Virgin (22 page)

“Lara,” I said, putting my hand up in the air as a signal for her to shut up. “You’ve been going through so much and I haven’t been here for you at all. I’m a way shittier friend than you. Your life is falling apart, and I’ve been so selfish . . .”

She slapped my arm, smiling at me through her tears. “Jeez, stop telling me how crap my life is.”

I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry . . . Honestly, though, Lara. Even though we were going through all that weird stuff post-Mahiki, why didn’t you tell me about this?”

“I was jealous,” she whispered. “You always pick yourself up whenever bad or awkward stuff happens to you—which is like
all
the time—and you’re really strong. And I felt really weak and lame and I couldn’t tell you.”

My eyes welled up. “You’re an idiot,” I said, wiping away tears. “I’m a bloody mess.”

She shot me a smile. “I can tell. But seriously, back when your parents divorced, you were so calm about it. You never cried, and you didn’t make a big thing about it like I am now.”

“Lara, our situations are totally different,” I cried. “I grew up in a dysfunctional home with my parents constantly arguing. They were so shit together it was a relief when my dad left. Your family is different. Your parents seemed genuinely happy together and your dad leaving has changed everything. It’s normal for you to be sad—it would be fucking weird if you weren’t.”

“Really?”

“Of course, you idiot,” I said, squeezing her arm. I had tears spilling down my cheeks now. I couldn’t believe Lara had been going through all this alone just because I had been too stubborn to apologize. It was a month too late but it was time to finally say sorry. “Lara, I really am sorry, you know. I never thought you might actually need me all this time. I just thought you were angry with me and I avoided you because I was scared. I should have been more brave.”

“I wasn’t brave either,” she conceded. “I just kind of ran away from life and holed up here with my mum.”

“That
is
brave. She needed you and you were here for her. Is that why you’re not at uni?” I asked.

“Well, you know us Oxbridge kids . . . we get long holidays so I’m still not actually back at uni.” She grinned.

I swatted her. “Well, some of us handed in our dissertations today because we actually
went
to uni at eighteen and didn’t sod off on a gap year.”

She laughed. “Glad to see you haven’t changed.”

I blushed and stared at her in silence.

She stared back. “What?” she asked. “Why are you doing poignant eyes?”

I bit my bottom lip and grinned in silence. Her eyes got wider as comprehension dawned on her face.

“SHUT UP. YOU DIDN’T! YOU’RE NOT . . . OH MY GOD, YOU’RE NOT A VIRGIN!” she screamed.

I burst out laughing and squealed, “I KNOW! I DID IT!”

We screamed together and hugged, laughing. “I literally can’t believe this,” she said after we’d stopped yelling. “With that guy? I don’t even know his name. I’m a shit friend.”

“I thought we’d got over the ‘shit friend’ thing. We’re as bad as each other, so it neutralizes out. Anyway, it only happened last week so you’re not too late finding out about it—don’t worry. He’s called Jack. It didn’t hurt much and we’ve been seeing each other . . . well, um, four times, and we’re still texting and . . . oh, I don’t know.” I sank onto her pillows with my legs up in the air.

She sank back with me. “This is insane,” she said. “I’m so happy for you! But oh my God, I haven’t known about your newfound state of womanhood for a whole week.” She sighed theatrically. “I should have seen it the second you walked in. You’re totally PCG-ing.”

“Huh?”

She grinned. “Oh, finally I know an abbrev you don’t. Post-coital glowing, obviously.”

I laughed. “Well, I was actually majorly PCG-ing on Monday, but it’s worn off every day since. In fact, it’s basically dead now because he isn’t messaging as much as I want him to, and I, like, don’t know if he wants to be my boyfriend,” I finished quietly.

“Was it . . . ever suggested that he wants to be your boyfriend?” she asked cautiously.

“No. But we’d been on three dates. I just assumed because he was always so cute, and he seemed to like my personality—not just my boobs like the typical wankers on TV. And he was so keen before, and now he’s totally bailing and I don’t wanna be that girl who loses her V-plates to a guy who abandons her. So what do I do?” I looked at her hopefully.

“Okay,” she said. “Let’s take this slowly. I don’t know the details, but you’ll obviously fill me in all night because you’re staying over. But it sounds like you need to ask him. I mean, fuck it, the worst that can happen is he says he’s not interested and then you can move on, and at least you didn’t lose it to a stranger.”

I nodded gradually. “Right, okay. I mean, I’d rather die than ask him outright, but I see your point. I need to know. Fuck it, I can do this. Tomorrow.”

She nodded and wrapped her arms around me.

“So tell me everything,” I said. “Every tiny irrelevant detail I’ve missed over the last few weeks. I miss you.”

“Ugh, you’re so cringe. But fine. I kind of missed you too.” She smiled, her eyes still red, and lying there on her bed, she told me everything. About her dad, about Angus never texting her back and how Jez was still being a dick. The gap between us narrowed until we’d forgotten there ever had been one. I’d crossed the Rubicon.

Over croissants and coffee the next morning, I had the brain wave of inviting Lara to Luke’s party. Next thing I knew, we were on our way back to my flat in Camden, carrying a selection of dresses and shoes from Lara’s extensive wardrobe.

“Are you sure you want to go tonight?” I asked Lara worriedly.

“Ughhh, how many times are you going to ask me before you believe I want to go out and get trashed?”

“But I know you’re going through a lot and I don’t want to force you to go to some random party where you won’t know anyone,” I continued.

“I think maybe you’re the one who wants to get out of going to the party, not me,” she said, touching on the exact problem, as she always did.

“Fine,” I grumbled. “I feel weird. I hate mixing social groups. What if you don’t like Emma? What if she doesn’t like you? And Jack is still AWOL and I hate my life.”

“First, please can you give Emma and me a bit more credit? We’re both your friends, and I’m sure we can get on for one night, especially with the aid of alcohol. And second, we spoke about Jack. You’re going to find out what’s wrong and then put it to rest and move on with your life.”

She was right. She and Emma were amazing and I was lucky to have them both. If Jack was going to ditch me, I would survive. But he probably wasn’t—he’d been so keen before, and I couldn’t imagine he would lose interest. His last text had had a kiss at the end, so he clearly still liked me. I just felt weird because . . . well, because I wasn’t a virgin anymore. Things were different now.

“Is that my phone or yours?” asked Lara as we lay exhausted on my bed and my phone beeped.

I checked my pocket. “Oh my God, it’s from Jack,” I cried as I opened the text.

“I told you that you were being overly dramatic,” she said. “Go on, what does it say?”

“He says, ‘Hey, how was the diss? Are you going to that party to celebrate tonight? Eric is going with your favorite person and invited me. I’ll go if you go.’ And it has a kiss on the end,” I finished triumphantly.

Lara nudged me. “You’re ridiculous. He always liked you. He wants to go to this party with you.”

I closed my eyes and let out a massive sigh of relief. “Thank God I’m not one of those girls. He still likes me post-sex. And you get to meet him tonight!”

She rolled her eyes. “Great, now I’ll be a third wheel.”

“Or you can take this chance to get over Angus and Jez and those rubbish men and find someone new,” I said, my eyes sparkling. I added smugly, “Although, now
you
get to know what it feels like to be the third wheel.”

She groaned. “Oh my God, I couldn’t bear it. I’m gonna text Jez and get him to meet me afterwards. At least then I’ll have a backup booty call if I feel depressed while you go off with Jack.”

“Or you could find someone new at the party,” I suggested again.

“No,” she said. “I really can’t deal with someone new right now. I’ll just go to Jez’s tonight, as I’m guessing you’ll be bringing Jack back here.”

I did my best innocent face. “You and Jez could always crash in the bath.”

By the time we were banging on the flat door two hours later, my head was so full of cheap prosecco that I didn’t even care that it was Hannah who opened the door for us.

“Ellie.” She smiled at me faux-sweetly. “So nice of you to come. Hi, I’m Hannah.” She turned to Lara, air-kissing her as she introduced herself. I gagged inwardly. Why was she pretending she was the host when she didn’t even live here?

“Hello,” I replied, gritting my teeth. “How are you?”

“Oh, you know, shattered post-diss . . . O-M-G,” she cried out suddenly, spelling the letters out. “Are you shagging Jack? Eric told me. In fact, he told me
everything.
”

I stared at her in horror. Please God, let her not actually know
everything
. Please let Jack have kept his damn mouth shut. I turned my face into something vaguely resembling an
excuse me
face and grabbed Lara’s arm. I bolted into the living room, dragging her after me.

Lara looked up at me. “Ow, can you let go of my arm, please?”

I released her arm, feeling a bit more sober. “Did you not hear that? She says Jack told Eric
everything.
What if she knows I was a virgin up until a few days ago?” I whispered urgently.

“Don’t be dramatic,” said Lara.

“I’m not being dramatic! This could be a total disaster.”

She shrugged her shoulders at me and walked into the kitchen, barely batting an eyelid at the groups of very cool-looking people draped over corners and armchairs. She looked like the kind of girl who didn’t care about not knowing anyone at a party. With a resolute sigh, I tucked my hair behind my ears and followed her into the kitchen.

In the two seconds it took me to follow her, she won over Luke. He was in his cream cable-knit jumper that looked vintage, though I had definitely spotted it in the window of Urban Outfitters. His eyes took in her perfect body, hair, clothes, face, wit . . . The jealousy list started whirring through my brain but this time it didn’t feel nasty. In fact, I was kind of proud that my best friend from home was such a hit. Normally home friends were always dressed wrong and ended up bored in a corner. Not Lara.

I yawned and got out my phone to see if Jack had messaged me, but then Emma walked in. She was wearing a sparkly silver dress with shoulder pads and looked stunning. She was holding Sergio’s arm. He looked different out of his waiter’s uniform.

“Ellie!” she shrieked, not caring who turned to stare, even though Luke was definitely too preoccupied to hear her shriek. She enveloped me in a big hug and pulled Sergio’s sleeve to get his attention. As if she’d lost it. “Serge, you remember Ellie, right?”

“Hey,” he said warmly, giving me a hug as well. I hugged him back stiffly.

“So, where’s Lara?” asked Emma impatiently. “I can’t wait to finally meet her. Also, I’m so glad you guys have made up and I promise I’ll love her.”

I sighed and pointed across the kitchen to Lara and Luke. “She’s already hooking up with someone.”

“Lara!” Emma said delightedly, tapping her shoulder and beaming. “I probably don’t need an introduction, seeing as I’m Ellie’s only other friend who isn’t you, but I’m Emma.”

Lara spun round and grinned. “Emma, of course,” she cried. As they hugged, I realized my two best friends were both blond and thinner than me. I was also starting to realize why the prosecco had been reduced to half price. I ran to the sink, pushing past Luke, and helped myself to a glass of tap water.

I downed it quickly and refilled it. I turned back to the girls. “So nice to meet you at last,” said Lara, smiling prettily, totally oblivious to Luke making puppy eyes behind her.

“You too,” said Emma warmly. “We already have so much in common and I’m so impressed you managed to pick someone up within three minutes of getting here. You know, Luke’s been staring at your arse this whole time,” she added matter-of-factly.

Lara let out a burst of shocked laughter and whirled around to see Luke turning a deep shade of mauve. “Fuck off, Emma,” he muttered, and walked out of the kitchen, shaking his head.

I turned to face them all, feeling sick. “I don’t feel very well,” I announced.

“Yeah, you don’t look great,” confirmed Lara.

“Well, you’d better make yourself look a bit better,” Emma told me, “because Mr. Lover Boy has just walked in.”

I turned around to see Jack standing in the entrance of the kitchen, chatting to Eric and hugging Hannah. He hadn’t seen me yet. I faced the girls, my eyes wild and bright. “Oh my God, that’s him,” I whispered, panicking. “Do I look disgusting? Lara, do you think he’s fit? Oh my God, has he seen me? Help!” I said urgently as I grasped both their forearms.

“Seriously, what is this thing you have about hurting my arm?” whined Lara as she pulled her arm away and stroked it. I stared at her angrily.

“Oh, all right,” she said calmly, flattening her hair with her hand. “You look fine, he looks fine and you’re going to be totally fine. Turn around and go get him.”

Emma nodded her assent and leaned against Sergio’s tall, silent body as I nervously walked towards the kitchen door. Thank God he had come. My nerves started to fade away and I forgot about the prosecco bubbles that had been defying gravity by making their way up my esophagus.

“Jack, hey,” I said, trying to sound sexy and mysterious and cool as I tapped him on the shoulder.

He turned around and his face lit up. I pulled my lips into a pout to stop them from turning into a ridiculously wide smile. “Ellie,” he said, wrapping me in a hug. I closed my eyes and grinned as I thought about the last time we had been so close. Without any clothes between us. And his penis inside— “How have you been?” he asked, pulling away from me and bringing the hug to an abrupt end.

“Good,” I replied with what I hoped wasn’t a needy smile. What sort of things did girls say to make boys ask them out? I racked my brains. “I finished my dissertation.”

“Right, hence the ‘end of dissertation’ party.” He grinned. “Hey, you should come meet Eric.”

“Okay,” I said happily. He was willingly introducing me to his best friend. Hel-
lo
, progress.

“Eric, this is Ellie,” he said, and Eric turned around to look at me. Except he didn’t just look at me. He looked me up and down, taking in every inch of my outfit. He was testing me.

“Hey,” he said coldly. The tone of his voice suggested I’d failed part one. I
knew
I should have worn something vintage. “Jack told me about you,” he continued. “So, do you know my girlfriend, Hannah?”

Okay, a question. That was definitely a second chance. I gave him my most winning smile. “Yeah, we do English together. She’s in my Chaucer module.”

He looked at me like I was the most boring person he’d ever met. He smiled politely and turned around. Clearly I’d failed part two as well. What happened to everyone having three chances?

“So, do you like him?” asked Jack eagerly. I raised my freshly tweezed brows at him. He waited expectantly, and I realized he was being serious.

“He seems like a nice guy,” I said cautiously.

Jack grinned. “I think you guys would get on really well. I feel like you have a lot in common.” This was news to me but I shrugged my shoulders.

“Come meet my friends now,” I said enthusiastically. He followed me over to Lara and Emma. Luke was flirting with Lara, while Sergio and Emma were intertwined in a passionate kiss. I tapped them both on the shoulder.

“Jack!” shrieked Emma as she gave him her typical over-the-top welcome. She introduced him to Sergio, who, living up to his European blood, hugged Jack, who awkwardly hugged him back. Lara turned around and moved her eyes around frantically, gesturing at me to introduce them.

“Jack, this is Lara, my best friend from home, and Lara, this is Jack, my . . .” Bollocks. I froze. Lara came to my rescue and hugged Jack without bothering to wait for whatever humiliating term I would inevitably have come up with.

“Good to meet you,” she said. “So, Ellie says you write a lot. That’s so cool. I’ve always tried to write but I’ve never managed to finish anything. How do you do it?”

He answered readily, and they began an animated conversation about literature while Emma and Sergio pretended to look interested. I watched Lara proudly. She was perfect at introductions and was making Jack feel comfortable and interested. Unlike my earlier exchange with Eric.

I felt something vibrate against my thigh. Disappointed, I realized it was my phone. Paul was calling me. “Sorry, guys, I’m just going to take this call,” I announced. No one looked up from their conversations as I walked out of the room.

“Hey, Paul, what’s up?” I asked.

“Ellie, I need your help,” he whispered urgently. “I’m with Vladi and we’re about to have sex. But he doesn’t know it’s my first time. I don’t really know why I’m calling you. I’m just kind of freaking out.”

“Okay, whoa. Don’t panic,” I said firmly, rapidly trying to make my drunk brain sober up. “Look, you don’t have to feel weird about being a virgin. I was one too until last week and, honestly, now that I’ve had sex, I’ve realized it’s just not a big deal. I think you should tell him.”