Vital Signs (19 page)

The second had come to him when he recommended that Shannon Riggs be allowed to take her son home with her.

He was in love with Hailey. He hadn't recognized it until now because he'd never really been in love before.

And now he was going to have to break her heart.

 

F
OR
H
AILEY
, the confrontation with Jean wasn't any easier than the one with Margaret, but at least it was
Laura on the hot seat, instead of her. She sat beside her sister on her mother's gray silk couch and kept quiet as the two of them butted heads.

“You've taken leave of your senses,” Jean declared when Laura told her she was divorcing Frank. “You're spoiled, that's what's wrong. You've had it too easy.” Her lips drew together, and Hailey could see fine lines on her mother's face, like tiny cracks in smooth icing. “And what about Samantha and Christopher? They need their father. The least you could do is stay until they're grown.”

“Aren't you listening, Mom?” Laura was mad— Hailey could tell by the way she was breathing. “I just told you he had someone in my bed, that he's had other women from the very beginning. What kind of example is that for the kids? You figure I should just shut up and put up with that?”

Jean waved a hand in the air. “That's how men are. You can learn to ignore it. It's not worth breaking up a home over. I certainly didn't when your father—”

It was probably the shock on her daughters' faces that stopped her.

“Daddy?”
Laura shook her head. “Are you saying Daddy had affairs and you
ignored
it?”

Jean's mouth narrowed. “Some men are just like that.”

Hailey couldn't breathe. Once again she had the feeling the world was tumbling down around her, and this time it was her father's image that broke into shattered fragments.

“I had you kids to think about. I didn't have a job in those days. How would I have supported you if I left him?” Jean was defiant. “And there would have been talk. You know, Laura, they always say it's the woman's fault when a man strays, that she lets herself go, or she doesn't fulfill her duties as a wife—”

“Are you insinuating that I'm no good in bed?” Laura made a rude noise. “That's crap. I'd like to see Frank try and tell that to Michael.”

“Michael? Who's Michael?” Jean's eyes widened and her mouth fell open. “Oh, Laura,” she wailed, “you aren't having an affair, are you?”

Hailey heard her sister gulp, and she felt sorry for her. Reaching over, she took Laura's hand. The palm was damp, and she was trembling.

Courage, sister.
She was going to need it.

“Yeah, I am.” Laura's voice quavered, but to her credit, she came out with the truth. “And I'm also pregnant, Mom. It's Michael's baby. And I'm not marrying him, or living with him, either, so don't go there.”

Jean's skin had been flushed, but now it went so pale Hailey wondered if she was about to faint. Her mouth trembled and she whispered, “But…but what are you going to do? How are you going to live? Does Frank know?”

“Not yet.”

“Well, then, just go back and he'll never even—”

“No.” Hailey hadn't said anything until now, but this was going too far. “She can't do that, Mom. For heaven's sake, how can you even suggest it?”

“You stay out of this, Hailey.” Jean's temper flared. “You don't know the first thing about what goes on in a marriage.”

“Well, if it's what I've been hearing, I don't want to know.”

Jean wasn't listening. “All I ever wanted for you girls was security. I never had that. Your father could have taken out a sizable life-insurance policy, but he didn't, so after he died it was a struggle to make ends meet. You have everything now, Laura, everything I ever wanted. How can you just throw it away?”

Laura thought it over. “It just takes too much out of me to pretend all the time that things are wonderful when they're not.”

But Jean wasn't interested in emotion. “What about this Michael? Does he have any money?”

Laura sighed and shook her head. “He's a phys ed teacher. He earns a living, but he's not well-off. And anyway, I'm not relying on him to support
me.
He'll support his baby, of course. I've seen a lawyer, and she says she'll be able to get me support right away from Frank, for the kids and for myself.”

Their mother snorted. “You have no idea what it's like to raise a family by yourself. You've led a sheltered life, Laura.”

Hailey had had enough. “Lots of women do it, Mom. You did. Laura will do just fine. She has us to help her out, and she has a man who cares about her.”

Jean scowled at her. “Of course Frank cares.”

“I wasn't talking about Frank. I meant Michael.”

The fight seemed to whoosh out of Jean and she burst into tears. “A teacher doesn't earn what a successful lawyer like Frank does. I wish you'd reconsider, Laura.” She sniffled. “You'll never find as good a provider as Frank. You'll be sorry.”

“If I am, at least it'll be because I made a decision on my own.” Hailey could see her sister struggling for the right words. “All my life I've done what you wanted me to do, Mom, but I can't anymore. I need to find out what it is I really want.”

Jean's tears had dried up and she was angry again. “Mark my words, by the time you do, you won't be able to afford it.”

As the conversation went round and round the same issues, Hailey felt exhausted. Something was nagging at her, and she finally came out with it.

“If you figure marriage is the way to go, Mom, how come you never married again yourself? You must have had offers.”

“The two men I might have considered weren't well-off,” Jean replied defensively. “If I had married them, I would have lost your father's pension, and it was my security. No matter what happened, I knew I had that to fall back on.”

The look on Laura's face mirrored Hailey's own amazement. Jean had valued money above everything else, even love, and she'd ended up alone. But she had the pension. It made Hailey want to bawl.

R
OY DIALED
Hailey's cell number. When she answered, he could hear restaurant sounds in the background.

“Roy, hi, you got my message.”

He hadn't, but before he could say so, she was talking again.

“Laura and I are just finishing dinner. Could you meet me someplace in half an hour? Because I really need to talk something over with you.”

That made two of them. By the upbeat sound of her voice, he figured her news had to be a lot better than his.

He suggested a park, and he was waiting when she drove up.

His stomach was knotted as he hurried over to the truck, and an awful sense of foreboding clutched at his gut. She opened the door and slid down into his arms, and he held her close and never wanted to let her go.

“Hey, my obscene phone friend.” She laughed and hugged him. Then she took his hand, linking her fingers through his, swinging their arms as they made their way to a bench underneath a willow tree.

“I wanted to talk to you about some stuff Margaret said. It kind of scared me.”

“I know about it.” He wished with all his heart that he didn't have to tell her the rest. There was no easy way to do it, so he opted for brutal honesty. “I've just come from an emergency court hearing, Hailey. Shannon Riggs and her lawyer and Tonya Cabral, Shannon's sponsor, were there. Margaret Cross sent a deposition.”

Hailey rolled her eyes. “She's such a busybody, that woman. I suppose she said I wasn't fit to be David's foster mother because you and I were having an affair?”

“She probably said that, but it didn't have any bearing on what happened. She did support Shannon Riggs in her application for custody and offered her any personal assistance she could provide.”

“She told me she was going to do that. She really hates me, and she doesn't want me to have David. But it doesn't make any difference, does it?”

He didn't answer.

“Roy?” She was frowning at him now. “You're scaring me. Tell me what happened.”

There was no way around it. “The judge asked me what I thought was the best situation for David, and I said that I believed he should be returned to Shannon under close supervision.” He was looking into her face as he said it, and her eyes widened as if he'd struck her. “That was the ruling the judge made. They nearly always rule what the social worker suggests.”

She shook her head as if she didn't understand. “He's…he's going home with
her?
”

Roy took her hand, but she pulled it away. “Yeah. I suspect he's gone already. The order was immediate.” He felt awful. “I'm so sorry, Hailey.”

“Oh, God.” She pressed her hands, one over the other, against her heart as if the pain there was unbearable. Her eyes were wild, her voice out of control. “Why, Roy?
Why
did you do this to me? I could understand if the judge ruled that way on his own, but why would you recommend that she have him when you know what she's like? And you know more than anybody how much I love him?”

All he had was the truth. “Because I've seen how he is with Shannon, Hailey. I heard him screaming for her. I saw him camped out by that bloody door on the ward. I saw how sick he got when she left.” Roy had to make her understand so she wouldn't look like that, as if he'd struck her. “For David's sake, I couldn't recommend they be separated. I just couldn't do it. I know in my heart that this is one instance where the ministry is right, that whenever possible, it's best to leave kids with their natural parent.” He took a breath and tried again. “But right or not, I feel like a shit about this. More than anything in the world, I wanted you to have David. I know how much you love him.”

“No, you don't.” Hailey glared at him. “If you did, you'd never have done this to me.”

She swallowed hard, and the agony on her face made his chest hurt.

Her voice wobbled. “How…how could you, Roy?
How could you just change your mind? How could you even suggest he's better off with her than with me?” She'd gone pale, and her freckles stood out like golden dots across her cheekbones.

“Hailey, please, listen to me. I thought of David, and only David. He's my priority here, no matter what else is going on, no matter what I personally might want. I thought about what he'd choose if he had the chance.” Roy felt as miserable as he'd ever felt in his life. “And I knew he'd choose to be with her. He loves her.”
And I love you.
But this wasn't the time to say it.

“He's a baby. He doesn't understand what's best for him.” Her voice was thick with emotion. “I never dreamed you'd decide in her favor, Roy. She deserted him—you saw him when he first came in.” She looked at Roy, and he could see the disillusionment in her lovely eyes, the way her mouth turned down, the way her jaw was set against him.

He scrambled for something, anything that would make her see reason. “This isn't personal, Hailey. This is my job. I warned you how this could go. I told you in the beginning there were no guarantees, that fostering could break your heart.”

“Yeah, you did. I was just a fool for thinking that you were on my side and that…that you actually cared what happened to David. She'll do the same thing again, you know. If she did it once, she'll do it again.”

A cold shudder ran down his spine. He'd given that a lot of thought. “I truly hope not.”

“Yeah, well, me, too.”

At that moment he would have done anything to ease her pain, but he couldn't think of what it might be. Worst of all, he still believed he'd made the only choice possible, given the circumstances. He'd never felt more helpless in his life.

“Hailey, don't let this come between us.” He reached for her hand, but again she pulled it away. “I care about you. We've got something good here.”

“No, we don't.” The words were clipped, her tone harsh. “I trusted you, and you betrayed me. I can't do anything right now but feel. And it hurts…my heart hurts so much I can hardly stand it.” She got to her feet, and he followed.

“I'm going home now.” Her voice was flat. It scared him.

“Don't go while you're feeling this way. Come for a walk. Let me take you somewhere, anywhere. We can talk this out.” He wanted to be with her when she cried. “Please, Hailey, I know you're mad, but c'mere. Let me hold you.” He realized it wasn't for her sake. It was for his.

Not looking at him, she shook her head, and her voice was sad. “I just don't want to be with you right now, Roy.”

Her words hurt more than he'd thought possible.

She got up and walked away from him, and he followed her, but she turned and waved him away.

At last he lost his temper. “Hailey, wait a goddamn minute here.” He ran after her, took hold of her arm, turned her to face him. “For God's sake—”

“Let me go.” Her eyes shot sparks, and there was fury in her tone. “Don't you think you've done enough already?”

He dropped his arms and she got into her truck and drove off.

That was that, then. He swore. He went home, put on his runners and ran until his entire body was soaked with sweat, his chest was on fire, and his calves were cramped. But it didn't help. Nothing did.

The phone rang, and he snatched it up, hoping it was Hailey.

“Hey, brother, how's it going? I haven't heard from you in a while.”

It was Nicole. “I've had better days.”

“Wanna tell me about it?”

“It's Hailey. And David.” He started at the beginning and ended with the scene in the park. “I did what I knew was right, but in the process I lost her, Nick. I let her down, big time. And dammit, I really cared about her.”

“Why the past tense? She's just angry and hurt. She'll come to her senses. Give her time to cool off and then tell her how you feel. And this time, try not to sabotage it, okay?”

“What do you mean, sabotage it?”

“I've watched you. It's easy to see what someone else is doing wrong, it's just our own stuff we're blind to. With you, the minute it starts looking serious, you find a reason to end it.”

“The hell I do.” Anger flared. “Why would I do a thing like that?”

“Who knows? Could be you have a little image
thing going, some issue with self-esteem. I dunno. All I'm saying is don't use this as your reason for giving up on Hailey. If you care about her, go after her. Persevere. Don't take no for an answer.”

After he hung up, Roy thought about it. Nicole didn't know what she was talking about. She'd been reading too many women's magazines. There'd always been good, valid reasons for ending his relationships, hadn't there? He thought about it as he showered and changed, then drove out to visit his parents at the retirement home.

He pulled into a parking space. As usual, his father was outside, pretending to weed the miniscule garden in front of the Zedycks' unit, but Roy knew Martin was waiting for him. The old man's weathered face creased into a smile, and although he wasn't a demonstrative man, he rested a hand on his son's shoulder.

“Hey, Pop, those zucchinis are something.” It was tough to sound lighthearted when he felt miserable, but he gave it his best shot.

“I picked some for you to take. These little tomatoes, too—they're sweet. This time of year, harvest time, I miss the farm.”

Martin said the same thing every month of the year, and every time he said it, Roy felt a pang of guilt. The old man had wanted to die on his own land, with his son taking over where he'd left off. It was the Old Country way.

“Mom feeling okay? Flu's all gone?”

“She coughs a little, but the doctor says she's
fine. She made you blackberry pie. Wouldn't let me near it till you got here.”

Roy sat at the small table with his parents, dutifully eating pie that for the first time in living memory he really didn't want. He listened to his father's complaints about the way the place was run, caught his mother's faded blue eyes on him and the doting expression there.

He knew what was coming. His mother asked the same question every week, and this time he really dreaded it. She waited until her husband ran down and then leaned toward Roy, her ample bosom resting on the tabletop. “So, you meet some nice girl yet,
boyco?
You're not getting younger, you know, and me, neither.”

She wanted grandbabies. He'd made the mistake of bringing a couple of women here to meet his parents. He hadn't brought anyone in a long time.

“I did meet someone, Ma. But it didn't work out.”

“So what's to work out?” Frustration made her voice shrill. “That's what you always say. You young people, you want a guarantee. In my day we took our chances. We got married and we worked it out after.”

“Leave the boy, Momma,” Martin said now. “When it's time, he'll know.”

“How
do
you know, Pop?” He'd never asked anything like that before, and both his parents gave him surprised looks when the words burst out of him. “How did you know, with Momma?”

Martin put a chunk of pie in his mouth and sa
vored it before he answered. “It was the war—there wasn't time to think too much,” he finally said. “I saw Rose, she was working in a bakery, and I just knew. It's like farming. You get a feeling when it's right to cut the hay or plant.”

That wasn't a whole hell of a lot of help. “Did you date other people or just each other?”

“Ach, there were girls—there are always girls when you are a soldier,” Martin said, winking at Roy. “They like the uniform.”

Rose slapped his arm.

“But once I saw Rose, that was that. I had to fight for her, though. The owner of the bakery wanted her—they were engaged already. I just never gave up, and when I kissed her, she knew I was the one.”

“Martin, you shouldn't tell the boy such things.” Rose dropped her eyes and her lined face grew pink, and for an instant Roy saw her the way she must have been, with her soft hair and blue eyes and sweet smile.

“So you fell in love, the two of you?”

Martin had had enough. He scowled and waved a hand. “Love, all this talk of love nowadays. We just knew it was right,” he said with finality, and Rose nodded her head in agreement.

“When it's right, you just know,
boyco,
” she said.

On the drive back into the city, Roy thought about it.

When he'd broken up with women before, it had been final. He'd accepted that it was over. Since he'd
usually been the one to make the decision, there'd been a sense of relief when it ended. He didn't feel like that now.

He thought about what Nicole had suggested, that maybe he'd sabotaged things.

Reluctantly he admitted that in some aspects of his life, it was true. He hadn't been able to be the farmer that Martin wanted him to be. He sure as hell wasn't the lawyer or doctor that his birth parents might have expected. Did that sense that he disappointed people affect his relationships with women?

Hailey's face came to mind.

When it's right, you just know.

He did know. The problem was, how to convince her?

 

“H
OW COULD HE BETRAY
me this way?” Hailey's face was swollen and sopping wet from the washcloth Laura kept dipping in ice water.

“All along, he encouraged me. He made me believe that I was right for David. And then he does this. I didn't even see it coming. And besides that, I
slept
with him.”

“So you slept with him just to get David?”

“Are you nuts, Laura?” Hailey was appalled. “Do you really think I'd do a thing like that?”

“Of course not. I just don't want
you
to get the two things mixed up.” Laura dumped more ice into the basin of water. “One is about a little kid, and the other's about you falling for Roy and hating yourself for being human.”