’ve said or done. 

For a second, she
vaguely
worried he’d snap and lose control of his emotions, possi
bly hurting her in the process. Oddly, that didn’t alarm her as it should. The thing within her was practically rubbing its hands and li
cking its lips in anticipation;
if Rowan struck her, it would give it an excuse to tear into him, to sate itself on the violence it so craved.

Rowan fixed her with another harsh glare. He released her and stormed off into the trees, lea
ving her alone in the clearing.

“Damn. I was lookin
g
forward to hitting him,”
said the shadow being.
 

The
thing
retreated, hurtling her back into her skin. Dizzy from exhaustion, she sank to the still sopping grass and
buried her head in her knees
to try to stop the world from spinning
. She was so tired; her mind felt as bruised and beaten as her body.

Did I really allow that creature to take over?

Was she becoming as evil and twisted as the being, or had she been that way all along and was only
discovering
that part of herself?

She should have been terrified, but she couldn’t summon enough energy to flame the ember of fear within her. She was
tired
of being afraid.

Wrapping her dirt smudged arms around her ruine
d dress, she closed her eyes and tried to push the sickening realization she might be mentally ill from her mind.
The last moments of her fat
her and Gabriel replayed behind her closed lids
, spiraling into a dark vortex at the center of her shattered soul.
I’m truly alone
, she thought, still not quite accepting the truth. She had always felt lonely at the fortress, but being in the woods surrou
nded by nothing but vegetation
brought a whole new meaning to the word “loneliness.”

“I’m all alone,” she whispered. “Gabriel’s not coming back.”
She hugged herself tighter, trying to warm her suddenly clammy skin.
Maybe I deserve this solitude.
Ursa…
I said such terrible things to her. Did she die thinking I hated her?

She
turned her head and
looked off i
n the direction Rowan had gone
before laying her head down on her arms again and squeezing her eyes closed.

Sleep overtook her almost immediately.
It was dark
,
and she was alone, but it wasn’t painful. She didn’t have to feel anything there, in the void of h
er dreams,
only the sweet bliss of unknowing. What a wonderful feeling it was.  

A twig snapped
,
and she groggily glanced up. The world was sideways. Sometime from the moment she closed her eyes and now, she had
lain
down. 

There was nothing there. 

“Rowan?” she asked, sitting up. “Is that you?” She figured he was only trying to calm down and would return shortly, but now that she looked around, she realized how much time had actually passed. 

It had been nearly a full day. The sun was setting
,
and the forest was shrouded in an eerie silence. No birds chirped, no animals called, and no insects beat their wings. Creasing her brows, she turned all the way around from where she was sitting, trying to peer through the dense foliage. “Rowan? Are you there?”

Nothing. The forest was completely still.

The hairs on her arms and neck pricked upright. There were no birds twittering or animals scurrying about. She was alone.

Stay calm
. The more she said that to herself, the more her trepidation increased. 

Leaves crunched under invisible feet, and she yelped as she spun around, leaping up to a crouched position. She clamped onto the teardrop, which had started to glow white. The footsteps drew closer and closer, but she still couldn’t see anything. Her throat felt tight, or the air was too thick, she wasn’t sure.