Walk Me Down (4 page)

“Finn doesn’t have a girlfriend,” he replies, pulling from his beer.

“He does,” I insist. “I saw her and she flaunted the fuck out of it right in front of me, Tommie and their dog’s nuts.”

“Quit using that word, Tess. Jesus Christ, it’s like an automatic out of your mouth over the past year,” Tommie scolds.

“Oh fuck off,” I mumble.

“Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with her using the word fuck. One, it proves the closed up woman is alive and two, I like fucking. In fact, I live to fuck,” Scarlett adds. 

This is the moment Scarlett always gets the best reaction from Will. He has adapted to most of her absurd off the wall tactics, but some still get him from time to time. He holds back his mouth full of beer trying not to spew it all over the place while clutching onto Tommie.

The two have really been my saving grace over the last year. I’ll never forget the day Will had to carry Tommie from my dorm room sobbing. She didn’t want to let me go and I for shit sakes didn’t want to let go, but knew, deep down, both of them had a life back in Iowa. Both had their own doctor practices, so I had to, for once, let go of my bratty and childish ways and let them go. It took everything in me on that crisp fall day not to run and jump in Will’s arms, while he held Tommie. Instead, I stood tall on my new prosthetic and waved good-bye to the only family I had left then bawled for the next twenty-four hours until my roommate opened the door and changed my life forever. Scarlett. Do I need to say more?

The nights I couldn’t sleep or the days I no longer thought I could take another breath, it was Will I texted or called. He was the strong, broad shoulder I dumped it all on. He took it all without question for one reason, he simply loves my sister that much, and in turn he is stuck with me. He wanted her, wanted to save their marriage and everything in her life after the day we both lost our parents. There hasn’t been one beat he has skipped or bitched about. He has made us both feel wanted and instantly, without question, replaced both of our parents in an instant.

One night at college, I desperately wanted to leave. I couldn’t stand another day in the dorms around all the perfect, typical college aged girls, who I so desperately wanted to be, so I called and begged him to come get me. Sobs, ugly tears and hurtful words were exchanged. I threw everything I had at him. Every dagger, sword and rock. He simply replied, “I love you, Tess, like a sister. You’ll always be a part of my life and I feel like I need to tell you what you don’t want to hear, stay, go be a college kid.”

Well, I stayed. Didn’t play the college kid role instead stayed in my dorm studied and stared at my missing leg remembering every single second of that last ride with my parents. My momma’s smell, my daddy’s pride and my asshole ways. Every single bit of it haunted me with the glimpse of my stump.

Will can take anything. Even ‘fucking’ talk.

I finally sense the question in his face and whisper, “I let Finn fuck me at the G Spot the other night.”

So ashamed of my actions and feelings of want for the fucker, Finn, I bury my head. An odd silence takes over the room.

“It’ll be alright, Tess, he doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

His strange answer causes me to nearly fall off the couch.

Will makes his way over to me and sits next to me on the couch.

“Finn Evans is well known around this area. His family damn near owns this whole town. The boy is definitely not in a relationship, much to his father’s dismay. And he definitely doesn’t just fuck anyone. A massive flirt, yes. A fucker, like Scarlett likes to call them, he’s not. Finn has a wild heart just like his granddaddy’s. He was supposed to go to college and have the pick of his own business in town, but waved the middle finger and works next to his granddaddy everyday on the family farm. If there’s one thing about Finn, he is not dishonest. Now who was the tramp with him?” Will asks, with his eyebrow raised.

I know the eyebrow raised for approval of the word tramp. With all of our texts and calls, I always had to approve or disapprove of his terminology. When he called one of the bitches in our dorm a heifer even I cringed and had to explain the significance of being called a cow as a woman. The word heifer has never left his mouth since.

“Kara,” I finally reply.

“Kara Montgomery?”

“Perfect in every way. Snotty, a prude and a super-ultra mega bitch.”

“Yes, Kara Montgomery. That’s a daddy request for Finn. Those two have been destined to be married since birth, at least, that’s what their parents tell everyone.”

“There you go. He has a girlfriend,” I declare, mentally patting myself on the back.

“If you want to believe that then do. His dad wants him to have a girlfriend just like he wants him to have a dental or pharmaceutical practice and does he?”

I shrug my shoulders. Honestly, I don’t know what he does or doesn’t have at this point. Will said he stayed by his granddaddy’s side and that’s all I know.

“He doesn’t have a girlfriend. Get back to your ‘fucking’ talk. I’m going to feed the pups and go to bed,” Will says, as he kisses my forehead and then goes over to Tommie.

“Thank the shitting lord that talk was getting way too deep for me. I’m all for fucking,” Scarlett declares.

I throw the rest of the popcorn bowl at her trying to hold back my giggles. She jokes about her whorish ways, but I know they do bother her. We all have our inner demons and addictions we struggle with and Scarlett’s are clear as day. She can make fun of my missing leg, but I always tell her, “Even sluts need a little lovin’.” So fucked up in so many ways.

Will comes back into the house before heading to bed and gives me one final and very clear message.
“If Finn wants you, he’ll have you or fight like hell to have you.
Be ready to accept it or fight it the rest of your life, Tess. You couldn’t have picked a better man to be with.”

“You mean, you couldn’t have picked a better man to fuck in a dirty closet at the G Spot,” Scarlett hollers back.

“Go to bed,” Tommie finally demands. “We need our girl time.”

Will gives me his best attempt at his ‘you better listen kid, this is serious shit’ look and I just nod back. One day, one lucky kid will feel the love of the best father to ever walk the earth. And they will truly have no idea what kind of gift they have been dealt.

“So?” Tommie asks plopping down on the couch next to me.

“So, what?” I counter with a raised eyebrow.

“Are you going to do it?”

Scarlett cuts in, “You mean are you going to do him again.”

“Going to lunch, Tommie, want anything?” I ask.

“Yeah, grab me the special.”

“Be back in fifteen and by fifteen I mean an hour,” I holler over my shoulder.

It’s a daily routine. I go get us lunch and stay longer than needed reading my current book while the food gets cold and soggy. Tommie doesn’t bitch, and I get my kicks. Well, I did get my kicks the night before with Finn. Now any sex scene I read seems stale and unbelievable. What we did was nothing spectacular like stand on your head and get it in every hole, yet it was ten folds that.

Something reached deep down in my soul and left a beautiful scar. I let Finn see and feel every part of me. The sensation of his hand gliding up my prosthetic and then onto my flesh is something I will never forget. I know Scarlett has seen my leg with and without the prosthetic on it, but never touched it or even asked to. Finn didn’t ask he just simply owned me. Every single ounce of me. He took it. I find myself being pissed off at him. It has been days since his dog has been neutered, the last time he’s seen me. His dog’s incisions have had time to heal properly, yet he has left me with a seeping open wound that finds itself festering day after day.

“Two turkey avocado subs hot and one order of curly fries.”

“Got it, Tess. How’s Tommie,” the older cashier asks.

If she tells me one more time how Tommie saved her fucking cat, I may be forced to poke myself in the eyes with needles. You’d think ‘ol Tommie gave the cat mouth to mouth saving it from spending the rest of its eight lives in hell. No, she simply doctored it with antibiotics.

“She’s great,” I reply, trying to mask all horror from my face.

Simply, cat people creep me the fuck out.

I nestle into a little corner with my mini iPad and Lyric. Yes, Lyric is my current book boyfriend of the day. It’s quite the perfect dark read for me. The last few reads have put me to sleep. Lyric is the last shot for me before I turn to crime thrillers. Who knows, I may just be the next legendary serial killer with a gimpy run. My getaway car better rival that of Batman’s to mask my limp. My last thought causes me to giggle out loud.

“Your book that funny?” A familiar voice comes.

Looking up, I see him. Finn, standing before me. Just like I remember from before. I immediately try to hide my leg, which holds all my open scars, under the table and then remember he’s been the only one to touch me.

“Can I have a seat?” He asks.

“No,” I quickly answer.

Finn stares with no response.

“What do you want from me? I surrender. You had me. Used me. Saw all of me. What else do you fucking want from me? I have no more to give.”

Finn throws his hands up in the air. “I just want lunch and this is the only table with an open seat. Can I?”

Looking around the room, I notice too quickly he’s absolutely right.
Fuck!
I think he wants me again and babies and the house, but the man just wants a fucking seat at the best deli in town.
Got it, filed
.

“Yeah, whatever,” I reply.

Finn takes a seat, just like he would with any BFF he’s known for years. Nothing like the girl he just ran his tongue all over days ago or made moan with pleasure. Nope. Just like any good old pal who was my reading buddy in first grade.

“Whatcha doing?” He asks.

I want to respond,
“About to cream my pants because I can smell you and want to reach out and ravage you.”

Instead, I reply, “What the fuck do you think I’m doing?”

“Sitting.”

“You’re an asshole,” I hiss.

“Tess,” I hear Finn say.

Looking up from my iPad, I see Finn looking straight at me. His eyes are piercing, and I hold on steadying myself for his words.

“She’s not my girlfriend. It’s complicated. We were best friends growing up and then later on in our teenage years our parents pushed us together in high school and wanted to see our two families merge. It’s such a fucking appearance deal. Nothing else. Kara and I got pretty serious our senior year of high school. She left for college and I stayed, which was another shit storm. I broke it off with her, but it seems no one else has accepted it besides me.”

“I know all this. Will explained it to me,” I whisper to him.

“Then why are you so angry with me?”

“I don’t know,” I mumble, hanging my head down.

“Tess, tell me what the hell I did wrong then. The other night was the best night of my life,” Finn exclaims, slamming his hand down on the table.

“Well, you must be talking about someone else because our night was twelve nights ago. That’s my freaking problem.”

“Finn,” a squealing voice streams through the little restaurant.

Looking up we both see Kara trotting over to the table.

“Is your phone broke? I’ve tried calling you for days.

As if the gods of love could sense the tension and angst filling the restaurant, the owner hollers out my name, indicating my order is ready.

Standing to my feet, I respond to both of them, “By all means, have my seat, Kara. I’m leaving.”

Walking away, it hurts. Hurts like hell because I do believe Finn, and I’d love to have a chance with him. Just one sliver of hope bubbles up inside me. Maybe and that’s a big maybe.

***

“So, you saw him today and he basically said he likes you?” Scarlett asks.

“Yes, but it’s all screwed up. He has a dog with her and their parents want them to get married and have kids and own the whole town.”

“Wait, wait, wait. You act like he has bred with her and she’s spouted out their spawn from her pie hole. They are doggie parents. I don’t see the big deal.”

“The big deal,” I wail. “The big ass deal is he is SUPPOSED to marry Kara.”

“And he wants you,” Scarlett reminds me.

“Fuck this shit,” I declare, throwing the remote across the living room floor.

Hopping up from the couch, I spot Will and Tommie in the entryway.

“We are going out. I’m sick of this. I always feel like I’m being punished. I want to live and live is what I’m going to do. More precisely, I’m going to go dancing at the G Spot until my legs can’t move anymore.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Scarlett pipes up.

As we both rush out of the living room into my room, I hear Will, “Be home by midnight girls, no drugs and don’t talk to any strangers.”