Vicious Little Darlings (26 page)

Maddy pushes me away and begins caressing Agnes's cheek with her fingertips, and the tenderness of the gesture shocks me. She leans forward and presses her lips into Agnes's.

A moment later Maddy stands up. She goes over to the gun, picks it up off the floor and, before I know it, jams it up against her temple.

“Noooo!”
I cry.

She looks right through me as she pulls the trigger.

Epilogue

I
t's May and I'm back in California, living with Nana. I dropped out of Wetherly after getting automatic straight As—the idea of which still repulses me—and I've been working as a telemarketer for the past four months. It's mindless, consistent work, and it keeps me from thinking too much. Twice a week I see a shrink. In the fall I'll start school at UCLA.

Strangely, I don't remember much about the funerals. Not the eulogies, the flowers, the attendants, or even the clothes I wore that day. But I remember thinking that Agnes, at last, looked peaceful. Maddy had a closed casket.

The weeks that followed the funerals were excruciating. Almost every night, I dreamed that Maddy and Agnes were still alive, that they had faked their deaths and it was all a practical joke. When I woke, I felt like I was being clawed to death—survivor's guilt is hell—and I asked myself over and over:
Why couldn't I stop them?

I spent days in a frenzy of puzzle-piecing and analysis, playing the events over and over in my head, each time with a different outcome. What would have happened had I not read Maddy's diary that night? Or had I made that call to the police while I was still in the basement? What if Agnes hadn't stopped by the library? Would Maddy and I have actually succeeded in killing her the following day? Is that even conceivable?

Perhaps Maddy and Agnes never should have met me. After all, I came between two best friends, and upset the balance in a relationship that was deeper and more complex than I ever could have imagined. Maddy and Agnes are dead, I'm still alive, and there's still no good reason for why things turned out this way.

And then there's the matter of the Gypsy and her prediction, or at least Maddy's interpretation of it. Maddy so wanted to believe she was going to die before her birthday that it ultimately became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

A few days after the funerals, I noticed that my weight had returned to normal. Almost immediately, my body grew stronger and, though I was still in the depths of mourning, I started to look healthy and feel more energetic. Perhaps Maddy's Agree Spell had caused my mysterious illness, and when Maddy died, the spell automatically broke. But I know I can't blame everything on the spell. After all,
I
made the decision to help Maddy carry out her plan. She might have tricked me into it, but she never used force. So, why did I say yes? The answer still eludes me. I suppose I'll spend the rest of my life trying to figure it out.

I like to believe that they are together now, wherever they are. Despite her insanity, Maddy was loved by Agnes with a fierceness I doubt I'll ever witness again in my lifetime. And, in her own sick way, I think Maddy loved Agnes back. Maybe love is all that matters in the end. Or maybe that's just my antidepressants talking.

A few weeks ago I had a dream. I dreamed that I was back at the house, in the red room, reading my microeconomics textbook. Maddy was outside playing with Hope, and Agnes was preparing dinner. It was just like old times. I was elated. I knew all along that they weren't really dead. It was all just a terrible mistake. Maddy joined me in the library. Strangely, she didn't smell like anything. Not like her usual crème brûlée or green apples or candy. That's when I realized she was dead, though I still didn't know I was dreaming. She apologized for everything and then proceeded to explain why things had turned out the way they had. Her story made complete sense. It was what I needed to hear. Finally I had an answer. Finally I could let go. And then she vanished.

When I woke up, in a pool of sweat, I couldn't remember a thing Maddy had said.

Acknowledgments

My deepest gratitude goes to Rachel Orr, Margaret Miller, Kathleen Wallace King, Rachel Resnick, Rob Roberge, Eve La Salle Caram, Lyn Stimer, Chieh Chieng, Rhoda Huffey, Len Joy, Mark Childress, the Community of Writers at Squaw Valley, and the wonderful team at Bloomsbury. I am forever indebted to my parents, my extended family, and, most of all, my angels: Anna Boorstin, Michele Montgomery, and Constance Sommer.

Copyright © 2011 by Katherine Easer

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

First published in the United States of America in June 2011
by Bloomsbury Books for Young Readers
E-book edition published in June 2011
www.bloomsburyteens.com

For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to
Permissions, Bloomsbury BFYR, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10010

The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:
Easer, Katherine.
Vicious little darlings / by Katherine Easer. — 1st U.S. ed.
p. cm.
Summary: Sarah Weaver, a jaded seventeen-year-old from a broken home, leaves
California to attend an all-women's college in Massachusetts, where she befriends a
mysterious pair of legacy students and learns a shocking secret that could lead to murder.
ISBN 978-1-59990-628-7 (hardcover)
[1. Friendship—Fiction. 2. Secrets—Fiction. 3. Colleges and universities—Fiction. 4. Family problems—Fiction. 5. Massachusetts—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.E126723Vic 2011    [Fic]—dc22    2010038024

ISBN 978-1-59990-711-6 (e-book)