WalkingSin (5 page)

* * * * *

Kelcey looked out the kitchen window at the
brothers. They all looked so serious. Dax must be telling them about what
happened last night.

Her stomach churned at the thought of people
she cared about knowing her secret. She’d never told anyone about her uncles,
not even Alaina and Emma. The three of them had been best friends ever since
they answered her ad for housemates almost four years ago. She thought of them
as the sisters she’d never had. They shared everything about each other.

Everything except her uncles’ abuse and a
mother who didn’t believe her own daughter.

She didn’t want to tell them. Even though
Kelcey knew what had happened to her was in no way her fault, it still shamed
her.

Emma stepped up beside her. “I stare at
them whenever possible too.”

“You must be talking about the Coleman
triplets.” Drying her hands on a dishtowel, Alaina joined her friends at the
window. She sighed. “What a nice view.”

“I really like the view from behind,” Emma
said with a grin.

“Oh yeah.” Alaina returned her grin. “They
all fill out a pair of jeans
very
well.”

“Especially in the crotch.”

Alaina giggled along with Emma. As usual,
Kelcey didn’t make any comments about sex. She couldn’t comment on something
when she had no experience.

Emma turned and leaned against the cabinet.
“Speaking of nice crotches, you haven’t told us how things went with Dax last
night.”

Heat crept into Kelcey’s cheeks. She’d
almost discovered what Emma and Alaina considered so wonderful last night,
until memories spoiled everything.

As usual.

“Fine.” She finished rinsing the spinach
and laid it on paper towels to drain.

“I need more details.”

So much for Emma settling for a one-word
answer. “I don’t have any. We talked about his photographs. I met Walker. I
went to bed. End of details.”

Emma’s eyes narrowed. “Why don’t I believe
that? There’s something you aren’t telling us.”

Let it go, Emma, please. I don’t want to
fall apart in front of you and Alaina.
“What else
do you want in the salad?”

“Did Dax come on to you?”

Emma reminded her of a dog with a bone.
This time, her friend’s gnawing went over the top. All the frustration and pain
of too much loneliness and pain boiled to the surface. Kelcey threw down the
green pepper she’d just picked up from the counter. “Everything doesn’t revolve
around sex, Emma. Are you
ever
going to learn that?”

Unable to hold back the tears any longer,
Kelcey ran from the kitchen. She hurried down the hall and into her room,
closing the door behind her. She would’ve thrown the lock if there’d been one
on the lever, for she expected Alaina and Emma to follow her.

Her friends didn’t surprise her. The door
opened without either of them knocking. “What the hell did Dax do to you?” Emma
demanded.

“Nothing! I told you that.”

“Then why are you so upset?”

The anger in Emma’s eyes didn’t cover the
concern that was also there. Seeing that concern brought back Kelcey’s tears.
Crossing her arms over her stomach, she walked to the bed and sat on the side,
her head lowered.

She heard someone close the door, then felt
the mattress dip on each side of her as her friends sat next to her.

“Hey, you can talk to us, you know that.”

Alaina’s soft voice made the tears fall
faster. She wished she could push the past completely from her memories. Since
that wasn’t possible, maybe it would help if she shared what had happened to
her with her friends.

Her head still lowered, Kelcey clasped her
hands together in her lap. “I had a bad dream last night, one that’s recurred
many times. Dax was so very sweet and tried to comfort me. We kissed and…”
Kelcey stopped and swallowed to clear her throat of tears. “Everything went
zinging and pinging inside me. My nipples got hard and my heart started
pounding.” She took a deep breath and lifted her head. “I’ve never felt like
that with a man. I’ve tried to have sex, but it never…worked out.”

“Why not?” Emma asked.

Kelcey looked at her friend. Anger no
longer showed in Emma’s eyes, only concern and caring. “Be-because I was
raped.”

The gasps from her friends didn’t surprise
Kelcey. She thought about covering her face with her hands, but decided she no
longer wanted to hide from the past. Not with Alaina and Emma.

“I was eight when—”

“
Eight
?” Alaina said, the horror
evident in her voice. “You were only
eight
when you were raped?”

Kelcey nodded.

“It was just once, right?”

“No. It happened several times over the
next two years.”

“My God, who did that to you?”

Here came the hard part, admitting the two
men she’d loved so much had hurt her. “My mother’s two brothers.”

“Your
uncles
raped you?” Emma
demanded.

“Yes,” Kelcey said in barely a whisper.

Her friends were silent for several
moments, as if they didn’t know what to say after such a horrible revelation.
Alaina finally spoke again. “Did your mother know?”

“I told her after it happened the third
time. My uncles said they’d hurt me if I told anyone, but I didn’t know how I
could hurt any more than I already did. My mother didn’t believe me. She said I
shouldn’t make up such horrible stories. She punished me by taking away the
dollhouse I loved so much.”

“That bitch,” Emma muttered.

“I didn’t know what that word meant at the
time, but I definitely called her that when I got older.” She pushed her hair
back from her face. Now that she’d started, the words flowed out of her. “I
told you two I grew up in San Francisco. When I was ten, my mother sent me to
New England to boarding school. She had a new man in her life and thought a
daughter would be in the way.” Kelcey released a chuckle, but it held no humor.
“She never knew how thankful I was that she wanted to be rid of me.”

“Wait a minute,” Emma said. “She sent you
away instead of confronting her brothers?”

“She didn’t believe me, remember? Her
brothers could do no wrong. There was no way they’d ever do something so
heinous.”

“So you stayed in boarding school…how
long?” Alaina asked.

“Until I was eighteen. I didn’t bother to
go home for visits and that was fine with my mother. She was too busy with her
charity affairs and personal affairs to worry about her daughter.”

“What about holidays and summer vacation?
Where did you go?”

“I had a lot of wonderful friends. Someone
always invited me to go with her for Thanksgiving or Christmas or spring break.
I spent the summers with my friend Gail and her family. They had a beautiful
place on Martha’s Vineyard.”

“I’m so glad you had such good friends.”

“They were the best. Until you two, of
course.”

Emma squeezed her hand. “Did you move to
Texas after boarding school?”

Kelcey nodded again. “I came into the
inheritance from my father when I turned eighteen. I moved to Dallas after I
graduated and started a new life. I started an internship at Tharwood Energy
after my sophomore year in college. I started working there full-time after
graduation.” She pushed her hair behind her ears. “I met some really nice men
and tried dating, but…” Tears filled her eyes again. “The memories would always
take over and I…couldn’t do anything.”

Alaina draped one arm over Kelcey’s
shoulders. “Is that what happened with Dax?”

“Yes. One minute we were kissing, and the
next I was screaming at him to get off me.”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way,
Kelc,” Emma said, “but have you thought about seeing a therapist?”

“Don’t you think I did? I talked to two
different therapists. I even saw a psychiatrist for a while. I know I should be
able to get past what happened, but I just…can’t.”

Emma rubbed her hand over Kelcey’s back in
small circles. “Okay, let’s think about this. You said you and Dax were kissing
and then you screamed at him to get off you. I assume that means he was on top
of you?”

Kelcey wiped the tears from her cheeks.
“Yes.”

“Is that the way it was with all the men
you tried to sleep with?”

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

Emma wiggled her mouth back and forth. “It
sounds like the man on top of you is what triggers the memories. You’re no
longer in control. What if
you
were on top and in control of sex?”

Kelcey had never considered that. Since she
knew absolutely nothing about sex—other than from books and movies—she’d always
assumed the man would do most of the work. “Are you on top when you have sex?”

“Sometimes I am, sometimes Griff is.
Sometimes he’s behind me, or we’re standing, or I’m bent over a table. There
are a lot of positions for sex, Kelc. You just have to find what works for you.”

She looked at Alaina, who nodded. “Emma is
right. When you find a man who truly cares about you, he’ll do everything he
can to please you.”

“I don’t know if I have the courage to look
for that man.”

“Maybe you don’t have to look for him,”
Emma said. “What about Dax?”

Heat flooded Kelcey’s cheeks at the thought
of being alone with Dax again. “I could never have sex with Dax, not after the
way I acted last night. I don’t want him to know about what happened to me.”

“I’m pretty sure he already does.”

Kelcey figured Emma was right. Dax didn’t
know exactly what she went through, but he had to suspect she’d had a very bad
sexual experience with a man. Or men. And as serious as the brothers had looked
outside a few minutes ago, he must have told them about last night.

“Rye and Griff know too, don’t they?” she
asked Alaina.

“Probably. The guys don’t keep secrets from
each other.”

She twisted her fingers together. The heat
of embarrassment swept through her at the thought of her friends now knowing
what she’d gone through. “I didn’t want them to know. I didn’t want
anyone
to know. God, I’m so ashamed.”

Emma squeezed the back of Kelcey’s neck.
“You have no reason to be ashamed. Those bastards took advantage of a little
girl. You did nothing wrong. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Emma’s right. Nothing that happened was
your fault.” Alaina hugged her again. “Feel better?”

It surprised Kelcey to realize she
did
feel better. “Yes.” She looked back and forth between her friends. “You gals
are the best.”

“Of course we are,” Emma said with a grin.

The teasing made Kelcey laugh. She didn’t
know what she would do without Alaina and Emma in her life. She wiped the last
of the tears from her cheeks. “Let’s get that pizza in the oven. I’m hungry.”

Chapter Five

Once outside the fast food place, he lit a
cigarette and blew out a stream of gray smoke. Taking his time, he enjoyed his
cigarette as he strolled to his car in the parking lot. It felt good to stretch
his legs. He’d been behind the wheel for hours and still had hours to drive before
he reached his destination.

Dallas, Texas. That’s where Kelcey lived
and worked. He’d made this long trip to find her.

He wouldn’t rest until he did.

* * * * *

Kelcey pressed the last label to the tab of
a green folder and smiled. All done. She’d spent the morning sorting papers and
creating file folders in Alaina’s office. She’d used green folders for income
and red for expenses. She had yellow, blue, white and purple folders on hand to
create other categories after she found out exactly what Alaina needed.

She looked around the small office. Alaina
had piled books and catalogs of supplies haphazardly on the bookshelves,
intending to sort them later. Thanks to Kelcey’s work, they now stood up nice
and neat, arranged alphabetically by category. The desk held a brand new iMac,
ready to be uploaded with bookkeeping software Alaina had ordered and expected
to receive today or tomorrow.

Kelcey smiled. She’d accomplished a lot on
her first official day of working for Alaina.

Alaina rushed into the office, almost
skidding to a stop next to Kelcey. Her eyes were wide, her breathing labored.
“Where’s the invitation list to the grand opening?”

“Here.” Kelcey took a purple folder from a
cubbyhole above the desk and handed it to Alaina. She silently waited while her
friend scanned the list.

Alaina’s shoulders slumped in obvious
relief. “Bella is on here. I thought I’d forgotten her.”

Kelcey remembered Alaina telling her about
the former owner of Stevens House and how she figured so prominently in the
histories of both Alaina’s family and the Colemans. “Aren’t you having the
grand opening for everyone?”

“Yes. I’m placing a full-page ad in the
Lanville
Journal
, but I want to send out invitations to special people too.”