Wandering in Exile (14 page)

Jerry and Jacinta were a little put out at first, but they got used to it. Danny had cleared the part of the back deck that was finished and set up lawn chairs and a little table to put their drinks on. They spent most of the evenings outside. Frank came over a few times and charmed Jacinta right out of her seat. He and Danny would take out the guitars and sing softly as the evening darkened. He knew all of her favorites and in time she began to treat him like her own son. They went out to hear the band a few times, too, and Jacinta came home like she’d been back stage at a concert.

Jerry didn’t seem to notice, or if he did he didn’t care. He was locked into some type of head game with Danny. It really came out when they were drinking. Danny would make snide remarks about the way Jerry had been when he was a child, so Jerry was striking back through Martin, getting his attention and dividing his loyalties. They made it all sound like they were just slagging each other, but Deirdre knew better. She’d tried cornering Danny about it but he made out like she was misreading it. They were just having a bit of crack and that there was no problem.

“If either you or your brother,” she teased Grainne as she wiped her off and changed her diaper, “ever behave toward your father like that . . .”

She looked into her daughter’s eyes. They were so different from Martin’s. When she first held him, after he was born, he looked up at her and seemed to smile. Grainne was so different. She came out kicking and screaming, tearing as she came. Sometimes, Deirdre resented her for that.

She kept telling herself it was just the baby blues, but she could never shake the feeling that she would never be as close to her daughter as she was with her son. Still, she picked her up and held her to her breast and carried her to her bed. She placed her down, exactly as she had done with Martin, only Grainne squirmed a lot more.

And, when she realized she was being put down, cried and cried until Deirdre went against all that she read about and just gave in. She picked Grainne up and carried her to her own bed. She propped Danny’s pillows on one side and lay on the other. She stroked her daughter’s flustered head and soothed until they both fell asleep in the cool shade of a hot, humid afternoon.

A few hours later, the phone startled her. It was Danny saying that they were going to stop at McDonald’s and not to worry about making supper.

Deirdre reminded him that they had talked about McDonald’s—that it wasn’t what they wanted Martin to get used to. Danny agreed but said that his father had mentioned it so often that Martin had his heart set on it now.

“So? Did you all have a nice day?” She decided to let it go. The visit was not going the way Danny had hoped. His mother kept complaining she was too hot or too cold when they turned on the A/C. They just had a few window units that Danny had gotten for a great price at Canadian Tire. He said they had to have them in before his parents came over.

And it was worse with his father. They were at each other all the time, while little Martin looked on. But there was nothing she could do. She had her hands full with Jacinta, who seemed to disagree with the way she did everything. She was never direct about it, though, preferring instead to offer sympathies and advice. She said that she didn’t want to interfere, only she was concerned for them all. She said she knew how hard it could be to be starting a family—especially so far from home.

She also said that she thought it was time for them to start thinking about coming back to Ireland, now that all the fuss had died down. Canada was all very nice and clean and all that, but were she and Danny serious about raising her grandchildren here? She was worried about Danny too. She said he looked so worn out, “but then again he was the one that was having to work night and day.”

Deirdre couldn’t help it and reacted. She told her mother-in-law that she was going to get a job in the autumn but that just made things worse. Jacinta was horrified that her grandchildren would have to spend their days with strangers while their parents worked.

She was on at Danny about it too: that they should forget about it all and come back to Ireland. She’d be more than happy to mind the babies if Deirdre had to go out to work.

“So, sweetie? Did you have a wonderful time at the zoo with Granny and Granddad?”

Little Martin ran through the litanies of all that they had seen and done as she knelt down and held him tight. But when he finished, he wanted to sit outside with his grandfather, who had already lit up and was drinking a beer.

“And how’s the little one?” Jacinta asked before she followed. “Did my two favorite girls have a nice day together?”

“Just one more week,” Danny whispered, and brushed her hand with his before going out to make his mother comfortable.

Deirdre stood in the middle of her almost-remodeled kitchen, staring at her reflection in the darkening patio door and the flicker and flare of candles and cigarettes outside. She couldn’t join them. She was still breast-feeding and didn’t want to drink—and she couldn’t tolerate the smell of smoke.

So she busied herself tiding up the kitchen, forgetting once more that the hot and cold taps were reversed. A friend of Frank’s had done the plumbing—when he wasn’t rummaging through the fridge for cold beers. He was to come back and fix ‘a few little things’ but he hadn’t.

It was starting to get to her. Some of the doors were sticking and the shower still hadn’t been tiled. Danny had taped plastic to the walls but it had become mottled with water and soap stains.

And the basement was leaking—something they only discovered during a recent thunderstorm.

They needed far more money than she had allowed. Frank had tried to warn them, but Deirdre was adamant. She regretted it now. They should have taken it a bit slower.

She would have to get a job after the summer. It was the only way forward but as it drew closer, she had to be honest—she wasn’t ready to leave her babies.

Sure, she would find the best daycare, but it was a lot more than that. It was the end of that special time she had with them. It was hard enough leaving Martin for the few hours a day she had taken to finish her degree, but this was different. Everything would be different. They would have to rush out in the mornings, scrambling to drop the kids off while hoping they could still make it to work on time. That was how their neighbors, Cathy and Dave, had been living for the last few years. Cathy only got to see her kids for a few hours each night. And Dave saw them on the weekends while Cathy did the shopping and the housework. What had she gotten herself and Danny into?

She looked at the patio door again when little Martin laughed at something, but she hardly noticed as she only saw her own bloated shape, hulking in her half-finished kitchen.

“And one day,” Jerry continued with little Martin on his knee, enthralled by every word, “King Conchobar was invited to the house of Culann, the most famous blacksmith in all the land. And on the way over, Conchobar went by the field where Sétanta was playing hurling with his mates.

“‘I want you to come with me,’ the King told him, but Sétanta wanted to finish the game first.

“‘Very well,’ said the King, who was very fond of the little boy like he was his very own grandson.” He gave little Martin a squeeze.

“Anyway, after he got to Culann’s house, he began to have a few drinks and when Culann told him he was going to let his ferocious dog out—to protect them, because in those days, you never knew who’d be hanging around—the King forgot all about little Sétanta. ‘Let loose the hound and let’s have another song,’ he called and they all started singing and playing the finest music that ever was heard.”

“Was it like the music my daddy and Uncle Frank play?”

“The very same. Anyway, when Sétanta had finished the game he came up to Culann’s house and do you know what he met there?”

“The big dog?”

“The very same. You know, you are a very smart boy. Anyway, as soon as the dog saw Sétanta he came roaring forward with his teeth gnashing and snarling.”

“He didn’t bite Sétanta, did he Granddad?”

“Not a bit of it. As he came running forward, do you know what Sétanta did? He had his Hurley stick with him—and his
sliotar
. So he throws the
sliotar
up and whacks it straight at the dog. It went right into his big gaping mouth and got stuck in his throat and he fell down dead.”

Little Martin’s eyes grew moist but Jerry was ready for him. “‘What am I going to do now?’ Culann asked the King. ‘That was the best dog I ever had. How will I ever find another to replace it?’

“And before the King and the Druid, and all the warriors, could say anything, Sétanta stepped before them all. ‘I’ll get you a new dog,’ says he and him only up to their waists. ‘And I’ll train him myself.’

“But Culann was still very sad. ‘Who’s going to guard my house and lands until the dog is big enough?’ he asked and everyone nodded and looked around at each other.

“’I’ll do it,’ says Sétanta, ‘until the new dog is ready.’

“And he did too, as good as any dog. And from that day to this, he has gone by the name Cú Chulainn. And do you know what that means?”

Little Martin shook his head.

“It means the Hound of Culann.”

“Did you have to tell him all that?” Danny asked after Deirdre had taken little Martin off to bed. “He’ll be having nightmares now.”

“Ah, Danny. What harm can there be?” Jacinta sipped her drink and eyed her son and her husband. They were going to get into it again.

“I just don’t want anybody filling his head with nonsense.”

“What’s the matter? Are you afraid that he might want to grow up to be really Irish?”

Danny eyed his father coldly. “That’s not what I’m afraid of.”

“Well what is it then?” Jerry asked, ignoring Jacinta’s efforts to shake him off.

Danny mulled it over in his mind. He resented the way his father was insinuating himself into little Martin’s life.

“Figure it out for yourself—just like the way I had to.”

“Oh, you’re not still going on about that?”

“No. I just don’t think that you should be acting the way you are.”

“Look, son. I know I wasn’t a good father, but can I not try to be a good grandfather?”

“Is that what you trying to be?”

“You know,” Jacinta spoke up before Jerry could answer, “there is no need for all of this carry-on. What’s done is done and now we should be happy that we all got this far. Besides, your father didn’t mean any harm.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes, Danny. Your father has some great news for you. He wants you to move back and join him and Donal in the company. Isn’t that right, Jerry?”

“Well, I was going to, but . . .”

“But nothing. You know it’s the right and proper thing to do. We can’t have Danny and Deirdre struggling over here while we’re doing so well back at home.”

“Who’s doing well? Everybody I talk to tells me that people are pouring out of the country.”

“Well,” Jerry responded, lit another cigarette, and got ready to talk like he was giving a speech. “Things are bad for a lot of people but there’s money to be made if you know how. The European Act will happen sooner or later and we’ll all be better off. You can see it already. The rich are getting richer but me and your Uncle Donal know how to get rich off them. Dublin is getting full of yuppies and we know how to fix up houses the way they like.”

“And what would I be doing?”

“Well, you’d have to learn from Donal and me at first, but then you could be a partner.”

“I’d have to learn from Donal and you?”

“It would be grand for you and Deirdre and I could help mind the children,” Jacinta added, as if to seal the deal.

“I don’t know. I’d need to think about it—and I’d have to talk it over with Deirdre.”

Jacinta looked at him and shook her head. “And here was me thinking you’d be delighted.”

“Ah, leave him alone. If he doesn’t want to, it’s no skin off my nose. Maybe he’s happier over here now. Living like this.”

“But you will think about it?” Jacinta urged Danny again.

“And I’ll keep the position open until you get a proper chance to think about it.”

Danny stared his father in the eye. He looked like he wanted Danny to take the offer, but Danny couldn’t be sure. Jerry had let him down so many times before.

“What do you think?” Danny asked after he had relayed it all to Deirdre. She had fallen asleep with Martin and now sat on their bed looking confused. “I don’t know, Danny. How do you feel?”

“It sounds grand, but you know my father. He fucks up everything sooner or later. Besides, I don’t want to go back there. You know what it’s like there—everybody looking at you and whispering about you behind your back. Remember what it was like after the night in the church?”

“Oh don’t remind me—only we wouldn’t have to struggle so much. It could be better for the kids.”

“Are you joking me? Bringing them up with priests and nuns telling them all the things that they shouldn’t be doing, and heaven and hell and all that shite. You don’t want that for our kids, do you?”

“Of course not, Danny.”

“Then we’ll stick it out here and make our own lives. Right?”

Deirdre hesitated.

“You do have faith in me, don’t you, Dee?”

“Well, son. We had a great time, thanks very much. And remember, if you ever change your mind . . .”

“Don’t forget the other thing,” Jacinta reminded him as she kissed Deirdre and the babies one last time.

“Right,” Jerry hugged Danny once more and slipped him an envelope. “There’s a few bob in there to help you finish the house.”

“Thank Christ that’s over.” Danny almost laughed as they drove away. He reached for his cigarettes and found the envelope his father had given him. “Here,” he handed it to Deirdre, “see what’s inside.”

Deirdre opened it and almost gasped.

“How much is it for?” Danny asked as they drove away.