Waiting Fate (3 page)

After hiking all the way down the hill, she found her first class with minutes to spare and snuck into a seat in the back. She dug her book and notebook out and set her pencil on top of them, then leaned forward so her hair hid her face while she tried to control her shaking. The class filled up, and she noticed that most of the students seemed a little nervous — just like her. For one panicked second she thought maybe it was because the professor was some sort of a monster, but the man who breezed in didn’t seem frightening at all. He jumped right into explaining the syllabus for the class, and Ivy sort of stopped shaking. As class neared the end she even dared look around, and noticed a few familiar faces from high school. That’s what happens when the college is in your hometown. She blew out a pent-up breath and let her shoulders relax.
I can do this.

****

It took several weeks, but Ivy started to enjoy her classes. She was back home by ten every morning, and did her homework at naptime and at night after Desee went to bed. It had been months since she’d left Alaska, and she still hadn’t heard a thing from her soon-to-be-ex-husband, although the military garnished his wages and sent her child support every month. Between that, her savings, her student loans, and a lot of help from her parents, she was surviving. She hadn’t had a nightmare for weeks, and the only marks left were the scars she was so good at hiding.

She liked her little routine. Routines were safe and predictable. She was doing well in classes and not neglecting her little angel. Her family, though, worried about her, as it seemed families were supposed to do. “You haven’t done anything fun since you got back from Alaska,” Kate said over the phone as Ivy drove home from school.

“I have too. We played cards while you were here,” Ivy objected, trying to hold the phone on her shoulder while shifting gears.
Whose bright idea was it to buy me a stick shift?

“That isn’t fun. You’re twenty-three years old. You should be hanging out with friends, going on dates, getting back out into life. Doing the things you missed the first time.”

Yeah, ouch. That one hurt a little
. Ivy had gotten married right out of high school. She’d missed ever being a young adult, being crazy and staying out late and going to parties and living with friends and traveling the world. She’d missed all those things. Instead she jumped right into being an old married lady, a poor old married lady, since Vick had never had a job until he joined the army – which meant she had worked two or three at once to make ends meet. “I can’t do those things, Kate. I have a baby.”

“Yeah, and you have a mom who adores her and doesn’t mind watching her at all.” Kate chuckled. “Besides, Desee goes to bed at seven. Go out after that.” Kate sounded smug, even over the phone.

Ivy sighed, trying to check her blind spot and change lanes without dropping the phone mashed to her shoulder. “I have to get up at five-thirty to make it to my seven o’clock class. I go to bed as soon as my homework is done.”
Sometimes before, if I fall asleep at my desk like I did last night.
She didn’t say that out loud, though. That might give Kate more fuel for her lecture.

Kate, however, wasn’t easily deterred once she got an idea in her head. She was one of the most persistent people Ivy had ever met. “Everyone needs friends, Ivy. Go out on a Friday. Or better yet, find some friends to do homework with.”

Ivy smiled. Her big sister was a pain in the butt, but she loved her to pieces. “You aren’t going to give up on this, are you?”

“Nope.”

“But I don’t want friends.”
Friends hurt. Letting people in hurts.

“
Yes, you do. You just don’t know it.”

Ivy snorted. “Fine. Fine. Okay. I’ll try.”

“Promise?” Kate was grinning, Ivy could tell. She never was a polite winner.

“I promise.”

She waited to make the call until after Desee went to bed. Trying to talk with a toddler squealing — or worse, screaming — was next to impossible. But while a toddler slept peacefully in another room, now that made things easier.

“Hey, Gigi. It’s Ivy.” Ivy hated the phone. It scared her. In fact, there were times she’d wondered if she had some weird phone phobia, although texting was fine.
I should look that up some time. Phone phobias. That’d be fun.

“Ivy! Hi!” Gigi said, apparently not sensing Ivy’s discomfort. Gigi hadn’t lost any of her enthusiasm since the last time Ivy had talked to her, which had been… five years ago? Ivy couldn’t remember.

Everything Gigi said was bubbly and exciting, even if the subject wasn’t — her tone made you believe it was. She’d been that way for as long as Ivy could remember. It was hard to believe the world sucked when she was talking to Gigi.

She paced across the room. She was nervous, even to talk to her friends. She blamed the phone phobia.

“How are you? What ya been up to?” Gigi asked. Ivy could hear people in the background. Lots of people. So that hadn’t changed either — Gigi was always surrounded by friends. People just
loved
her.

“I’m good. I’m… back in Utah.”

“Serious?” Gigi squealed, “For how long?”

“For good.” Silence. Ivy swallowed.
This is awkward.

“I’m so glad. We need to get together.” Gigi was suddenly talking over the awkwardness, and around it, smothering it until it didn’t exist anymore.

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. Um, remember how we used to play tennis?” Ivy had worn a path in the carpet and realized Sadi was following her back and forth. Grimacing, she sank to the floor and let the dog collapse next to her, laying her head on Ivy’s lap. She stroked Sadi’s fur and felt just a little less terrified.

“We should
so
go play tennis. Let’s do it! When do you want to?” Gigi asked and Ivy blew out a breath.

“Uh. Well. Anytime? I guess?”
Yeah, Ivy, you sound brilliant. Rocket scientist and everything.

“Okay. Let me check my planner and I’ll call you right back. Maybe we can go tomorrow. I have class until four but maybe after that,” Gigi said.

They hung up, and Ivy let her head fall back against the wall. “Not being a hermit is exhausting,” she told Sadi.

Ten minutes later, Gigi texted her.
Tomorrow — six pm?

Ivy studied the text and frowned. At six meant her mom would have to put Desee to bed. It also meant an hour more that she would be away from Desee while she was awake.
Can we do seven?
She wrote back.

Minutes later and Gigi texted again.
Works for me!

“Okay.” Ivy nodded to herself. Sadi gave her a supportive doggy-grin.

Chapter Two

Playing tennis was an adventure, to say the least. Ivy had been playing since she was nine, but having a baby and living in Alaska with no babysitter and no one to play with had made her a little rusty. She felt clumsy and slow and uncoordinated, but Gigi was right there with her. They spent more time laughing at each other than they did playing. Ivy felt her heart heal a little bit more. Maybe laughter was the best medicine.

“I’m not going to be able to lift a pencil in class tomorrow. Taking notes is gonna be a problem,” Ivy groaned as she shuffled back to her car.

Gigi was still bouncing, in much better shape than Ivy could even hope to be. “You aren’t going home now, are you?” she asked, pulling her blond hair up in a messy bun.

Ivy stopped, swinging her racquet back and forth, pretending every movement didn’t feel like a unique form of torture. She nodded her head. “Yeah. I have homework. Lots and lots of homework.”

“Oh! I have the greatest idea!” Gigi grabbed Ivy’s shoulders and shook her in excitement, and Ivy felt her head bob like a dislocated doll. For a second, Ivy stiffened, panicking before she could convince herself that Gigi was not going to hurt her. She pretended to giggle to hide her discomfort. Gigi continued before Ivy could get a word in. “Remember Jay from high school?”

“Of course,” Ivy said. She and Jay had always been pretty good friends, at least until graduation, when she’d fallen off the earth.

“We do homework at his house all the time! You should come with me tonight.”

“He’s in college?” Ivy raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. To be a dentist.” Gigi bounced on her toes. They were roughly the same height, and Ivy forgot to feel short when they were together. Gigi’s blue eyes sparkled, and Ivy laughed at her enthusiasm.

Hmm. Go hang out with friends from high school or go home and do my homework like a good girl.
She should go home. She had a paper due next week and a test on Friday. But if Kate found out she was behaving like an old woman again, she would be disappointed. She might even call Kim for reinforcements. Having both her sisters on her case was never a good thing. Given that thought, Ivy shrugged. “Sure, why not? I just have to swing by my house and grab my bag.”

It was like stepping into the past as she and Gigi walked up to Jay’s front door. Ivy had been to Jay’s house a few times when they were younger. Like many things in her life, the house, on the outside, seemed exactly the same.

A big jeep swung recklessly into the driveway and slammed to a stop. Ivy spun on her heel, wondering if she should dive for cover. “Hey Gigi,” the driver said as he jumped out of the lifted vehicle, his voice slow with a drawl that could only be found in a pure country boy.

“Gunner?” Ivy asked in disbelief. She hadn’t seen him in over five years, and he hadn’t changed a bit. He was still tall and lanky, with light brown hair and kind eyes. Ivy remembered he had always been smiling; his lips forever quirked up in a grin.

Ivy bounced on her toes, half-nervous, half-thrilled to see Gunner again. He’d always been such a sweet boy and a good friend.

“Who are you?” he asked as he strode across the lawn toward them.

Gigi laughed. “This is —”

The front door swung open and Jay appeared, silhouetted, in the doorway. “Ivy Bleu.” Other than being taller and broader, he hadn’t changed either. Same sarcastic smirk, pretty brown eyes…
Can I call a boy’s eyes pretty?
And the same tight, curly hair. Ivy had always thought he looked like her favorite country singer, which may or may not have been why they had dated briefly when they were both too young to date.

“Ivy? Serious?” Gunner’s eyebrows shot up.

“Hi.” Ivy waved, self-conscious.

“Wow. I heard you got married and moved out of the country,” Gunner said, peering at her through the darkness like she was some sort of undiscovered bug species.

“Alaska.” She shifted her weight from foot to foot, wishing she could be anywhere else in the world.

“Are you gonna let us in, Jay, or are we doing homework out here?” Gigi asked, shivering, although Ivy wasn’t sure it was for real or for effect. Was it cold here? She was used to Alaska winters, and this felt pretty mild in comparison. She wasn’t even wearing a jacket.

“Sorry. Come on in.” Jay grinned as he stepped out of the way.

“Ladies first.” Gunner bowed as they walked by.

“Thanks,” Ivy said, following Jay into the living room.

“Gigi. It’s been a while,” Jay’s dad said from the kitchen, and Gigi abandoned Ivy to join him. Ivy sank onto the couch, shoulders tense as she admired her tennis shoes. They were falling apart, but new shoes were only in the budget for Desee. Plus, they were pink, and she liked pink.

Gunner sat on the couch opposite her, and Jay lounged on the floor. “Whatcha been up to for the last seven or so years?” Jay asked.

Ivy forced a smile. She hated that question.
Oh, you know. Living through Hades. Running for my life.
Taking a deep breath, she said, “I got married right out of high school. Husband couldn’t keep a job, we got pregnant on accident, he joined the Army, and we moved to Texas and then Alaska. Now I’m getting divorced so I’m back home.” She nodded, agreeing with herself and out of breath.

“You’re getting divorced?” Jay and Gunner both said in unison, but she could distinctly hear the disapproval in Jay’s voice. His parents had been in a nasty divorce before she’d known him, and he had been against it ever since. She sort of remembered that from high school, although she’d never known the details. Only that he’d blamed his mother for leaving, and no force on earth could have made him admit there might have ever been a just cause for divorce.

She could feel a nervous sweat forming.
Eww. S
he cleared her throat. “Yeah.”

“That’s too bad,” Gunner said.

She threw him a grateful smile. “Thanks. It’s not, really.”

Gigi chose that moment to bounce into the room, and Ivy could have kissed her. “So I’ve got this homework…” Gigi said with a bright smile.

“Oh yeah. Table?” Jay asked, motioning toward the kitchen table with his head, since he still leaned back on his elbows.

Ivy picked up the bag she had just dumped at her feet and dragged it into the dining room. As she dug her English book out, Jay asked, “What are you working on?”

“It’s a linguistic assignment.”

“Lingu — what now?” Gunner asked, sitting across from her.

She smiled. “It’s a class that studies the human language… like why a word says what it says or means what it does or sounds like it does. Or… something,” she finished lamely.

“Oh.” Gunner gave her a lopsided grin. “That’s why I don’t do college. I had enough of that in high school.”

Ivy didn’t know what to say to that, so she focused on her book and let Jay take up the conversation. She tuned out, reading, until she realized they were all staring at her. “What?”

“You’re working.”

“Well…” She frowned, confused, “Isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing?”

“Yeah, but...” Jay exchanged a look with Gigi, and she smiled.

“She’s right. Let’s work,” Gigi said, skimming through the pages of her textbook. Ivy looked from one to the other, trying to decide if they were making fun of her.

Gunner went back to the couch, flipping through the channels until he found something to catch his interest, and the only sound was the TV.