Volpone and Other Plays (47 page)
Read Volpone and Other Plays Online
Authors: Ben Jonson
The cat that kept the buttery, had it on her
A week before I spied it; but I got her
Conveyed away i' the night; and so I shut
The house up for a month â
LOVEWIT
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â How!
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Purposing then, sir,
T'have burnt rose-vinegar, treacle, and tar,
And ha' made it sweet, that you should ne'er ha' known it;
Because I knew the news would but afflict you, sir.
LOVEWIT
: Breathe less, and farther off! Why this is stranger:
The neighbours tell me all here that the doors
Have still been open â
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â How, sir!
LOVEWIT
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Gallants, men and women,
And of all sorts, tag-rag, been seen to flock here
In
threaves
, these ten weeks, as to a second Hogsden,
20Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â In days of Pimlico and
Eye-bright
.
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Sir,
Their wisdoms will not say so.
LOVEWIT
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Today they speak
Of coaches and gallants. One in a French hood
Went in, they tell me; and another was seen
In a velvet gown at the window. Divers more
Pass in and out.
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â They did pass through the doors then,
Or walls, I assure their eyesights, and their spectacles;
For here, sir, are the keys, and here have been,
In this my pocket, now above twenty days!
And for before, I kept the fort alone there.
30Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â But that 'tis yet not deep i' the afternoon,
I should believe my neighbours had seen double
Through the black pot
, and made these apparitions!
For, on my faith to your worship, for these three weeks
And upwards, the door has not been opened.
LOVEWIT
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Strange!
IST NEIGHBOUR
: Good faith, I think I saw a coach.
2 ND NEIGHBOUR
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â And I too,
I' d ha' been sworn.
LOVEWIT
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Do you but think it now?
And but one coach?
4 TH
NEIGHBOUR
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â We cannot tell, sir; Jeremy
Is a very honest fellow.
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Did you see me at all?
1 ST NEIGHBOUR
: No; that we are sure on.
2 ND NEIGHBOUR
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â I'll be sworn o 'that.
LOVEWIT
: Fine rogues to have your testimonies built on! 40
       [
Re-enter
3 RD NEIGHBOUR,
with his tools
.]
3 RD NEIGHBOUR
: Is Jeremy come?
1 ST NEIGHBOUR
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â O yes; you may leave your
        tools;
We were deceived, he says.
2 ND NEIGHBOUR
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â He's had the keys,
And the door has been shut these three weeks.
3 RD NEIGHBOUR
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Like enough.
LOVEWIT
: Peace, and get hence, you changelings.
      [
Enter
SURLY
and
MAMMON
.]
FACE
[
aside
]:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â surly come!
And Mammon made acquainted! They'll tell all.
How shall I beat them off? What shall I do?
Nothing's more wretched than a guilty conscience.
V,iii  [
SURLY
:] No, sir, he was a great physician. This,
It was no bawdy-house, but a mere
chancel
!
You knew the Lord and his sister.
MAMMON
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Nay, good Surly.
SURLY
: The happy word, âBe rich' â
MAMMON
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â play not the tyrant.
SURLY
: Should be today pronounced to all your friends.
And where be your andirons now? And your brass pots,
That should ha' been golden flagons, and great wedges?
MAMMON
: Let me but breathe. What, they ha' shut their doors,
Methinks!
       Â
MAMMON
and
SURLY
knock
.
SURLY
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Ay, now 'tis holiday with them.
MAMMON
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Rogues,
10Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Cozeners, impostors, bawds!
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â What mean you, sir?
MAMMON
: To enter if we can.
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Another man's house!
Here is the owner, sir; turn you to him,
And speak your business.
MAMMON
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Are you, sir, the owner?
LOVEWIT
: Yes, sir.
MAMMON
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â And are those knaves, within, your cheaters?
LOVEWIT
: What knaves, what cheaters?
MAMMON
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Subtle and his lungs.
FACE
: The gentleman is distracted, sir! no lungs
Nor lights ha' been seen here these three weeks, sir,
Within these doors, upon my word.
SURLY
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Your word,
Groom arrogant!
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Yes, sir. I am the housekeeper,
20Â Â Â Â Â Â Â And know the keys ha' not been out' o' my hands.
SURLY
: This's a new Face.
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â You do mistake the house, sir.
What sign was't at?
SURLY
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â You rascal! This is one
O' the confederacy. Come, let's get officers,
And force the door.
LOVEWIT
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Pray you stay, gendemen.
SURLY
: No, sir, we'll come with warrant.
MAMMON
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Ay, and then
We shall ha' your doors open.
         [
Exeunt
MAMMON
and
SURLY
.]
LOVEWIT
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â What means this?
FACE
: I cannot tell, sir.
1 ST NEIGHBOUR
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â These are two o' the gallants
That we do think we saw.
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Two o' the fools!
You talk as idly as they. Good faith, sir,
I think the moon has crazed 'em all.
     [
Enter
KASTRIL
.]
30Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â [
Aside
]Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â O me,
The angry boy come too! He'll make a noise,
And ne'er away till he have betrayed us all.
    Â
KASTRIL
knocks
.
KASTRIL
: What, rogues, bawds, slaves, you'll open the door anon!
Punk,
cockatrice
, my suster! By this light,
I'll fetch the marshal to you. You are a whore
To keep your castle â
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Who would you speak with, sir?
KASTRIL
: The bawdy Doctor, and the cozening Captain,
And Puss, my suster.
LOVEWIT
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â This is something, sure.
FACE
: Upon my trust, the doors were never open, sir.
KASTRIL
: I have heard all their tricks told me twice over, 40
By the fat knight and the lean gentleman.
LOVEWIT
: Here comes another.
     [
Enter
ANANIAS
and
TRIBULATION WHOLESOME.]
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Ananias, too!
And his pastor!
TRIBULATION
: The doors are shut against us.
    Â
They beta, too, at the door
.
ANANIAS
: Come forth, you seed of sulphur, sons of fire!
Your stench it is broke forth; abomination
Is in the house.
KASTRIL
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Ay, my suster's there.
ANANIAS
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â The place,
It is become a cage of unclean birds.
KASTRIL
: Yes, I will fetch the scavenger, and the constable.
TRIBULATION
: You shall do well.
ANANIAS
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â We'll join to weed them out.
50Â Â Â Â
KASTRIL
: You will not come men,
punk devise
, my suster!
ANANIAS
: Call her not sister; she is a harlot verily.
KASTRIL
: I'll raise the street.
LOVEWIT
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Good gentlemen, a word.
ANANIAS
: Satan, avoid, and hinder not our zeal!
     [
Exeunt
ANANIAS, TRIBULATION WHOLESOME,
and
     KASTRIL.]
LOVEWIT
: The World's turned Bedlam.
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â These are all broke loose,
Out of St Katherine's, where they use to keep
The better sort of mad-folks.
1 ST NEIGHBOUR
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â All these persons
We saw go in and out here.
2 ND NEIGHBOUR
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Yes, indeed, sir.
3RD NEIGHBOUR
: These were the parties.
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Peace, you drunkards!
     Sir,
I wonder at it. Please you to give me leave
60Â Â Â Â Â Â Â To touch the door; I'll try an' the lock be changed.
LOVEWIT
: It 'mazes me!
FACE
[
goes to the door
]: Good faith, sir, I believe
There's no such thing; 'tis all
deceptio visus
â
[
Aside
] Would I could get him away.
    Â
DAPPER
cries out within
.
DAPPER
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Master Captain! Master Doctor!
LOVEWIT
: Who's that?
FACE
[
aside
]:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Our clerk within, that I forgot! â
I know not, sir.
DAPPER
[
within
]: For God's sake, when will her Grace be at
     leisure?
FACE
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Ha!
Illusions, some spirit o' the air! â [
Aside
]His gag is melted,
And now he sets out the throat.
DAPPER
[
within
]:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â I am almost stifled â
FACE
[
aside
]: Would you were altogether.
LOVEWIT
:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â 'Tis i' the house.
