Vengeance (24 page)

“It’s
gonna be ok, Illyria.  Vanata took care of the infection.
 You’re gonna live.”

“Live?”
 I gasp, cutting off my scream.  I turn to look at him,
feeling as if I have been thrust into a nightmare with no end.  “How
can I live without my leg?  I can’t walk.  Can’t
fight.  How can I hope to find Bastien if I can’t make it
through the swamp?”

With each question
that I pose I can feel my panic rising to frantic heights.  A
buzzing begins to fill my ears and I blink, trying to think around
the stampede of terrifying scenarios in my mind.  

“Not having
part of your leg doesn’t change who you are.”  His
gaze drops away but the pressure of his hands upon my shoulders
remains firm.  “We had no choice.  It was either take
your leg or let you die.  We made a call and I think when you
calm down you will realize it was the right one.”

I swallow hard
against the acid rising into my throat.  I feel sick, not
physically but deep within my soul.  I pull away from him,
wanting no part of him to ever touch me again.  “You
should have let me die.”

He rears back,
horror plainly written on his face.  “How can you say
that?”

Tears stream freely
from my eyes as I look back down at my leg.  Now that I really
look I can see a rise in the blanket around my knee and realize
Vanata must have wrapped my leg in the towels to staunch the
bleeding.  “What good am I if I can’t defend myself
here?  There are people out there hunting for me.  What
happens if they find me and I can’t protect myself?”

Hyde grips the edge
of my bed and leans in.  “We won’t let anything
happen to you. I promise that.”

I snort and wipe at
my nose.  “You can’t promise me anything.”

The muscle along his
jaw flinches and I can tell he’s fighting with his emotions.
 “There are things going on here that you don’t
understand.  Things that I can’t tell you.”

“Fine.”
I shout back, slamming my fists down onto the bed on either side of
me.  “Who cares anyways?  You want to keep me in the
dark?  That’s fine by me.  I don’t care
anymore.  Just leave me alone.”

Hyde’s grabs
me by the arm and shakes me, forcing me to turn and look at him.  His
horror is gone.  It has been replaced with anger.  “So
that’s it?  You just give up?  After everything you
have been through, everything you have survived you’re going to
let something like this destroy you?”

Remorse as sharp as
a blade steals my breath away.  I clutch my arms about my
stomach as I draw my one whole leg up toward my chest, curling in on
myself.  My silent tears turn into gut wrenching sobs.  

How much more do
I have to give?  My home?  Bastien?  My children?  Now
my leg?  I can’t do this anymore.  I just can’t.

“You wouldn’t
understand,” I mutter, my voice sounding distant and
dispassionate in my ears.    

“No.”
 Hyde says, letting go of my shoulders.  He sinks forward
onto his knees and grabs hold on my hand, drawing it away from my
face to hold it in his.  “Maybe I don’t know
everything that you’ve been through.  I don’t know
what it was like having to have to face down Drakon on your own, or
be forced to marry Aloysius or give up your freedom for the sake of
everyone, but I do know one thing…”  he waits until
I look over at him.  “I know that you are a fighter.
 Fighters never give up, no matter how far down they have
fallen.”

I brush my hair back
from my face, blowing out an unsteady breath.  With every part
of me I want to let go, to finally be free of this life.  What
has it brought me besides more pain than any one person should bear?
 Bastien may be dead.  Eamon too.  How can I possibly
go on when everything and everyone that I have loved may be gone?

“I just...I
need some time.”

“Alright.”
 Hyde nods and pushes back to sit cross legged on the floor.  I
watch him as he prepares himself for a long wait.  I sink down
onto the bed and roll away from him, needing to be alone but knowing
that he’s not about to trust me with that.  “I’ll
be here if you need me.”

“I
won’t.”  I roll my head away as the tears and
despair come.  The silence that falls around me feels
suffocating.  I grit my teeth as I fight against the sobs rising
within my throat.  I don’t want to cry, especially not in
front of him.  

After an hour of
silence passes I finally ask, “When did you suddenly decide to
become my hero?”  

“When you
started acting like a child who needs one,” he retorts.

A
hint of a smile tugs at my lips.  
Touché.

“You called me
Illyria,” I whisper to the dark, staring up at the ceiling.
 I’m not sure how many days have passed but I know by the
ache in my backside that it’s been quite a few.  Hyde
never left me, staying true to his word. Vanata brought him food
several times but he ignored it.  I could feel him watching over
me.  Never moving.  Never complaining.  Even as the
lights flickered off and the men bedded down each night he only
shifted enough to lay down on the floor beside my bed.  I
suspect at some point he must have left me to have a wash and attend
to other needs but each time I woke he was there.  “Before,
when you were trying to calm me down, you called me Illyria instead
of Queeny.”

“Must have
been caught up in the moment.”

I smile, and roll my
head to look at him in the dim light of the lantern.  Most of
his face is cast in shadow but I can see that he is watching me.  His
beard has grown thick and bushy.  His sideburns are out of
control.  The evidence of his physical sacrifice touches me
deeply.  “It’s the least you could do after groping
me with the pretense of easing my fever.”

His smirk returns.
 “Glad to see you’ve got your humor back.”

“Nice to see
you still excel at avoiding sensitive topics.”  He
chuckles but doesn’t deny it.  I suck in a breath and hold
it until my lungs begin to burn.  Slowly I blow it out, wishing
that it could make me feel better.  I look at Hyde, seeing the
concern in his eyes.  “Thank you for staying with me all
this time.  I didn’t really peg you for a guy who cared
about anyone but himself.”

His
shoulders rise and fall with a shrug.  “You remind me of
Niyah.  Whether I like it or not, I realize now why Bastien
loves you so much.”

My stomach tightens
at the sound of his name.  “Why is that?”

His smile softens as
he thinks about his sister.  “You both are far too alike.
You are a strong, bull-headed woman who deserves better than what has
been dealt you.  I know that now.”

I wipe my nose with
the back of my hand, feeling the sting of tears.  That is all I
seem to do these days.  I have never liked crying.  It
makes me feel weak, vulnerable.  For someone who has spent her
entire life needing to be strong, I can’t bear to acknowledge
that fact that I may not truly be as strong as I think I am.  “I
think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Hyde chuckles.
 “Yeah, well don’t get used to it, Queeny.  My
sis could still take you in a fair fight and I’d root her on
the whole time.”

He
purses his lips and looks down at my leg.  I can see his shame
for having forgotten about my lost leg before he turns away.  I
feel oddly removed from the pain associated with the knowledge that I
will never again be able to fight in hand to hand combat as I think
over his statement.  I wonder whether, if the roles had been
reversed between Niyah and me, I would have sold out my friends for
the sake of jealousy like she did.  No, I don’t think I
would have, but then again...I’ve never had to find out.

“Is that why
you want me to keep fighting?  Because she would?”

“Nah,”
he shakes head.  He wipes his hands on his pants, as if needing
something for them to do.  “I just don’t want to be
Bastien’s punching bag someday when he finds out I let you take
your own life.”

I tuck my hand under
my cheek, wishing that I could roll onto my side but every time I try
to move my leg I feel as if I will pass out again.  Vanata has
given me several sips from the Jonu tree and changed my bandages,
using crushed bits of leaves as a salve.  I refused to let her
give me any pain medicine and even though I know Hyde thinks that is
for selfish reasons, it’s not.  I’m actually worried
that if...when we find Bastien he might be in greater need of them
than me.

“I couldn’t
do it, you know.  Take my own life.”

He nods.  “I
figured as much.  Problem is there are a couple of people here
who might have been easily swayed into helping you do it if you
asked.  I couldn’t risk it.”

“You gotta
admit that I do seem to excel at making enemies.”

Hyde leans his head
back, staring at me from the opposite wall.  I can’t help
but wonder if he is remembering just how he felt when I first awoke
on the D’Hatil ship?  His own bias against me was pretty
overwhelming, to say it nicely.  “What changed your mind
about giving up?”

I close my eyes for
a moment, contemplating letting him in.  Hyde may be a jerk and
a certified pervert when the moment suits him but he saved my skin.
 I owe him something.  “I assumed Vanata told you.”

His brow dips as he
leans forward.  “Cryptic answers don’t become you.
 Spit it out, sweet cheeks.”

“I’m
pregnant,” I say in a rush, terrified that if I didn’t
just toss it out there that I would lose my nerve completely.  “I
didn’t know before Drach told me, and when he did I was too
numb to really accept it.  Then after I spent time with Bastien
and saw how crushed he was when he found out I began to feel like
these babies were a curse instead of a blessing.  I felt like a
horrible person for almost wishing they never existed, but last night
when I was at my lowest, I felt them move for the first time.  I
lay there with my hand on my belly, wondering if it was hunger pains
but then I got a swift jab in the ribs and I knew.  I can’t
give up.  Even if I have nothing left to live for back home and
even if Bastien is truly gone, these babies are worth fighting for.”

Hyde blows out a
breath and runs his hands through his hair.  His jaw clenches
and I can tell that he’s wrestling internally.  Finally he
looks at me.  “You risked your life for me back at that
compound, knowing that by doing so you were placing more than just
yourself in danger?”  I nod.  He snorts, shaking his
head in disbelief.  “Wow.  You are something else.”

“Most people
would just say thank you.”

“Thank you?”
 He looks incredulous.  “Thank you is for when
someone gives you a gift on your birthday or offers you food when you
are hungry.  This…” he waves his hand at me and
grimaces as he gaze settles over my stomach. He swallows hard and
looks away.  “It’s my fault you nearly died.  I’m
the reason why you got hurt, why you lost your leg.  This is on
me.”

I grit my teeth as I
press into the mattress, my arms trembling as I push upright. Hyde
lurches forward to help me but I refuse.  The room spins around
me for a moment. I clamp my eyes shut and wait, breathing slow and
steady for the head rush to pass.  When it does, I drop my right
leg over the edge of the bed.

Hyde panics as I try
to lift my left leg to turn and face him.  “No!”  He
pushes me back and then tucks my right leg back onto the bed. He
sinks down at the end of the cot, placing himself easily within my
sight.  

I can feel my pulse
thrumming rapidly in my neck but I ignore it.  “How about
this?  I won’t blame myself for wanting to give up if you
agree to stop blaming yourself for having a knack for trying to get
me killed.  Deal?”

I hold out my hand
to him and wait.  For a moment Hyde doesn’t react.
 Instead he looks hilariously floored.  Finally he grins
and takes my hand.  “I’m still gonna call you Queeny
though.”

“That’s
fine.  I’ve got a nickname all picked out for you too.”

“Oh yeah?”
 His dark eyebrow rises into his messy hairline.  “What’s
that?”

“Sparky,”
I grin.

“Oh sure,”
he rolls his eyes.  “To match my stunning personality.”

“Something
like that.”  I laugh and realize that it feels good.  It
feels normal.  Despite everything that has happened to me over
the past month I know that sticking around a bit longer was the right
decision.  

Hyde may not be able
to compare to Bastien as a guardian but if I’m honest, he’s
not too bad either.

“Hey!
 Look who’s back from the dead” a voice calls as
Hyde carries me out of my room for the first time since I arrived.  I
realized the instant that he lifted me into his arms that it is
getting harder to bend in the middle.  The baggy shirt he found
for me to wear conceals my growing belly well enough but I know my
secret won’t last long. I don’t know why I seem to be
progressing so quickly. I suppose having twins must be the reason for
the rapid growth.

The air is warmer in
the larger room yet I find it to be a refreshing change from the
stuffy air back in my space.  After nearly a full month of the
same four walls I was ready to break out.  It is amazing how a
change of scenery can brighten a girl’s mood!

As I look around me,
I realize this larger area must not be too far from the cave exit as
I can instantly feel the heaviness in the air from the humidity.
 Like my room, the walls are barren of decor.  Everything
around me is functional, sparse.  I see crates that house food.
 Tables with maps laid upon them.  Empty chairs clustered
together.  Tower lanterns are located around the room, fueled by
what I can only assume to be the same source of white lighting I
noticed at Drach’s compound.  

I tighten my grasp
about Hyde’s shoulder to look at the voice who called to me.
 “Reyes?  How did you get here?”

“Tried to
leave him behind but he insisted.  Even said please and all,”
Hyde chuckles to himself.  “He’s not the only one
here though.  You’ll recognize a few faces.”