Viper's Pit (Diamondbacks Motorcycle Club Book 1) (10 page)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Lind was no stranger to anger. He had spent most of his life with that bubbling, all-consuming sensation in his chest, threatening to take him and his life over. But he had never felt anger such as this. He was angry at the whole wide world. He was angry at the MC for giving him a life he simply could not bring anyone into. He was angry at himself for being angry at the only family he had ever really known. He was angry at Jacob for pulling that awful stunt on them. He was angry at Jessica for betraying Eve. He was angry at Eve for leaving. He was angry at himself for being angry at Eve—when he knew that she really had had no choice.

He thought about her every day, all day—and it was driving him mad. Still, he couldn’t help it. Lind was no stranger to anger, but he was a stranger to love. Sure, he had had women before, but nobody he had ever been in love with. He hated that Eve had gotten under his skin in such a short amount of time, and in such a way that he simply couldn’t get her out of his mind.

“Out of eye, out of mind,” they said, but it proved to not be true at all. Eve was definitely out of Lind’s sight, but he couldn’t get her out of his head.

It wasn’t just about how good they had been together physically speaking. It was about how she had made him feel. Like he was worthy. Like he was special. Like he was more than a common criminal. She had made him feel like Lind, not like the Viper. Eve had not cared about the Viper. She had cared for Lind, and for some reason, that was still completely out of his grasp. Nobody had ever made him feel like he was good enough. Eve had done that, and with her, that wonderful sensation of worthiness was also gone.

He tried to lose himself into the business of the MC, but it all seemed empty and futile to him now. He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Alec said that he should just resign himself to the fact that he would be miserable for a while, because that’s just what love does to you. Lind hated that. He was angry at love, too.

A few times he considered checking out Eve’s neighborhood and see what she was up to. A few times he got as far as a few blocks away before turning his bike around, telling himself he was being a crazy stalker, and leaving. He couldn’t stop wondering whether she had gone back to that fiancé of hers. Alan Sutherland. He had read about him in the paper; the guy sounded like a pretentious asshole. He didn’t understand what it was that she saw in him.

She saw
nothing
in him, and that was the problem. That was what was driving Lind insane. Eve saw nothing in her fiancé. She didn’t love him, and he probably (from the way she had been talking about him and their relationship) didn’t love her. Why was she with him?

Lind knew that he couldn’t be with Eve. He knew better than delude himself. He knew it couldn’t possibly work. But he wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to be with someone who made her happy. He wanted her to be with someone whom she loved and who loved her. She deserved that. He hated the thought of her stuck in a dull, loveless relationship.

He didn’t know when he had started to think so much about love and relationships and emotional fulfillment. But he had, and he had begun to think about that for himself also. Could he really be destined to be alone for the rest of his life, just because his life was of the dangerous kind? Alec was having a family, and he seemed happy, and no one had kidnapped Linda so far.

Why couldn’t Lind have that? He couldn’t really see himself having kids, but a woman…well, why not?

He tried. After parting with Eve and coming to the conclusion that he would have liked to find that kind of companionship again, he tried—much to the hilarity of his pals from the MC. He went on a few dates. He slept with a few women. He tried to talk to them. None of them had worked out. No matter how hard they may try, none of them had given him that thrill that Eve had given him without even trying.

Lind was no stranger to anger. He was no stranger to pain. But he was a stranger to longing. He had never allowed himself to want anything or anyone in his life before, let alone
long
for anything or anyone. But he longed for Eve. He longed to have her by his side. He longed to have her in his bed. He longed to feel her skin and taste her mouth. He longed for their conversations. He longed for mundane things like watching a movie together. He longed for kisses that did not necessarily have to lead to anything else. He longed for breakfasts. He longed for days and nights spent together.

He longed for
her
. Period.

Alec said it was just a matter of time. Alec said the pain would fade eventually. Alec said he would find someone else. Lind was beginning to think that he would feel like this forever. He didn’t want someone else. He didn’t want anyone else. He wanted Eve. He couldn’t have her; he knew that.

So, he would just live in his anger and pain and longing to the fullest. Just like Eve had taught him to.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Eve was a complete stranger to anger. She had never experienced that bubbling, all-consuming sensation in her chest that threatened to take her and her life over. Sure, she had been mad before, from time to time. But she had never felt anger such as this. She was angry at the whole wide world. She was angry at her father for giving her a life that she could not bring just anybody into. She was angry at herself for being angry at her family, who had done so much for her. She was angry at Alan for not loving her, and she was angry at herself for not loving him. She was angry at Lind for letting her go. She was angry at herself for being angry at Lind when she knew that he really had no choice.

She thought about him every day, all day—and it was driving her mad. Still, she couldn’t help it. Eve was a stranger to anger, but she was no stranger to love. She had men whom she had loved before; she knew about heartache. And yet, it was never like this. She had never loved and lost like this. She hated that Lind had been able to get under her skin in such a short amount of time, and in such a way that she simply couldn’t get him out of her mind. 

“Out of eye, out of mind,” they said, but it wasn’t true at all. Lind was definitely out of her sight, but she couldn’t get him out of her head.

It wasn’t just about how good they had been together, physically. It wasn’t just about how great the sex had been. It was about how he made her feel. Like she was worth it. Like she was special. Like she was one of a kind. Like she was more than her dad’s money. He had made her feel like just Eve, not like Eve Robinson. Lind had not cared about Eve Robinson. He had cared for Eve—although the reason why eluded her entirely. No one had ever made her feel like she was good enough on her own, as herself. Lind had done that, and with him, that wonderful sensation was gone, too.

Eve tried to lose herself in her job, which she continued to do. She simply did not have the energy to turn her life around right now. How empty and futile it all seemed to her now! She couldn’t wrap her mind around all that had happened. She tried to tell herself that it was only a matter of time. She tried to tell herself that she would be miserable for a while—because that’s just what love does to you—and then it would pass. Eve hated it all. She was angry at love, too.

A few times he considered casually dropping by Lind’s neighborhood, but she always changed her mind at the last minute. She would be too conspicuous there; people knew her now. She couldn’t stop wondering whether he had found someone else by now. She had seen the women who gravitated towards him; they all seemed like empty-headed whores.

When these thoughts struck her, Eve would think about the men gravitating towards her. About
the
man. Alan Sutherland. She tried to make a list in her mind of the things that she saw in him, but she always came up empty-handed. She saw
nothing
in him, and that was the problem. She saw nothing in her fiancé. She didn’t love him, and he probably (although they never had this conversation) didn’t love her. Why was she even with him?

Eve knew that she couldn’t be with Lind. She knew better than to delude herself. She knew it couldn’t possibly work. But she wanted to be happy. She wanted to be with someone who made her happy. She wanted to be with someone whom she loved and who loved her. Lind had made her see that she deserved that. The thought of being stuck in a dull, loveless relationship for the rest of her life was terrifying.

She didn’t know when she had started to think so much about a loving marriage that would give her emotional fulfillment. God knew she had never believed in that. But she had started to believe now, and she had begun to want that for herself. After all, could she
really
be destined to remain loveless for the rest of her life, just because her world had rules? Her parents were happy. They loved each other. Why couldn’t she have that? Why not?

She tried. She tried to make things work with Alan and when she couldn’t, she tried to work up the courage to walk out on him. She couldn’t do it. No matter how hard she tried, she didn’t have the energy. She tried to fall in love with him, but she couldn’t do that either. He simply didn’t give her that thrill.

Eve was a stranger to anger. She was a stranger to gut-wrenching pain. But she was no stranger to longing. She had always embraced desire in her life, and she was prepared to allow herself to long. She longed for Lind. She longed to have him by her side. She longed to have him in her bed. She longed to feel his skin and taste his mouth. She longed for their conversations. She longed for mundane things like watching movies together. She longed for kisses that did not necessarily have to lead to anything else, but that she wouldn’t have minded if they did. She longed for breakfasts in bed. She longed for days and nights spent together.

She longed for
him
. Period.

She tried to tell herself that it was just a matter of time. She tried to tell herself that the pain would fade eventually. She tried to tell herself that someday she would find someone who made her feel that way again. But she was beginning to think that she was just fooling herself. The thing was, she didn’t want Alan or anyone else. She wanted Lind.

She knew he couldn’t have him. So, she would live in her anger and pain and longing to the fullest, and she would try to convince herself that she was worth being loved, just for her. Just like Lind had taught her.

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My life does not make sense to me anymore.

This was all that Eve could think about, as she navigated the Los Angeles traffic on her way back to her house. Not for the first time in the past few months she wondered how it had ever made sense to her to begin with. How could she be content with this? She helped nauseatingly rich people find nauseatingly opulent homes in order to nauseatingly flaunt their richness. There was a time when she had thought she was merely helping people find the home of their dreams, and perhaps that’s what she really did. After all, even rich people had the picture of a dream house tucked away in their minds. Lately, however, she couldn’t help but approach every aspect of her life with a bitter attitude that she didn’t recognize as her own. Then again, after touching raw and rough and tough reality, how could she be okay with this sheltered world she lived in?

Her head was still buzzing with all these unsatisfactory thoughts—just as it had for the past few months—by the time she reached her apartment complex. Her condo was on the  nineteenth floor of a twenty-story building. Sitting in the armchair by the enormous glass windows in the living room while sipping a glass of wine, as she overlooked L.A., was the only thing that still brought her comfort and something resembling peace. She was very much looking forward to that tonight. Today, for some reason, everything was just a little bit harder. Maybe she was just reaching the end of her endurance.

Or maybe, Eve reflected as she parked her car and went inside, it was the idiocy of asking Mr. Wilson to give her a chance that she didn’t want. It would have been so easy to just let him fire her. In the eyes of everyone else, she would have been forced to leave. She wouldn’t have to quit and give awkward explanations. She wouldn’t have to endure any lectures from her father. Instead, she had asked for one more chance and had gotten herself deeper into a situation that she was already in deep enough.

Eve nodded distractedly at Javier, the doorman behind the security desk at the entrance of the building, and walked to the elevators. She heaved a sigh of relief when the doors closed, shielding her from view. She slumped against the wall and leaned her head back against the cool surface of the elevator mirror. Another day was over and done with. For a few precious hours, she could finally stop pretending.

That is, until tomorrow came. The fact that tomorrow was a Saturday didn’t come as any consolation. In fact, the weekends were the worst. It was one thing to pretend with her boss and her co-workers; there was a barrier of professionalism that allowed her to keep her personal life to herself without having to dodge any questions. Weekends were different. Weekends involved her family and personal friends. Most of all, weekends involved Alan.

Eve let a groan escape her throat at the thought. She had yet to find the strength to break up with him. She couldn’t do it when she had just gotten back from her adventure. Going M.I.A. for almost a whole month and then breaking off her engagement would have raised too many suspicions. Plus, fending off the understandable confusion of her family and fiancé had been hard enough as it was. Luckily, Alan had popped the question only a couple of weeks before all hell broke loose at the nightclub, so Eve had been able to make up a story about panicking, getting cold feet, and needing to get away and disappear for a while. She had apologized and told them all it had been a stupid, impulsive act, and everyone had left it at that.

But they had been watching her like hawks for the last couple of months; all of them afraid that she would pull another stunt; all of them afraid of that eventuality for different reasons. Her mother was terrified something might happen to her. Her father was afraid she would disappear and embarrass the family. Alan was scared she would leave him high and dry, irreparably damaging his pride. None of them had said any of this aloud or to Eve’s face, but they didn’t need to. She knew. She knew them well enough to read all of them like bestsellers.

Once the elevator reached her floor and released her, Eve walked up to the door to her apartment and paused. She took a deep breath and told herself everything would be okay for a few hours. For a few hours, it would only be her and a bottle of wine.

She unlocked the armored door and stepped inside. Immediately, she was hit with the inviting, tantalizing smell of something delicious cooking. She barely suppressed a groan.

Oh, no.

“Hey, honey.”

Alan peeked out from the kitchen’s doorway, a satisfied smile on his handsome face. Eve glimpsed the straps of an apron over his shirt and forced out a smile. She was delivering so many forced smiles lately that she thought it was a wonder her jaw hadn’t locked yet.

“Hi,” she said, closing the door behind her and going to hang her purse and blazer on the rack near the entrance. Then, she gathered up her courage, summoned all of her acting skills, and walked to the kitchen, kicking her high heels off as she went.

Alan was indeed busy at the stove. Now that she was inside, the smells became clearer. Garlic bread from the oven and something winey from the large pot on the largest stove. Alan turned around, his hands busy stirring whatever was in the pot, and flashed her a dimpled grin. Of all the flaws that one might find in Alan, lack of good looks sure wasn’t one of them. He looked like he had just stepped out of a romance novel. He was always sharp, what with his crisp shirts and designer clothes, but it was his body that really made all the difference. He wasn’t particularly bulky, but he was built like a model. Every muscle in his body was defined. He had a full head of luscious blond hair, green eyes, and a smile that could melt the ice in Antarctica. His killer confidence did the rest.

And he was a great cook. All in all, Eve had to admit that she could have done way worse than Alan Sutherland.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been really stressed lately,” he said from over his shoulder, “so I thought I’d surprise you with a nice home-cooked dinner. I hope this is all right.”

Eve’s oh-so-fake smile broadened. “Of course.”
I don’t regret giving you a copy of the keys at all.
“It smells wonderful in here.” She walked up to the stove and planted a swift kiss to Alan’s lips. “What’s cooking?”

“Garlic bread for an appetizer and
hare salmì
for the main course.”

Despite all of her annoyance at finding him in her apartment when she had been looking forward to a night to herself, Eve’s stomach grumbled. “Sounds delicious,” she admitted.

“I should hope so. This is my grandma’s recipe,” Alan said. “Why don’t you open us a bottle of wine while I finish here?”

Eve hesitated. “How long before it’s ready?”

“About thirty minutes.”

“Could I take a quick shower first?”

Alan’s green eyes twinkled maliciously. “Of course.”

Eve laughed. “Don’t even think about it,” she said. “Someone’s has to watch over the food.”

Alan heaved a dramatic sigh. “Such is the burden of a chef.”

Eve chuckled and kissed him again, longer and more passionately this time. “Hang in there, handsome. I’ll be back before you know it.” She gave him a teasing wink and disappeared down the corridor.

She took her time getting undressed and stepping under the hot spray. She let the water hit her back and run down her skin in rivulets, hoping against hope that it would wash away some of her feelings of emptiness and confusion. She felt lost, adrift, completely at a loss of what to do in order to regain some control over her existence and put her life back together.

It wasn’t long before she heard the door of the bathroom opening. Eve suppressed a curse. Why did Alan
never
listen?

Two minutes later, he was entering the stall, as naked as Eve was. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, and she could not help but tense up. His lips landed on her skin and began to kiss a pattern from her shoulder blade up to her neck and nape. Eve tried to stay still, but her instincts kicked in and she moved her neck away. She felt him tense behind her.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked, his voice still sultry but with a note of suspicion in it.

Eve suppressed a sigh and stepped out of his embrace. She turned around to look at him, water still streaming over both of them.

“I’m sorry,” she said, as sincerely as she could. Because the truth was, she couldn’t even bring herself to feel sorry for not desiring her fiancé. “I’m just tired. It’s been a bad day at work.”

“I understand,” Alan said. He hesitated for a moment. “It’s just lately it seems you’ve been having a lot of bad days at work.”

Eve
did
sigh this time. She supposed she should have expected him to start complaining about the lack of a proper sex life sooner or later, but she was really hoping she had some time before that happened.

“I’m sorry,” she said again. “Why don’t we go back to the kitchen and eat the delicious dinner you’ve cooked for us?” She forced out yet another smile. “Who knows, maybe good food will lift my spirits.”

Alan nodded. “Yeah,” he said, looking very unconvinced, “let’s do that.”

“I’ll be right there,” Eve said, “I just need to wash my hair. I’ll be quick; I promise.”

“Whatever.”

Eve cringed. She knew this wasn’t over. She knew Alan would have something to say at dinner.

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